Chapter 18
EIGHTEEN
“Louis!” Wendy screamed out. “We need you out here!”
And at that exact moment Louis came onto the stage holding the Hawaiian Sunset he’d made for Donald. Behind him were Marc, Keely and Meg. They’d obviously been gossiping, but Louis covered by saying, “Sorry that took so long. We’re almost out of pineapple. Just an FYI.”
Dead silence. Everyone was staring at him. He noticed and asked, “What?”
“You!” Kathleen hissed. “You poisoned me.”
“Not on purpose.”
“I don’t believe you. You killed Finn! And you were trying to kill me!”
“Kathleen, you’ve been through a lot. It’s been a very challenging night for you, but no one’s been poisoned…” Wendy said. “You’re confused.”
“It was in your drink.”
“What? No, that’s not possible. Our drinks are healthy.”
“It was in the green goop,” Louis explained.
“Green goo—the proprietary green blend, you mean.”
“Whoever poisoned it stole the rest of it and flushed it down the toilet.”
“No. That’s simply not?—”
Donald said, “Louis, you have a lot to answer for.”
“Me? You’re the one who gave me the ingredients.”
“There’s nothing in my juices except healthy fruits, various additives and secret ingredients,” Wendy yelled.
“Calm down,” I said. “Just because there was something in the drinks it doesn’t mean you put it there. And just because Louis made the drinks doesn’t mean he put poison in them either.”
“You’re just trying to cover for your friend!” Kathleen said.
“Why would I poison you or Finn Henderson?” Louis asked.
“Jealousy. You’re jealous of normal people, people like Finn and me.”
I felt she was kind stretching it to call a rabidly homophobic televangelist and a drug-addicted movie star normal. If anyone was normal it was Marc and Louis, two guys with boring jobs who loved each other. And, you know, occasionally solved murders. Okay, maybe that last part wasn’t normal.
Louis said, “I don’t know either of you, and believe me, I’m not jealous of you.”
“Marc. Marc made you do it,” she said. “He hates?—”
“First of all, Marc doesn’t make me do anything. And?—”
“You’re sick degenerates who’d do just about anything to ruin the lives?—”
“Kathleen, that’s enough,” Heston said.
“Call me Mom!”
“Sure, MOM! Why don’t you ever remember the nice parts of the Bible? You know, the parts about being nice .”
“Are you saying I’m not nice?”
“That’s exactly what I’m saying!”
The fact that she appeared to be shocked by that was in itself shocking. She’d probably heard before that she wasn’t very nice, but it would have been easy to discount the people she’d heard it from. Her son, however. Well, he would be hard to discount.
After a long, uncomfortable moment, Meg asked, “Wendy, what kind of medication are you taking?”
“It’s called digitoxin. I have some very minor heart issues.”
“That’s made from foxglove,” Keely said. “It speeds up the heart.”
“How many pills are you missing?” I asked.
“At least twenty, maybe thirty.”
“Would that be enough to kill someone?” I asked Meg.
“Yes… if you took them all at once. But that’s not what we think happened, is it? We think the pills were put into the green blend so each drink would have had a much smaller dosage.”
“Finn had three of the drinks. And Kathleen only had one,” Louis said.
“That could explain why Kathleen’s getting better,” I said.
“But not why Finn is dead,” Meg said. “You’re assuming three drinks would be fatal. That might not be true.”
“I’m getting better because I prayed to God—” Kathleen started, but her son shot her a look.
“So what if Finn was high and poisoned,” I asked. “Do you think that would have killed him?”
Meg thought about it for a moment. “Digitoxin affects your heart rate. Most recreational drugs affect your heart rate. It could have been enough to kill him, yes.”
Kathleen said. “None of that matters. We know who was trying to kill us and we know why.”
“Does anyone have a sedative?” Heston asked.
