Chapter Twenty-Two
Bowie
Bowie was distracted despite having Emmy in his arms, fast asleep after her feed.
She’d fallen asleep over Bowie’s shoulder when he’d been winding her.
It made him feel funny inside when she did that.
It reminded him a little of how he liked to fall asleep on Kari’s shoulder and often did after they’d had ‘playtime’.
Since the visit to the club in New York, something between them had changed.
Bowie was trying to make sense of how it was so different.
He was a little fuzzy on the details of the evening with Sweeny.
He’d really lost touch with reality, that’s how it seemed in his excitement at being so free in play.
Knowing Sweeny would not judge him with how he’d actively encouraged Bowie made all the difference to letting go. It was just the same with Kari.
Emotions he struggled to name kept him from voicing what was going on in his head to Kari.
Bowie didn’t doubt that Kari wouldn’t be supportive if he talked about them.
It was just that it was connected to Kari and Bowie felt he needed someone who wasn’t Kari to talk to. Only he wanted that someone to be Kari.
He sighed quietly and nuzzled into Emmy's downy hair, inhaling the baby powder smell. It helped to settle the jumpy belly that came with his conflicted thoughts at finding someone else to talk to.
Frey was the person he normally talked to, but Frey had a lot on his plate with Booker and Emmy. Booker and Frey were mates, and to Bowie, that meant family. And it felt wrong to talk about Booker’s brother with a family member.
All of this stemmed from Kari becoming his everything, and he was—everything that made Bowie’s days brighter.
Life before Kari was bland and colorless.
There were no glitter parties or sing-a-longs, or movie nights that came with pretty outfits and loads of cuddles.
All that was wonderful, it was just there was something missing.
More and more these last few weeks, Bowie felt the desire for things to progress.
They kissed, sometimes it was a smoochy kiss and sometimes a sexy kiss, but Kari was always careful—watchful of pushing.
The sexy kisses made Bowie all hot and bothered, leaving him painfully aroused.
He wanted more. Kari was all about talking and that Bowie needed to verbalize his wants.
Until this, he managed—most of the time—to be able to do that.
But more worryingly was his looming heat, one he hadn’t mentioned to Kari.
They were always a bad time for Bowie. First, his were every six months, not every month like other heifers.
Not that Bowie was worried about that because it was hard enough to go the sixteen to eighteen hours they lasted, alone, crying.
He suffered through them, his body doing things Bowie had no real clue how to cope with.
They had started the first year he was alone.
Terrified and with no one to talk to about it, he locked himself in the bathroom and stayed curled in a ball until the horrible feelings stopped.
It was a pattern he’d developed, and it had stuck.
Except before, no one had been in the apartment at the same time it happened.
He had no wish for Kari to see him in such a state, and with the desire he felt for Kari, he wasn’t sure how he would react.
That scared him witless. He did not want to scare Kari away.
“There you are. Isn’t it my turn now?” Ziggy made a beeline for him, rolling up his shirt sleeves to reveal just a few of the many tattoos his body sported. Bowie would never be brave enough to have one, but he loved looking at Ziggy’s.
“I lost track of time,” Bowie explained nervously. Could he talk about his worries to Ziggy? He was a brilliant listener, all his friends said so, and he had offered before.
“That, I can understand. She’s a sweetheart,” he cooed, stroking a finger over her head, looking at Bowie. “But by the way you were looking when I came in, I’d say it wasn’t because of Emmy. Anything I can help with?”
“You know, when we went to the lake…” Bowie still recalled how he’d nearly slipped up and mentioned he had a Daddy. It was that which made him realize this was how he now thought of Kari. A gradual shift in his mind, something that he didn’t even think about, because it just was.
“Where I ended up baring my backside to all and sundry? Yes.” Ziggy settled himself against Bowie’s office desk, grinning and folding his arms, looking relaxed.
Bowie was embarrassed on Ziggy’s behalf because that’s exactly what he’d done when he’d shifted to chase the man—Booker’s biological dad—who had threatened and hurt Frey.
Bowie had been a mess when all he could think about was how much it must have hurt Frey, when he could still recall the attack on himself.
“You saved Frey from more violence. Saved Emmy.” Kari had held him all evening, kissing and rocking him till he’d fallen asleep, exhausted after the stress of it all. Bowie worried about Emmy the most, and though only a baby, she had witnessed the violence. That couldn’t be good.
“We all did. You took care of Emmy. Is that what’s bothering you?”
“Yes… no… it’s about…” Bowie couldn’t fidget with Emmy still sleeping in his arms. He sighed quietly, giving Ziggy a beseeching look.
“I’ve a boyfriend… a daddy,” he blurted out, then froze, wide eyed.
“How wonderful. I’ve a friend in that type of relationship. Me, I’m too dominant, but he just comes alive when his daddy is around.”
It helped that Ziggy didn’t ask any questions about who it was and didn’t seem at all thrown by his confession. “I can understand that. Mine makes everything brighter.”
“I can see that. You look so happy. So, what’s the issue?”
He fidgeted, dropping his gaze to Emmy. “We… haven’t… you know… slept… no, that’s not right. We’ve slept together, we haven't…”
“Had sex?” asked Ziggy softly.
“Yeah.” He glanced up and away and then back at Ziggy. “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?”
“No, there’s nothing wrong with you.”
