Chapter 12
Kaden’s dad helped him into the car. “I wasn’t sure they’d let you come home.”
“Begged,” Kaden managed to say.
He’d been given instructions on what to avoid—fatty food, alcohol, caffeine, chocolate and spicy stuff.
He had medicine to cut down stomach acid and steroids to reduce inflammation.
Honestly though, he already felt a lot better.
His throat was no longer on fire and he was managing a few words.
Being able to speak at all felt like a miracle.
He’d been scared he might never be able to talk again.
“They said small, frequent meals.” His dad pulled into traffic. “And no lying down for three hours after you eat.” He paused. “I thought I’d make a mushroom risotto. That should slip down easily.”
“Thank you.”
Guilt pressed at Kaden’s chest. His dad hated driving into London, and he’d left work an hour early to come and get him. As deputy head, he had a little more flexibility than other teachers.
Kaden leaned against the window and closed his eyes.
Last night had been a blur of half-formed thoughts and unanswered questions.
They were still unanswered. His phone showed he’d bought a ticket to Brighton, but he had no memory of that.
Apparently, he’d gone straight from Brighton to the hospital.
Also a blank. Had something happened in Brighton? If so, why not go to a hospital there?
They’d said he was found in the accessible toilet. That didn’t make sense either unless all the other cubicles had been occupied. Not knowing was deeply unsettling.
“I’m not going to pester you to tell me what’s gone on until your throat’s better,” his dad said, “but I do want to know.”
So do I. Did his dad not believe that he couldn’t remember?
When the dark-haired guy in the bed opposite had been wheeled out of the ward, Kaden caught a look at his face, and something had almost clicked into place in his head.
For a split second, he felt on the verge of remembering, then the feeling vanished.
They’d exchanged a smile but Kaden was certain he’d never seen him before.
He was about Kaden’s age, with untidy dark hair, thin-faced, wide-eyed and oddly cute.
Green eyes like me. But brighter. Another place, another time, Kaden might have…
But it wasn’t the right time or place. He wondered what had been wrong with him.
He’d not seen him walking, not even to the bathroom.
At some point last night, Kaden had dreamed of wings and pressure, of warmth blooming in his chest, then in his throat.
It had felt strange, yet more familiar than made sense.
When he woke, his throat had undeniably improved.
It felt much less sore. When he’d said thank you clearly to a nurse, he’d nearly cried.
At the same time, something was still wrong.
He might no longer feel as if he’d been churned up by a rough sea and spat out, but he did feel disconnected.
There was a hollowness inside him, as if he’d lost something important.
It had to be the missing memories. He was desperate to know what had happened.
The doctor had said his amnesia was probably temporary.
What if his memory never came back?
His dad had to wake him when they got home.
Kaden blinked into consciousness, his heart racing, his breathing shallow, as if he’d been dragged up from somewhere dark and airless. He still felt wrong. But he was glad to be somewhere he did remember.
“Rest on the couch while I put the shopping away and tell me what you remember.”
Kaden audibly sighed as he sat down. “Nothing.” His voice was still croaky.
His dad brought him water, set it carefully within reach, then started to make dinner.
“Is that the truth? Because if you did something stupid, I won’t be cross. I mean, I probably will be cross, but I need to know.”
“Don’t remember…anything since…going to Lixian.”
The knife froze in mid-air. “That was two weeks ago. You don’t remember coming to see me? Standing right there and telling me you and Harris were finished?”
“No. Nothing.” Panic fluttered low in Kaden’s chest. “I thought we were still together when I saw him in the hospital. Even when you said we weren’t I didn’t remember ending things.”
“And yet you were uncomfortable with him being at the hospital. You told me, without using words, that you wanted him gone.”
“I did.” Because he did remember what Harris had sometimes been like and he might have been the one who hurt him. Plus, Kaden hadn’t liked the threat in Harris’ voice.
“But you don’t remember breaking up with him?”
“I really don’t.”
The knife came down again, harder this time. “The hospital says there was no head injury. Which means something else happened.” His voice dropped. “Something bad. Maybe Harris hurt you. I hate to ask you this, but did he force something down your throat?”
His dad was concentrating very hard on chopping onions.
“I don’t know.”
“I don’t like this.”
“Neither do I.”
