Chapter Seventeen
Saskatoon, Saskatchewan
Seven years ago
Gabe sat in disbelief looking between Megan and her attorney. Clearing his throat, the balding lawyer spoke.
“So, unless you are willing to allow me to move on to the grandparents, the child will be placed in the care of the Minister of Social Services. Further, even without your permission, the Province will look to family for guardianship, except for extreme extenuating circumstances.”
“Hold on. Jesus. ” Gabe swore, rubbing the five o-clock shadow that was on day three.
It wasn’t every day your world was rocked like his had just been. He was having trouble coming up with words. The small attorney’s leg shook, distracting Gabe. The man was fidgety, as if he would prefer to be anywhere except there. Gabe couldn’t blame him.
Spending this sunny morning inside a women’s correctional institution hadn’t been his first choice either. But when he had received a call saying he was needed for an urgent meeting concerning Megan, he didn’t hesitate to make the two-hour drive. But this was all too much. Gabe needed time to think, time to plan.
“When do I need to decide by?” Gabe asked, looking directly at the attorney.
The man wore a drab, gray suit with an off-white shirt and red tie. He appeared tired and bored, like a parody of a real attorney. There was no way Gabe could look at the woman to his right. He knew what he would find written all over her face. It was the same thing he always saw these days—desperation, shame, and fear.
Megan’s once pretty features were marred, thanks to the drug habit that helped land her here. Regardless, Gabe couldn’t say no to her—he had already come to terms with that. But even he couldn’t see a way to handle this one.
“Well, I would say six months,” the attorney said slyly.
Gabe leveled him with a glare, astonished that the man could find humor in this situation.
Visibly collecting himself, the lawyer went on. “When the baby is born, that is when you have to decide.”
“Shit, season will just be ending. What the hell am I going to do with a baby once football starts up again? I’m gone all day. I travel every other week!”
Now Gabe did turn to look at Megan who had been silent thus far.
“Why didn’t you say anything until it was too late to do something about it?” he spat out bitterly.
She looked down at the beige table they sat around, the yellow lighting accentuating the shame displayed on her face.
“I didn’t know until I got locked up. We found out when I had my physical. Gabe, I swear, if there were any other option…”
“Who is the father?”
“I … I don’t. I’m not positive, but…”
Gabe cut her off, weary of the constant excuses.
“Seven years,” Gabe sighed harshly before continuing. “And when you get out, then what? Am I supposed to sit around waiting for you to swoop back in?”
“No!”
Megan said the word too quickly, an absoluteness in her voice.
“I don’t want this baby,” she said gripping her abdomen. Nothing about the act was nurturing or maternal. Gabe and the lawyer both stared at her in shock.
“I’ll never want it,” she finished in a whisper.
Gabe’s stomach twisted. He was disgusted. In part, due to the disappointment he felt in the woman beside him, but a larger part was disappointment in himself. When he was seventeen, he had been so impatient to get out of their small town in rural Saskatchewan, with the same shitty people he had known since birth.
When he first fled town like a bat out of hell, he hadn’t stopped to think about how his absence would affect anyone except himself. He was selfish and now he was paying the price. Karma had finally come knocking. Knowing that there really wasn’t a choice to be made here, Gabe shook his head. Turning his back to Megan, he spoke to her lawyer.
“No need to wait. I’ll take the baby.”
****
Regina, Saskatchewan
Current Day
The plane bounced down on the runway, jarring Gabe from the flashback. His stomach rolled, more from the memory than from the turbulent landing. Leaning back against the headrest, he closed his eyes and willed his nerves to calm. Just get this over with.
As he exited onto the freezing cold jetway, he could see the snow had already begun falling on the prairies. Thankful for the one billionth time that he had left this place, he glanced down at his watch. There was plenty of time to pick up his rental car and make the two-hour drive north to meet with Megan.
In fact, he might even have enough time to drive past his childhood home. There weren’t a whole lot of good memories to muster up from that house, but still. There was something about the place you came from. It fueled him, reminded him that one day when Jacob came back to his place, he wanted it to be full of love and happiness.
Gabe’s thoughts went directly to Lianna. It seemed these days he couldn’t picture a future without her in it. That couldn’t happen until he got this mess sorted. Gabe prayed that when he returned to Vancouver, he would have both custody of Jacob and the courage to move on from what had transpired here. He would also like the guarantee of Lianna in his life, but he knew that was just pushing it.
