10. Quinn
CHAPTER TEN
quinn
I’m a silence filler.
Holding my tongue has never been my strong suit. It’s clear my inability to not say the first thing that pops into my head has shocked Graham as I take in his deer in the headlight expression.
I told a little white lie.
The idea of us being roommates only came to me seconds ago. When he said, I’ll do anything , I saw a resolution to my current situation. I’m not one to ask for favors, preferring to do things on my own, so when I blurted out that question, it surprised me.
I haven’t called the mechanic yet, but I know VW parts are hard to come by—and expensive—so it wouldn’t surprise me if I’m without Nelly for a week or more.
Jo and Patrick’s place was off the table because of their reno. Mr . Willis would be an option, if he didn’t own three cats and I wasn’t severely allergic. I’d grimly accepted I’d be throwing the majority of my savings at fixing my van and staying in a hotel while it was being repaired. There were no other options, and I couldn’t sleep here long term.
Enter Graham .
Maybe I hit my head harder than I thought. Before I had a chance to reason with my brain, it had already taken over my vocal cords and I was asking him to be roomies.
A question he still hasn’t responded to.
His mouth hangs open, glasses sliding down the bridge of his nose as he leans in close, and that’s when I realize I’m still gripping onto his dark green cardigan like my life depends on it.
“ Oops , sorry.” I smooth down the knitted material against his chest. A very firm chest I might add. “ Should we pretend I didn’t ask that? Yes , let’s do that. So , it’s agreed, I’ll be your fake girlfriend, and we won’t muddy the waters with you being my accountant. No scratching your back, you’ll scratch mine.”
I stand abruptly, which is when I see Dex outside the window. He grew up with Jo and Patrick , but I’m not sure he ever stopped growing, because this man is a beast. Most people make me look short, but Dex towers over everyone. He’s currently fixing the bent hinges to the front door, and I can only guess Patrick called him after I gave him a free peep show.
“ Well …great talking with you. I’m already late opening up, so I better get a move on.” I throw a thumb over my shoulder.
“ You need somewhere to stay?” His deep voice halts my steps.
“ No , silly. I have my van.”
“ The van full of rats?”
“ I love rats.” The lie sends a shiver down my spine, and he sees it.
“ I think you’re full of shit.” He stands and levels me with a knowing look.
“ That’s not how a gentleman talks.”
“ Never claimed to be one.” He slides his hands into his pockets but doesn’t move toward me. “ Now , tell me about your van. How bad is it?”
My shoulders drop, knowing it’s pointless lying to him. “ I don’t know, bad? I have to call the mechanic, but it’s an old model, and the last time it needed repairs, it took over a week. Seriously , it’s not your problem to worry about, I’ll find somewhere to stay.”
I pull out today’s cake selection from the fridge and lay them out. It’s obvious I’m avoiding his gaze but when I finish arranging the slices of peanut butter sheet cake my eyes drift to where he’s still standing.
“ Where ?” he asks.
“ Huh ?”
“ Quinn , where are you going to stay? I already know Patrick and Jo’s place isn’t available.” For such a shy man, he sure is asking a lot of questions today. The stern look and no-shit attitude he’s giving off shouldn’t be attractive, yet it is. Maybe it’s because he seems so concerned about my well-being. It kind of reminds me of the Graham who shouted at his brother on my behalf several months ago. In this very spot too.
“ A hotel.”
“ No ,” he gruffs out, arms crossing over his chest and stretching the knitted fabric across his broad shoulders.
“ No ?” I parrot back, trying to mirror the timbre of his tone and sounding like a squashed frog.
“ Correct .” He closes the distance between us until he towers over me. Not in an intimidating way, I don’t think he’s capable of that. Confidence ripples off him, not his usual look, but it suits him. “ You sure you’re okay with this fake dating business?”
Swallowing , I bob my head up and down.
“ Then no hotel. If we’re going to make this believable, there is no chance in hell I would let my girl stay in a hotel.”
My girl. I shouldn’t like the sound of that. No , Quinn ! Bad girl, this is fake . He’s just getting into character.
“ O -okay.”
He gives one firm nod, and I almost stop breathing when he reaches up and pulls away a few hairs that are stuck to the Band - Aid . His fingers linger above my eyebrow and those mossy-green eyes stare so intently into mine, I swear I can smell the earthy wood scent of the forest.
