23. Hallie
CHAPTER 23
HALLIE
“Seriously?” I scoff, shooting James a dirty look. “You’re really pulling this now ?”
“I’m not trying to see you naked,” James quickly clarifies, shaking his head. “This is nothing sexual, I promise. I know I’ve spent a long time making jokes about getting you in bed and having fun at your expense, but that’s not what this is. I’m genuinely worried about making it through the night.”
“What?” I gasp, suddenly alarmed. Until now I had been thinking only about the inconvenience and discomfort of being lost in the woods at night. I hadn’t considered that our situation could be deadly.
“I don’t want to scare you, but we can’t sit here in sopping wet clothes when it’s so cold outside,” James continues. “It’s only going to make us even colder, especially as the night goes on and the temperature drops further.”
I bring my legs up against my chest, trying to find a way to warm up, but it seems futile. Even with my arms crossed over my body, I can’t stop from shivering. Everything on me is wet from my hair down to my sneakers. I’ve been freezing cold since the moment it started to rain, and the fire is doing nothing to warm me up. James is right about our wet clothes making us colder. The last thing I want to do is get naked in front of him, but unfortunately, I think he has a point.
“Fine,” I finally sigh in agreement. I guess being naked in front of James Cole is only the second to last thing I want to do, the last being freeze to death in a cave. “But you need to turn around while I undress.”
“Okay,” James says, turning right away and facing the cave wall. “I think we need to accept that we’re going to be in here for a while, definitely overnight.”
“Yeah, I get it,” I groan as I start to unbutton my shirt.
“What I mean is, it’s a long time to avoid seeing each other naked, especially since…” James’s voice trails off and my fingers freeze, wondering what he’s getting at.
“Especially since what?”
“Well, getting our wet clothes off is a start, but there’s something else we need to do if we’re going to keep our bodies warm through the night, and I’m afraid it’s going to freak you out.”
“And what is that, exactly,” I ask, getting a feeling that I already know. I’ve taken survival lessons in preparation for helping my family run the camp and while I’ve never had to put any of those lessons to use, they’ve stuck with me.
“The only way we are going to prevent ourselves from freezing tonight is to keep each warm,” James says bluntly. “We need skin to skin contact.”
“Fuck,” I whisper under my breath, shaking my head.
He’s not wrong, but that doesn’t mean I want to be naked next to him. It’s one thing to be naked on opposite sides of the cave with my body curled up, blocking the important parts. Now he’s saying we need to be not only touching, but really touching. I don’t know how I’m possibly going to let him press his naked body against mine. Maybe freezing to death isn’t so bad after all. It might be a peaceful way to go.
“Hallie…”
“I know, I know,” I stop him. “Just give me a second, okay?”
James nods, still facing the rock wall, and I take a few deep breaths trying to figure out what to do. Maybe it won’t get that much colder out. It’s been relatively warm here for fall in Wyoming, after all. Or maybe our clothes will dry quickly, and we can sleep in them in an hour or so. All I know for certain is that I have spent the last couple of days fighting off any feelings that might have been cropping for James, keeping myself from getting too close to him, refusing to be another notch on his bedpost, all while dealing with a sexual attraction I’ve never felt before. How the hell can I keep fighting off those feelings while his naked body is wrapped around mine? It feels impossible.
“Look, I know this is the last thing you want,” James says softly. “But I promise you that I’m not going to try anything. This is about getting through the night and nothing more. I won’t even joke about making a move. No teasing, no innuendos, nothing. I promise.”
Taking a breath, I glance out at the rain, still coming down hard as if someone were dumping buckets of water over the opening to the rock enclosure. The wind is whipping through the cracks around us, sending a constant chill through my body. It is very clear now that no one is going to be able to get to us any time soon and while joking about freezing to death is one thing, letting it happen is another. I have to do whatever it takes to get through the night. I can do this.
The key is not to get all wrapped up in overthinking the situation or to let my emotions interfere with rational thought. This is about survival and nothing else. Tomorrow, we’ll go back to pretending to be in a relationship and when we get back to California, we’ll forget this whole week ever happened.