Gabe had finally answered Megan’s call two nights ago and she had requested this meeting. Saying only that it concerned Jacob, she was unwilling to discuss anything further until he appeared in person. While skeptical, Gabe was very eager to bring this to a head.
When he found out that his parents would also be attending, the eagerness quickly turned to apprehension. He could be walking into a trap, some sort of manipulation game Megan liked to play. Best he could guess is that she would file for joint custody of Jacob. Then Gabe’s only option to remain in the boy’s life would be moving back home. Here. Hell .
Gabe had spent the better part of yesterday speaking with a family attorney and brainstorming every viable option he had. That was what led him here. He needed to find out the facts and, most importantly, Megan’s demands. The new life he was so desperate to begin couldn’t start until he ended the old one. He was even more desperate to leave that behind.
After securing a rental car that was too small for him to fit comfortably, he hit a drive thru and settled in for the trip. Gabe continued to think of everything he would say to Megan, every retort he would have to her arguments. His thoughts only paused when he took the turn off, stopping at his former home. While seeing the brick rancher didn’t make him feel warm and fuzzy, it also didn’t make him as sad as it once did. Now Gabe had a real home. One he had made with Jacob and would do anything to keep it.
With that in mind, he completed the drive and now sat looking at Megan’s halfway house. Expecting something more commercial looking, Gabe was surprised to find the building in front of him was a proper home. It was a large, two-story Victorian, with a wrap-around porch and probably a cheery garden come spring. The house was in the middle of a residential neighborhood, complete with speed bumps and “children at play,” warning signs. There were no labels or markings that differentiated it from the other homes on the street.
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed his coat from the passenger seat. Checking his pockets for his cell and car keys, he headed up the walkway onto the porch. After knocking twice, a woman who could play Mrs. Claus at the mall during Christmas time answered. Clearing his throat, he introduced himself and she smiled warmly at him.
“Please come right in. They’re waiting in the parlor,” she said sweetly.
Gabe wasn’t sure what a parlor was, but he nodded as he entered the house and knocked snow from his boots. The plump, white-haired woman led him down a hall and into a room smaller than a traditional living room but set up much the same. There were two large windows, each with a wingback chair in front. A three-seater couch sat to his left, a coffee table in the middle, and a large armoire to his right. Most of the furniture was occupied. His parents sat untouching on the couch, while Megan claimed one of the wingbacks. The first to notice his presence, his mom jumped up.
“My baby!” she said, then all but ran to him.
“Hi, Mom.”
Despite his reservations, it felt good to hold his mother. As he released her, he was met with a quick hug and forceful back pat from his father. Then Megan stood and hesitantly smiled at him. She walked over and gave him a hug as well. It was brief and awkward, and she refused to make eye contact with him.
Once everyone had stepped back, he had a chance to really take them in. Gazing first towards his mom, Beth, she looked the best he had seen her in years. He dared to wonder if she might be telling the truth about her sobriety.
The dark hair that hung loosely down her back was streaked with silver, but it was glossy and healthy. Her round face indicated she had put on some much-needed weight. Gabe’s father Rick, in turn looked older, his hair completely gray. The man still had the same warm smile, though, the same sparkle in his brown eyes that everyone told Gabe he had inherited.
Turning, he took in Megan last. She also looked … amazing. Gabe wasn’t sure he had ever seen her appear so vibrant and full of life. Long, dark hair was pulled back into a neat ponytail, while her skin was clear and glowing. There was no trace of the dull, stricken look she once wore. Megan looked beautiful, but as she stood there shifting her weight, she also appeared very anxious.
Gabe’s own nerves kicked up a notch. If she was doing this well, of course she wanted her son back. Megan broke the silence, interrupting his frenzied thoughts.
“Thank you for coming all the way here.”
Gabe forced a smiled he didn’t feel. “You know I would do anything for my little sister.”
Including take the child you got knocked up with but didn’t want. The child you were so strung out when you got pregnant with, you couldn’t pin down his sperm doner. The ‘burden’ our parents were too wrapped up in their own drama to care for.
Gabe didn’t have to say those words, but he would bet everyone in the room was thinking it. Remorse flashed in Megan’s eyes before she looked away.
“I know, I’m sorry. Can you sit? That will make this easier.”
Gabe obliged her, sitting in the open wingback.
“Do you want some water? Or something to eat?” Megan stalled.
“No, I honestly just want to talk about why we’re here, Meg.”
