Chapter 11
Karla
I made Ash my mom’s special tea for the next few days.
By day three, he was fully back to normal.
I didn’t know why, but it made me feel good to help him in that way.
It felt good to call him a friend, too. After a few days of lunch together, Ash asked me for my phone number so we could exchange our thoughts on books.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d given someone my phone number, but I gave it to him.
A part of me was surprised that he still wanted to be friends with me due to my ugly attitude and ugly face.
Ash was far too handsome to be seen with me, but he never seemed embarrassed.
Sometimes it felt as if Brian was always looking over his shoulder when he talked to me.
Ash didn’t do that. He held eye contact with me, taking in every word I spoke.
Sometimes my whole body warmed up from the way he looked at me.
I’d never had a boy look at me the way Ash did, even before my accident. He looked at me as if I was the most important person in the world.
“Who’s that boy staring at you?” Ellie whispered as I climbed into the car after school.
I turned to see what she was talking about, and I saw Ash.
He was doing it again—looking at me. Flutters raced through me.
He had a sheepish smile on his face as he waved goodbye.
I nervously waved back quickly, then hurried into the car and slammed the door.
“No one,” I muttered to Ellie as she climbed into the driver’s seat.
“It doesn’t look like he’s no one. He looks like he really likes—”
“Ellie,” I cut in.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t be so Ellie today.”
She smiled at me, still being so Ellie. “And what does that mean?”
“You know. Don’t be so . . . bubbly. He’s just a friend, that’s all.”
Her eyes widened as if she were going to burst into tears. “A friend? Want me to give him a ride home? We can give him a ride—”
“Ellie!” I groaned and slammed my hand to my forehead. “Stop!”
She tossed her hands up in surrender. “OK, OK. I’ll play it cool. Cool as a cucumber. You can consider me the chilled side of your pillow. You can—”
“Ellie.”
Her brows lowered. “Too much?”
I nodded. “Always too much.”
“Noted.”
We picked up Lorelai from school and headed home to continue on with the system that seemed to be becoming our new normal.
Lorelai and Ellie laughed together. Grandma Claire stopped by every now and then for dinner when she wasn’t busy, but Dad was hardly around.
He missed dinner. He always missed dinner, but Lorelai always set up a spot for him and for Mom at the dinner table.
I hated that she set a table setting for Mom, because it was a standing reminder that she’d never eat dinner with us again.
But it seemed to help Lorelai. She talked about Mom and to Mom as if she was still alive.
I was jealous of that.
I wished I could have the mind of a kindergartener. Grief seemed easier for her little, still-forming brain.
I didn’t eat with the two of them, and Ellie never forced me to, either. She simply made me a plate and allowed me to go on with my evening.
Ellie always made spaghetti on Mondays, like Mom used to do. Grandma Claire made sure to tell Ellie that rule. I was grateful for that. Spaghetti Mondays felt like a hug from Mom.
As I sat in my closet for the remainder of the afternoon, I worked on a novel I’d been playing around with for a while. I wasn’t a great writer, but I tried my best, and expressing myself always made me feel better.
I wondered if Mom would’ve liked my words.
I wondered if she would’ve been proud of me.
I wondered if she would’ve wanted me to officially apologize to Ash for being a jerk.
Sadly, I knew the answer to all those thoughts.
Yes, yes, and absolutely yes.
When there was a knock on my bedroom closet, I sat up straighter. I rubbed my eyes and cleared my throat. “Yeah?” I called out.
“Karla, it’s Dad. It’s late and you should be in bed.”
Late? No way it was late.
I looked down at my phone and saw it was a little after midnight.
Geez, it was late.
Sometimes when I was writing, I’d lose myself so deeply in the story that time would pass by without me even knowing it happened.
After putting my stuff away, I stood and stepped out of the closet, quickly closing the door behind me.
As I walked out, I saw Dad standing there in his work suit, looking exhausted. That wasn’t shocking. He always looked exhausted. I wondered when the last time was that he had a good night’s sleep. The bags under his eyes were almost as sad as his forever frown.
He slid his hands into the pockets of his pants and swayed back and forth.
“So . . .” he started, arching an eyebrow at me.
I arched one back. “So what?”
His eyes moved to the carpeted floor, and he cleared his throat before looking up toward me. “I heard you have a new friend.”
A wave of nausea swept over me as anger began to bubble up. There was only one way that he knew anything about that boy.
Eleanor Gable.
Ugh.
I was going to kill Ellie.
* * *
The next few days, I tried to give Ellie my best silent treatment.
I figured maybe she’d realized how majorly she’d messed up by sharing information about Ash with Dad.
But the problem with Ellie? She didn’t pick up on my moody behavior, because I was always moody anyway.
And my moodiness never stopped her from trying in the past.
Each day, she kept trying to build a relationship of some kind with me. She’d invite me to join Lorelai and her for dinner. I always refused. She’d ask me how my day had been. I always grumbled in reply. She’d smile at me. I’d scowl back at her.
