32. Goldyn
My hands wouldn’t stop shaking. It felt like I was breathing through a soggy paper straw. And my head was about two seconds away from floating off my shoulders, too full of thoughts I didn’t want to deal with.
Logically, I knew I was in the foyer. Sitting on something.
But my head wouldn’t anchor me in reality.
All I could focus on was panic and that made me panic even more.
Breathe, Goldy, breathe. At least make it to the fucking van before you melt into a puddle of over-stimulated nerves.
The more I coached myself, the less calm I felt. I was really fucking bad at this.
Before I knew it, my shoulders were shaking with cries that had clawed up my throat and freed themselves. And I didn’t stop until I felt firm pressure on my shaking shoulders, calming the tremble just a little.
My eyes flew open and collided with Rome’s concerned ones. And that’s how I knew I was out of it. I always knew when Rome was near. There was no reason I shouldn’t have sensed his closeness.
“Going somewhere, G?”
That deep drawling voice was even, but the worry knitting his brows sent a flurry of dread racing through my stomach. He’d caught me when I didn’t want any of them to know I was leaving.
I tried to stand on shaky legs, but he rose with me and gently pressed down on my shoulders until my knees bent on their own accord.
“Sit down, Goldyn,” Rome commanded, not saying anything about me trying to sneak out.
So I sat down, my eyes fixated on his towering frame. He was shirtless, clearly fresh out of the gym even though no sweat slicked his deep mahogany skin. And then he blurred as more tears clouded my vision.
The cool wood of the bench kissed my thighs and I balled my hands into fists beside me, not knowing what else to do with them.
Quietly, Rome knelt between my parted legs and peered up at me. “What shoes do you want to wear?”
He cast a glance at the shoe rack, awaiting my response.
Guilt and shame sat heavy on my chest, stealing all my words.
“Which shoes, baby?” Rome tried again, his voice softer than before.
More guilt sank into me, weighing down my limbs.
“You’re not gonna say anything about me trying to leave?”
“Not right now. If you wanna leave, you can leave.” He shrugged before quickly adding, “But I’m leaving with you.” His hand massaged my right calf while his imploring eyes stayed fixed on me. “So, which shoes, Goldyn?”
Nodding toward the sandals in front of the shoe rack, I bit back more words and watched him slip them on my feet, concentration clear on his face.
Then he stood, pulled on one of Lorenzo’s hoodies from the coat rack and snagged his keys from the hook by the door. “Let’s go.”
We didn’t speak again for thirty minutes.
Not when he grabbed up my overnight bag.
Not when he opened the passenger door for me.
And not when a deer jumped out in front of his car and he had to slam on the brakes, cut his lights, and wait for it to cross to the other side.
The quiet was unnerving. But it was better than being alone.
With his high beams on, he drove us over a rocky path and didn’t stop until it looked like we would drive off the side of a cliff if he didn’t.
“What is this place?” I asked. My voice was hoarse and embarrassment still had a chokehold on me. Why wasn’t he reacting to what I’d done—well, tried to do?
“It’s called Miracle Overlook, best place to watch the sunrise in town. You think you can explain to me why you were leaving before then?”
My gaze snapped to the dashboard, reading eleven p.m. The sun wouldn’t be coming up for another seven hours…
“Romeo.”
He reached up, flicking on the interior light so the car was bathed in warm light. “I just want to understand, Goldy. Take all the time you need as long as that time leads to some answers.”
“Okay,” I said around a hard swallow.
With his head resting on the back of his seat, he let it fall to his right to look at me.
“Why were you leaving, baby?” I wasn’t used to his voice being so soft and my face twisted at the sound. I couldn’t keep the steady stream at bay anymore and cried freely.
“I needed a second to breathe. I’m overwhelmed and I think I should take a step back.”
“From what? The shop? Did something happen today? Is that why you left work early?”
“Not from what. From who . I don’t think I can stay here with you and Sin and Enzo anymore.”
The silence was loud. Louder than any words he could have spoken as his eyes fastened on the fidgeting fingers in my lap.
I rushed to explain even though he gave me no clue about what he was feeling. “It’s been hitting me a lot lately. And I know the longer I stay, the more it’s gonna hurt to leave. So I should just go now.”
“And that just hit you in the middle of the day and made you shut down?” He didn’t sound like he believed me and I didn’t blame him.
“Not just that, but it’s a part of it. I’m tired of convincing my brain this is what I want when I know it’s not. I don’t wanna feel like this anymore.”
“And leaving in the middle of the night was the way to solve that?” He clipped out, his voice heavy and void of its earlier softness. “You weren’t even gonna say shit, Goldyn. That’s fucked up.”
I didn’t have a comeback, so I just sat there, looking at my hands because the weight of his stare was too much.
“And where were you going, G?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t make a plan past what I would do when I made it to my van.”
A scoff filled the tight confines of the car before he shifted in his seat, adjusting the automatic lever until his legs were spread in front of him. “You’re not going anywhere, Goldyn. I don’t know why you thought running was something safe to do, but you got a few things fucked up between us if you think I’ma let you go that easy.”
Heat flamed my face and chest at the conviction in his words.
“You belong wherever I am. I never agreed to three months with you. Remember that.”
“What does that mean?”
“It means exactly what it sounds like. This little ninety-day thing is between you, Enzo and Sin. It ain’t got shit to do with me and never will.”
“But—”
He reached across the console and pulled my jaw until I was looking at him. Then he continued like I hadn’t tried to interrupt.
“It means I don’t just let go when my heart is involved. I don’t fall in love easy, and you made me give a fuck. I’m not gonna just watch you walk out my life. We’ll figure it out.” He sounded so sure I almost believed him.
“I was always leaving in three months, Rome. And those three months are halfway done.”
With a shake of his head, he released his hold on my face. “I don’t give a fuck about any of that, G. And if you think Sin and Enzo want you to leave, then your eyes haven’t been open.”
“They haven’t told me otherwise, so I’m not gonna assume and get my feelings hurt.”
Romeo laughed dryly. “You hear yourself right now, G? You not gonna assume and get your feelings hurt, but you were just sneaking out in the middle of the night because you assumed shit and got your feelings hurt .”
Defiance stiffened my shoulders as I stared at him. He wasn’t wrong, but I didn’t want to tell him he was right, either.
Silence crawled into the cracks of our conversation, pushing down the words I needed to say.
The words about Lilith and Chance and everything he’d told me.
Staring straight ahead, I tried to make out the mountains beneath us, but all I saw was darkness now that Rome’s headlights were off.
So I focused on the moon instead, drawn to the glowing orb propped up in the sky.
“I…um…I had a meeting today and it brought up all this stuff I didn’t want to deal with. It felt easier just leaving…”
“A meeting with who about what?” he wanted to know, latching on to the first part of my announcement.
“With Chance. My realtor.”
“What’s going on?”
“He’s been drawn to me since we met and it creeped me out. He would stare at me until I got goosebumps and then?—”
“Did he fucking touch you, G?” Romeo cut off my rambling and I shook my head.
“No. It’s worse.”
“What the fuck is worse than that?”
“His wife came to the shop today and accused me of being a home-wrecker, so I went to visit him to figure out what she was talking about.” As it turned out, his obsession had nothing to do with some misplaced attraction.
“What did he tell you, G?” Romeo’s voice was tight with barely leashed fury. He was assuming the worst and I didn’t know if what I had to tell him would fall in that category.
Ignoring the lead ball in my stomach, I replied, my voice as flimsy as my nerves. “He thinks he’s my dad.”