Chapter 15 Two Steps Forward, One Step Back #2
“Your intentions were honorable. Sometimes, what seems right at the time? Looking back now? Time and experience teach us that there are other options, even when in the past it didn’t seem like there were.
Or that we chose the actions as the best options.
But the truth is, we never really know, Lucas.
You could have done something else, and the end result would have been exactly the same. ”
He chuckled. “Spoken like a true philosopher. My former students would have said that would make a great final exam essay. ‘Is it fate, where we control our own path, never able to truly divert the universe’s plan? Or is it destiny where we forge our own path based on the choices we make?’”
“Yes,” she agreed simply. He could almost see her brain shift the topic before her voice did. “Ezra and I chatted on Monday night at the movie, and he mentioned he doesn’t see his mother often.”
The laugh he let loose held the last remnants of bitterness he had for his ex-wife.
“She calls, but it’s rare. He’s not particularly interested in talking to her.
I’ve worked hard not to speak badly about her, as well as not to discourage him from reaching out to her, but…
” He shrugged. “Maybe when he’s older, he’ll have a change of heart. ”
“He doesn’t seem to have suffered from a lack of attention,” she replied. “And how do you feel about her being gone? Do you miss her?”
Turning, he pulled the towel off his shoulder, unfolded it, and laid it over the counter’s edge to dry. Then he resumed his sideways position.
“No. Sad as it may be, it wasn’t all that difficult of a split for me.
A small part of me even felt relieved. But maybe that was because she was right all along.
She argued that I’d been withdrawing from her for years, maybe even before we were married.
Said I was so stuck on plans and assuring our future that I sabotaged any chance we had of actually having one.
Yet again, I come out of this not looking good,” he admitted.
“I don’t think so. Some relationships just aren’t meant to be. I certainly don’t miss my ex-husband.”
“So, what’s your story?”
Her tone was acerbic. “Talk about not looking good. Trust me, you don’t hold the monopoly on that.”
She pushed off the counter and stepped into the living room area but parked herself on the other side of the pass-through window between there and the kitchen.
He recognized the maneuver. By putting the physical wall between them, the window allowed her to open up to him, yet also afforded her some protection.
Rather than frustrating him, he found it endearing because it meant she understood, at least subconsciously, how he felt about opening up.
“My junior year, I dated a boy in my friend group. His name is Tripoli, or… that’s what we called him. My home life wasn’t good. No mom. Dad was abusive.”
Her anger over Kennedy’s situation made total sense to him now. She wasn’t just angry for her—she was angry because she understood exactly what the girl was going through.
“Trip is a natural caretaker, and when he realized what was going on at home, he made every effort to spend time with me, whether at the library, out on dates, or at his house, so that I wasn’t home with Dad.
He was a year ahead of me and had already committed to the Navy after graduation, so we broke up right before he left—one hundred percent a joint decision.
And because my friends were all a year older than me, I was left on my own senior year. ”
He had a feeling he knew exactly what happened next. He’d seen it happen before. Pretty girl. Lonely. Bastard slipped right in there.
“That’s when I met Knox. Once Trip was gone, he swept in and gave me a safe place to land. Or so I thought.”
He watched her fingers splay on the countertop and suddenly become the most important thing in the world to look at.
“When my friends all regrouped back home for Tripoli’s first leave, I introduced him to them.
They hated him on sight, but I wouldn’t listen to their attempts to warn me. Guess they saw what I didn’t.
“I was enamored with his good looks, his popularity, and how well he treated me with gifts and fancy dates. It reminded me of Trip and how he tried to protect me from a really shitty homelife. Kennedy’s situation reminds me a lot of my teen years, only back then, teachers were willing to look the other way more, so the bruises and absences went undocumented.
“Looking back, I should have listened to my friends. After they all went back to school, and Trip was back on the bus to San Diego for his first assignment, Knox got worse. He knew my guard dogs were gone. The day I graduated, he helped me pack my bags and got us out of the state so fast, my head was spinning. I thought it was the best thing for me, but now I know he wanted me as far away as possible from anyone who might get me to see straight and maybe even convince me I’d made a horrible mistake.