“ Be ready at five. I’ll pick you up.”
“ What are we doing?”
There was zero hesitation in my decision to help out Graham . The only reason I spoke with Jo was to understand him a little better. I’m probably not his usual type and he’s right, if we want this to be believable, we have to do everything in our power to show the town—and his ex’s friends—we’re serious about each other.
Our eyes remain locked, an odd sensation bubbling between us, and for a brief second, I worry we’re walking into dangerous territory with this agreement.
My moment of doubt disappears when Graham’s next words might as well sign and seal this whole thing.
“ We’re getting your things and moving you in, honey.”
“ You have to go inside to pack a bag.”
“ Thank you, Captain Obvious .” I turn to Graham and give him my best woe-is-me look, hoping he’ll take pity on me. “ Can’t you do it?”
His face is impassive as he takes in my little orange home. Insecurity sweeps through me. In the light of day, there’s no hiding the worn patches of paint, the Duct tape holding up the side mirror, or the missing VW badge on the front. I don’t usually care what people think, yet his opinion—for whatever reason—matters to me. He’s so put together and studious, I worry how we’re going to fool anyone that we’re dating.
He picked me up at five o’clock as planned and we spent the short ride over to Mr . Willis’s land in silence. It wasn’t awkward, I think we were both processing the fast-paced turn of events that have unraveled in the last week.
We still need to iron out the details of me being his girlfriend. I’ve never actually been anyone’s girlfriend, deciding casual hookups were safer, considering I moved around so much. Some hand-holding. Dinner dates. Strolls in the park. Graham seems like a low-maintenance guy, how hard can it be?
Oh god. What if he wants us to kiss? Not that it’s a bad thing…
I stare at his lips as the thought passes through my mind. They look soft, not too full, and he keeps his beard well-trimmed. Suddenly , I’m imagining the tickle of his facial hair against my skin. Those lips are moving now and shit, did he say something?
“ Sorry , can you repeat that?” My eyes dart up to find him watching me closely with a slight smirk.
“ I said, I think I’d feel more comfortable if you did it. I’ll be on rodent watch.” He places a hand on the small of my back and gently guides me toward the side door.
“ Fine ,” I mutter. “ I suppose asking you to pick out my underwear for the next week is too soon, huh?” I tease, making Graham’s cheeks flash red. I’m pretty sure he’d go up in flames if I told him I didn’t wear underwear a lot of the time. Thick girl habits. I usually settle on a pair of shorts under my dresses or go commando like today.
The golden hour light makes the orange exterior of the van pop and stand out against the green grass. This lighting does wonders on Graham , too, painting him in a warm glow. The cool breeze makes the longer strands on top of his head shift slightly, the color reminding me of the wheat fields I’d pass through when I lived in Kansas .
“ We need a signal.” I stand taller as we approach the sliding door, hoping the rats won’t run up my legs if I look confident. Can they smell fear?
“ A signal?”
“ Yeah . If you see one, you need to warn me. Maybe you can caw caw like an eagle, and it will scare them off.”
He shakes his head in amusement and gestures to the door, waiting for me to unlock it. “ I don’t think eagles caw, but I’ll keep watch. You’re safe.”
Trusting him, I pull my keys from the tote bag slung over my shoulder and slide the door open once it’s unlocked. We both lean forward, listening for any signs of the critters. We’re met with silence, but I still don’t budge. Graham gets the hint and steps in front of me, opening the door farther and climbing inside. The van shifts with his weight and I have to hold back my giggle when he faces me, his huge frame folded to fit into my small home.
His eyes roam over the space, taking in the bright blue comforter, multicolored tapestry rug that hides the awful green vinyl flooring, and the pocket-sized kitchen behind the front seats. I’m going to miss it.
“ Hear anything?” I ask.
He stands still for a second, listening closely then shakes his head. “ Nope .” He steps back out and groans as he stretches. “ This thing is impressive, but not really made for people above five feet.”
“ Hey ! I’m five three.”
“ Shortcake .” The glare I throw at him doesn’t have the intended effect, but I like the playfulness that flashes in his gaze. “ How did you even come across something like this?”