Gabe tried to sound composed, like the older wiser sibling, but inside he was a mess. Inconspicuously, he placed his hands under his thighs, trying to hide their shaking. Then he took a deep breath, hoping it sounded like impatience instead of fear.
“How is Jacob?” Megan asked.
Gabe swallowed, and so it began. He wasn’t sure what she knew of her son. He sent his parents pictures regularly and updated them on the boy, but never Megan. It was agreed upon when Gabe took custody that she would have no contact while incarcerated. It would be too difficult for Jacob with Megan’s manipulation and drug induced outbursts. Gabe leaned forward and looked at the spot between his boots.
“He’s great. He’s a really great kid.”
There was silence and when he looked up to see longing in her eyes he went on.
“Jacob loves school, he’s smart. The kid’s got a ton of friends. He’s almost as good at sports as me, but he looks just like you.”
Megan sniffed, tears filling her blue eyes.
“I’m not surprised,” she was able to get out before some of those tears began to spill over.
Rick stood and walked over to Megan. Scooting her over, he sat down and rubbed her back to console her. Gabe looked in his mother’s direction. Beth not comforting her daughter was hardly surprising, but there were tears in her eyes as well. The fact that she showed any emotional connection to them certainly was.
This was all too much for Gabe, too weird.
“Listen, Megan, I really need you to tell me what’s going on here. Jacob and I have a good thing going and if you think I’m just going to give in and move back because you’re doing better…”
Megan choked on her words. “I don’t want you to move back. God, Gabe I don’t want to take Jacob away from you. I’ve never been fit to be his mom. I never will be.”
She stopped, took a ragged breath.
“It’s still a struggle to get myself through the day, let alone a kid.”
Gabe was momentarily blinded by relief. It washed through him and although he didn’t know what this was all about, he knew she didn’t want to take Jacob completely away. But would she want Gabe to come home, did she want to see the kid?
Megan stood on shaky legs and pulled a folded piece of paper out of her pocket.
“I, ah… I’ve obviously had a lot of time to think. This new therapist really opened my eyes to some stuff. She helped me realize that the only way to truly be set free is to release myself from the past. So, I want to read this to you guys. I don’t know how well I’ll do at getting this all out.”
She paused to swipe at more tears. “But, please, if you could let me finish first and then I promise everyone will have a chance to say anything they would like to me.”
Megan met each of their eyes. Gabe nodded.
“Okay,” Beth whispered.
“Go on, honey,” said Rick.
Megan read directly from the pages in her shaking hands. She hit on parts of their past the family had never dared to talk about. About the substance abuse that plagued both her and Beth. About the incident that landed her in prison to begin with.
She didn’t pause until she said, “I don’t blame you, Mom, so you should stop blaming yourself.”
Beth covered her face with both hands, as sobs racked her body. Gabe fought hard to contain the lump in his throat at the sound of his mom’s distress. Both women needed several moments to compose themselves.
For the second time that day, the memories came vividly rushing back to Gabe. His family had never been normal, but when his dad got a promotion that required him to be out of town for two weeks a month, everything went to shit.
Gabe was in his senior year of high school and inebriated was Beth’s typical status. Megan was fourteen when she started coming home from school high on something almost every afternoon. Sometimes she walked home, sometimes a random guy drove her, sometimes it was the police that escorted her. Those days had been rough, but Gabe hadn’t realized how much worse it could get.
Then, one night collectively ruined them. Rick had been away on one of his work shifts, and Beth was consumed in a fling she had going with Gabe’s friend’s dad. No one knew about it, although Gabe did have his suspicions. His friend’s father—Allen, also married—came around more and more, while his buddy returned his calls less and less.
Gabe could still remember everything about that night, down to the detail. He lay on his twin bed, feet hanging over the edge, hands folded behind his head to help mask the lumps in his pillow. No sounds came from his parents’ room where his mom and her friend had been for several long minutes. It was a welcome reprieve.
The front door opened and slammed shut. Looking at his bedside clock, he saw it was a few minutes before midnight. Gabe let out a sigh, always relieved when his sister came home without drama. Closing his eyes against the darkness, his thoughts drifted. He couldn’t remember how long he had been asleep when he heard her yells.
Gabe jumped out of bed and threw open his bedroom door. Standing there in only his boxers, his heart raced as he listened hard. The hallway was empty, the house quiet. Deciding he had dreamed the scream, he turned back towards his room.
“Get off of me… Please!”