“We ended up getting married, going to the police academy together, and we were hired by the same precinct. Things were good for a while, but then he wanted a family. I wasn’t averse to kids, but I wanted a promotion first. Wanted to wait for kids.”
He commented, “Sounds like we’re more alike than we knew.”
“Now you see why I said we all make mistakes. I made some of the exact same ones.” She sighed.
“So, eventually, when he knew I was applying for a promotion to detective, he threw his hat in the ring without telling me. He started putting a bug into our chief’s ear that I wanted to start a family, and since a pregnant detective wouldn’t look good, he promoted Knox over me.
Claimed being a detective wasn’t a woman’s job, anyway. ”
“The good ol’ boy network is alive and well,” he said.
“Exactly. Knox didn’t even want the job, per se, but he wanted the power of the position, and he didn’t want me to get it.
That led to him interfering in my reports and cases, and eventually led him to sabotage both me and my work.
I gave up trying to defend myself. His toxicity had spread too deep by the time I realized what was going on.
So I started looking for other jobs. However, he’d been talking to cops in other places, so I couldn’t get hired anywhere. He wanted me tied to him.”
She snorted. “That wasn’t happening. Anyway, after almost twenty years together, I got smart. One day, while he was at work, I packed one suitcase, went to an attorney, filed for divorce, and sixty days later, it was final.”
He got the sense there was far more to it than what she said, but the fact that she was sharing this much with him? He’d take it. With time and trust, she’d open up to him and give him the full story.
“During that time, I lived in New Mexico on my savings. Luckily, I’d always kept a separate bank account that was just my money.
I took some time for myself, trying to figure out what I wanted to do.
I applied for some jobs that were in law enforcement, but nothing really felt like a good fit. Then this job turned up.”
Christ, she was amazing. He praised his good fortune that she walked through the doors of his school and into his life.
Earlier, he’d let his comment about being attracted to her pass so she could come to grips with it before he pursued anything further.
But now he couldn’t resist anymore. His feet moved toward her of their own volition, walking around the wall into the living room.
She straightened as he got closer, turning to face him.
He noticed her eyes open a little wider, and her breathing picked up. The pulse in her neck began to show.
One hand reached out to brush a few hairs that had managed to fall free from her tightly braided hair. “You’re one hell of a woman, Elyxandre Hookstead.” His fingertips caressed the side of her face, the touch so light, he wasn’t sure he was even touching her skin.
“What are you doing?” she whispered.
“Hoping like hell you’re going to let me kiss you.” He made another pass across her cheek, this time dragging the pads of his fingers from ear to throat, stopping at the juncture of her neck and shoulder. “May I kiss you, Elyxandre?”
Tonight was the first time he’d spoken her name out loud. He loved the exoticness of it—the soft nuances that made it different from Alexandra.
“Lucas, we can’t.”
The words said no, but he could sense she was weakening. If she said no again, he’d pull back, but right now he felt certain she was saying it because she thought she was supposed to.
He stepped into her, his stance just wide enough to cage her feet in. “Why?” he murmured back.
“You know why.”
“Maybe tomorrow I’ll remember, but right now I really don’t.” He moved within the barest of spaces to her mouth. “Elyxandre. May I kiss you?”
“Please,” she answered on a sigh.
The hand on her shoulder slid up to curve around the side of her neck, his thumb brushing gently across her cheekbone. Her eyes fluttered shut, her mouth tipped up to his, and after another moment passed, he made contact with her lips.
At first, the kiss was soft and sweet. When he felt her tentatively respond, his second hand reached up to mirror the first, and he stepped into the last bit of her personal space.
His head swam with joy as he felt her hands drop from where they were folded in front of her, then set lightly on his waist. She pulled back for just a second, her breath and body shuddering with emotion, and she tilted her forehead to meet his chin.