Epilogue
CARSON
The afternoon sun is streaming into the kitchen through the red and yellow leaves of the enormous elm tree in the backyard. The dappled autumn light makes the lemon wallpaper glow.
But I don’t care. I can’t wait to renovate it, room by room, with Dan at my side.
We started with the kitchen, and I was right about that lemon wallpaper. It’s going to be bright even on the cloudiest of days.
I love this house so much that I frequently joke that I’m going to die here. Each time, Dan replies, “Not soon, I hope,” before kissing me.
At the end of the summer, I started teaching at an elementary school a mile from our house. On nice days, I can ride my bike there. On really nice days, I walk.
I decided to wait to apply to the Master of Arts in Teaching program and instead spend this year getting used to my new life, the one I worked so hard to build for myself.
I also wanted to see what a full season of roller derby felt like before adding a graduate course load to my schedule.
So far I’m loving my rhythm of school, practice, and coming home to make dinner with Dan in our sunny yellow kitchen.
My parents are coming to visit us for Thanksgiving, a trip they arranged with plenty of notice.
They were a little freaked out at first when I told them Dan and I were buying a house together.
The speed with which we made the decision didn’t bother them; it was more about the order of operations.
To them, the proper order is to get engaged, then married, then move in together.
The living in sin thing was quite the adjustment.
They’re coming around.
And when they express opinions I don’t agree with about how I should live my life, I’m learning how to gently set boundaries with them.
I even got a text from my Mom this morning:
Mom
Kick butt today, honey! Send us pictures!
“How do I look?” I ask Dan, holding my arms out to the sides.
Today the Bloomington Brawlers are playing the Cincinnati Attack Pack, and I’m playing my first ever game with the travel team in my new red-and-white jersey.
I turn so Dan can read the name, gluteus maxximus, and my number—four, in honor of my quads.
I’ve got stripes of eye black on my cheeks, my hair in long pigtails down my shoulders.
“You look like you’re going to ruin some girl’s life today,” Dan says, his eyes molten as they rove over my body.
I grin. “I’ll do my best.”
I have to be at the rec center in an hour for track setup, and I’m practically vibrating with nerves.
Partly because last time I did this, I broke my ankle, and partly because this is my first real game.
We sold tickets to this one—sold it out, in fact.
The crowd is going to be large and loud, and Cincinnati is a tough team.
And I want to win.
“Okay, Felix says he’s setting up the tailgate an hour before doors open. Your entire family is going to be there. Sorry I can’t be a buffer, but we have warm-ups,” I say, rattling off the schedule.
“I will be there,” Dan says. “I promise.”
“Good.” I gather up my gear bag and double-check the lid on my water bottle.
“Before you go, I need you to approve my outfit,” he says, rushing out of the kitchen, as giddy as I am.
Since the investigation wrapped and Dan settled into life in Bloomington, deciding to use his freedom and his award money to commit to tattooing full-time, his personal storm clouds seem to have cleared.
He’s still quiet and I can tell when my man would prefer to Irish goodbye a room.
I’m the first person to help him pull it off.
But he doesn’t seem to have any trouble talking to me.
“I hope it’s that sexy suit,” I call, even though most of his suits didn’t make it to the house. He kept a few for special occasions (i.e. when I want him to put one on so I can take it off of him), but making his living as a tattoo artist means he doesn’t need quite so many Italian suits.
It’s fine—I prefer him in a T-shirt. Especially now that his tattoos have started migrating down his arms. I didn’t think his corded forearms could get much sexier, but then the ink started appearing. Respectable? No thank you. I like him dirty.
Dan returns to the kitchen in a red Bloomington Brawlers T-shirt that stretches dangerously across his pecs and over his shoulders. Then he turns.
Stretched across his broad shoulders, the shirt reads mr. maxx.
“You asshole!” I cry.
He turns, stricken. “What?”
“I can’t believe you showed me that when I don’t have time to fuck you!” I stomp my foot on the floor for effect.
He grins and grabs me, pulling me in for a knee-melting kiss. “I have one more thing to show you before you go.”
“Oh yeah?” I hook my finger into his waistband, peering down into his jeans. “More metal?”
He swats my hand away. “If you want more, I’ll do it for you, but only if you’re willing to forgo sex for several months while it heals.”
I shake my head, my nose wrinkling. “No deal.”
“Well, then, I guess this is all the metal I’ve got to offer,” he says, then sinks to his knee on the floor of our perfect kitchen. Clutched in his large fingers is a dainty gold band, a single round diamond set in the center.
I gasp, my fingers flying to my mouth.
“Carson Jane Webber, I didn’t really figure out who I was until I saw myself through your eyes. Now I’m not myself without you by my side. Please tell me you’ll marry me and let me spend the rest of my life warm in your sunshine.”
I drop to my knees with him, grasping his face in my hands while I kiss him.
“Yes,” I cry, laughing as I press my forehead to his. “Of course! Yes please oh my god I can’t wait!”
He grins and takes my left hand, then slides the ring onto my finger. I hold it up to catch that perfect October sunlight.
Then I burst into tears.
“Oh no, baby,” he says, pulling me in. “Are these happy tears?”
“Yes, but also…” I hiccup, gazing at the ring, which sparkles in the warm sunlight. “I’m going to have to take this off to play so I don’t lose it! But I don’t want to take it off! It’s so pretty!”
Dan laughs. “I’ll get there early and come back to the locker room to take it from you. Then you can be free to skate like the bruiser you are. I’ll slip it back on you after the game.”
“Really? You promise not to lose it?” I ask, laughing through tears.
“Carson, I’ve had this ring since right after Marcel and Jameson came to tell me I was free. That was the day my life began again, and I knew I wanted to spend it with you. I’ve just been carrying it around, waiting for the right time.”
I glare at him. “You’ve had this for more than three months? And I didn’t know?”
“Well, now I use my broody, mysterious powers for good.” He winks, then kisses me again, and it feels like another new beginning.
We keep finding those together, Dan and I.
When the case ended. When we found this house.
The day we moved in together. When we hung the lemon wallpaper.
We’re going to have a whole lifetime of new beginnings.
I can’t wait to see what comes next.