“Heston—”
“I might have one,” Wendy said. “Now, where is my bag…”
Amber stormed onto the stage. “Sorry to interrupt whatever it is you’re doing, but this is very important. I’d like everyone to sign an NDA.” As she said it, she held up a short stack of papers. “I’ve filled out your names and the date, so all you have to do is put your signature at the bottom of the page.”
“Wait, you just happen to have thirteen NDAs?” I asked.
“You know Finn’s reputation; I would never go anywhere with less than twenty-five.” To Louis she said, “Could I get a corner of the table? Why don’t I pull yours out. You can sign it first and then maybe make me a cheese omelet.”
“You can have a corner, and I’ll make you an omelet, but I’m not signing anything.”
“He poisoned Finn!” Kathleen said.
“No, he didn’t,” Heston said.
Amber looked around, uncertain. She zeroed in on the table. Louis said, “The eggs are in their shells.” Then he took a piece of cheese out of one of the bowls and ate it.
“Okay, fine, make me an omelet. But do consider signing the NDA.”
“I’m not signing it either, Amber,” Marc said.
“Oh. Don’t be like that?—”
“Amber, I think there’s something you need to explain,” I started.
She stopped me with, “Yes, yes, I know. You will be paid for signing the NDA. You’ll all be paid. The amount is filled in. You each get the same so it’s fair. I thought five thousand dollars each would be appreciated.”
She put the NDAs on the table with a pen. Meanwhile, Louis was melting butter for her omelet. Though he had to be at least tempted to sign, that would be ten thousand dollars for him and Marc. Ten thousand more dollars toward their house.
I asked, “Amber, why was there a syringe in your purse?”
Not expecting that question, she gasped. “It was you? You stole the syringe? Give it back!”
“You gave Finn drugs.”
“I did not.”
“Then what was the syringe for?”
She looked around the stage. Everyone had heard what we were saying and were now very interested. Finally, she said, “Adrenaline. It reverses a heroin overdose.”
“So, he did take heroin,” Donald said.
“He must have,” Amber said. “I’m sure he must have.”
“I can’t say I’m surprised,” Donald said. “Once a druggie always a druggie.”
Except… Well, it didn’t seem likely to me that Finn had shot up, gotten poisoned, and then been given adrenaline. Two of those maybe; three was doubtful. Two things we knew for certain were that he was poisoned like Kathleen, and that Amber, thinking he was high, gave him a shot of adrenaline. That was probably all that happened. Meaning, he was never high at all.
“Why were his pants off?”
“The adrenaline needs to be given in a thigh muscle. It’s hard to do through a pair of jeans.”
“Did you look for, um, tracks… before or even after he died?”
“No. But I did check the room for gear.”
“And you didn’t find any?”
“That doesn’t mean anything, though,” she said. “He’s an addict. They’re good at hiding things.”
“He and Kathleen had the same symptoms. Symptoms that look like an overdose. You gave him adrenaline after he was poisoned.” I looked at Meg. “Do you think the adrenaline is what killed him?”
She nodded her head. “Digitoxin and adrenaline could have that effect. Together they would have increased his heart rate to the point... Obviously I’m not a doctor, but I’d say it’s very possible.”
“Digi-what?” Amber asked. “What are you talking about?”
We explained about Wendy’s pills. As we did, Amber got increasingly uncomfortable. Well, we were explaining to her that she’d killed her golden goose.
“No, someone must have given him heroin. I don’t know who or how or when, but they must have. I couldn’t have… I didn’t… What you’re saying is wrong. Just wrong.” Gathering herself, she said, “You all need to sign an NDA. And you need to give me that syringe.”
“No,” I said.
She looked at us all, uttered a scream of frustration, then ran back toward Finn’s dressing room. Meanwhile, Louis had finished her omelet and was now awkwardly holding it. After a long moment, Heston said, “If she’s not going to eat that…”
“Oh no, no you don’t. Heston you’re not to eat anything that man makes.” Then to Louis she said, “You will not poison my child.”
