Chapter 17
Clara
After we checked out the space, inside and out, Beck insisted on setting up a picnic in the main building. He'd used the broom just inside the door to sweep the floor, and then he spread the blanket on it.
We sat on the blanket, and he opened the basket, pulling out sandwiches, chips, and fruit.
"This is so nice. Although it would be even better if it was summer and we could go outside."
His nose wrinkled. "Less dust would be good."
I laughed. "This place brings back so many memories. We'd play here for hours. That was before the boys got into other things.”
"You okay seeing it renovated? It won't look like this when we're done. We'll want to have floor-to-ceiling windows to bring in more light and showcase the views."
I unwrapped the sub. "I haven't been here in so long. I think it will be good for us and this building."
"You think Malcolm will get on board with the plan?"
"I hope so." I took a bite of the roast beef.
"He's mad at me."
I shook my head. "Malcolm's been mad at all of us at one time or another. He can be stubborn and difficult. But I wouldn't worry about it. He'll come around."
"Yeah, but you're his family. I'm just a friend."
"He wouldn't have invited you here if he didn't value your friendship."
We were quiet for a few seconds, listening to the rain on the roof. It made me feel like we were alone in the world.
"Why didn't you stay at the inn?"
"Malcolm offered me a room. He wanted me to get a feel for the place. But I wanted some space."
Is that something Beck did without even thinking about it?
He distanced himself automatically from everyone.
If he got too close, he could be hurt. It was a defense mechanism he'd created to survive the world.
My heart bled for the little boy he still was inside.
But at the same time, I was realistic. I was aware that he'd run when he felt like he was in too deep.
"I almost forgot." He grabbed a wine bottle and two glasses out of the basket.
"Are we toasting to the brewery?" I asked, pleasantly surprised by the thought that went into lunch.
He opened the bottle, poured the white wine into the glasses, and handed me one. "We can do that."
I raised my glass. "Do you have a name for the brewery?"
He tipped his head to the side, considering the options. "I assumed it would be Hart Brewery to be similar to the other businesses."
"What about Hart’s Brewery and Bath House?"
He lifted his glass. "To Hart’s Brewery and Bath House. To the legacy you're building."
We clinked glasses, but I didn't bring it to my lips.
His forehead wrinkled. "What's wrong?"
There was a pit in my stomach. "I'm not building anything. It's Malcolm, Rowan, and you."
He set his glass down. "I'm going to present my findings to the family when you're all together. Everyone will get a say."
"Malcolm usually makes the final decision on everything.
He said it's easier for him to act unilaterally.
It takes time for everyone to chime in, and we rarely agree.
" Thinking back, I couldn't remember a time when I'd actually been included in any decision when it came to the family business.
Other than taking over the Christmas Shop.
"I read the paperwork. You have an equal vote."
I got checks from the business that I put into a retirement account and didn't give it any thought. "Malcolm's the one doing the work."
"Everyone works in the family business one way or another. But it doesn't matter if you do or not. The incorporation documents are clear. All of you get an equal say."
My nose wrinkled. "Malcolm's not going to like that."
"This is Rowan's dream, and Malcolm wants to take it over. He doesn't have the same vision that we do."
"He doesn't like to take risks."
"You have to with this brewery, or it won't be successful. This is a bigger decision than the restaurant."
"You're the expert," I said, my gaze on what was left of my sub sandwich.
"I want you to have a say in the business." His voice was soft, as if he was afraid of my reaction but wanted me to know what he was thinking.
I lifted my gaze to meet his. "I know you said that I get one, but why should I, when I'm not involved in the day–to-day?"
"Because your opinion matters in this family." His voice rang out in the space.
I pursed my lips. "Just because you say that doesn't make it true."
"You should demand that they listen to you. Just because they've silenced you in the past doesn't mean that your opinion doesn't matter."
I shook my head. "Things don't change. I'm destined to play the same role forever."
"I don't think that's true. I broke away from my family and did my own thing. I don't let them define me."
"Don't you? You hold yourself apart from everyone."
He crumpled the paper from his sandwich. "We're not talking about me. We were talking about your dynamic with your family."
Overhead, rain beat steadily on the roof, and it was cozy and warm inside. I wanted to forget about everything: our families, the business, and why we were here. We were alone, and I wanted to take advantage of the situation. So I climbed into his lap, and his arms came around me.
I was perched on his thighs, my arms looped around his neck. "What if I want you right now?"
His lips quirked. "I'd say you're expressing your opinion."
"And do I get what I want when it comes to you?"
"Always." His touch on my back was firmer, pressing me against him. We kissed as the rain fell harder, and the world darkened around us. No one would come looking for us.
There was no evidence that we were here. We were free to do whatever we wanted without fear of being discovered.
He pulled back slightly. "Can we do this here?"
I played with the strands of his hair. "I don't see why not."
He growled and moved until I was on my back and his body was pressed against mine. He kissed me while tugging at my clothes. I helped him remove mine, and in a few seconds, we were both naked. I was desperate to feel his hard length inside me.
There was something about being here, in this place where I played as a child.
It felt more intimate than anything we'd ever done before.
It was a magical place, and I could almost pretend that what we had would last forever.
That one day, we'd get married somewhere on the property and celebrate outside with lights hanging from the trees like fairies suspended in the air.
I wanted everything with him. I let my mind go, exploring the possibilities while he made my body remember what it was like to be with him like this. His cock nudged my entrance, and we both stilled.
"Condom?" I reminded him, knowing he didn't want to go without protection.
He reared up. "I can't believe I almost forgot again. You make me lose all sense of reason."
I didn't tease him, because this was a serious thing for him.