“ Pure luck. I was in Oregon and had been saving up for a car. One evening I was walking back from work, and it was outside a house with a for sale sign. I did some haggling, and the guy either pitied me or he just really wanted to get rid of it. It was only a week later that I looked up the going price of this model and almost fell off my chair.”
“ Are you from Oregon ?”
My hand freezes above the door handle.
It’s a normal question between friends. Jo knows I’ve moved around a lot, I’ve told her about all the amazing places and states I’ve visited, just not the reason why I left San Diego . Questions like this always make me uneasy because I hate revealing too much about my life before I left.
“ Umm , no, San Diego ,” I offer curtly and climb into the van.
My brusque response doesn’t deter him. “ Nice . Seems you’ve traded one corner of the country for another. Do you visit home often?”
Another simple question. I swallow the knot in my throat as discomfort churns in my stomach. Maybe it’s because I’m tired from last night’s events, because suddenly I’m back in that small trailer. The fresh air is replaced with stale cigarette smoke. Chirping of birds switched to drunken slurs. A light touch on my arm has me flinching and stumbling backward, only to be caught by a strong pair of arms.
“ Hey , hey. You’re as white as a sheet. Is it your head? Do you need to sit down?” Graham asks, worry etched into his face. I’m panting and my skin feels clammy, but I’m no longer drowning in the grim memory as I cling to his arm.
“ I haven’t eaten much today.” The lie is easier than the miserable truth of my life.
It’s clear he doesn’t believe me, but he doesn’t ask any more questions about my past, either, and I don’t know why that makes me sad. Sharing stories about my travels is one of my favorite things to do. To tell people about the first time I saw the hot springs in Wyoming , or when I tried horseback riding in Montana .
Just not any stories from San Diego .
I hurriedly pack my small suitcase with enough clothes to last me a week, while Graham checks the engine compartment to see if my new tenants are still there. From the dire look on his face, they are. I hop down in front of him, slide the door shut, and lock up.
“ Guessing this is yours.” He holds out my phone between us and I take it from him with a quick thanks. “ You might need to do something about the rats before the van goes to the shop.”
“ Ugh . Like what?”
“ I can call pest control.”
I gasp. “ They won’t kill them, will they?”
“ Umm …do you want me to lie?”
“ No , Graham !” I cry, slapping a hand over my heart at the idea. “ We can’t kill them, I think I saw babies.”
“ You don’t even like them.”
“ I’m not a monster.” I pout and fold my arms.
“ Okay , okay. Humane methods only. I’ll call a buddy over in Jacob’s Bluff . The mechanic I go to also knows someone who does VW restorations.”
Jacob’s Bluff is one town over and just as beautiful and quaint as Sutton Bay . I trust Graham’s contacts, but it feels out of character to let him take control of everything. What’s surprising is how nice it feels to have someone helping me out for once.
We walk back to his Jeep , my suitcase tucked under his arm. I glance back at my van, the only home I’ve ever really known, with a sad ache in my chest. He must feel my mood shift because he bumps his shoulder with mine.
“ We’ll get it sorted, don’t worry. Let’s get you settled, and then how about some takeout for dinner?”
I swallow my sadness and try my best to siphon a genuine smile, hoping it hides the whorl of emotions threatening to shatter my facade. “ Sounds good.”
With a firm nod, he loads my things into the back of his car and we’re on the road again.
Gone is the protective, stern man from this morning.
The moment we step over the threshold into his apartment, I can tell his nerves are getting the better of him. It’s exactly how I felt when he was stuffed into my van earlier. Despite his timidness, he’s taking the time to show me around his space. He points out which cabinets in the kitchen hold the glasses, plates, and pans. Then he shows me how to turn on the shower and reassures me it’s fine if I want a bath while I’m here. Curly’s little ears perk up when Graham reveals where he keeps the dog treats, and he hasn’t stopped weaving in and out of my legs since I arrived.
As expected, his apartment is neat, clean, and simple; a lot like the man himself. It also looks like he’s just moved in, not that he’s lived here for over a year. Not because there are unpacked boxes but because there isn’t any sign that he lives here. It’s a bit like a showroom. No photos, pillows, plants. The only sign of life is the wooden desk and bookshelf in the corner, where I presume he works from home.