The confidence in the reply gave Bowie the courage to continue. “We’ve kissed, you know, when I’m Little, and when I’m…” he wasn’t sure saying grown up was the right way to put it so he just said, “big, but he’s not doing anything else.”
“Erm. Is he a man who likes you to talk about your needs?” Bowie nodded, blushing furiously. “I suspect he’s waiting for a sign from you, Bowie,” Ziggy said with confidence.
He sagged and huffed noisily. “I thought the same.”
“Is it that hard to ask for what you want? How have you done it before?” Ziggy’s gaze never wavered.
“I… no… haven’t.” Bowie hid by shifting Emmy onto his shoulder when she stirred in his arms and whimpered.
“Oh… does he know that?”
Bowie shook his head, his bangs falling into his eyes. “I don’t know how to talk about it. And my heat is next week.”
“How would you normally deal with it?”
To say aloud that he just ignored it, did that make him odd?
Ziggy laid a gentle hand on his arm. “Bowie, however you deal with it, I will never judge you.”
He believed him, so he took a deep breath and released it. “I don’t deal with it. I hide in my bathroom and wait for the feelings to go away.”
He didn’t miss the shock or sympathy before Ziggy gave him a half hug, careful not to squish Emmy. “That must be very hard for you.”
Again, no questions that would have him trying to explain things he didn’t really want to. Silence fell between them as he nodded.
Emmy squirmed in Bowie’s arms before an awful smell met his nose. “Oh dear.”
Ziggy giggled. “I’m sure she knows when it’s my time to have her because she loves to share the love with me.”
Bowie frowned. “Share the love?”
“It’s a saying. As in she loves to share her poop with me.” Ziggy easily scooped her out of Bowie’s arms, not at all concerned by the dreadful smell as he grinned at her. “Come on, let’s get you cleaned up, little lady.”
Ziggy glanced at Bowie, a serious expression replacing his smile. “If your daddy is as caring as I think he is, then talk to him. Be honest. He’ll help you Bowie, I’m sure of it.”
Ziggy left Bowie with his thoughts, and he was grateful that the afternoon was full of busy work following up on deadlines from his office.
When he shut down his computer hours later, Bowie rolled his shoulders, trying to alleviate some of the tightness. He checked his phone and realized it was two hours after finishing, and it was dark outside. His belly rumbled as he stood, about to track Kari down, when he got a text alert.
Kari needed five minutes more to talk to Kodi and said Bowie should head down to the car and wait for him there.
Bowie grabbed his padded jacket and slipped his phone into the pocket.
His thoughts wandered back to Ziggy’s advice.
Should he just mention the heat and see what Kari says?
See if he offers to help. Although Bowie didn’t know what that would involve.
Could that give him the sex he was interested in?
Bowie knew what happened during a heat. His body prepared itself to get pregnant, which meant sex.
What kind of sex would it be, though? The way his body hurt, he wasn’t sure it would feel nice. Should he have asked Ziggy?
Exiting the building into the darkness, it took a few seconds for his eyes to adjust. Preoccupied, Bowie didn’t notice Rex until he was nearly upon him, looming out from around the side of the building, dressed all in black.
Too late to backtrack, Bowie glanced about, seeing the car lot was empty of people.
The whooshing in his ears made it difficult to hear past as he saw Rex’s lips move but didn’t get a word of what he said. Fear made it impossible to get his legs to obey him and have him run back inside where it was safe.
“—I’ll have you for this!” Rex jabbed a finger into Bowie’s coat, pressing hard enough for Bowie to feel it through the layers of his clothes and knew that there’d be a mark there.
Not again, please, not again.
Kari.
Kari.
Kari.
Bowie blinked rapidly, his mind screaming Kari’s name when his lips were frozen in fright to voice it aloud.
Kari would protect him. It was all his mind could clutch at.
His shaky hand slipped into his coat pocket, and he felt for his cell phone.
Clutching it with fingers that felt thick and clumsy, he took a step back, glancing at the screen to open it, two clicks, and he pressed call.
“What the fuck? Give me that phone.” Rex didn’t wait for Bowie to decide.
He snatched it from his trembling hand just as he heard Kari’s voice.
“No one is gonna come and save your sniffling fucking ass. I know what you did, texting my boyfriend those pictures. You’re gonna tell him what a damn liar you are, do you hear me?
” The phone landed on the ground, plastic and glass sounding like it was splintering, along with Bowie’s hope.
The same hand grabbed hold of Bowie’s jacket, dragging him towards the fist flying at his face.
Without thinking, Bowie cowered, his head tilting to the side on instinct.
The fist bounced off the side of his skull, making the whooshing in his ears turn to ringing.
He staggered in Rex’s hold, his legs going from under him.
His weight pulled Rex off balance towards him.
The snarled growl had spit hit his face as Rex didn’t let go and went with Bowie.
They landed hard, the air forcibly leaving his body as Bowie was crushed by the large alpha.
Pain radiated through his ass, elbows and head as they connected with the ground all together.
Spots danced in front of his eyes before his vision wavered.
He clung to the vision of Kari’s smiling face, and he forced himself to stay conscious as fingers went to wrap around his throat. A terror so great forced Bowie to do something he’d never have done before Kari, he screamed at the top of his lungs. “Daaaaaddddddddddyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”