Chapter 14
KAEDE
Boone holds up a hand to stop us outside of the front door to their cabin. “Willow, you do the talking. Kaede, you need to just stand there.”
We step inside and I feel like I’m in a different world.
Boone had prepared me for what it would look like, but it’s like Christmas threw up everywhere.
I carry Willow’s bag of gifts over to the tree and set them out for her.
I see something with my name on it from Boone and Daisy and I have to look away. My chest burns.
“Willow!” Daisy crosses the room with a blue blanketed burrito in her hands.
Kids. Even though I was one, I still don’t understand them. And babies, I feel like they’ll break in my hands. How hard can you squeeze them? Not squeeze but hold. See, I don’t even know the right words to say, so I’ll just stay away.
They hug and Daisy’s puzzled face turns to me. “Kaede, this is a nice surprise. Hope you’re hungry.”
“Always.”
“Babe, you want me to take Mav?” Boone holds out his hands.
“Not a chance.” Willow steps forward and swoops him from Daisy. “He’s mine for the rest of the day.”
“Well, he’ll have to be hers, for parts of the day. Because I’m pretty sure you can’t give him what he wants on the hour.” Boone’s eyes fall to his wife’s chest and she rolls her eyes. “Everyhour.”
“And are you jealous, hubby?”
Boone chuckles. “Not at all. If anything, it’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen.” He kisses her temple.
Daisy moves into the kitchen while Willow sits at the kitchen table, adjusting the blanket to see the baby.
I stand behind Willow and look down at him. “What’s his name again?”
“Maverick,” Boone says while stoking the fireplace. “Maverick James.”
It fits the little man. He looks like Boone, with his red hair and wide jaw, but when he opens his eyes, he is all his mother. The blue is tinged with green, almost like Daisy’s eyes.
For a moment, I let myself consider what our children would look like, Willow’s and mine. Would they have her blue eyes or mine? Hers are sapphire and mine more sky. Would our DNA mix as perfectly as theirs has?
I shake out of the thoughts. Currently, our worlds are forty-five miles and a ridge and valley between us.
Divided. And as much as I want her to stay, I can’t ask her to give up her life to be with me.
In the light of day, it’s easy to see how in the heat of the moment endorphins and testosterone can make a man’s brain crazy.
All those plans. Maybe they were just hopes and dreams and I’ve never had those come true anyway.
Daisy sets the table and places Boone’s favorite meal in the middle— biscuits and gravy, because how he smiled made me do the same. It tastes as good as it looks, but Willow barely eats anything. She just coos at the tiny bundle in her arms.
“If you want to eat, I’ll… I’ll hold him.” I hold out my hands.
The side of her mouth tips up. “That would be great. Thanks.”
“Boone and I eat in shifts now.” Daisy lifts her fork.
“I can see why.” Willow stands and she holds Mav out to me.
I can’t seem to figure out where best to grab him.
“Just cup behind his neck and under his butt,” Boone directs me.
I do that and Willow slips her hands out from under mine. I stare into her eyes and the smile I’m rewarded with lights a firestorm inside my chest. Maverick’s so small, but hefty and solid. His eyes flutter open.
“He can’t really see you. Babies don’t get clear eyesight until about four months,” Daisy says before taking a big bite of eggs.
“I didn’t know that.”
There was so much I didn’t know. The military taught me how to do a lot, but they never taught me to do this. And this feels so much bigger. So much more important. So much more dangerous.
My heart starts pounding. My chest is closing in on me. I need to get out of here.
“Hey, I need some fresh air. Boone, did you want some help with that wood pile out there?” I hand Maverick off to Daisy’s waiting hands without a pause. That warmth inside of me subsides to just embers, not the blaze of before.
“If you’ve gotten your fill, I’d definitely take some help.” Boone stands and I help him clear the table while Willow and Daisy talk.
Outside, I head to the pile of wood and without a word, I start breaking pieces. With every shard I feel a little more centered. It’s not being with Willow that’s scaring me. Or even having children.
It’s being without her.