37. Quinn
CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
quinn
I haven’t even arrived at the bakery, yet I’m already itching to receive today’s envelope.
Each entry has been a roller coaster of emotions. But I can see it. The way he slowly started to see himself differently. How I’ve always seen him. As much as his words have comforted me during our time apart, I need him .
For now, I cherish his handwritten words until he’s ready.
“ Please tell me you’re going to save me one of those spiced apple muffins?” Jo asks beside me as we walk down Robin Road together, both wrapped head to toe to fight off the blistering cold. It’s six a.m., and the sun hasn’t risen yet.
We’re halfway through December , and the bakery looks like the festive season threw up on it. Holly , bells, wreaths, and ribbons decorate the walls and tables.
“ I make no promises. The people love them.”
She huffs, but when I turn toward her, she’s staring down the street with wide eyes.
“ You’re telling me.” She points in front of her. “ Looks like people really love your muffins.”
There’s an innuendo somewhere there, but it gets lost when I find a line of people already halfway down the block outside the bakery.
“ What in the world.” My jaw hangs open and weincrease our pace, until we stop next to Mrs . Stewart , the grumbly council woman, who is at the front of the line. “ Mrs . Stewart . Hi . Um , we don’t open for another couple of hours.”
She gives me a stern look. “ As much as I love your pastries, I’m not stupid enough to wait out in the cold. We’re all wondering what’s going on in there?”
“ In where?”
“ Your bakery. Are you a florist now? I think it’s unhygienic to have all that pollen and dirt near food.” She purses her lips as she waits for me to respond.
“ I’m sorry, but what are you talking about?” My eyes bounce down the line of people, who are peering through the bakery window, and blocking my view. Damn my short legs.
“ Let me through.” Jo pushes her way to the front and gasps. “ Quinn , I think you should go in. Everyone else…go away!” She flaps her hands, dispersing the crowd.
Panic sets in.
“ Oh my god, is it flooded?” I shout as I fumble with my keys. Fire ? Burglary ? Every terrible outcome passes through my mind as I barge inside.
Only , it’s not terrible.
It’s yellow.
Lilies , sunflowers, tulips, dahlias, daisies, roses. All different shades of yellows. Flowers I don’t even think are in season decorate the room. Everywhere you look, there’s yellow.
Excluding one spot.
Our table.
And in the very chair he sat in almost two months ago; I find him.
A sigh of relief escapes us both as we lock eyes .
We slowly take the other in, savoring the first look as if it’s been an eternity.
I want to push up his glasses as they slide down his nose. The hair I love to mess up is styled perfectly. He’s in a beige, knitted sweater I know is soft to the touch, and his hands rub against his jean-clad thighs, giving away his nervousness.
Seeing him for the first time in weeks sends my senses into overdrive. I need to feel the scruff of his beard against my hands. To immerse myself in his warm, spicy scent. To watch his blush creep up his neck. To hear him whisper my name. To taste his kisses.
From the impatient, craving look he’s giving me, he’s missed me just as much.
“ Hi , honey.”
“ Hey , you.”
We both smile.
Suddenly , I don’t know what to do with myself. My hands feel strange when they’re not touching him.
Chair legs scrape against the floor as he pulls one out from the table. “ Will you sit with me?”
In a flash I’m next to him, and he chuckles at my speed.
What does it mean that he’s here? There was never any timeframe to our separation, but from what he’s shown me so far, he’s taken a lot of big steps in the right direction. We both have.
“ How are you?” He takes my hand in his, weaving our fingers together.
“ I’m good. The van. Graham , the van. It’s amazing. I should have texted. All your letters. Oh god, I’m going to cry again.” I drop my head, taking deep breaths to stop the shaking in my voice. “ I’ve missed you so much.”
“ You have no idea how much I’ve missed you.” He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. “ Curly misses you too. It’s been awfully quiet without you. ”
“ I didn’t think anyone could miss my endless babbling.”
“ Quinn .” He sighs my name. “ I miss you when you’re sleeping.”
There’s a lightness to him. A subtle credence. He’s still my Graham , though.
My fingers curl around his bicep and squeeze. “ You’re looking for a therapist?”
“ Yeah .” He nods. “ I don’t know if the first one will stick, but I hope I find a good fit.”
“ We’re really not that different. I meet with one after Christmas .”
His eyes widen before filling with pride. “ That’s good. Really good, baby.” I squeak in protest when he slips his hand from mine, making him laugh. “ I have another letter for you.”
He pulls out a folded piece of paper, and like I’ve been doing all week, my fingers unfurl, and I wait for it to be handed over.
The tips of his ears go red and there’s a slight tremble in his hands. “ Today , I thought I’d read it to you. Is that okay?”
My palms press to my cheeks, and I nod. “ I’d really like that.”
He clears his throat, flashes me that rare smile, and then, like rich coffee, he speaks, “‘ Date : December thirteenth.’”
Today’s date.
“‘ Sunshine and rain clouds. So different and not often seen together. I couldn’t understand why one would want to be with the other. It’s after meeting Quinn Jackson that I know why gray clouds and sunshine work so well together. When done just right, they make something beautiful and rare. A rainbow. That’s what we are; inexplicably beautiful. Without one, we don’t get all the beautiful colors that make up the world around us.
“‘ I see now that you need both. You brought the beauty and warmth of the sun with you. And I bring the rain that helps the yellow flowers I love to give you grow. Just one moment, Quinn . That’s all it took for me to know that I want to spend the rest of my days showing you how beautiful we can be. Thank you for helping me see the good I bring into the world, that I’m worthy of love. I’m sorry it took me so long to realize how incredible we are together. I will love you through all our moments. Thank you for loving me, for me. Now please let me kiss you.’”
He doesn’t falter once. Each sentence and word was strung together so eloquently, I could almost see them floating and dancing between us.
I laugh through the tears, feeling so incredibly honored that the man in front of me is mine. So ridiculously happy that he chose himself. “ You wrote that last part down?”
A whoosh of air leaves him and he turns the paper around.
It’s blank.
“ My feelings for you are memorized. You will never have to doubt a single thing on my mind. If you need to know something or I struggle to communicate, ask me.” He takes hold of my hand and rests it over his heart. “ I’d never forget how deeply I love you. Because it’s all in here. This is yours.”
I fly off the chair and crash into his arms. He catches me, like he always has. The feel of him finally is so wonderfully overwhelming.
“ I’ll cherish your heart forever. I love you so much. Thank you for being exactly what I needed.” I pull back to look deep into his eyes. “ I can’t wait for all our moments together. You’re a beautiful man, with a beautiful heart and soul. And I’m so happy you asked me to be your fake girlfriend.”
He presses his face into my neck, breathing me in as he stands and perches me on the edge of the table. There’s no hesitation, no warming up to do as his lips meet mine. We don’t need to savor the kiss. We’ll have years to do that.
Our lips crash together like we’ve been starved. Only coming up for air long enough to take in the other before diving right back in.
It’s Graham who has the sense to stop me stripping us both bare for the whole town to see.
“ You let me give you so many firsts, but I can’t wait until you give me one of my own.” He presses our foreheads together, and I can see the reflection of my wild, unfiltered happiness smiling back at me in his glasses.
“ What will it be?”
“ One day soon. You’ll be the first and only person I ever call wife.”