Chapter 6 #2
“I was fourteen and gay. What a nerve. The police picked me up, took me to the station and called my dad. Luckily, privet was growing in front of the building so I cut off some bits as we went past on the way home. I became quite an expert at secretive bush trimming.”
The audience was still with him, laughing, entertained, and Kaden was happy.
“I thought Sticky was a male until I spotted the eggs. A lot of them. Then my dad pointed out it was poo not potential babies. Anyone who wants to know how to tell the difference, see me later. I feel it’s an important life lesson.
“Stick insects kept as pets can live from nine to twelve months. Sadly, Sticky didn’t manage anywhere near that. He was with us for one month and one week of that he was dead. I had no idea. In my defence, they don’t move much. I’m going to check out that guy in the far corner before I leave.”
Kaden took a breath as the audience laughed. “Then Dad said yes, I could have sea monkeys. Anyone have those?”
A few hands waved.
“Artemia salina, brine shrimp, instant pets that hatch from dormant eggs when put in water. They’re marketed as low-maintenance, educational and fascinating.
That’s true for a very short period of time.
They only need a small tank. Great. The special food that they need comes with the eggs.
Even better. They grow up to two centimetres long.
That was a relief. Except it takes days before you can actually see them.
Every day when I got home from school, I sat glued to the tank watching to see if I could spot any movement. ”
More laughs.
“Then they grew. Hooray. Finally. I thought they were playing when they bit each other’s tails but apparently, they were having sex.
Long trails of them were swimming round the tank, hanging onto each other.
I was too young to find daisy-chaining interesting.
I went right off them and they went where I suspect all sea monkeys go—down the toilet. ”
His audience were laughing and nodding.
“Am I the only one who worries that one day when I’m swimming in the sea, I’ll be dragged into the deep by one of my abandoned pets that’s morphed into an enormous mutant creature? If you didn’t worry, you will now.”
When he finally came off stage, he got a big round of applause and there was a beer waiting for him on his friends’ table.
“Really good,” Danny told him.
“You’re getting better and better,” Ben said.
“Thanks.” Kaden thought he could have done more with Sticky. One thing he’d learned was that when an audience laughs, it’s like opening a gate. Once they’ve bought into the story you’re telling, you need to keep milking it. Oh well, next time.
“You couldn’t persuade Fuckhead to come?” Euan asked.
“I’ve finished with him.”
Three stunned faces turned his way.
“Bloody hell,” Ben said. “About time. Well done, mate.”
Kaden gulped his beer.
“How did he take it?” Euan asked.
“He said… I’ve been waiting for you to realise I’m not good enough for you. Have a happy life. I wish you nothing but the best.”
What?
Shut up, Joe.
“What did the bastard do?” Danny asked sharply. He was a lawyer and always saw through Kaden’s bullshit.
“Got a bit handsy. I broke his nose.”
Kaden could almost feel Joe preening.
Danny gasped and Ben applauded.
“Wow,” Euan said. “Good for you. You deserve better.” Euan patted his shoulder.
“Drink up.” Danny pushed to his feet. “We’re going somewhere to celebrate you finally coming to your senses.”
“Did you hate him that much?” Kaden asked.
Danny shrugged. “He was an arsehole, though you could just have told him to fuck off.”
Kaden sighed. No point telling the truth when there was no evidence of the harsh beating. “I’ll meet you out front. I need to collect my money for the gig.”
These are your friends?
“Yes. Two since university. Danny, the lawyer, and Euan, who’s in banking. Ben’s in sales. He’s a new addition to the group.”
I’m not sure I understand all humour yet. Will you teach me to recognise when something is funny?
“I’ll try. Shush again now.”
When Kaden went outside, Ben had his arm slung over Euan’s shoulder. “Neon?” Ben suggested.
Kaden shook his head. “Not for me. Harris is going there tonight. Though I suppose he might not now with a broken nose, but I’m not taking the chance.”
“We’ll protect you.” Euan nudged him. “You need to find someone gorgeous to shake your arse at. Show Harris what he’s lost.”
Kaden thought about what he was currently dealing with in his life and shook his head, rather than his arse. “I’m too tired. It’s been a long day. Thanks for coming to see me, guys. You’ve no idea how much I appreciate it.”
