Chapter 9 Epiphanies in July #2
Then, it had made Isaac’s eyes burn, but now, on a Friday afternoon that wasn’t so hot it was trying to kill them all, the feeling of Luca’s cool hand on the back of his neck, of Luca in the pool with him period, the idea that you didn’t have to be perfect to be happy, suddenly made Isaac hungry.
And not for burgers, although that would probably be good too.
Luca’s lazy smile told Isaac that he was completely transparent, but Isaac didn’t care.
He’d been transparent when he’d been younger too, and that had led to frantic hookups in club bathrooms, dizzy nights that ended with waking up in a bed with too many bodies, or bad moments when he couldn’t remember if there had been condoms involved or not.
He wasn’t that kid anymore—reckless, grief-driven, self-destructive.
He loved his cozy little life and his house.
He really loved Allegra as a roommate. When she wasn’t exhausted or sick, she was much like her brother—kind, funny, genuinely good company.
And when she was exhausted or sick, she was still kind, funny, and good company; she simply needed caring for.
Isaac was surprised to find that he was good at that too.
He’d assumed that since Todd had done all the controlling in their relationship, that he’d done all the caring too, or that after ten years of spending all his emotion on yarn, of all things, that he wouldn’t know how to care for another person in a basic human way.
But Allegra’s emotions were as all over the place as Roxy’s had been (Isaac remembered those days), and on Roxy’s advice, he used ice cream, funny movies, and cuddles on the couch to help get Allegra through the worst of it.
To his surprise, he didn’t resent a single goddamned minute.
Not one. This person appreciated him—his cooking, his yarning, his love of movies, even time he spent reading seemed to make her happy, and she had books on her phone that she settled into when she saw he was in a quiet mood.
He’d never had a roommate like Allegra before, and she came with the added perk of being Luca’s sister.
Luca brought food and ice cream and shared in the comfort duties, and Isaac got to see him, his heart lighting up whenever he heard Luca’s boots thud on the porch, or his swearing as he took them off.
Isaac loved his life right now. And he adored his knitting and his cat.
He didn’t want those things to go away.
Staring into Luca’s dark-eyed, playful gaze, it hit him that sex with Luca wouldn’t kill those things. In relentless afternoon sunshine, Isaac thought that maybe lying down in a bed, smooth, cool body to smooth, cool body, would make those things he loved even lovelier.
And wouldn’t it be worth it to try?
“What’re you thinking?” Luca asked softly, his body bumping the floaty Isaac reclined on.
“I’m getting hot,” Isaac murmured, and Luca gave a sexy, throaty chuckle.
“You need to get in the pool hot, or….”
“Or you need to spend the night hot,” Isaac said, not dropping his eyes. Then he frowned. “But the other kind too—here, move and I’ll—whoa!”
Without ceremony, Luca tilted the air mattress and Isaac went tumbling into the pool, the cool of the water surprising and refreshing on his overheated body.
He came up sputtering and laughing and splashing, and Luca whooped and splashed him back.
The fight was fierce and epic and ended when Luca seized his hips under water and dragged him closer, and Isaac wrapped his arms around Luca’s neck and raised his face for a kiss, hot and sweet and drugging.
Isaac sighed and melted into him, and Luca wrapped his arms around Isaac’s shoulders and whispered, “You think?”
Isaac’s eyes burned. Fun. This man was so much fun. And living proof that you didn’t have to be a mess, or irresponsible, or exhausting to be fun.
How much fun could they have together—in bed, in each other’s lives?
God. Isaac had been so cold, so alone, for so long. Didn’t he get to play, laughing, in the sun for a while?
“I think,” he said, resting his cheek against Luca’s bare collarbone. “It’s Friday. You can sleep in tomorrow—we’ll have all the time in the world.”
“Mmm…,” Luca murmured. “And tomorrow, we’re having Nonna and Pop Pop over again. I can help you get ready for once. I can’t wait.”
Isaac wanted to cry. “Sounds perfect,” he said, not sure what the tears were for. Happiness? Excitement? Terrible, gut-wrenching fear that it would all be taken away? Or even worse—prove to be a lie!
It didn’t matter. Luca was holding him so close right now. And tomorrow he’d be hosting family in his home, which was feeling more and more homey every day.
The Sunday before, he and Luca had hit up thrift stores and had found Tiffany bedstand lamps for a steal.
During the days Allegra had worked, he’d spent some of his time restoring the lamps, cleaning the glass, researching how to repair the joins, even asking Luca for help when it came to soldering tape, and now the lamps were in his bedroom.
And the day before, he’d ordered a bedspread to match them.
Bright, with a glorious blue and some purple and green and peach and magenta and yellow.
