Chapter 47
Karla
Ash held me in his arms and kissed me deeper than he ever had before. This kiss felt different than the kisses he gave me before. It felt like . . . love. It felt like healing.
I wanted him to kiss me some more. I wanted his tongue to show mine how much he wanted to kiss me, too. I wanted him to swallow me whole and leave every inch of my being trembling from the mere touch of his mouth against mine.
But not only did I want his kiss. I wanted . . . him.
Oh my gosh, I wanted Ash so painfully bad. It was an ache that weighed against my heart. I wanted his sexy side and his goofy side, too. I wanted his intellectual thoughts along with his bad dad jokes. I wanted his kindness. His gentle. His funny. His adventure.
All of it. All of him.
And I couldn’t help but hope that he wanted me, too.
All of it. All of me.
The way he kissed me made me feel as if not only did he want all of me but he prayed for me, too.
After Ash, I never thought that a man would pray for someone like me, scars and all.
Yet Ash was back, worshipping my mouth as if I was the nectar of his dreams. His hands roamed against my back as I pressed my chest against his.
I wanted to live in his kiss. I wanted all my memories to be replaced by this moment alone.
Then I’d play it repeatedly for the rest of my life.
“I want you,” I blurted out, not realizing the words were fluttering out of my mouth. Not until one of his hands slid between my thighs. His fingers began to massage my inner thigh as his eyes locked with mine.
His other hand moved to the nape of my neck, stilling me in place. His mouth parted against mine. “You want me?” he asked with a controlled tone. Shivers rolled through my system as he kept those fingers roaming up and down my thigh. Getting closer and closer to my panties.
My body filled with a pool of heat as my hips began to rock toward him.
I was trying to get those roaming fingers a little closer to the throbbing temptation between my legs.
“Ye-yesss,” I breathed out, my body feeling as if it knew nothing other than vibrations.
I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I want you. But I never . . . I’m a .
. .” I felt ashamed to say it, to tell him that I was a virgin, but he didn’t even need me to tell him.
“It’s OK,” he swore as his mouth brushed against my earlobe. “I’ll take it slow.”
“Swear?” I asked nervously.
“Swear.”
Ash’s fingers moved the fabric of my panties to the left, and he began to rub his fingers up and down my lips, right until he hit my clit. He began to finger my clit in a circular motion, and my hips rolled toward his fingers. Gosh, that felt so good.
So, so good.
He laid me down against the sofa, and I allowed him to have his way with me. I kept grinding against his fingers as he lowered himself down between my legs. He spread my thighs apart before his mouth swept against my clit.
“Yesss . . .” I whimpered. “Ple-pleaseee . . .” I begged as Ash kept going down on me. I begged him for more as he tasted every piece of me, licking me up as if he was terrified of wasting a single drop. My whole body began to shake as I grew closer and closer to him finishing me off.
He hadn’t even undressed himself; he solely catered to me and my desires until he made me reach my climax.
Again, and again, and again.
When he finally took off his clothes, he carried me to my bedroom and laid me down. His eyes locked with mine as he trailed kisses from my neck down my whole body. He kissed every inch of me, even my scars, which he called so beautiful.
As he hovered over me, he paused, his hardness brushing against my core. “If you’re not ready . . .”
“Please,” I said, pulling his lips to mine. “Give me all of you.”
With that permission, he grabbed a condom from his wallet, put it on, and then slid inside me, making me almost cry from pleasure.
We didn’t use the word, but I knew we were making love that night.
I felt it based on how he looked at me, how he touched me, how he fed me not only his body but his soul.
I secretly prayed for Ash to make love to me for the remainder of my life.
Even though it was his birthday, somehow I ended up with the greatest gift.
* * *
I woke up the day after Ash’s birthday with him right beside me. He was sleeping with me still wrapped in his arms. My mind began to recall the night before, and I couldn’t be happier about what had happened. It was a perfect night. I couldn’t have imagined anything better.
The only problem with perfect nights? Sometimes, they could be ruined come morning.
As I lay in the bed, I shifted my body slightly to the left and felt a tinge of pain shoot through my body.
I shifted some more.
Ouch.
Perhaps the evening’s activities were too intense for my body, because my body was in so much pain that I almost had tears forming in my eyes.
