Chapter 25
Beck
I was nervous to see Clara again. I wanted to talk to her. I wanted to tell her how I felt, but I wasn't sure how to do it, especially on Christmas Day.
"Are you okay?" Gina asked when I didn't get out of the car.
I blew out a breath. "I messed up."
Her forehead wrinkled. "What are you talking about?"
"I hooked up with Clara."
Her eyes widened. "The shop owner?"
"She's the youngest Hart. I thought it was only going to be one night and I'd never see her again. But then when Malcolm invited me to family dinner—"
"She was there," she finished for me.
"Yeah."
"And then what? You told her you couldn't see her again?"
I chuckled without any humor. "We had a few conversations about it not being a good idea."
Realization came over her face. "You continued to see her anyway."
"It wasn't smart. But she was different, and I was different with her."
She leaned closer. "Are you saying that you fell for her?"
"I thought I could handle it like I did everything. I had a deadline. I'd leave before Christmas. It was supposed to be easy."
Her eyes widened, as if she was seeing me for the first time. "But it wasn't?"
"You arrived, and it made it difficult to leave." I waved my hand in her direction.
She smacked me. "Be serious. Are you in love with her?"
"I'm not sure I even know what that is. But I hate the thought of leaving her. I don't like that she's upset with me and wants nothing to do with me. Every time I think about getting on that plane, I feel like I'm being split in two."
She covered my hand with hers. "How do you feel?"
"I don't want to be without her. I want her by my side. But what does it matter when she won't want anything to do with me?"
"Maybe if you tell her how you feel—"
I looked away. "She's not going to give me a chance."
"You can't know that." Her voice was gentle.
"I told her I was leaving."
"Did she ask you to stay?"
"That's what she was leading up to, and I couldn't do it. Staying means—" My chest was tight.
"You've been protecting yourself all these years from someone else leaving first," she said incredulously.
I nodded. "It worked for me."
"Never getting close to someone is not a good plan. Life is meant to be lived. You're going to get hurt, but then you learn from that experience and move on," she said.
"I hate the thought of not seeing her." It made the band around my chest tighten more.
"What do you want, Beck?" Gina asked softly.
I sucked in a breath. "I want to stay. I want to tell her how I feel."
"You might have to prove to her that you're staying. Get a permanent place. Tell the Harts you're here for the duration. And then talk to her."
"That's not a bad idea."
She smiled. "I'm so happy for you. I've never heard you talk about anyone this way."
I pulled out my phone and sent a message to the rental company to see if I could do a longer rental or even purchase the place. It held so many memories of us together. I wasn't ready to let it go. Next, I needed to talk to the Harts. "Let's go inside."
I knocked on the door, and Malcolm answered. "You came."
I stepped inside. "I said I would."
He shrugged and backed up so we could enter. "Yeah, but plans change."
Once we were inside and the front door closed against the cold, I said, "This is my sister, Gina. Gina, this is Malcolm."
Malcolm held out his hand, and she shook it. "Nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you as well."
"Did you enjoy Christmas Town?" Malcolm asked Gina as we headed toward the kitchen.
"It was adorable."
We followed Malcolm into the kitchen where everyone was gathered. Holiday music played in the background, and the table was already set for dinner.
The entire house smelled like evergreen from the trees they'd put up in the living room and the dining room.
"You made it," Judy said as she approached to hug me.
When I pulled away, I said, "This is my sister, Gina."
"We're so happy to have you here today, Gina. Are you enjoying your stay?"
"It's been lovely so far," Gina said with a smile.
"Let me introduce you to everyone. I think you've already met Malcolm and Clara." Judy went around and did the introductions for the rest of the brothers and Raymond.
"We're so glad you decided to come for the holidays," she said.
Malcolm cleared his throat. "We wanted to let you know that we'd like to go forward with opening the brewery on Hart property. Just let us know what you need to get started."
"Does it include the beer bath?" I asked.
Malcolm sighed. "It includes the brew bath. I asked for your advice because I value your opinion. If you think this is the right way to go, then we'll do it."
I let out the breath I'd been holding. "I have an announcement to make too. I'm staying in town."
Malcolm raised his brow. "For this project?"
"I might want to make Colorado my home base. I asked about staying longer at my current rental, and I'd like to see about purchasing it."
"You're planning to stay in town?" Clara asked.
"I want to see this project through." Was that the right thing to say?
I couldn't declare my love for her in front of her family, could I?
That would be crazy. But wouldn't it also show her that I was serious?
But what if Malcolm was upset with us for hooking up behind his back?
I'd made it sound like this was a business decision.
Her eyes dimmed. "That's nice."
Gina nudged me.
I took a deep breath. "I usually move from one project to another, but I'd like to stay here. It's not just about work. I fell in love with the area—" Everyone was looking at me now, but I felt Gina's support at my side.
"And I fell in love with Clara."
There was an audible gasp, but I only had eyes for her. Her expression was one of shock. "I said I couldn't stay in one place. That I wasn't built for that. But the real reason is that I was afraid that you'd walk away from me. That you'd decide that I wasn't the man for you. So I left first."
"You love me?" She stepped forward.
"Yes."
"Is someone going to explain this?" Malcolm asked, as if he was still confused.
"I met Clara on the first night in town, and we didn't exchange names. We saw each other at dinner the next day. We decided that we couldn't continue to see each other, but at the same time, we couldn't stay away from each other either."
"Not sure I need to hear this," Hunter mumbled.
"I thought I could move on. But I can't." I couldn't look away to get a gauge on how everyone else was reacting. The only person's feelings who mattered to me in this moment were Clara's.
"You're staying?" She stood in front of me now, so close I could touch her.
"I want to stay. I want to be near you. Whether you'll have me or not."
She tipped her face up. "What if I love you too?"
"Do you though?" That seemed like a big ask for a guy who ran from any kind of entanglement.
She placed her hand on my chest over my heart. "I love you, Beck Rivers."
The tension went out of my body in a whoosh. "I love you too."
Her arms looped around my neck, and I was kissing her, in her family's kitchen on Christmas Day. I'd lost my mind.
Clara pulled back, still holding me close. "I can't believe you said that in front of my entire family."
"I can't either."
"So you're what, dating our sister?" Boone asked.
I looked at him. "I'm in love with your sister, and I'm moving here."
"You don't care what I think?" Malcolm asked, his voice rough.
"I don't want this to ruin our friendship, but at the same time, I can't stop loving Clara." I put my arm around her and pulled her into my side.
She placed her hand on my chest. "I hope you don't have a problem with it. But at the same time, we're going to see each other."
"If you're happy—" Malcolm began.
"I am happy." My chest had filled with emotion.
"If you hurt her—" Malcolm continued.
"You have permission to punch me," I said easily, my gaze still on Clara. I couldn't believe that she felt the same way. It was almost too good to be true.
Malcolm's mom hustled around the counter to give me another hug. "No one's punching anyone." And then to me, she said, "Welcome to the family."
I'd never wanted to be part of something, because I could lose it.
For the first time, I felt like it was safe to let go of those worries and take a chance.
The best part was that I got to be with Clara and tell her how I felt.
No more hiding or covering it up. I was in this, and I was creating a life here with her.