Chapter 8
KAEDE
I eat two bowls full of the masterpiece and lean back stretching my arms above my head to make room in my stomach. “Willow, that was amazing. I might have to keep you around.”
She looks back over her shoulder as she cleans up the kitchen. “Hey, I might be your maid, but I’m not your permanent cook.”
I chuckle. “I suppose we should get to bed.”
She stills.
“I mean me on the couch and you in my room, Ms. Steyer.” I round the bar into the kitchen and grab the scrubbing pad from her hand. “I’ll do the dishes in the morning.”
“Nah, I like to do them. I’ll get them done so I can clean the sink out and put everything away.”
“Wow, you’re a clean-freak, aren’t you?”
“I’m not a freak!”
I step away and watch her back tense. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t like people poking fun of how much a clean house means to me. It’s not, it’s a… a…” Her chest rises quickly.
“Willow?”
“I grew up really poor and my mom had a mental illness. I took care of my family…” Her baby blue eyes glisten.
“That had to be hard.”
“It was, but I never stopped taking care of others and started taking care of me.”
We both have trauma. Our pasts are like a deer in the mountains, coming from nowhere and damaging a car and ruining a day when least expected.
I lift her chin. “Hey, I understand.”
I still feel the need to be of service to people, too. It’s ingrained. It’s trained. And it’s a fucking pain.
“It’s so hard to be trapped by some overwhelming need that you just want to say, ‘stop’ to.
I was helping a friend to build a chicken coop before the storm gets here, even though I really wanted to be here in the warmth and working on my own work.
I can’t say no.” I wrap my arms around her, and she sinks into me.
I lift her chin. I want Willow to not only hear me but see me.
“But honey, don’t care if the dishes aren’t done, or there’s dust on the coffee table, or the laundry is as tall as I am.
All I care about is taking you to that bedroom, watching you put on that little number you wore earlier, so I can take it off of you again. ”
My cock hardens in between us and her eyes widen.
“Wow.”
“All of me thinks you’re pretty damn wow, Willow.”
“Ummmm…” Her forehead wrinkles. “I don’t know.”
That wasn’t exactly the response I thought I would get, but maybe we’re not on the same page.
I linger a soft kiss on her forehead. “It’s okay. I’ll get some pillows and blankets for the couch and you can get set up in the bedroom. I won’t bother you.”
“Ummm. Okay. Thanks.” The short syllables drive a stake into my heart. But what did I expect?
That she’d laugh and pull me to the bedroom?
That she’d tell me she wants to be mine?
That she’d caress my heart and soul with her body?
I was dreaming.
There’s now a distance. I stepped over a line. I want her and I don’t ignore what I want when I have for so long, but I’m also not going to force a woman to have sex with me. Either she wants me, or she doesn’t.
And it’s killing me inside that she doesn’t.
I get her settled. “There you go. I’ll see you in the morning.” I leave her standing with her arms wrapped around her waist.
“Kaede!”
I turn and Willow stalks across the room to me. I’m trapped in the snare of her gaze.
Her hands wrap around my neck and pull it down. I put up some resistance. If the woman wants me, she’ll have to make sure she’s all in.
She raises to her tiptoes. “Kiss me, please.”
I don’t have to be asked twice. I claim that sassy mouth. Wrapping her in my arms, I lift her more than a foot off the floor to my height. It’s been so long —high school I believe— since I’ve kissed a woman and what it does to my body is amazing. Nerves zing in my lips. I growl and she giggles.
She pulls back, then pecks my lips again. Like she needs just one more hit before bed. “We’ll continue this conversation tomorrow, my mountain man.”
I’m tired, but for her I would’ve ignored every sore muscle and yawn to join her in my bed. But I won’t beg even if my nuts are buzzing to have their moment.
“Good night, sweetheart.”
This time I walk to the living room and she closes the door behind me.
If she had balked even once at me sleeping on the couch, I would’ve gladly joined her, but she’s the queen and a queen deserves the bed.
I’ve slept on the ground before and this couch is much more comfortable than that.
I purchased this high-end mattress just for that reason and when she’s gone, I’ll go back to the bed like she was never there.
I strip down to nothing. It’s my usual and I’m not changing that either.
I roll over and face the fireplace, wondering if she’s okay.
It’s new for me to wonder how someone else is doing.
I was a ward of the state from four years old.
From age four to seventeen I bounced around foster homes, my attitude keeping anyone from truly making a connection— a protective bubble of teenager asshole.
It was the biggest reason I joined the Marines.
One, they accepted me.
Two, I wanted to make something of myself.
Three, I needed to get away from what I’d made of myself.
But right now, all I want is for Willow to accept me. To make me feel whole. And to keep what I know is meant to be mine.
Meant to be mine.