Chapter 25
Oliver
When I was a kid – back when things were good in my life – we learned about the stages of a storm’s lifecycle in class. I was fascinated by them – how they developed, how they grew and how they ultimately tired themselves out, losing their strength until they were depleted.
Looking up at the thick grey anvils hanging above my head, that lesson comes back to me, and I think about my father’s words and how he said I carried the energy of a storm in me.
If that is true, then right now, thunder rolling in the distance, chaos churning inside me, I think I’m at the part where the storm implodes on itself.
Why else would I be here, watching the man I love marry the man he supposedly loves more than me?
I’ve talked myself into and out of this decision a hundred times between leaving my flat and arriving at the registry office where the wedding is taking place.
The building is more like an old-fashioned mansion, with tall white pillars in front of a big red door, adorned with green vines and white flowers.
There’s a black limo parked on the cobbled driveway and a man dressed in a perfectly cut suit directing guests inside.
As I approach the entrance, I pause and once again wonder what the hell I’m doing.
It’s over between Darius and I. He made his choice and it wasn’t me, so why am I torturing myself?
Most likely because even now standing outside what is clearly a wedding, I don’t believe it.
Perhaps once I’ve seen it with my own eyes, I’ll be able to let him go.
I haven’t spoken to Darius since that day in my flat.
I’ve written him a thousand messages that I’ve never sent, but I haven’t had the courage to confront him again – too afraid to hear him repeat those words there’s someone else – and yet, here I am, about to live it in real time.
With a deep breath, I straighten my shoulders and walk into the building.
There’s a large sweeping staircase to one side, white and orange roses wrapped around the banister.
An usher dressed in a suit with an orange tie and cummerbund shows me to the room in which the ceremony is taking place.
Most of the guests are already seated. I spot Darcey at the front, Caiden and Jamie next to her.
I’m about to slide into a seat at the back when Caiden looks over his shoulder.
His eyes meet mine, a frown pulling across his forehead.
He grabs Jamie’s arm and then the two of them are heading my way. I sigh, annoyed I couldn’t get in and out unnoticed as I’d hoped.
“What are you doing here?” Caiden asks, his voice a hoarse whisper.
“I’ve come to see the happy couple on their big day.”
“Cut the shit, Oliver,” Jamie hisses. I look around and am thankful no one is paying us any attention.
“Look.” I hold up my hands. “I’m not here to cause issues. I just wanted to see for myself, okay?”
“See what exactly?” Caiden asks, looking at his watch.
That this is real. That it’s over. That I am once again being left behind.
I don’t answer him and he sighs.
“I have to go. The wedding is about to start.” He leans over and whispers something in Jamie’s ear. Jamie nods before giving him a kiss and then Caiden disappears through the door.
“I’m not leaving,” I say to Jamie, before he has a chance to try to convince me to leave.
“Honestly, Oliver. Stay. If you want to torture yourself with this, then do it. I’m not stopping you.” He looks around, then drops his voice. “Just do not fuck this up for Darius. There’s a lot riding on it.” He smacks his mouth closed and looks at his feet.
“What do you mean by that? What’s riding on it?”
Jamie shakes his head and I don’t get the chance to push for an answer because a well-dressed man walks through the door, an older woman at his side, and we both step out of the aisle to let them pass.
There’s something about him that makes my hackles rise, my eyes following him down the aisle.
When they reach the front, he kisses the woman’s cheek and helps her to her seat.
Then he takes the two steps up onto the platform, leaning in to speak to the officiant.
“Is that him?” I ask.
Jamie nods.
“Is he good to Darius?” Because when this is all over, no matter how hurt I am, how mad I am at Darius, I only want him to be happy.
“I don’t know.” He looks at the man at the front and then back at me. “I’m not going to lie to you and say Caiden and I agree with this – but it’s Darius’s life, not ours. Promise me you’ll keep your mouth shut and let this wedding happen.”
I’m thrown by his words – you’d think Darius’s closest friends would be happy for him. There is a severe lack of happiness on any of the faces of the people I know are here for Darius.
“Fine,” I agree, because I’m not here to ruin things for Darius.
Jamie gives me a side eye, before returning to his seat next to Darcey.
She looks over her shoulder and the look she gives me is soft and sad.
I hate it. I turn away from her, hoping she can’t tell how devastated I am right now.
I take the seat on the edge, giving myself the option to leave as quickly as possible.
My eyes move around the room, taking in all the decorations and noting that none of it reflects the Darius I know and love.
Everything is orange and there are fucking roses everywhere.
Not a sunflower in sight. Nothing that says the man that’s about to stand on that platform is sunshine personified.
That he’s caring and affectionate and the best fucking friend I ever had.
My eyes burn and I breathe in heavily, releasing the breath on a whoosh and willing myself not to let tears fall. I’m so tired of crying. Of being sad and broken. That day we went to my father’s funeral I was looking for closure. Maybe that’s why I’m here now. Closure.
Then I can move on.