Chapter 24
CHAPTER 24
EVERYONE IN THE PINK UNICORN STARES in silence at the train wreck happening right in front of them.
For what seems like forever, the instrumental track for “Reflection” continues on with no singing. Though at least Paolo’s stopped lip-synching.
Eva flails her hands around the KJ console, pressing every button she can, turning lights on and off and eventually stopping the instrumental track.
Ujima scurries back onstage. “Just a bit of technical difficulty, everyone. I think we accidentally turned off Regina’s mic. Why don’t we just start over?”
Eva stops cold, her eyes as wide as saucers. She looks at Paolo, who is even paler than the Ben Nye Super White makeup we put on his face. Eva ever so subtly shakes her head no at Ujima.
Ujima smiles and nods back yes .
Eva shakes her head again, bigger.
They keep doing that to each other until Eva shouts out, “Fine!” and presses a series of buttons. The light cues go back to the beginning, and the karaoke track starts again. And from our table in the front row, I can clearly see that Paolo is trembling, surely hoping that Eva’s managed to find my vocal track this time. My own nerves aren’t doing much better, sensing the increasing bewilderment in my dad next to me.
The instrumental introduction plays. Time for the vocal line to start. Paolo takes a breath, preparing the phrase.
But my vocal track is still missing.
So Paolo begins to sing. With his own voice.
And it’s absolutely the most wretched thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
Paolo can’t find the key. It’s too high for him to sing so he ends up only halfway there. Worse, he keeps trying, so he glides from note to note, trying to readjust things. He’s also nervous, which makes it all sound even worse. It honestly feels like something inside of me is dying.
Everyone has gone from confused to horrified. They look to Ujima, who doesn’t seem to know what to do anymore. Eva has stopped trying to figure things out and is just staring blankly at Paolo.
And then something strange happens.
Before I’m even aware of it, I’m onstage.
I don’t know how I’ve gotten up here. I don’t know if it’s because some part of me feels so terrible for Paolo that I just blacked out and jumped up onstage to help him or if it’s because the pain in my ears is enough to give me temporary amnesia. Whatever the reason, I find myself taking the spare mic and standing next to him.
And I sing.
Who is this person I see in my reflection, looking back at me?
But I’m not singing to the audience. I’m singing to Paolo.
Even stranger than me suddenly finding myself onstage? Paolo starts to mimic me. He’s no longer trying to sing (thank god), but he is moving in time with me. He’s not just lip-synching. He’s hands-synching, arms-synching, eyes-synching, matching every one of my movements. Almost as if he can read my mind.
He’s become my reflection.
I keep singing. About how I’ve had to hide my heart. That I no longer want to conceal what I think and feel. I sing all this to the entire bar, and to Paolo. But mostly to myself.
It makes so much sense now, why these feelings I’ve been having for Paolo are so strong. He’s helped me to see myself. Literally. To see the things inside I’ve been too scared to publicly reveal to the world. And to Dad and Aaron.
He’s been telling me that I’m beautiful. Every swish of my hips and flip of my wrist. Every lisped consonant and high-pitched shriek. I’m extra. I’m feminine. I’m a drag queen.
And I don’t have to apologize for any of it.
The song approaches its end. The music fades to nothing. Paolo and I stand there, staring at each other in silence.
My mom gets up and starts clapping. Then Kat and Ujima. Followed by the rest of the bar. Nearly everyone—including my father.
I’m stunned. Dad must know now, like everyone else, that I’m the true Regina Moon Dee, not Paolo beside me. But my dad not only knows it, he’s applauding it. Everyone is. Except for one person.
Aaron.
I see him at the front door, closing his eyes hard. Like he’s straining to keep out everything he’s seeing.
He turns around and leaves.
Bryan hurries to get out from behind the bar and follows him. I thrust my mic back into its stand and hurry off the stage, gently pushing my way through the people, trailing after both of them.
Aaron hasn’t gone far. He’s just right outside, leaning against the door of the shuttered cafe next to the Pink Unicorn, staring up at the night sky while Bryan approaches slowly.
“Aaron?” Bryan says.
Aaron closes his eyes and sighs. “That’s not really Regina Moon Dee in there, is it?”
“No,” I say. “It’s not.”
“I kept thinking something was off about her lately,” Bryan says. “But I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what.”
“So you lied to me?” Aaron asks.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Just like you did,” Aaron says, opening his eyes to look at Bryan. “Why didn’t you just tell me, Rex?” He sinks, slumping down on the concrete sidewalk.
I sit down beside him and lean against the wall. The rough stucco digs into my back. “I was scared.”
“Of me?”
