Chapter 47
HOW WHANAU IS
There were heaps of times when he’d been happy. There were fewer when he’d known at the time how happy he was. That holiday was one of them, though.
Yes, there’d been sex. The slow, luxurious kind, after a day of snorkeling and swimming and exploring, both of them relaxed and Skylar’s defenses down after all that physicality.
When she was done with thinking and concentrating on feeling, and he was done with everything but her.
And the hot, urgent kind, when the nanny had taken the kids off for a trip to the village to watch the kids climb those coconut trees, and he’d grabbed Skylar the moment the door had closed.
They’d had sex all over the house in a way he hadn’t done since before the kids came, and a way she’d never done at all.
What was it about sex on the couch? That you felt like you were sixteen again, maybe, and you could get her nearly to orgasm just by running your thumb up and down the inside of her forearm, because she was as wild for you as you were for her.
There’d been late nights sitting at the open-air bar, too, with the surf murmuring and the fairy lights competing with the extravagance of the night sky, when they’d talked a little and been quiet a lot.
They’d done that last night, in fact. He’d said, when they’d both had their heads thrown back to look at the stars, “Reckon I need to find the thing I’ve never had.”
“What’s that?” she’d asked lazily, possibly because his thumb was stroking over her hand. “A woman open to multiple penetration? Sorry, mate.”
His shout of laughter had caused some people to look around, and then she was laughing too. “Sorry,” she said, wiping the tears from her eyes with a cocktail napkin. “It just slipped out.”
“You’re getting pretty naughty,” he agreed.
“My corrupting influence. No. I was referring to a babysitter. Or two babysitters, possibly, for six? Because I want to be able to do this. To take you out, and to give you a day off—or a night off, for that matter—when I’m not home.
As Nan doesn’t seem especially eager to take up the yoke again. ”
“So you envision this continuing,” she said. “The kids and me staying at yours for the weekend while you’re off playing.”
“It’s a lot to ask, I know,” he said. “That’s one reason for the babysitter. Though Scarlett’s not going to be happy about a babysitter. Beneath her dignity, eh. What’s another word we could use? I’m coming up blank. Companion? Adult supervision? Also, do we need two?”
“No,” Skylar said, “but I’d say you need one adult.
Some sixteen-year-old isn’t going to be able to navigate the quarrels, or be able to cope with Scarlett insisting that she doesn’t need a babysitter and she’s really in charge anyway.
And there was Finlay last night, too, insisting on commenting all the way through that disaster film about how unrealistic the scenarios were.
I thought that one might progress to hair-pulling before I banished him to watch the other TV.
Where he and Duncan watched auto racing.
Seriously? Auto racing? How is it entertaining to watch cars go around a track?
Other than hoping somebody will crash, because I know he’s always looking out for that. Is that even normal?”
“If it weren’t,” he said, “blokes wouldn’t be nearly so keen on auto racing. So what d’you reckon? Want to sign on, with that adult supervision on hand to take over with all six of them, so you get a break too? Or no?”
She was quiet so long, he wasn’t sure she was going to answer. “For the Bledisloe Cup,” she finally said. “And then the Nations Championship.”
“I was thinking about a more permanent basis.” He knew these were muddy waters, but how did you know what was in those waters unless you braved them? “I’d thought about whether you’d like to move in there with us, full stop.”
“Oh,” she said, “I think that could be a very bad idea.”
“Because Nan would jump at the chance to retire permanently, you mean,” he said, “and leave you more to do, not less, which was the idea. I could hire a housekeeper, of course, to be there on weekdays. That could work.”
“I meant,” she said, “that that would put me in a … a vulnerable position. Me and the kids.”
“If it doesn’t work out, you mean.”
“Yes.” No smile on her pretty face now. “That’s what I mean. My heart’s already hanging out there, and that’s a scary place for me. I may have mentioned that I haven’t always made the best choices.”
“And you think I’m one of them.”
“No. I think you’re not. Or I feel you’re not, but I’m not sure I trust my heart. It’s not just me, either. It’s three more lives that I’m completely responsible for, and I can’t afford to make the wrong choice for them. And I don’t know—” She broke off.