“Okay,” I say quietly, continuing to unbutton my flannel shirt. “Just give me a second.”
I close my eyes as I feel James moving behind me, his body coming closer to mine. The situation is embarrassing enough without the additional mix of emotions and trepidation that are making things even worse. James went outside to check on the horse and came back with a blanket from the saddle bag for us to lay on. It’s a little damp, but it’s better than being naked in the dirt. I’ve kept the fire going by adding sticks a couple at a time, but it’s really just for the light; there isn’t any dry wood big enough to start a fire that will keep us warm.
“Was the horse okay when you went out?” I whisper as James inches closer.
“Yeah, she’s not bothered at all,” he replies. “I moved her under a cluster of pine trees so she’s out of the rain. She’ll be okay, I promise.”
I nod just as James closes the gap between us, his chest pressing against my back and the tops of his thighs curved behind the backs of my legs. He’s positioned himself so I can’t feel anything else pressing against me, and I’m grateful for that. While the warmth of his skin does make me feel better, I still can’t stop shivering and it’s as if the cold has seeped deep inside of me.
“Can I put my arms around you?” James asks. “It will help.”
“Okay,” I nod, bracing myself.
He slips one arm under my body and brings the other up over me, pulling me back towards him even closer. He’s careful not to brush against my chest as he rubs his hands up and down my arms. It’s surprising how quickly it starts to make a difference, my skin warming under his touch.
“Better?” James asks.
“Yeah, it’s definitely helping,” I admit. “What about you?”
“Much better.”
We lie quietly for a little while, James’s hand still stroking the back of my arm, slowly working away the goosebumps on my skin. I stare into the flickering flames from the pine needle fire, thinking about how impressed James was that I could start a fire using rocks. It made me feel good that I was able to do something right, since it was my horse who ran off from the group. Maybe the small flame doesn’t make up for getting us into this mess, but it makes me feel less useless.
James’s hand settles against my elbow, his arms crossed over my body, holding me close. Under much different circumstances, being with him like this might actually be pleasurable. The idea of lying with a man by a fire, his arms around me, my body snug against his…it’s something I hadn’t even realized I was missing in my life. The fact that it’s James and we’re trying not to die of hypothermia complicates the matter, but in a way, it still feels nice. For so long I’ve been taking care of myself and trying to provide for my family. Having someone else protecting me eases some of the tension I’ve been carrying around for so long.
After lying completely still for a while, it startles me when James adjusts his body behind me, curling his legs up slightly and pressing the tops of his feet to the bottom of mine. I can feel more of his legs touching mine and his chest is so warm, my back is actually starting to feel a little sweaty. I know we could be even warmer if I turned around to face him, moving chest to chest, intertwining our arms and legs. It would quickly get a lot hotter in the rock shelter if I leaned in close and pressed my mouth to his. My lips start to tingle at the memory of kissing James, and I swallow hard, thinking of where else I could kiss him to keep his body warm.
Stop, stop, stop, I chide myself, squeezing my eyes shut. I’m warm enough to make it through the night and that was the point. There’s nothing else going on—James said so himself. I just need to fall asleep and stop overthinking things. It will all be better in the morning when we can get dressed and try to find our way back to the ranch.
Even though I’m not as cold anymore, it’s still pretty uncomfortable lying on the ground. On top of that, I’m having a hard time turning off my brain so I can sleep. I can’t stop thinking about James being completely naked behind me.
“Hallie?” I hear James whisper in my ear. “Are you still awake?”
“Yeah,” I whisper back.
“I’m so sorry about this,” James tells me.
I glance at him over my shoulder, looking at him directly for the first time since I took my clothes off.
“You have nothing to be sorry about,” I say. “I’m the one who dragged you on this trip, forced you to pretend to be in a relationship with me, and needed to be saved from a runaway horse.”
“You didn’t drag me here,” James says. “Remember, coming with you benefited me, too.”
“About that,” I say, shifting my body just slightly towards his to be able to look at him comfortably. “Don’t you think coming to Wyoming with someone you barely know is a pretty big length to go to just to avoid your father’s birthday party?”