“Of a lot of things. But yeah. Of you. Of you rejecting me. I went through this bad thing with this other guy once. It’s a long story. But the lesson I learned was that I had to be careful who I revealed my drag identity to. If I wanted to be safe, I had to stay hidden.”
“I was afraid of losing you, too, Aaron,” Bryan says, sitting down on the other side of him. “You hated your deadbeat dad. I didn’t want you to know that that asshole was me.”
Aaron doesn’t say anything at first. I can tell that he’s trying to take it all in.
“Well, I guess I’m not the best person to tell people that they shouldn’t hide who they are, since I spent most of my life doing that, too,” he finally says.
“You know, Rex, I was pretty excited to see you that first night here. We had a nice thing going on in Bloomington, and I thought maybe we could even try to give it another go. But when we got to talking at my place, I remembered what it was about you that never clicked with me.”
“I was never good enough for you,” I say.
“No,” Aaron says. “That’s not true at all. We broke up that first time because I wasn’t ready to be with you. I wasn’t out of the closet like you were. And to be perfectly honest, I’m not completely out yet. Sure, I can work at a gay bar, have a boyfriend. But when it comes to doing things in public—holding hands? Kissing? I can’t do it. I’m still too scared. I’m too afraid of what people will say, what they’ll think. That’s the real reason why Russell left me. He said if I couldn’t be completely comfortable with who I was here, then I wouldn’t be okay with it anywhere. When you came over to my place that night, you reminded me of how open you are about your identity. And I realized, I wasn’t as strong as you. I’m not the person you need to be with. That’s why I tried to set you up with Miguel. He’s a lot more out than I am. I thought you’d be happier with him.”
I let out a long, slow breath as I try to wrap my head around everything he’s just said. “The ironic thing is that I wasn’t brave enough to be entirely open about my identity. Not all of it, at least.”
“Looks like the three of us are more alike than we thought,” Bryan says.
Aaron chuckles. “Looks like it.”
“Coming out can be a long process,” I say. “It doesn’t happen overnight.”
Bryan laughs. “It happened overnight to me. All because of this beautiful bar right next to us,” he says, patting the wall behind him. “Which brings me to what I was going to tell you on the phone, Aaron. The thing you weren’t ready to hear until you came back.”
“What is it this time?” Aaron says. “I’m not ready for another huge secret.”
“It’s no secret. I want you to be owner of the Pink Unicorn,” Bryan says.
“Oh.” Aaron knocks his head back against the door softly a few times. “Okay.”
“What I did to you and your mom, abandoning you both, it was wrong. Family doesn’t do that to each other. So I want to make it up to you by giving you what I—and I think you—see as part of our chosen family. The bar.”
Aaron fidgets next to me. “I know how much this place means to you. It means a lot to me, too. And I’m grateful. But I’ve been managing the expenses for a year now, and I know we’re not in good shape. Even with the added business from karaoke night, we’re on the verge of shuttering. I get why you want to give it to me. But it almost feels like you’re dodging your responsibilities again.”
“Dammit,” Bryan mutters to himself. “You know that’s not my intention, Aaron.”
“I know,” Aaron says, shaking his head. “I know. But still. It’s a lot.”
The Pink Unicorn’s door cracks open, and music, laughter, and loud conversation spill out. I see Manny’s, Kat’s, and Paolo’s heads swiveling around to find us.
They spot us sitting together against the wall. I give them a tiny we’re okay wave and they slip their heads back inside. I wonder if Ujima or Eva has given the audience a reason for the Regina Moon Dee double situation, and if my mom has explained it all to my dad. Yet more things my friends and family have been doing to help me. I think about us all at Paolo’s house yesterday, everyone taking time out of their busy day to teach him how to be me. To carry out this kooky plan that’s totally fallen apart.
But at least we were together, enjoying a day of drag in Paolo’s gorgeous, multimillion-dollar home.
Wait a second.
“How much money do you think the Pink Unicorn would need to get back on its feet?” I ask.
Aaron whistles low. “I’d say at least a hundred and fifty thousand dollars?”
That’s a lot. But… “I might have a potential benefactor for you.”
“Really?” Bryan says.
“No promises. I’ll ask,” I say. “I know it’s only been a month, but I’ve come to love this old bar, too. It’s helped me to face my fears and get out there again. And it’s even helped to reunite with a long-lost family member.”
“It has that effect on people,” Bryan says. He punches Aaron playfully on the shoulder.
Aaron shakes his head and makes a pfft sound. But when I look over at him, he cracks a smile.
I stand up and brush the back of my pants off. “I should let you two have time to talk. Then we can figure out what we can do to save this place. But first, I have a father-son confrontation of my own to deal with.”