Chapter 2
Kazashita
The ships shrank, sails dissolving against the backdrop of the endless sea, until only tiny dots remained.
And then they were gone.
I stood at the water’s edge, waves lapping at my boots, staring at the empty horizon. The sun hung low and red, bleeding across the sky like an open wound.
My hands clenched into fists at my sides.
I’d run. Gods, I’d run as fast as I could, crashing through the jungle, tearing through underbrush, stumbling over roots and rocks in my desperation to reach the shore. My lungs had burned, my legs had screamed, but I’d kept going, because if I could just get there in time—
But I hadn’t.
The shore, its blazing sand searing pimples into my feet, was empty.
The ships were gone.
And Kaneko with them.
A sound tore from my throat—raw and guttural and broken.
I barely recognized it as my own.
I fell to my knees in the surf, saltwater soaking through my trousers. I slammed my fists into the sand.
“No! Gods, no!” I bellowed.
How could I have let this happen?
I should have been there, should have stayed at Irie’s shop instead of wasting time in that cursed tavern buying ale for men who knew nothing, who offered even less, should have protected Kaneko better, watched over him more carefully, never let him out of my sight.
But I had.
And now he was gone.
Taken by Kichi, the very man I’d once called taichou, the man I’d served for years, the man who’d saved me as a child only to make me complicit in his crimes.
I’d thought I could escape that life, thought I could build something new, something clean here on this island, thought maybe, with Kaneko, I could become someone worth—
Stop! my mind screamed. He’s not yours to lose. He was never yours.
But gods, I wanted him to be—and it felt like I was losing him anyway.
I stared at my shaking hands, now coated in sand. As though moving a massive stone from a tomb, I finally admitted what I’d been too afraid to acknowledge but knew all along to be true:
I loved him.
It wasn’t the vague attraction I’d felt for Taira when I was young and stupid, nor the companionship I’d shared with other crew members over the years.
This was different.
Deeper.
It had carved itself into my bones and made a home there.
I loved the way Kaneko challenged me, the way he refused to submit even when fear and circumstance demanded it. I loved his sharp tongue and even sharper mind. I loved how he looked at the ocean like it was an old friend, even after it had nearly killed him.
And I loved his loyalty to people he’d lost, his devotion to a boy named Yoshi who might not still live.
I loved him, and I’d failed him.
Twice.
Once when I stood by and let Kichi steal him from his home. And again now, my own carelessness delivered him right back into the taichou’s hands.
“Damn you!” I roared at the empty sea. “Damn you for taking him! Damn me for letting it happen!”
The waves didn’t answer.
They never did.
I pushed to my feet, water streaming from my clothes, and tilted my head back to the vengeful sky.
“Amaterasu, Susanoo, any of you up there listening—” My voice cracked. “He doesn’t deserve this. Whatever sins I’ve committed, whatever debts I owe—take them from me. Punish me, but let him go free. Please. I beg you.”
Silence.
Of course, there was silence. The gods answered even less than the sea.
Despite what the priests taught, the gods didn’t care.
They certainly didn’t bargain with men like me, who’d spent years raiding and stealing and looking the other way while women screamed and children cried.
I’d told myself I was different, that I never took pleasure in it, never participated in the worst of it.
But I stood by. I watched. I followed orders.
And that made me complicit.
But no more.
No more standing by.
No more following orders.
No more pretending I could break the shackles of my past by hiding on this island and hoping the world would forget.
Kaneko needed me.
I would not fail him again.
Even if it cost me everything. Even if it cost me my life.
“Amaterasu, hear me,” I called, my voice iron. “On my honor—on my life—I will find him. I will free him. Guide my katana. Guide my heart. See him safely home, and all that I am is yours, great goddess.”
Then with barely a thought, I whispered, “If I die in this—at least I die doing something that matters.”
I turned from the sea and began the long trek back to the village.
The sun had set by the time I reached Irie’s shop. My old friend sat outside, wrapped in a shawl despite the warm evening, staring at nothing. Her head rose when I approached. Her eyes were red.
“Kazi.”
“I’m sorry, Irie. I’m so, so sorry.” The words shattered into a million shards as I spoke. “I should have protected him better. I should have—”
“Stop it, boy,” she snapped as she stood, wobbling slightly. I reached out to steady her. “It’s not your fault. Taira—that vengeful little witch—she’s the one who brought the wakō to my door.”
“Taira?” My blood ran cold. “She told them where to find Kaneko?”
Irie nodded, her lips twisting as though she’d just drained a bitter fruit. “Saw her watching from across the street while they dragged him away. She wanted you, and when you refused her, she took it out on him.”
Rage, white-hot and blinding, surged through me.
Taira did this.
She condemned him because I wouldn’t—
“Kazi. Stop and think. I know you want to . . .” Her voice trailed off as her hand on my arm pulled me back from the edge. She sucked in a raspy breath and then asked, “What will you do?”