Her kindness felt forced, and truthfully, I needed a break from her perfection, because it only reminded me how imperfect I was.
And one day, after one too many bullies at school, after accidentally tripping and falling in the hallway in front of my old friends, and after having an awful back pain shooting through me, seeing happy Ellie was the last thing I wanted to witness. And she was always happy.
When Ellie picked me up that afternoon, she was standing outside of the car, looking like a goddess who was sunbathing in her perfect sundress. She smiled my way, waved as I walked in her direction, and asked me how I was.
And I finally snapped.
“Will you stop asking me that stupid question?!” I shouted, the back of my voice stinging from irritation. “I’m bad! I’m always bad!”
Ellie’s eyes flashed with concern as her hand moved to her chest. “Oh, gosh. Karla. I’m so sorry. How can I help?”
“You can’t.” No one could. But leave it to Ellie to keep freaking trying.
“Maybe if we—”
“You don’t get it!” I hollered at Ellie, feeling the rage building up more and more as I screamed her way.
“You went and told Dad about Ash being my friend and you made it weird! I thought that was something between us and you betrayed me! You’re just so annoying all the time with your nice-girl thing, and it pisses me off! ”
“Oh,” Ellie quietly said, guilt sitting heavily in her eyes.
“Yeah,” I huffed. “Oh.”
I didn’t know what else to say, and I could tell Ellie noticed that.
She stepped in closer to me and gave me the sincerest expression.
“I’m sorry I betrayed your trust, Karla, by telling your father about Ash.
It wasn’t my place to do such a thing, and I’m sorry if it crossed too many boundaries.
But I was just excited for the idea of you making yourself a great friend.
When I was a kid and went through such a hard time, my saving grace was a person who befriended me.
I just wanted you to have that same kind of connection.
A good friend can save a life. A great one can make life worth living.
That’s what happened for me. I started living again. ”
I grimaced but stayed quiet.
I hated that she was right, because there was a part of me that was excited about the idea of Ash. I was excited about the fact that someone saw me, scars and all, and still wanted to get to know me. Wanted to be around me. Wanted to be my friend.
Outside of Brian’s random hellos in the hallway, I was failing on the friend front.
And then came Ash.
The odd, handsome boy with an odd, kind smile.
“It doesn’t matter, though. I can only see Ash at school, and we only have lunch and one class together,” I told her. That didn’t seem like enough time to build a friendship.
“Maybe Ash can come over a few nights to hang out,” Ellie offered. “I’ll talk to your dad.”
“Dad wouldn’t let that happen. Especially since I’m grounded. He’s a hard-ass.”
“Karla!” Ellie remarked. “Don’t call your dad a hard-ass.” She leaned in and whispered, “Even though he is a bit of a hard-ass. Leave him to me. I’ll make him come around to the idea.”
I wanted to doubt her abilities, but then again, I thought she’d be fired a long time ago. Clearly, Ellie had some kind of superpower when it came to dealing with my father. Power that other nannies couldn’t tap into.
We got into the car, picked up Lorelai, and drove home.
I ate dinner with Ellie and my little sister that night. Lorelai set a spot for Mom and Dad, like she always did. Lorelai then proceeded to talk to Mom as if she was there.
As usual, that made me sad.
I didn’t know if it made me sad for Lorelai or for myself, but it always made me sad to see Lorelai make believe that Mom was still alive. I wished I could imagine such a world, but instead I only noticed the places where she was missing.
That evening after I headed to bed, Ellie stopped in my room to say good night. As she turned to leave, I called out to her.
“Ellie?”
“Yes?”
“I’m sorry for yelling. I’m working on that.”
She tilted her head and gave me a sympathetic grin. “It’s OK. Sometimes yelling is warranted. Especially when Girl Code is broken. Good night.”
With that, she left.
I sat in my darkened room for a while, watching the ceiling fan spin.
As I lay there, my phone dinged with a text message.
Ash: Sleeping?
Karla: Awake.
Ash: Bored?
Karla: Bored.
Ash: Want to know some random facts?
Karla: OK, but if it’s a bad random fact, I’ll stop replying, so make it interesting.
Ash: Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins.
Karla: That’s it? That’s the random fact?
Ash: Yes. By slowing their heart rate, sloths can hold their breath for up to forty minutes. Dolphins can only do it for ten to fifteen minutes.
Karla: I’m going to stop replying in three seconds . . .
Ash: Wait. Don’t you get it?
Karla: What’s there to get?
Ash: The fact that just because something moves a little slower than other things, it doesn’t mean they are less gifted. They actually can be the best at many things in this world, no matter their speed.
I smiled at my phone.
Oh, Ash.
My newfound friend.
Karla: Good night, Ash.
Ash: Good night, Karla.
And just like that, sloths became my favorite animal.