Chapter 40
FULL ATTENTION
She woke at seven-fifteen. Another day she’d overslept.
The same disorientation at not being in her bedroom, and then the realization that it wasn’t Snowball curled against the backs of her knees.
The warmth was from Zane, because he seemed to like to cuddle at night the same way Snowball did, at least to the extent of having a leg touching hers.
Which was probably just body size vs. bed size, not the desire to be close in your sleep.
Keep it together, she told herself. You’re a cautious person. Stay cautious. She got out of bed that way—cautiously—and Zane groped with a hand for her pillow, and then was still.
When she got into the bathroom, after a peek outside—sun not quite risen yet, which always made her feel virtuous, for some reason—she gasped. She very nearly screamed.
It was a good thing she’d woken up first.
The patches of foundation on her face made it look like she had a skin disease, and the smeared mascara, eyeliner, and shadow made it look like she’d been in a fight.
Her hair was wild, too, because she hadn’t put it in its silk bonnet overnight.
If Peter Jackson was looking to cast a zombie movie, she was all set. Otherwise, though …
She hadn’t even brushed her teeth after the wine!
When she was in the shower again after some intensive cleansing, her hair up in a topknot, things began feeling more like normal. Better than normal, actually, because her body was … buzzing. That was the word. Or humming, possibly. Something with bees. Something with stimulation.
Like from a vibrator.
She poured body wash onto a facecloth and sniffed at it. That was some very posh stuff. Matakana Botanicals Macadamia why had she succumbed to Jess’s insistence?
—and then added the weird top, completing the walking-curtains effect.
“I can, though,” he said. “Text me what you bought. That’ll give me the sizes. Presents are good, eh. Flowers and so forth.” He stopped in the act of buttoning his shirt and slapped his forehead. “Bugger. I’m an idiot.”
“What?” She was on the floor now, crawling around trying to find her hair clips on the flowered carpet. She probably blended in. Ha. Also, couldn’t he have collected them when he’d pulled them out?
No, because you didn’t want him controlled. You wanted him hot and urgent, and that’s what you got.
“I should’ve sent you flowers,” he said. “Last week. It’s been a long time since I—”
“Since you did anything but a hookup. That’s OK. I don’t need flowers. Have I ever actually got flowers? Well, yeh. After the kids. People send you flowers in hospital. And after Peter died, of course, but that doesn’t really count.”
“That’s pathetic,” he said. “We can do better. Right. Romance. Undies. Flowers. And so forth.” He looked at his watch. “Dunno what you thought about doing this morning, but—”
“But I need to go collect the kids and get started on my Sunday,” she said. “Supermarket. Laundry. Changing sheets. Meal prep. Life calls, and there was all that shopping yesterday.” Briskly, so he wouldn’t think she was, what? Planning on moving in?
He looked at her. “What?” she asked. “I know—no makeup, and my hair’s a bit wild. Here, I’ll put it in a pony.”
He ignored that. “Normally,” he said, “I pick up treats on Sunday morning from Mor Bakery in Remuera. We make a pan of scrambled eggs and the kids eat things they shouldn’t. Bit of a ritual, eh.”
“Oh. Well, I guess … do you have your car? I don’t even know.”
“At the team hotel, I do. Five minutes’ walk.”
“Oh. So go get your treats, I’ll go get my kids, and you can do your Sunday and I’ll do mine.
And I’ll see you … whenever.” Briskly again.
People did this all the time. How did they ever manage?
Jade had come in the other week after an overnight, hadn’t she?
She hadn’t seemed one bit fussed about it, whereas Skylar was finding it decidedly awkward.
Zane said, “Would you stop thinking you know what I’m going to say before I say it?” She flinched, and he ran a hand through his hair and said, “Sorry, but you’re driving me mad. Would you please expect something?”
“Oh.” She didn’t know what to do with her hands. They felt too big and clumsy as she stood there in her flowered date clothes. “I thought this was how it worked. The booty call thing.”
