Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
BIANCA
I rub my eyes and lean back in my seat. I’ve been staring at my screen all morning, trying to force information on business operations into my head. Kaitlyn and I plan to bring someone else on to manage operations for the spa, but what’s the point in me being involved if I don’t know everything in and out? Or at the very least, the basics of business so I don’t make an ass out of myself?
The problem is actually learning all of this. I was a mediocre student in high school, so this is the most studying I’ve done since graduating. I assumed getting back into learning, especially learning something actually important, would come easily to me, but that couldn’t be further from the truth.
I scratch Sadie between her front legs. She’s been a nice little warm weight on my lap — just what I need since I’m on my period. Who needs a hot water bottle when you have a little dog who loves napping on you?
Plus, my nails look amazing even after a week, which makes typing feel fancy. Hanging out with Jada gave me a little burst of energy too. I forgot how much I like hanging out with people I actually like.
But reality came back in not long after. Will we still stay friends when I move to New York and “break up” with Waylon? I doubt Waylon would talk badly about me after, but it would still be a little bit awkward for her, wouldn’t it? And it’s not like I could come back to visit Jepsen without much of a reason.
I’ll figure that out once I get to that point, but thinking about it now isn’t helping me at all.
My phone lights up with a text from Waylon, saying he’s outside if I’m still free to have him help me with the house. I’d gotten so wrapped up in my studying that I forgot he was coming today. We’ve been texting off and on, mostly jokes and dog pictures, but the one thing that’s actually important slipped my mind.
I scoop up Sadie and head to the door, trying to find some chill within me. I forgot how awkward crushes are — I’m aware of everything about myself and don’t know how to look like a regular person. It’s like my arms and legs just decided to do their own thing and not communicate with each other. My period doesn’t help me feel my best either. I’m puffy and bloated. I didn’t even bother to cover my hair or use a satin pillowcase last night so my curls are all over the place.
“Hey,” I say, checking him out as subtly as I can. He’s just in what he usually wears when he comes to work on the house — old jeans and a t-shirt, but he still looks so good.
“Hey.” He smiles, holding up his tool bag. “I figured I could do some stuff outside today.”
“Yeah, sure.” I can’t keep the disappointment that he won’t be near me out of my voice, but he doesn’t seem to pick up on it. “Just let me know if you need anything or want some water or a snack. I’ll just be in the breakfast nook.”
“Sounds good.” He hesitates for a second. “I was also thinking of installing a few security cameras and a security light for you since it’s so dark at night. It’s fine if you don’t want them — I just figured it’d be a good idea.”
At least he leaves off the obvious part — that Kyler’s being a dickhead and a creep. But if he went through the trouble and already bought the cameras, why not?
“I’d like that.” I’m so glad my skin tone is deep enough to hide blushes, or at least make them much less obvious. “Thank you.”
“No problem.” He puts out a finger for Sadie to sniff and I hold her out so he can pet her. “I’ll start in the back, if you hear a bunch of banging around back there.”
He heads to the back and I go back to the breakfast nook. My laptop went to sleep and I don’t want to wake it up quite yet. But I told myself I’d make it through a few chapters of this book.
I sigh and call Kaitlyn just to take a break. She answers in a few rings.
“Hey, doll,” Kaitlyn says. “What’s up? Everything okay down there?”
“Yeah, it’s good.” I put Sadie on one of the other chairs and get up so I can pace around. “I was just doing some reading on business operations and needed a break.”
“That’s good. Any news on the house?” Kaitlyn asks. “You think you’ll be able to put it on the market soon?”
“It’s still a work in progress.” I wander over to the window. Waylon is down the side of the house, fixing the outside of a window. “But Waylon’s working on it.”
“Speaking of Dr. Hottie, Animal Savior…” I can hear the smirk in Kaitlyn’s voice. “How’s the bucket list stuff going? Let me live through you vicariously to escape my routine existence.”
“Yeah.” I walk back over to the pantry. “It’s…going.”
“Oh?” Kaitlyn pauses. “Is it bad?”
“No, it’s just really, really good. Like absurdly good.” I resist the urge to peek at Waylon through the window again. His ass looks way too good in his jeans. “A little too good. And he’s a little too sweet and likable.”