“Are you sure you want this one?” Louis said to Heston. “I could make you one however you want it.”
“Naw, it’s okay.” He defiantly took the omelet and went to sit next to his mother. She looked at it and her hand flew to her mouth. Clearly, she was about to be sick again. Struggling to her feet, she ran back toward the dressing rooms.
Eldridge said to me, “That thing about adrenaline reversing a heroin overdose. I think that’s an urban myth.”
“Really? How do you know that?”
“I’m a college student. All we talk about are class schedules and urban myths.”
I felt like he was pulling my leg. And then he winked at me to confirm it.
Donald stepped in front of the Guessmate? desk and raised his voice to address us. “You know, since most of you are here, I want to thank you all for what you’ve done tonight. I know it’s been challenging and, of course, terribly sad. But I know we can get through it. Now, you may have doubts about whether there will even be a reunion show after what’s happened, but I can assure you that OTN is one hundred percent committed. As many of you know… I can’t keep my big mouth shut, can I? …there will be a new version of Kapowie! reaching the airwaves soon. Which makes this reunion show very, very important. And while we’re on the subject, I want you all to give a big round of applause to the star of the new Kapowie! Heston True.”
No one applauded, but we did turn to stare at him. He had a mouthful of food, which he forced down his throat before he said, “Oh no, no, no, no, no…” He set his breakfast plate onto the floor, then stood up screaming toward the dressing rooms loud enough that she must have heard, “Kathleen! I’m going to kill you!”
Which perhaps was not the best choice of words, given the circumstances. The teenager ran toward the dressing rooms.
“Well,” Donald said, looking a bit worried. “I’m sure they’ll work that out. In the meantime, I think what I’d like to do with the remaining time, is record some remembrances of Finn. Positive, fond thoughts of him. Let’s turn this into a memorial show. Now, I’ve been thinking about the order, and I’ll be calling you up one by one. So be thinking of something you’d like to say about Finn on camera. Now, it is probably best that we don’t directly mention his accidental death…”
“But it wasn’t accidental,” I said.
“You just got Amber to admit giving him the adrenaline which killed him. That was an accident.”
“Someone else deliberately poisoned him. That wasn’t accidental. It’s at least attempted murder.”
“Is it though? It could just have been a practical joke. If I remember correctly, quite a few of you enjoyed a practical joke now and then.”
“Someone stole your wife’s pills and put them into the drink mix, and you think that was a practical joke?”
“I wouldn’t say it was in good taste… But none of that’s important now. The important thing is that we go back to taping. And no one mentions things like poison and attempted murder. Let’s keep that part vague.”
“Keely, why don’t you go first. And if you could manage a tear or two that would be terrific.”
“Fuck you, Donald.”
“Okay… understood. Meg, would you like to…”
“No.”
“Well, where’s Ricky? I know he’ll do it.” Then he began yelling for Ricky.
“Oh, for God’s sake, Donald. Give it up,” Wendy said. “It’s over. We’re not finishing tonight. We’re going to have to go to the network, explain what happened, and sell them on the idea of a memorial show. If they go for it, we’ll all come back another time.”
“I’m not doing that for scale plus ten,” Marc said.
“We’ll negotiate that later,” Wendy said.
“We will not,” Donald said. “They’ll do it for scale plus ten and be happy about it. I mean, for God’s sake Wendy, coming back again doubles the budget. They’d already be making twice as much.”
“For twice as much work.”
“Donald, remember, we won’t have to pay Finn.” Wendy said. “The money’s there.”
Then Ricky was standing there. I had no idea how long he’d been there. Donald saw him, and said, “Ricky, we’re thinking about recording some thoughts and memories about Finn. What do you say? Are you up for that?”
“There’s something you should know about Finn,” Ricky said. “Something I should have said earlier…”
We all looked at him, waiting.
“He killed Wes Lange.”