I met her eyes, all doubt shed on the sandy shore. “I’m going after him.”
“Kazi, no! How? You don’t even know where Kichi’s headed.”
“I have an idea.” My jaw clenched. “There are only a few ports that deal in special cargo. Bara, most likely. The capital has the richest buyers, and Kichi always prefers selling where the coin is best.”
“The capital.” The word came out a curse as her face paled. “Kazi, that’s—that’s the heart of the Empire. The Emperor’s own city. If you’re caught—”
“Then I can’t get caught.” I kneeled before her, taking her weathered hands in mine and pressing them to my lips before meeting her gaze once more. “Irie, I can’t . . . I won’t leave him to that fate. You know what happens to slaves in those markets, what they’re sold for.”
Her eyes glistened, and she squeezed them tight. “I know.”
“Then you know I have to try.”
She was quiet for a long moment. Then she nodded, squeezing my hands. “You love him.”
It wasn’t a question.
“Yes,” I whispered, then letting my head fall to her shoulder. In a heartbeat, I became a small boy, lost and alone, sheltering in the arms of his adopted mother. “Gods help me, yes.”
She held me, her bony hand clutching the back of my head. When I finally pulled back, she stared for an eternal moment, her ancient eyes soft and tender, belying a strength of steel hidden beneath.
“Then go.” She pulled one hand free and cupped my cheek. “Bring him home, and when you do, you tell him this: No more hiding, no more pretending. Life is too short for that nonsense.”
I nodded, not trusting my voice, unsure whether her message was more for Kaneko or me.
Irie straightened and smoothed her kimono, businesslike once more. “You need supplies. And coin. How much do you have?”
“Not enough for passage to Bara. The merchants charge—”
“Sell what you can. Your katana, if you must. Whatever it takes.”
“Irie—”
“Don’t argue with me, boy.” She pointed a gnarled finger at my chest. “I’ve watched you throw away too many years already, following men who didn’t deserve your loyalty. Don’t throw away a chance for real happiness because you’re too proud to sell a piece of metal.”
She was right. Of course, she was right.
I bowed deeply. “Thank you, Irie, for everything.”
“Save your thanks for when you bring him back.” She turned toward the shop, pausing at the door. “And, Kazi?”
“Yes?”
“Be careful. The capital is dangerous—even for those who belong there. For someone like you—”
“I know.”
She nodded and disappeared inside.
I spent the next three days gathering everything I owned: my spare sword—the one I’d carried as Kichi’s first mate before I’d fled with Kaneko, a few pieces of jewelry I’d accumulated over the years, clothes that were too fine for a wanderer, remnants of my life as someone important.
I kept only my katana and the clothes on my back.
The merchants in the market knew desperation when they saw it, offering less than half what my possessions were worth. I took what they gave without argument. By the end of the third day, I had enough coin for passage.
Barely.
I found a merchant captain willing to take me to Bara with no questions asked, which cost extra, and booked passage on a ship leaving with the morning tide. That night, I returned to Irie’s shop one last time.
She pressed a small bundle into my hands. “Food for the journey. And this.” She pulled a thin chain from around her neck, a silver charm dangling from it. “My mother gave this to me when I was taken. She said it would bring me home, not that the darn thing did.”
“Irie, I can’t—”
“It brought me here eventually, didn’t it?” She smiled sadly. “Maybe it will bring you both back.”
I closed my fingers around the charm, feeling its weight. “I’ll return it to you. I promise.”
“I know you will.” She hugged me fiercely, her small frame trembling. “Now go before I change my mind and try to talk sense into you.”
I held her for a moment longer, memorizing the smell of herbs and dried flowers that always clung to her, then pulled away and walked into the night.
The ship left at dawn.
I stood at the railing, watching the island shrink into the distance, thinking of Irie, of her herbs and shop and crooked smile. I thought of her endless kindness, and the resolve that simmered just beneath the surface.
And I thought of Kaneko.
I wondered if he could feel me coming.
Wondered if he knew I wouldn’t abandon him.
“I’m coming,” I promised with muttered words. “Whatever it takes. However long it takes. I will find you.”
Somewhere beyond the roiling waves, the capital lay ahead, a city of a million souls where the Emperor himself sat on his throne encircled by his dragon, a city where one slave among tens of thousands would be nearly impossible to find.
But I would find him. I had to. Because loving him meant I couldn’t do anything else.
I touched Irie’s charm at my neck and turned my face toward the horizon, toward Bara, toward whatever fate awaited me there.
Wait for me, Kaneko. Just—wait for me.
The ship cut through the waves, carrying me toward an uncertain future, but for the first time in years, I knew exactly who I was.
No longer Kichi’s first mate.
No longer wakō.
No longer someone running from his past.
I was Kazashita, the man who loved Kaneko.
And I would move heaven and earth to bring him home.