He sighed. Then he stepped forward, put his hands on the small of her back, and kissed her mouth. Gently. Sweetly. Of course, after that, he went back to “rugby captain” mode by saying, “Communication rules, then.”
“Uh … OK.” She liked the holding part. She put her head against his shoulder, because it was right there, and it was so solid. “Go.”
He had a curl between his fingers, was rubbing it, tugging a little, and she looked up at him again as he said, “Say what you mean, and so will I. If we don’t know, we ask.
So: would you like to have a lovely relaxed Sunday brekkie with me and the kids, stretch our date night out a little more?
Unconventionally, with six kids and those grandparents, but still. We have to eat, after all.”
“Yes,” she said. “I would. Relationships are tricky, though. All these rules I don’t know. Like, for instance, how to dress. Obviously.”
“I’m a pretty simple bloke,” he said. “No kind of sophisticated aesthete.”
“Aesthete?” She had to laugh. “That’s some vocabulary, boy.”
He scowled at her, but she thought it was for effect.
“I’m not actually illiterate. I know the word, but I’m the furthest thing from it.
I like sex. I like naked women. I like to sweat and run and tackle, and I always have.
I spend my days and too many of my nights with a bunch of big, hairy blokes who fart too much and always leave the seat up.
I read books about Roman history and World War II and steer clear of the ones with a bird or a feather on the cover.
You thought you had to be fashionable for me, for some reason.
I don’t know anything about fashion, and I care less.
If I’m wearing a buttoned shirt, that’s about what I’ve got to offer.
And if you turn up wearing something pretty that lets me look at …
oh, any part of your body at all, I’ll be happy.
I like you, and I want to be with you as much as I can, which won’t be often enough.
All of that sound OK to you? Have anything to add? ”
She considered that. He waited while she did it, which was nice. “Yes,” she said. “Is this a one-way street? I mean, are you the only one who does the asking? And who, uh, starts things up? Sexually?”
“What do you want it to be?” He was paying full attention, at least.
“Oh, boy.” She had her hands in her hair, then remembered it was in a pony and she was messing it up and took them down.
“I don’t want to feel like I’m waiting by the phone, but I also don’t want to feel like I’m stalking you.
I really, really don’t want to feel that.
I keep thinking of all the women who must pursue you, and I just cringe. So I think we need some guidelines.”
“OK.” He sat on the bed and patted it. “Come sit by me.”
She did. Because it made sense, not because he’d ordered her to. He took her hand and threaded his fingers through hers, and that was nice. Grounding. He said, “I’m not interested in those women. Put those women out of your mind. This isn’t that.”
“Well, it could be a bit that,” she admitted. “As I’m pretty attracted to you out on the field. Which makes it confusing.”
She got direct eye contact then. From his good eye. “That why you want me, then, you reckon? If I’m not doing this, you’re not interested?”
“Of course not. You’re more than that. You’re a dad.
A … a person. But that’s what’s so confusing!
I wish you weren’t doing this, at least that you weren’t an All Black.
That you weren’t going to be gone so much.
I know it’s too soon to have feelings like that, but I do anyway.
You said honest communication, and this is me being honest. So, yes, I love watching you, because you’re strong and you’re good at it and you’re a …
a leader. But I love those things, not the rugby. I think,” she added, because honesty.
“OK,” he said. “And you like that I’m a bit on the dominant side, at least I think you do.”
“Just a bit?” She had to laugh, though, which made him smile, so that was easier.
“Yes. Pretty obvious. You excite me, all right? I can’t help it.
But I also want to be able to ask if you want to …
come over with the kids for a meal, I guess.
Or do something like this. I mean, I’d rather you asked, so I was sure you wanted to, but I’d like the option to ask. ”
“You’ve got it,” he said. “And if you want to jump my bones at any time, you’ve got that, too. Is that it? All good? And if we wonder, we ask?”
“All good,” she said, then had to pull his head down and kiss his mouth. “I like you so much.”
“Me too,” he said. “So let’s go see our kids and eat some breakfast, because I’m bloody starving.”
Of course, it wasn’t as easy as that.