“We can go somewhere else,” Ben said. “How about Location. That’s fun.”
Kaden saw the hope in Ben’s eyes and his heart sank. “No, go to Neon. I’m off home. I’ll come out another night, I promise.”
He was relieved when the three of them finally left him, and he made his way to the bus stop.
Why didn’t you want to go with them? You’re not that tired. Why did you lie?
“Because Ben wants to ask me out and I don’t like him like that. I don’t want to spoil our friendship.”
Ask you out?
“To go on a date. Be my boyfriend. We choose who we want to go out with. Well, that’s not strictly true.
Some cultures do arrange marriages for their kids, though not gay ones that I know of.
Only in books. Most people date, do fun things together and they either fall in love and stay together, or they don’t fall in love and break up and one or both are sad.
And after their heart is mended, they look for someone else to love. ” That sounded so simple. It wasn’t.
Explain love.
“You don’t know what love is?” Kaden was shocked.
No.
He’d thought it would be a universal concept. Multiversal even. Though maybe that was just wishful thinking. Didn’t everyone need love of some sort? It was the glue that held so much together. As well as the hammer that broke things apart.
“It’s not an easy thing to explain.” Kaden thought about it.
“Love is a much greater word than like. Love’s a complex, intense feeling of affection and attachment to someone.
Not always to another person. Sometimes an animal or possibly a thing.
Children love their teddies. People love their pets.
But usually, romantic love is between one person and another.
Maybe more than one other. You hope it’s reciprocated.
Love means you want that person to be happy and well.
Being with them makes you happy. Beyond happy. ”
Kaden took a deep breath. “Love is when you want someone so much that the thought of losing them physically hurts. But there are different sorts of love. I love my dad in a very different way to how I’d love a boyfriend.
Before you ask, I didn’t love Harris. At first, I thought I might.
He ticked all the right boxes, but…later, he didn’t. ”
A bus arrived just after Kaden reached the stop. He tapped his phone to pay, went up to the top deck and sat towards the back.
You should eat. You didn’t eat.
Kaden didn’t like to eat before he went on stage but Joe was right, and he was hungry now.
“What sort of thing did you eat?”
Bland food in cubes. A balanced mixture of textures and flavours.
Everything is carefully regulated on my planet.
Work. Leisure. Meals. Travel. Reproduction.
We all have set roles. We all have schedules.
We all live in the same sort of spaces. We look similar to those doing the same role.
We’re not…encouraged to think for ourselves.
Others decide what is in our best interests.
“That makes you sound like robots.”
We weren’t. We had free will but most choose to conform. Failure to conform can lead to release.
“Release as in death?”
Yes. I chose to not link with my other as the ship crashed. That warranted a severe punishment.
“They’d have killed you?”
They needed me too much to do that. In eating my wings, Lanu thought to subdue me.
He didn’t. Then they lost the ability to use their wings when they bonded with the culture medium and the archaea.
But without that, we would have died. I like that you can make mistakes in this world and learn from them. You can grow.
“What’s your planet called?”
Joe said something in his head.
“Dino…cot…tiktik?”
Nearly. I don’t think there’s a word in English that fits.
“There are lots of languages on Earth.”
We speak the same language all over our planet.
“That might happen here eventually. But not in my lifetime. Well, not for several lifetimes assuming the planet survives that long.”
It might not survive?
“Not if we don’t take care of it.”
Earth isn’t only beautiful. It’s fascinating.
“My home,” Kaden said. “Now yours too. Home means the same wherever you’re from, doesn’t it? A place where you belong. Where you have family, friends, partners, pets. Or even if you don’t, it’s where you feel safe and comfortable. Was your planet like that for you?”
Not a home like yours. I had to give up the place where I lived to go on this mission. I would have been given another on my return. A slightly bigger space as a reward for my service. And no pets. A strange concept. But I like Elsie. She was soft and made happy noises. I liked her waggy tail.
Kaden smiled. “Did you live on your own?”
Yes.
“We decided on Joe for your name, but what’s your real one?”
Just a number for the type of role I had.
Kaden gasped. “That’s terrible.”
I like being Joe. I like having a name.
“Do you marry? Find mates? Have children?”