“Bianca…”
“I know.” I grab a bag of popcorn from the pantry. “But it’s just a dumb crush. I’ve never been in a situation where I’m banging a guy I have a crush on.”
“That wasn’t part of your plan, was it?” Kaitlyn asks.
“Of course not. But it doesn’t really matter.” I push down the ache in my chest and dump some popcorn into a bowl so I don’t slam the whole bag in one go. I don’t want to go back to the store. “I’m moving to New York and he has some baggage with his ex. He’s not interested in any relationships, ever again.”
“What’s the deal with that?”
“I’m still not completely sure, but I know enough to piece things together. His ex is super shitty and it clearly ended very badly. I don’t want to press him about it.” I hate the way the light in his eyes goes out any time his ex is even vaguely mentioned. “So everything kind of works out. I have to leave and he doesn’t even want a relationship. It’s just sex and friendship.”
“Okay. As long as you can keep that shit compartmentalized.” Kaitlyn doesn’t even try to hide her skepticism. “Speaking of relationships, some of our mutual friends told me Kyler keeps being all mopey over you, apparently.”
I roll my eyes. “I know. He’s still trying to text and DM me. I wish he’d just get over me or at least put that energy toward actually getting somewhere with his career on his own. I know my dad has a lot of sway in the industry but he’s not the only producer out there.”
“To be honest, your dad is kind of it. Doesn’t he know everyone? Especially for his kind of pop,” Kaitlyn points out. “And your dad will absolutely go to bat for you. He might get him blacklisted.”
I lean my hip against the counter, vaguely close to where I’ve been keeping dog treats. Sadie walks up to me, her tail whipping back and forth, so I give her a little peanut butter treat just for being cute.
“I mean, you’re not wrong. But maybe it’ll just be harder for him to get off the ground.” I stuff a handful of popcorn into my mouth. Some of it tumbles from my hand and Sadie clears up the bits I drop.
“With his music?” Kaitlyn scoffs. “Bianca, be real. He was fucking awful and I’m so glad I can finally say it out loud.”
“He wasn’t that bad.” I suppress a smile.
“He was so bad. If he didn’t have such a pretty face, he’d be playing in his bedroom in the basement of his mom’s house,” she says.
“Okay, fine, he wasn’t that great.” I laugh. “But he has to get over me at some point whenever he finds another producer.”
“Just be careful, okay?” Kaitlyn says softly. “I know he’s not particularly intimidating or scary, but desperation does weird things to people.”
“I know. I will be.” If I tell her about Waylon installing cameras of his own volition, she’ll start down a whole rabbit hole of theories about what it might mean.
“I gotta run, but keep me posted on the house sale, okay?” Kaitlyn says. “We can do something fun to celebrate your move when you get here.”
“I will.”
We end the call and I go back to my seat, Sadie trotting behind me. I put her on my lap again and munch on my popcorn as I wake my laptop up again. I have to focus. I refuse to come across as an idiot when we start ramping up the business.
I wolf down more popcorn and hold Sadie to my lower stomach to ease my cramps, working through the dry textbook. Eventually a tap on the back door startles me out of it — it’s just Waylon, his hat pulled low on his forehead.
I let him in. His sweat smells clean, mingling with the masculine scent of his deodorant.
“Want some water? It’s pretty hot out,” I say. “Sit down.”
“That sounds perfect, thank you,” he says, sitting at the table. Sadie squirms out of my arms and goes over to Waylon. “I just needed a little break — the sun is pretty intense.”
I pour him a glass of water and hand it to him. He throws it back and I refill it again.
“Thanks,” he says after taking the second glass.
“It’s no problem.” I sit down at the table too. Sadie looks so comfortable on his lap, looking up at him with her cute little fox eyes. My cramps are killing me and I want her back.
“Am I interrupting your studying?” he asks, gesturing to my laptop.
“No, you’re saving me.” I sigh. “I didn’t love school when I was in it so having to study and actually give a shit about the information all of a sudden is a bit much.”
“Do you want any help?” He shifts closer to me. “I minored in business, but I can’t guarantee that I’ve seen whatever you’re working on.”