Megan’s voice was muffled as she begged. Gabe heard the slap just as he barged through the door across the hall. There, Allen, a man he had looked up to, loomed over his sister with his pants around his ankles. Megan’s wrists were secured above her head. She hadn’t even noticed Gabe yet.
“Get out!”
At Allen’s command, his sister’s head twisted towards the door. Eyes wide with fear locked on his, her cheek beet red. Gabe didn’t think, he reacted.
Hurtling himself towards them, rage fueled him. Gabe grabbed Allen by the shirt, throwing him off Megan. Allen hastily tried to pull up his pants, got them to mid-thigh before Gabe landed his first punch. The sound of bone crunching flooded Gabe’s system with adrenaline. It wasn’t until Allen could no longer stand under his own power, crumbling into the pile of shit that he was on the floor, that Gabe stopped.
Turning back to Megan, he was surprised to see she was only an arm’s distance behind him. And fully dressed.
“He didn’t,” she panted. “I mean, he tried, but he didn’t.”
She was no longer crying, instead staring down at the man with a deep void in her eyes. There was no sadness, no fear, only an alarming indifference. Gabe struggled to catch his breath, only then realizing that the sobs he heard were his own. Wiping his eyes, he flinched at the pain radiating from his knuckles. Blood dripped from his hands, probably not all from the man on the floor.
“Where’s Mom?” Gabe asked, concerned that the commotion didn’t bring her running.
“How would I know?”
“We gotta get him out of here.”
Gabe bent to try and move Allen but was swatted away. Staggering to his feet, he fell into the wall several times, swearing loudly.
“Whore, like your mom.”
Gabe swung without thinking, again. They left Allen on the floor in Megan’s room until the first rays of sunshine entered the windows. It was about the same time their mom finally woke up. They had found her shortly after the incident passed out, face down on her bed.
As the sun rose the next morning, Allen limped out of the house holding his ribs. He shouted at Beth that Megan had come on to him, that Gabe was going to end up in prison. Their mom sent them to their rooms before locking herself in her own for the rest of the day.
Beth took it upon herself not to press charges on the scumbag. She said it was all a misunderstanding. That Gabe should be grateful that Allen had promised not to pursue charges against him for the broken nose and several cracked ribs he delivered. That Megan was a magnet for trouble and brought this upon herself.
If it had been possible, Gabe would have walked away at that very moment. Unfortunately, his college football scholarship would only be waiting for him when his high school diploma was in hand. So, he finished the remaining months until graduation, then never looked back the day he drove out of town.
After four years in college, degree in hand, Gabe had become a sought-after lineman. He bounced around several different professional football teams in both the USA and Canada. More times than not, he landed on their practice squad, but it was a good gig. The years of fulfilling his dreams and lining his pockets came to a screeching halt when his little sister called asking for a favor .
The guilt eating at Gabe for running all those years ago, for leaving Megan alone with their mother, ultimately shaped his decision to take Jacob. Moving as far away from his home as possible without leaving the country, he settled in Vancouver. It was his favorite city from his football days. Gabe entered the police academy and moved quickly up the ranks. Fast forward, taking Jacob had turned out to be the best decision he had ever made. It was the one thing he had done right.
“Gabe?”
Lost in the memories, he didn’t hear his sister addressing him.
“What was that?”
“I said, it was only right to bring you here and clear the air. We all needed to hear these things, we need to be free of the past, the guilt.” Megan paused. “And I know what I asked of you was too big for any person to ask another, but I’ve seen the worst in people. I couldn’t imagine offering up my baby to a stranger. Someone who could hurt him the way I’ve been hurt. You were the dependable one. The one truly good soul I trusted.”
Megan looked down. “I understand why you don’t like taking my calls.”
Over the years, Megan would call making veiled threats. Before Jacob, she would drop hints at not wanting to live anymore. Once Gabe took Jacob, she would allude to seeking visitation, even though they had expressly agreed to no contact. The endgame had always been money.
When Gabe would have denied it, she spoke over him. “It’s okay, I did only call when I was in trouble or needed money. I’m trying to stay clean now. I don’t want to go back in there,” referring to prison, “but like I said, every day is a struggle for me. I can’t imagine adding a kid to that.”
“So…” She was nervous, her nail biting a dead giveaway. “I know the agreement says you have full guardianship of Jacob and that I can attempt to reinstate custody upon my release. But I don’t want that. I want to sign over all parental rights to you. You’re giving Jacob the life we never had and that’s more than I could have ever dreamed of.”