Chapter 26
TWENTY-SIX
WAYLON
I don’t fuck up a lot, but apparently when I do, I fuck up in multiple ways, as hard as possible. Do I chase after Bianca and try to put things back together, even though she (justifiably) hates my guts, or do I go after my mom?
I press the heels of my hands to my forehead for a second before decided to go for my mom.
“Mom, wait,” I say, catching up with her.
“I don’t want to hear it, Waylon,” she says, not even looking at me or stopping. “I can’t believe you’d lie to me and fake something with that poor, sweet girl. She likes you. And I thought you liked her too, but you had me fooled. I suppose that’s what your goal was.”
Her words rub salt into my wounds. I thought I’d made her disappointed in me in the past — when I didn’t get an A or when I turned down an opportunity to do an extra activity that would suck up my free time but make me look good.
But those moments are completely insignificant compared to now, and it’s a punch to the gut.
“I can explain,” I say.
But can I, really? The words about breaking up because it’s safer felt wrong coming out of my mouth when I spoke to Bianca. Even though we’ve technically been lying to everyone this whole time, saying that I didn’t think we should start a relationship was the only thing that truly felt like it was false.
Mom stops, and I almost run right into her.
“Waylon, I never thought you’d ever lie to me in general, much less lie to me to pull one over on me for some reason,” Mom says. “I’m not ready to speak to you and I don’t want Wes and Rose’s day to be ruined. Let’s not talk for the rest of the evening.”
Mom walks away, sniffing, and I lean against the wall. She’s right. We don’t need to taint the wedding because of my fuck-ups.
Being inside is making me feel itchy, so I take off my suit jacket and walk outside. A few people are mingling, talking and having drinks. I spot Ash sitting alone on a bench, slumped and looking at the sky.
“Hey,” I say to him.
He looks up at me. “Hey. Who shit in your cereal?”
“I did.”
“In your own cereal?” He sits up, frowning. He didn’t bother shaving or even getting a haircut before this. Between that and his bloodshot eyes, he looks like he’s just crash landed from Vegas. “Don’t shit where you eat.”
“I fucked up bad.” I sink down on the bench next to him with a heavy sigh.
“You look like you did.” He leans back on the bench again, closing his eyes. “What’d you do? Accidentally came in second place?”
I know he’s joking, but it still burns.
“I fucked up by lying to Mom,” I say, keeping my voice low.
“And?” Ash sits up, raking his fingers through his hair. “I lie to Mom all the time about shit. Not that I’m proud of it, but it’s just a fact. I love her, but she’s a lot, and sometimes a little white lie is preferable to being smothered. I don’t know how you’ve managed to live your whole life doing what she says instead of telling her to fuck off like you should have ages ago.”
“That’s exactly how I got into this. She was being too much and I got fed up with just dropping hints and flat out saying no. So I lied about something kind of big and she found out. And on top of that, I fucked things up with Bianca even worse than I fucked things up with Mom.”
“Oof. Sorry.” He pushes up his sleeves. His colorful tattoos are a sharp contrast to the white of his shirt. “She dump you?”
“It’s a lot more complicated than that,” I say. “But I did the wrong thing even though it feels like it should have been the right thing at the time.”
Ash raises an eyebrow at me. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
I rake both hands over my face. “Long story, but she wanted something more serious. And I said no because I got fucked over hard by my last relationship. But now that I told her, I know I made a mistake. A huge mistake.”
“So you’re into her?”
“Yes.” I’m falling in love with her, but saying that out loud right after I absolutely tanked everything will only make me painfully emotional out here in the open.
“Oh, so you fucked up super hard,” Ash says. “Yikes.”
“Thanks, Ash.”
“Well, would you ever come to me for advice in most circumstances?” He plays with the silver ring on his thumb.
“No, to be honest.” Ash will always be blunt and honest, but his ideas are always a bit off the wall. He’s always done his own thing.
“Today’s not any different because Wes’s getting married.” He chuckles.
We sit in silence, my chest burning from the inside out with the swirl of feelings inside me. I want to talk to Wes or Jeremiah or Jada (though I think Jada might kick my ass for hurting Bianca), but I don’t want to start different rumors by bringing it up in person.
“Have you ever been in a serious relationship?” I ask, mostly out of curiosity.
“Fuck no,” he says with a laugh. “Maybe some six month long flings, but it works for me.”
“You never want anything serious? Even though you’ve never been hurt before?” I ask. “By a long-term girlfriend, I mean.”
“Nope.” He shrugs, rubbing one of his eyes. I assumed his eyes were red for more nefarious reasons, but the longer I look at him, the more I realize he’s just exhausted. The dark circles under his eyes look terrible when his face catches the setting sun. “Seriously, if you ever see me with a long-term girlfriend or even worse, see me get married? Assume I’ve been bodysnatched.”
I laugh, but it comes out weird. “Okay, I’ll remember that.”
“But for real,” he says. “Serious relationships seem like they fucking suck. They give someone else the power to do this to you.”
I shrug because I don’t know what to say. I used to agree with him on that, but now I feel like shit for turning one down.
“Here’s some advice that doesn’t suck. Probably.” Ash stands up and stretches. “With the thing with Mom, just let her calm down a bit. She’s been pissed off at me plenty of times — a new thing for you, I know — and she’ll soften up as long as you give her space.”
“Good to know.” I sigh. “But how long does that take?”
“Fuck if I know. I pissed her off all the time so she probably recovered faster. But with you? Her precious golden boy?” The sarcasm in his voice stings a bit, but again, he’s not lying. “I’d give her a lot of time.”
“Yeah.” I sigh. I’ve never seen my mom look that hurt before and I hate myself for being the one to make her feel that way.
“By the way, what’s the deal with your hot friend?” Ash asks. I stare at him blankly. “Yellow dress, long locs, glasses?”
“Oh, Jada ?” I blurt. I recognize that Jada is pretty and all, but she’s practically my sister so I never think of her like that. “What about Jada?”
“Wait, that’s Jada? History club Jada? Salutatorian Jada?” He looks genuinely shocked, and Ash is never surprised by anything.
How the hell did he remember she was salutatorian? I didn’t think he paid attention to me or my friends at all, especially after he graduated.
“You didn’t ask her name when you were talking in the hallway?” I ask.
He waves his hand. “Not the point. Never mind. Forget I said anything.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Ash.”
“Relax, Waylon. I’m not going to do anything dumb now that I know.” He yawns. “I’m going to get some cake or something. I doubt this conversation helped you at all.”
I have to laugh. “Thanks for having it with me, then.”
“You came to me,” he says with a grin. But he quickly turns serious. “Seriously though. Take it from a guy who’s a fuck-up — don’t linger on the mistakes too long. Just try to move forward and get out of the situation.”
Ash is rarely this serious, so I take his words to heart.
“I’ll try,” I say.
He nods and heads back inside, but I stay on the bench and try to pull myself together.
I’m on that bench for a long, long time.