17. I wonder if I’ve always been like that,if this is a Caleb-induced condition.
"I wonder if I’ve always been like that, or if this is a Caleb-induced condition."
Aria
My first day without Caleb went smoothly, though it was definitely bittersweet.
I watched his first away game last night on TV, and I wished I could have been there with him to celebrate their win.
The girls invited me over to watch it together, but I preferred to stay home.
Truth is, I already had my PJs on at five-thirty when Marissa called.
It was kind of lonely, watching it alone, and I was on the verge of texting Caleb about five hundred times.
But I decided against it. He’s out there working . He doesn’t need the distraction.
The rest of the day was spent reading and writing in my journal.
I started scribbling about what my day could look like instead of what it actually was—which was far from riveting—and found that process a lot more enjoyable.
After that, the social worker came by, and she seemed truly interested in helping me navigate these waters.
She’ll stop by again after the holidays, when she’ll help me get a new social security number so I can start working again. She even gave me a prepaid credit card.
Now, I’m on Day Two. I have my next session with Dr. Stuart in an hour, so I make sure to do my homework and write down what I did yesterday, as well as how I felt. We discussed my entries a lot during our last session, and I want to make sure I have material for us to work on.
Despite having crammed to finish my homework, I make it to his office just in time for our appointment.
“Good morning, Aria,” he says with his signature calm voice, inviting me in. “How are you today?”
“I’m good.” Grinning, I stride into his office. “I survived my first night alone, as you can see.”
He offers a smile and grabs his notebook. “You were apprehensive about that yesterday. Do you feel more confident now?”
I nod. “I think so. The alone t ime has been good for me, actually. I enjoyed it.”
“I see you brought your journal. Can you walk me through your day?”
“Sure thing.” I open the cover and flip the pages for quite a while before I find yesterday’s entry and read it aloud to him.
“Good,” he says, writing something down in his notebook. “Looks like you’ve written a lot since yesterday.”
My cheeks warm. “Yeah, but it’s all nonsense. Instead of sticking to the assignment, I wrote about what my day could look like—you know, if my life was more interesting.”
He offers a soothing smile. “I think many people would argue that your life is extremely interesting, but I understand your point, and I think it’s a great idea.
You don’t have to restrict yourself to the assignment.
Those pages are not for me but for you, and if writing about a hypothetical day feels right to you, then that’s what you should do. ”
“Okay.” I wring my hands in front of me. “It’s just more interesting, and I like being able to disconnect from the real me. This girl I’m writing about, she has a lot more perspective.”
“Then keep going. See where her story goes,” he says. “I have a few exercises we can work on today, and then I’ll let you return to your riveting fiction.”
I smile, because he’s right. The first thing I’m doing when I get home is exploring Ava’s world again. She’s just about to discover who her family is, and I can’t wait to find out.
When I wake up the next morning, my heart flutters to my throat when I see a text from Caleb.
Caleb
Hey. I was just thinking about you. Hope everything is okay.
My pulse quickens, and I sit up straight. He was thinking about me? Just when I’d finally pushed him out of my thoughts, he comes back swinging. I brainstorm a few different answers before settling on:
Aria
Hey. All good here, no worries. Your house is still standing.
Caleb
I’m more interested in you. How was therapy?
Okay. What’s happening? Since when am I more important than his house, and why is he openly admitting that to me? I order my heart to calm down, but it doesn’t listen, fueled by Caleb’s words.
Aria
No changes on the memory front, but I’m sticking with it.
Caleb
Good. Remember, you’re playing the long game.
Aria
Speaking of games, are you ready for tonight? Great work against the Flames.
Caleb
Thanks. We’re ready for another victory. Are you going to watch it?
Aria
Of course. Going to Marissa’s, actually.
Caleb
Glad to hear that. Have fun, and text me if you need anything.
Aria
I will. Have a good day.
My heart is thudding against my chest, even though it was just a simple conversation. But in my defense, I have absolutely zero control of my emotions right now. I wonder if I’ve always been like that, or if this is a Caleb-induced condition.
Caleb Hawthorne
As soon as we finish texting, I miss Aria already.
I’ve been thinking about her constantly since I left.
And here I thought some time apart would do me good, help me put all my focus back into hockey.
I guess out of sight, out of mind isn’t really a thing after all.
My hockey game hasn’t suffered too drastically, though, so we can call that progress.
I finish suiting up and get on the ice. The rink is alive with the sharp carving of blades and the rhythmic thud of pucks against the boards.
It’s an optional morning skate, but nearly everyone is out here—be cause we all want to win.
After losing the cup last year, we’re eager to make it back to the playoffs and get our revenge.
I stretch out my shoulders, scanning the ice. Beaumont, Johnson, and Reed are shooting at Wally in the cage, Krazinski and Gurkie are doing drills with Jasper, and Adler and Miles are battling it out near the boards. Coach is watching them, no doubt turning the simple drill into a competition.
