Chapter 31
31
Scorpio
The world seems to have this soft quality to it lately, and I now actually look forward to falling asleep. Because I’ll get to wake up with Karma and Grim within arm's reach. I figured the three of us sleeping in the same bed would be annoying and uncomfortable as hell, but it’s fast becoming one of my favorite things we do together.
I’m sure there’s a word for how I feel about them, but I don’t want to think it, because that happy train always goes crashing into the wall of what is coming soon whenever I dare even think the L word.
I haven’t been able to get much sense out of Joker ever since his lovely speech about defecting to Devil’s Nightmare MC the other night. Which I’m sure no one believed. Especially not Karma who’s been watching and studying him very closely lately, preferring to play cards with him every night when she could be sitting on my lap under the stars instead. For example. Or do a thousand of the other things that I can’t get enough of doing with her. Or with Grim for that matter. Never saw that one coming.
But really, it’s enough to just sit close to them.
I’d rather be doing that right now. But I gotta have a conversation with Joker and it seems that right after he gets up in the morning is the only time he at least marginally feels up to it.
We’re at the workout set at the back of Eddie’s compound and the sun’s beating down mercilessly. We’re still pretending we don’t know each other, but back here we’re just two guys serious about staying in shape even while staying at a dump like the Fire & Heart Inn. Joker is lifting despite the heat, maybe to keep up appearances, or because he’s burning off some kind of frustration. The grimaces on his face seem to suggest the latter. I’ve long since stopped exercising, submitting to the heat and the fact that I can’t stop reliving last night. I’ve possibly had the most mind-blowing sex of my life right here just a few hours ago. My dick’s hard just from remembering it. And the good thing is, there’s more to come.
“You should come to the shade,” I tell him. “We don’t want you stroking out before the big day when Eden becomes ours.”
Meaning the Devil’s Nightmare MC Princess, Eden—and the grimace on his face deepens, his eyes turning black and his mouth twisting into what I can only call a snarl. It’s definitely not a look of satisfaction or happy anticipation of the moment when all his plans finally come to life. He lays down the dumbbells and sets up to do some bench presses, putting on more weight than he can handle, I’m sure. I was right. He’s working through some sort of frustration and it clearly has to do with Eden. Given my recent descent into love land, I’m pretty sure I know what it is.
“You might wanna lay off the bench presses,” I say and laugh. “You don’t want your arms to fall off before this mission even starts.”
I’m also too lazy to get up and spot him in this heat. I take another swig of my whiskey, even though I’m just drinking it out of habit at this point. I don’t need it the way I used to before hooking up with Karma and Grim.
The dark look Joker casts at the bottle and then me plainly says I should share that piece of news with him, seeing as he worries about my drinking so much. He’s even mentioned rehab a few times, but that’s for pussies. And I can’t exactly go into therapy, since I can’t share most of my deepest, darkest secrets that are making me drink without getting arrested.
“The mission is well underway,” he says and switches back to free weights.
“Is it, though?” I ask and he shoots me a piercing, angry look.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
I shrug and gulp down some more of my drink. Maybe I do need it. Talking about feelings doesn’t come naturally to me and we usually don’t have conversations like this.
He tosses the weight he was setting up on the ground, cracking one of the concrete slabs, and slides down the wall to sit next to me in the shade.
“It’s just that you’ve been dragging your feet with her,” I say. “Some of the guys are beginning to wonder if maybe you grew some feelings for her.”
He laughs his most fake laugh, so I know I’m barking up the right tree here, but I’m not even sure how much I want to push him on this.
“Is that what they’ve been saying?” he asks. “And who’s they?”
No one’s said it. I’m probably the only one thinking it. And I’m all out of steam for this conversation so I just drink some more. The plan regarding Eden and what he will do to her is set. Everything else hinges on it. There is no turning back without sacrificing all hope of us getting quality revenge against the Devils.
“I want her to come with me because she wants it,” he says. “And that’s gonna take a couple of extra days. Ice and the Devils are down in Texas anyway.”
“All the more reason to get it done now, while they’re gone,” I say. “I should think.”
I’m watching him, trying to see his reaction, but he’s just looking one of the condoms we forgot to pick up last night.
“They can’t stop us,” he says and stands up. “I need a shower.”
“Just don’t fucking fall in love with her,” I call after him. “That’s all I’m saying.”
I punctuate it with chuckling nervously. Why the fuck can’t I just come out and say it?
“I don’t do love, you know that.”
Yeah, I didn’t either. But I’m pretty sure we’ve both shifted our stance on that considerably. Me with Karma and Grim. Him with Eden.
He likes her, just as I predicted he would. But he won’t admit it to himself because the plan is always everything to him. And the plan involves raping and torturing her. End of the day, he’ll never forgive himself for that. I know it. But he’ll deny that to the bitter end. And I should make him see it before it’s too late. Because he clearly can’t.
Instead, I’m just watching him walk away.
Being in love is better than dreaming about revenge. Worlds better. I know that now. But I don’t know how to explain it to him.
He’ll realize it on his own eventually. As soon as he realizes that’s what he’s in the middle of here. But it might be too late then. I should find the words to tell him. The next chance I get, I will.