“The last time I saw you was the day before you ended up in hospital. You’d just been to see Alistair. You’d completed one book together and were talking about a new one. We ate, then you went to meet your friends for a drink.”
That sounded normal, though it didn’t trigger any memories.
“Can I call Alistair? See if he knows anything?” his dad asked.
“If you like.”
“Send me his number. I’ll put it on speaker.”
A moment later, a familiar voice filled the kitchen. “Hello?”
“Hello. You don’t know me. I’m Kaden’s father. Charlie Bauer.”
“Ah. Is Kaden all right?”
When Alistair’s voice came through the speaker, the kitchen felt suddenly smaller.
“This doesn’t have anything to do with Jalis, does it?” Alistair asked. “Please tell me it doesn’t.”
The name slid through Kaden like a hook, but caught nothing.
He listened as his dad relayed what little he knew. The doctors hadn’t used the phrase dissociative amnesia with him but his dad did. It was a psychological defence, the mind locking away memories to protect itself from trauma. But what trauma? His stomach churned with anxiety.
“I’m so sorry to hear this,” Alistair said.
“I was worried when Kaden told me about Jalis,” his dad said. “I didn’t approve.”
“I was concerned too. But it feels wrong to blame him without facts. As far as we know, he may not even be in the country. But you should consider informing the police.”
“No.” The word tore out of Kaden before he could stop it.
A long pause.
“Please,” he added, more quietly.
“May I speak to Kaden?”
Kaden took his glass of water over and leaned against the island unit. “Hi, Alistair.”
“You’ve been through the wars.”
“Ones I don’t remember.”
“Give yourself a chance. You’ll remember when you’re ready. In the meantime, take care of yourself. And by the way, I liked all your story outlines. When you’re feeling better, we can talk about them.”
“What outlines?” Kaden asked.
“Ah yes, you don’t remember. When we finished the last book, we discussed another. Aya taso woqia kha yast? Aya taa tar fashar landy yay?”
“Zaa kha yam. Naa, zaa tar fashar landy naa yam.” Oh fuck. Kaden’s breath punched out of him.
His dad’s eyes widened.
Alistair chuckled. “Semantic memory intact, but not autobiographical. Fascinating. You know where I am if you want to talk.”
“Thank you.”
The call ended. “What language was that?” his dad asked. “It wasn’t Russian. What did he say? What did you say?”
“He asked in Pashto if I was really all right or if I was being forced to say that. And I answered.”
His dad gave a sigh of disbelief. “When did you learn Pashto?”
“No idea.” He sipped water.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me you were learning it? It isn’t something you can pick up overnight.”
“I don’t know, Dad.”
“You said Jalis spoke excellent English. Did he teach you Pashto when you were gaming?”
“I have no idea who Jalis is.”
After his dad explained, Kaden was even more confused.
“You don’t remember inviting him to stay with you?”
“No. If it happened since I went to Lixian, that would be very quick, not just to know someone well enough to let him stay with me but to learn a language. And I don’t recall playing on my PS4 for ages. Harris wasn’t a fan.”
His dad hesitated. “Which brings us back to Harris. Could he have assaulted you? I’m asking for the possibility here.”
Kaden tensed.
“Kaden!” His dad almost growled his name. “Has he hurt you in the past?”
“A few times.”
“Oh my God. Don’t you dare tell me any of it was your fault.”
Kaden shook his head. “Only for staying with him after the first time he hurt me. But if I finally dumped him, that’s good.”
“Then why did he come to the hospital? You think he was making sure you weren’t going to report him?”
“His name and yours were in my phone. The nurse said they’d called you both.
You were probably in class with your phone off, which is why they phoned him.
But I don’t think Harris did this. Something he said to me…
” Well, he wasn’t going to repeat the monster cock comment to his dad.
Harris might not care that he’d been hurt, but this time, Kaden really didn’t think he was responsible. “I don’t think it was him.”
“Maybe it was this Afghan. Jalis.”
“Then why didn’t he take my phone and wallet? There was cash in it.”
“You want to hear my theory?” His dad stirred the risotto and added a splash of white wine.
“I think Jalis used you to get into the country. Told you he was gay when he wasn’t.
You met. Maybe you tried to kiss him. He’d have reacted badly.
He might not have meant to hurt you but he did, then he panicked and ran. ”
“But what did he do to me?” Kaden’s hand slid onto his throat.