Beaumont skates up beside me and bumps my shoulder lightly. “Hey. You got a second?”
I nod, skating backward so we’re out of the way of the next drill. “What’s up?”
He glances toward the net, where Wally is tracking shots. “My shot feels off. Coach said I was gripping my stick too tight, but I don’t know—something’s not clicking.”
I cross my arms over my chest, thinking it over. Beaumont has one of the deadliest shots on the team, but when he’s in a slump, he tends to spiral. “Let’s see it.”
We skate over, and I feed him a pass. He collects it and snaps a wrister top corner, but there’s a slight hesitation before he releases.
“Again,” I say, passing him another puck. This time, he rips it faster, but it still doesn’t have that effortless snap he usually has.
I tap his stick. “You’re hesi tating, not just gripping too tight. You’re overthinking it.”
Beaumont exhales, pushing his stray locks of hair back under his helmet. “Feels like I’m fighting it.”
“Then stop fighting,” I say simply. “You’re at your best when you don’t think—just react. Trust your body.”
He rolls his shoulders and nods. I feed him another pass. This time, he barely holds onto the puck before ripping it clean past Wally’s glove.
Beaumont releases a long breath, finally looking satisfied. “That’s better.”
I smirk. “Told you.”
“Thanks, Cap. I appreciate it.”
He skates away, ready to fire more shots at Wally, and Coach Martin offers me a subtle nod. I beam with pride. Finally, I’m back to supporting my team and fulfilling my role as captain.
After a shower, I change into a sweater and pants and take a break from the ice. Christmas is quickly approaching, and I need to let my parents know Aria is coming with me.
My mom answers on the first ring.
“How are you doing, my boy?” she asks, her warm voice making me smile.
“Hey, Mom. I’m good. How are you?”
“Oh, I’m just fine. Eager to have all my children under one roof again. Christmas can’t come fast enough.”
“About that,” I begin, sitting down. “Can you make space for one more?”
“For who? The girl who’s living with you?”
I swallow hard, my stomach dropping. How does she know about that? I purposely kept it a secret until now, hoping to keep my mom’s matchmaking tendencies at bay. But she somehow found out, and she didn’t bother me about it? That’s a first.
“Garrett told your dad,” she explains after a short pause.
“Oh, right.” I close my eyes, feeling stupid for not realizing it sooner. Garrett may be a detective, but he and my dad are good friends. “Well, yeah, it’s for Aria. I don’t want her to spend Christmas alone, and since she still has no idea who she is, I thought it’d be a good idea.”
“Absolutely. I’d love to meet her,” Mom chirps with a little too much enthusiasm.
“Mom, you do know there’s nothing going on between Aria and me, right? We’re just friends. I’m helping her out because I’m responsible for her injury.”
“And you’re a good man for doing that, son. I’m proud of you.”
I release a quick breath. “Okay, just wanted to clear that up. Please don’t make her uncomfortable by poking her about this. She’s already in a tri cky situation, and it’s going to be awkward enough for her.”
“Oh, come on,” she scolds. “You act like I’m some awful person who gets a kick out of asking uncomfortable questions.”
I grimace. I know my mom means well, but sometimes, she does go overboard. “No, Mom. I just want her to feel welcomed, that’s all.”
“Don’t you worry. She’ll have a great time. What does she like? Nothing like a gift to break the ice.”
“Good point. She loves books, romance mainly, so I’m sure that would be a hit. Thanks, Mom.”
“Any time, honey. Are you ready for the game tonight? Your dad will be working late, but I’ll watch.”
“Ready as we’ll ever be.” I nod, looking out the window.
“And will your pretty guest be watching your game too?” she asks in a sly voice.
“Mom! See, that’s just what I’m talking about. You can’t say stuff like that when we’re there for Christmas.”
“What? I’m just asking a simple question. So, she is pretty, right?” she presses.
Oh, gosh. I massage my forehead, trying to find a way out of this hole. “Mom . . .”
“I knew it,” she says with a small squeal.
I scoff, “I didn’t even say anything!”
“Exactly. I know you well enoug h, Caleb. If you didn’t find her attractive, you would have said something. Like, ‘She’s not my type.’ Or ‘I haven’t really paid attention.’”
Great. My mom can see right through me. “Fine—I guess she’s pretty. But that doesn’t change anything. We’re not dating, okay?”
“Okay, okay,” she says, sounding a little defensive. “But for the record, it would make me very happy for you to have someone to share that big house with. These are your prime years. I want you to be happy and enjoy life with someone who loves you.”
“Mom,” I groan.
“I know, honey. I’m just saying. Anyway, I’d better go. See you next week?”
“Sounds good. Say hi to Dad for me.”
After hanging up, I stare out the window again.
It’s not the first time I’ve had this kind of talk with my mom, but for once, I agree with her.
It wouldn’t be so bad to have someone to share my life with.
Only problem is, every time I envision that future, it’s Aria’s face I see myself coming home to.