“You’re already out there fixing the house. You don’t have to help.” Self-consciousness makes me shift in my seat. I’m not nearly as educated as he is. I don’t want to embarrass myself.
He lifts a dark eyebrow, a small smile coming onto his face. “Believe it or not, I want to help just because we’re friends.”
“Can you first help me out by giving me Sadie back?” I ask. “She’s my hot water bottle.”
“Hm? Sure?” He hands me the dog.
“Period cramps,” I add, sliding down in my seat a little and placing her in the right spot. “Which is also why I haven’t really done anything about the bucket list in a few days.”
“Oh,” he says, not at all freaked out that I dare to have a period. Thank god. Kyler was always squeamish about it, as if it’s not natural. “And it’s fine. I’m following your lead on the bucket list. I don’t want to pressure you into anything.”
“You wouldn’t be. I’d be down with you initiating,” I say. I want him to. This whole thing is fake, but I like being pursued.
“Then I’ll try something when you’re up to it.” His voice takes on that low heat that I’m becoming addicted to. “Anyway, did you want help with the business stuff? Because I’m happy to.”
I swallow my pride and say, “sure.”
I wake up my laptop again and show him what I’m studying. He scans the document, his rich brown eyes flicking back and forth.
“Okay, I remember this. What are you getting tripped up on?” He sits back in his seat.
He doesn’t sound judgmental. Then again, I doubt he would seem that way. I know him by now. I explain the problem I’m having and he listens intently before explaining it back to me in a way I actually understand.
I’m supposed to keep this relationship compartmentalized, but how can I if Waylon is so fucking irresistible doing the most mundane things?
“Thank you,” I say once I wrap my head around the concept. “I just want to get good enough at business stuff to not embarrass myself at meetings.”
“I’m sure you’ll do great.” He takes off his hat and rakes a hand through his hair. “In my experience it’s easier to remember stuff when it’s relevant to what I’m actually interested in. It might be the same for you. And there’s probably some app or program that can do all the number stuff for you.”
“Maybe, yeah.” I try to think of applying the concepts to the spa. “I haven’t felt this enthusiastic about something before, but mostly it’s just anxiety. Most businesses fail, don’t they? And if I fail, then what do I do? I don’t want to go back to modeling and I don’t want to move home. It has to work.”
I swallow the knot in my throat. My damn period. I’d rather die than break down in front of someone, especially Waylon, but my body might make the decision for me.
“Then you figure something else out.” He shrugs, resting a forearm on the table. We’re sitting close enough to each other that his body heat is softly radiating against my thigh. “Which is the worst answer in the world, but it’s kind of true.”
I shoot him a look. “Easy for you to say. You actually have skills you can fall back on.”
“So do you. Or at least you’re trying to build them.” He nods toward my laptop. “You can always learn something new and try something else.”
This man’s optimism is almost infectious. Almost.
“I wish you didn’t make sense sometimes.” I sigh, and he just smiles.
“I just see that you’re underestimating yourself.” He leans back in his seat and stretches, his arm coming to rest on the back of my seat. His arm isn’t quite touching me, but it’s close enough that I want more. “You left everything you knew after a breakup and moved to Jepsen of all places. And on top of that, you’re actively trying new things that aren’t entirely comfortable. An average person doesn’t do that.”
“Because those “new things” are shit that most normal people have already done with their lives?”
“Bianca.” He gives me a look, then gently touches my shoulder. “Be honest — would any of the people you used to hang with back in LA do anything like this? Voluntarily with no other reward than wanting to grow as a person?”
I bite my bottom lip and shake my head.
“So, there you go. It’s a big deal to you. Doesn’t matter whether it’s a ‘big deal’ in the big scheme of things.” He shrugs. “You’re taking a leap.”
“You should add motivational speaker to your resume.” I can’t help but crack a smile.
“Not hard to motivate someone when they’re already doing good stuff.” He pushes back from the table. “I should get back to it. Thanks for the water.”
“Thanks for the pep talk.”
He squeezes my shoulder, and the light gesture makes me flush from head to toe. I watch him leave, my eyes drifting down his back. Once he’s out of the room I sag further into my seat.
Is there any point to me trying to compartmentalize this? It almost feels like building a wall with paper and expecting it to hold back a flood.