He grabbed the condom, and I took it from him, carefully removing the wrapper and smoothing it over his dick. Then I spread my legs and pulled him to me.
He eased inside, filling me like only he could.
I gripped his forearms, enjoying the sound of the rain and the reverent expression on his face. Was he surprised that he felt so much around me? Was he wondering if we could be more?
It was too much to hope for, but my heart longed for it anyway.
He moved slowly inside me as if savoring this time we had together. We weren't confined to his cabin, yet our fling was a secret.
The nostalgia of this place mixed with the hope of a future with him. Would he see that he was only hurting himself by distancing from everyone?
Did he know that he could have more? So much more?
It might complicate his relationship with Malcolm, but it sounded like they were already at odds with each other. Would learning about us send Mac over the edge?
I didn't want to mess anything up, so I held him tighter and kissed him harder, opening myself to him. I was his, even if it was only for now.
I'd always cherish the memories we'd made. The feelings I had for him. I felt alive, my heart rate picking up as the orgasm built inside me. I was overwhelmed by the emotion of the moment, and I hoped he was feeling everything too.
He lifted up so he could touch my clit, and the pressure tipped off my orgasm. Light exploded in my head when he thrust one more time deep and dropped his head to mine.
Our breath was uneven as we came down from the high.
Sex had never been this intense before. Could he feel it too? Or was he numb to what was going on between us?
"I can't get enough." He kissed my forehead and then eased off me to take care of the condom. He put it in a plastic bag he'd brought for the trash.
I certainly agreed with him. But I wasn't sure it would be enough to save us in the end.
When he lay down again, I rested my palm on his chest, feeling the steady beat of his heart beneath my palm.
His breath shifted the strands of my hair. "You wrecked me."
"Are you sure that wasn't the hiking?" I asked cheekily.
He chuckled, the movement shaking me.
I eased off his chest so I could see his face.
"No hiking excursion compares to being with you."
"Thanks? I think."
He pulled me back down. "Trust me. It's a good thing."
I wanted to trust him with more than just my body. I wanted to trust him with my heart. But what I knew about him made me hold back.
"Things are going to get busy these next few weeks. Christmas is coming."
He stiffened. "Rowan's scheduling a tasting at the restaurant, and then I'll talk to your family. We'll have an answer about the brewery before Christmas."
I propped myself on my elbow, remembering his original plans. "Then you'll leave."
"That's the plan," he said lightly, as if it wasn't a big deal.
"Our time is almost up," I said, my stomach dipping.
He stroked my back. "We have more time."
I restrained myself from saying, not much. I didn't want to make him feel bad when he'd told me that from the beginning. I was just disappointed that nothing had changed. He'd never consider a future with me.
"We'll have to take advantage of every second we're together." He rolled me so that his hips were between my legs, and then he moved down by body. "Speaking of which, I didn't get a taste of you today."
My hand settled in his hair. "I'm not going to say no to that."
His eyes darkened, and he lowered his body so that he could ease between my legs and lick me. I arched my back, needing more contact. He rested his arm over my pelvis so I couldn't move.
It heightened the sensations. I was lost in the feel of his mouth and his fingers. He was building me up higher and higher. Then he'd ease back, reducing the friction as if he was prolonging the pleasure.
After a few buildups and let downs, there was a sheen of sweat on my body, and my inner thighs were trembling. "Beck."
"Yeah?" he asked innocently, as if he didn't know exactly what he was doing.
I licked my dry lips. "I need you."
His eyes held a hint of a challenge. "You need me inside you."
"Yes," I agreed, feeling desperate.
"I'll give you whatever you need." He reached for another condom.
We both knew that his promise only referred to sex when he was in the same state as me. I wasn't under any illusions that he'd change his mind, even if I couldn't help but hold out hope.
He slid on the condom and thrust inside me with one motion. Then he moved, setting an almost frantic pace, and I wondered if it reflected his inner state. He was confused by our connection and wanted to ignore the emotions that it stirred within him.
I was helpless to say no to him. He could give me pleasure like no one else. But it was more for me now. I was feeling so much when I was around him. I just wished that he was on the same page as me.
This time when we went over, it was quick. We were both wild with need, and it didn't take much for us to detonate together. He grabbed the end of the blanket and pulled it over me.
We were staring at the ceiling, the wood beams that were so steady. They'd been here for decades and hadn't let us down. I'd almost forgotten where we were. "You think we need to head back?"
"It's getting late."
But neither of us moved for a long time. When the chill got to us, we got up to get dressed. He packed the picnic basket, and we pulled on our jackets to head out into the cold.
"We'll have to have fire pits and heaters to enjoy the outdoor space in the winter."
"It's going to be great. I can't wait to see it built," I said eagerly.
He didn't say anything in response. I wondered if he was thinking about the holidays, and how he said Christmas was his deadline to get out of Colorado and move on to the next thing. I suspected that he spent Christmas alone, and I hated it.
But it was his choice. I had a life and a family here. I wasn't going anywhere. He could always come back, change his mind.
He held the blanket and basket in his arms. "We were supposed to look at all the buildings."
"This one is the largest, and it already has a road."
"This is the one then."
I nodded. "Yeah."
He set his things in the trunk of his rental, and then he kissed me. "I'll see you soon."
I nodded shakily, not wanting to say anything I'd regret like please don't go. I'm going to miss you. I hate this. Instead, I waved at him as I walked away.
I felt his gaze on me as I got into my car, turned on the engine, and drove away. He didn't invite me to the cabin tonight, and I didn't want to ask if I could come over.
I wouldn't chase him. I might have been helpless against him, but I had some pride.