Calm, he told himself. Open. It wasn’t easy, because he wasn’t actually feeling either thing. He was sure; why wasn’t she?
Because this is only part of your life, he answered himself, and it’s pretty much all of hers.
You’re gone half the time, and you have funds, but she’d be in the thick of it every day and is living pretty close to the edge.
And because you’ve been happily matched before. Happily married. And she hasn’t.
He said, “What don’t you know? I’m listening. Doing nothing but.”
“I don’t know how I’d get through it,” she said, “if I got that far in and it ended. It’s happened to me twice, and it was bad both times.
It was more than bad. I’m scared, and that’s the truth.
If I fall the way I want to, and you’re not there to catch me after all—what have I done to my kids then? ”
“Isn’t that always the risk,” he asked, “in loving somebody?”
Her hand tightened in his, and he said, “Because that’s what I’m saying. That’s what I’m asking.”
“It’s so soon, though,” she said. “I just … I like you so much, and it’s more than that. I’ve fallen in love with you. I can’t hide that from myself anymore, and I’m pretty sure I haven’t hidden it from you, either.”
“I don’t think my hiding game’s been too flash, either,” he said.
“Because you don’t seem surprised to hear that I feel the same.
It’s scary, yeh. We both know how scary, because no matter how it ends, it always hurts.
Losing Sam ripped me in two, and she never did a thing wrong but die.
Would it have been any better, though, if I’d lost her fifty years on?
And what’s the answer, not to try at all?
I reckon it’s what your Granddad said. That he doesn’t have time to faff about with this.
This is our one life, and we need to live it. ”
“Our wild and precious life,” she said. “That’s the line.”
“I like that,” he said. “That’s how it feels, yeh. Our wild and precious life. If we try, we could lose. If we don’t try, we could lose more. Your heart’s on the line. I get that. But so is mine.”
She turned to him, then, and took his face in her hands, gave him a gentle kiss that tasted like tropical fruit and flowers, and said, “You’re a fast mover.
I’m not, and right now, my emotions are all over the shop.
It’s as if I’ve been looking at the world through glass, and now, the colors are so bright, they’re almost too much. Give me time to know.”
He had her hand, and now, he kissed her knuckles. “Not sure I have a choice. Seems I’ve thrown my hat in this ring.”
“But,” she said, “I’d like to do the weekends while you’re gone.”
“And when I’m back? That’s the real question.”
“Because you don’t want me to think you just want a nanny.”
“Because I want you with me. You and the kids, because, yeh, it’s complicated and messy and loud, but I’m the eldest of six.
I know complicated and messy and loud, and I’m happy there.
And because I’m not complicated. I love you, and I want to be with you, full stop.
Whatever we have to do to make that happen.
Starting with that babysitter. Adult supervision. Whatever.”
That had been last night. After which he’d taken her home, taken her to bed, and tried to show her with his hands and mouth and body that he’d meant it.
Gentle this time, and slow, and thorough.
When Skylar felt pleasure, she forgot to be cautious, and when she had an orgasm, she forgot to be anything.
Was there anything like making slow, sweet love to the woman who had your heart?
Watching her eyes close and her mouth open, your hands threaded through hers, and your bodies joined as closely as two people’s could be?
And the trust when she fell asleep in your arms?
Yeh, he had it bad.
At the moment, though, he wasn’t doing any lovemaking, or any persuasion, either.
He was with Finlay, who was the only one who’d wanted to get up before sunrise and go see the sky through the NASA telescope.
They were all going ziplining today, and then riding horses on the beach, because they had to leave tomorrow.
A pretty full program, but when he’d asked about the telescope, Finlay’d said yes.
They looked at the stars with the help of a patient staff person, and then they looked at the planets.
Jupiter first, with its stripes and the Great Red Spot.
“It’s not really a spot,” Finlay told him.
“It’s a storm from centuries ago that’s still going, because there’s no land that would slow it down and make it burn out, like there is for cyclones on Earth.
Just that one spot is bigger than Earth, too.
The winds are blowing at more than six hundred kilometers an hour. ”
“Awesome,” Zane said, taking a look. “I see it. Cool.”