James laughs wryly, letting out a long breath.
“If you knew my dad you wouldn’t think so,” he says. “We actually haven’t spoken in years. Coming here with you was just so I wouldn’t technically be lying to my mother.”
“What happened with your dad?” I ask, though I realize right away that it’s a pretty intrusive question. “If you don’t want to talk about it…”
“No, it’s okay,” James assures me. “I used to work for my father’s company, but we had a falling out over the way he does business. I guess I reached a limit on what I could stomach, and it made me rethink my whole career. I ultimately decided to leave the company, and to my father that also meant I had to leave the family. Trust me, my dad doesn’t want me at the party any more than I want to be there. This is all about my mother. My father is done with me; he’s made that crystal clear.”
When James goes silent, I assume he doesn’t want to elaborate any more on the situation. I can hear the pain in his voice that he’s trying to cover up by being flippant. I can also tell how much his mother, and likely the rest of his family as well, truly means to him.
“It must have taken a lot for you to be able to walk away like that,” I say gently.
“It did. It also cost me a lot.”
“Your family?”
“Yes,” he nods. “And…the woman I loved. Someone who I thought loved me back. But it turns out she wanted nothing more to do with me, once I left that life behind.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. “She left you because you didn’t want to work for your father?”
“She left because she had gotten accustomed to the lifestyle I was no longer able to afford,” he explains. “Private jets, expensive vacations, a fancy condo. She didn’t want to be with a woodworker in a one bedroom apartment, sharing a pool with the neighbors…”
As James’s voice fades, I realize that I’ve never considered why James is the way he is, that sleeping around might be a reaction to having his heart broken. It starts to make sense now, the picture of him becoming a little clearer.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“Eh, it’s fine,” James replies. “I mean, I dodged a bullet in business and in my love life. I would have married her thinking she really loved me, when all she loved was the money. In the end, it saved me thousands in an engagement ring.”
I know that he’s making light of the situation to cover up his hurt, but I don’t press him on it. It’s not my place and he’s already revealed more than he had to. Still, seeing him through this new lens is certainly eye opening for me.
The wind is still whistling through the cracks between the rocks as the rain pours down outside. There are several spots where water is leaking inside, running down the sides of the cave. Even though I’m warmer, I’m starting to think I may not be able to sleep at all tonight.
“James?” I whisper after a long silence. “Thank you for telling me about your dad and what happened with leaving his company. I’m glad you said something, because I think it helped me understand you more.”
I take a breath in, hoping I’m not saying too much, urging myself to keep going.
“I think I should be honest with you, just like you were with me,” I tell him. “The thing is, I’ve been really confused the last couple of days, trying to figure out who was the real you—the guy I saw every morning at the apartment, walking a different girl to the gate, or the guy you’ve been here in Wyoming, going out of your way to help me, guiding me up a rock wall, coming after me on horseback. Even before you risked your life to save mine, I was already letting myself feel differently about you. I was starting to get a little caught up in pretending to be a couple. It felt so real, especially when we kissed. I know it was just for show but…well, it scared me. Especially when I remembered who you were back at home and how you cycle through women so quickly. So I purposefully pulled back from you. That’s why I haven’t been particularly warm. I was trying to protect myself from what I was starting to feel. But the truth is, I do care about you. I’m not pretending anymore. In fact, I think the ruse now is acting like I don’t have feelings for you.”
I hold my breath for a second, waiting for James to respond. My heart races in anticipation, hoping that I didn’t say too much, that I didn’t go too far. I don’t usually put myself out there like this, but once the words are out of my mouth, I can’t take them back. I don’t know how James is going to react, but I silently tell myself it’s a good thing to get it all out in the open. Hopefully he’s the kind, sensitive person he’s been over the last few days and not the dick he acts like back home. But either way, I meant what I said. I’m not taking it back.
“James?” I whisper, needing to know what he’s thinking.
I nervously turn my head to glance back at him and I gasp when I see that his eyes are closed and he’s sound asleep.
With a sigh, I turn forward again, feeling a mix of relief and disappointment that James didn’t hear a word I said.