It’s characterless, as if he doesn’t want to put his own stamp on it.
“ This is my room.” He points to a closed door and then guides me to the one opposite. He slowly opens it, and we stand in the doorway of a decent-sized bedroom, furnished with a king-sized bed, side table, and small dresser tucked away in the corner of the room.
“ And this is yours. Sorry it’s a little plain.” Graham scratches the back of his neck.
I might only be here for a short period of time, but we’re about to spend a lot of time with one another.
I’m determined to get to know him as much as possible during this arrangement. My interest in him isn’t out of pity, but I’d love to see him open up a little more and shed some of that uncertainty around what he says and does. From what I’ve seen, he’s said all the right things, and his actions speak volumes about the type of person he is.
There’s more to Graham Sadler than tentative words, endearing blushes, and numbers.
During my tour, I spotted the wedding invite pinned to the fridge and that small piece of card made me angry all over again.
Side mission: send a box of rotten fish heads to his ex.
We step into the room, and I wiggle my socked feet over the hardwood floor. “ It’s perfect. We clearly have very different tastes though. My bright outfits must give you a headache, along with my constant talking.”
“ I like it. The colors. And the talking,” he rushes out, avoiding eye contact as he sets my suitcase at the foot of the bed. “ I’ll get you a key tomorrow. On Wednesdays I work in the city, so I’m usually up and out before six.”
“ Works for me. I’m usually at the bakery between five and six anyway. It’s a good thing we’re both early birds. Any house rules I should know about?”
“ House rules?” He turns to look at me.
“ Yeah , you know, like no feet up on the sofa or music after a certain time. Maybe you walk around naked. I’m cool with that, just warn a girl.”
He chokes at that last bit. Swiping his glasses off his face, he rubs the spot between his eyes before placing them back on. Poor guy. I should stop, but it’s too much fun teasing him. I’m still trying to pull that handsome smile out of him again.
“ No rules. No nakedness either.”
“ Killjoy .” I jut my bottom lip out.
“ Jesus , Quinn . Am I going to regret this?” He sighs, but there’s humor in his tone. “ Are you good with Thai ?”
“ I’m good with anything. Isn’t that obvious?” I gesture down my body.
His brows furrow and his mouth opens slowly, unsure of how to respond to that. “ It’s fine. It’s no secret I’m a curvy girl. I’m allowed to make jokes at my own expense.”
Forehead still creased, he tucks his hands in his pockets and looks down at the floor. I feel a little guilty for making him uncomfortable with my comment, but I am a curvy girl. My stomach wobbles. My thighs touch. I have stretch marks on my boobs and hips.
I used to hate my figure. Anyone would after years of hurtful comments and people pinching my rolls, telling me that fat girls like me were “good for nothing, lazy bitches.”
It didn’t happen overnight, but I love my body. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and if someone is going to judge me for that, then they don’t deserve a spot in my life.
“ I’m gonna unpack and clean up for dinner. I’ll be out soon.” I step up to Graham , who’s still looking down at the ground like it personally offended him. Wanting to pull him out of his thoughts, I push his glasses up his nose with the tip of my finger, finally getting his attention. “ I really appreciate this. More than I can explain. I promise to be the best fake girlfriend you’ve ever had.”
Before he has a chance to reply, I wrap my arms around his middle and squeeze tight. The soft wool of his cardigan tickles my nose at the same time his warm, spicy scent hits me. It’s like that first whiff of hot cider in fall: orange, cloves, cinnamon, and something totally him.
For a second I think he’s not going to hug me back, but when his strong arms envelop me, I melt into the embrace.
There’s a thrumming between us; a feeling I’ve never felt before.
We pull away at the same time, smiling softly at each other, before I can pinpoint what this new sensation is.
I’m grateful for him and the friendship we’ve sparked under bizarre circumstances. We’re quite the pair; different in so many ways. And I decide as he walks out of the room that I like that about us.
After I sort through my suitcase, I’m unbuckling the straps of my overalls when there’s a knock on the door.
The second I open it Graham starts talking with his eyes glued to his feet. “ It’s your body and you’re allowed to make whatever comments you want about it. But for what it’s worth…” When he finally looks at me, there’s no missing the reverence in his expression. “ I think you’re fucking perfect.”