I felt betrayed by myself. I should’ve been enjoying the fact that Ash was there, resting with me in his arms, but all I could do was feel the pain shooting through my body.
Tears rolled down my cheeks as I gently shook Ash’s shoulder. “Hey, Ash . . .”
He grumbled, tightened his hold on me, and fell into a deeper sleep.
I sighed as the pain intensified. More tears fell down my cheeks. “Hey, Ash . . . Can you wake up?”
The pain I felt wasn’t unfamiliar to me.
I’d come to know it pretty well over the years.
I knew the only thing I could really do was get Ash out of my apartment so he wouldn’t see me suffering.
I knew it wasn’t going to be a good day, but I didn’t need him to see me suffering from the pain.
Not after a perfect day like yesterday. I wanted to keep pretending that I was OK.
I didn’t want him to see me so broken. Therefore, I had to get him out of the apartment so I could take my pain medicine, draw up a bath, and cry by my lonesome.
I’d become a professional at crying alone from my chronic pain.
The last thing I wanted was for Ash to see me at my absolute worst. I was too embarrassed to fall apart in front of an audience.
Especially when the audience was him. All I wanted was to be normal for once in my life.
For a little period, after losing my virginity to the man I was falling in love with, I wanted to be freaking normal.
Unfortunately, my body wouldn’t allow that to happen.
“Ash,” I said a little louder, shoving him a little harder. I wiped at my eyes and tried to push through the pain as he finally woke up.
“What is it? You OK?” he whispered, rubbing the exhaustion from his eyes.
I pushed out a smile, but it fell short. “Yeah, I just . . . I have a lot to do today . . . and . . .”
He sat up straighter as his eyes focused on me. “You’re crying.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m fine.”
“Karla . . . What’s wrong?”
As I pushed myself to sit up slightly, a sting of pain shot through my body.
That made the tears fall at a faster pace.
My whole body shook. “I’m sorry, this is so embarrassing,” I admitted.
“It’s just . . . I’m having a bit of pain from well .
. . my body hating me. It’s nothing extreme.
I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.
I just don’t want you to have to witness it.
I was just waking you so you could head out and—”
“What do you need?”
“What?”
“When you’re in pain like this. What do you need? How can I help you?”
My eyes dropped more tears as I recognized the sincerity in his words. “Ash, you don’t have to—”
“I’m not leaving you alone today, Karla.”
“But . . .”
“Hey, hey, look at me.” He placed his hands on my shoulders and made me meet his light-brown eyes. “You don’t have to do things alone anymore. I told you . . . I’m not going anywhere. Not this time. Not again. So please, let me take care of you.”
I shut my eyes for a split second before nodding. “I have a bottle of pain medicine in my bathroom cabinet. I just need two of those pills with a glass of water.”
“OK. I’ll get the medicine and water. Then I’ll draw a bath for you. I saw you have Epsom salts on your sink counter in a jar. That helps, right?”
He remembered.
I nodded slowly. “Yes.”
“OK. I got it.”
Within seconds, he was on the move, gathering everything I could need. He drew me a bath and helped lead me to the tub. I had to admit, it was a lot easier to get around when Ash was holding me up. I undressed in front of him before sliding into the scalding-hot water.
Good.
That felt good.
“You don’t have to stay with me the whole day, Ash,” I said as he stood in the doorway of the bathroom. “Truly, I should be feeling better after this.”
He smiled at me, walked out of the bathroom, and then came back with a book in his hand. He took a seat on the tiled floor, crossed his legs, and began to read me a story.
Throughout the day, he read me a few chapters each time I had to get into the bath that he’d drawn me. He read a few more after he prepared me some meals. He read a few more as he put me into bed that evening.
And he read a few more before my eyes grew heavy.
Then he wrapped himself around me, the same way we’d been that very morning.
“Ash?” I whispered as my face lay against his chest.
“Yes?”
I wanted to tell him I loved him. I wanted to tell him I’d always loved him. Instead, I became a little too scared that my confession might push him away. So instead, I thanked him for taking care of me.
His lips fell to my forehead, and he kissed me ever so gently. “Always.”
I cried again, but this time it wasn’t from pain. It was quite the opposite.