Todd would have hated the room now, he knew, but as he started to shop for artwork on the walls—which at the moment sported a modern art piece in black, white, and red—he realized Todd’s dislike for something was not a factor in his choices—any more than Todd’s like for something would have been, actually.
Isaac wasn’t trying to please Todd anymore—nor was he hoping to please Luca (although Luca seemed delighted by color much like Isaac was). Isaac was wanting to please Isaac, and oh! This man in his arms was such a pleasure!
“If it sounds perfect,” Luca murmured, “what’s this for?”
Gently, he wiped away the tears that had gathered under Isaac’s lashes as he’d gotten lost in the moment, in Luca’s body, in the sun and the cool and….
“Joy,” he said, finally daring to put a name to it. “This has been a really good summer vacation.”
Luca nodded, and he seemed to get it. Gently, he kissed Isaac’s temple. “Wait—there’s more coming. Don’t make a dirty pun out of it. You’ll only hate yourself. Now go sit inside in the A/C with Allegra. Me and Jimmy Bob are going to cool off, and then I’ll meet you at home.”
“WHY ISN’T Jimmy Bob married?” Isaac asked later that evening as he put together a sandwich bar for dinner.
Todd would have insisted on fish or something—but Luca and Allegra seemed to feel that working in the kitchen was completely unnecessary after 2:00 p.m. in the summer.
He’d gotten good at frying up chicken in the morning, or putting together sandwich bars or baked potato bars or—when he was feeling fancy—pasta bars, for which the sauces or toppings had all been prepped in the cool of the morning and Isaac had as little to do in the evening as possible.
Isaac still spent much of Sunday in the kitchen so he could pre-make all his ingredients, as well as feed Roxy and her husband a couple of days a week.
He understood that right now, her entire life was about mac and cheese and chicken nuggets, and he would show up on her doorstep on Monday morning with little meal bags, and she would honest to God weep on him.
And then she’d let the kids run outside and splash in the kiddie pool in the not-quite-apocalyptic morning sunshine, and the two of them would dish.
But that, he realized, was his choice. Even cooking for Allegra and Luca was his choice—and they let him know all the time.
There were no assumptions about who was supposed to cook. Isaac cooked because he liked it, and the people in his life appreciated it—and him.
Luca glanced up from slicing tomatoes and grinned. “Too many furry things,” he said, popping half a tomato slice in his mouth. “Apparently not every woman wants five cats. Don’t tell the Republicans—it’ll make ’em hate us more.”
Isaac set out sliced sourdough and wheat rolls and snickered.
“I’m a gay teacher—if only I was pregnant, they’d just shoot me in the street and take credit for trash pickup,” he said acidly before sobering. “But that’s too bad. My department head—”
“The one who let you keep Euclid?” Luca prompted, and it occurred to Isaac that his own acid humor was balanced by Luca’s absolute sunny belief in the best of people. Isaac would have called her “Queen of the Toolbox” himself, but not Luca.
“Yeah, her. Anyway, she was almost in tears because she couldn’t bring another cat home.
Apparently she’ll be evicted. I’m absolutely in awe of people who can keep adopting strays and feeding them and cleaning up after them.
I mean, look at him.” He gestured toward Euclid, who was stretched out on his back on the table because it had the best sunspot. “He’s absolutely incorrigible.”
“And yet,” Luca pointed out, “I don’t see you trying to move him.”
“Well,” Isaac sniffed, “we were eating in the living room anyway.”
And that was another thing. Sometimes they ate at the island in the kitchen—usually during lunch.
Sometimes they ate at the kitchen table, particularly when Isaac had cooked something more involved.
And sometimes they ate on TV trays Luca had brought in one day after spotting them at a garage sale.
They were sturdy, smoothly shaped, nicely sanded wood, and Isaac, who at first had worried a little about the carpet, or the informality or his furniture, had come around on one of those really hot days when the west side of the house—the kitchen and living room side of the house—had become an absolute inferno in spite of wooden blinds and a foil window cover.
Luca had promised that when the swimming pool was done and his crew could breathe again, he’d put up an extra layer of insulation over that side of the house and then stucco it again.
Isaac had never even thought of such a thing, but he had come to appreciate eating in the cooler part of the house on the TV trays. They didn’t even watch TV all the time—they just turned off all the lights and let the ceiling fan and the air conditioning keep them as cool as possible.
There was something to be said for informal dining. Tomorrow he and Luca and Allegra would clean off the table and set it nicely and welcome Sophia and Geordie into their home—
Isaac’s brain scritched like a record needle skipping a groove.
His home. Right?
But it’s so big!
But seriously. Allegra was temporary—
But he didn’t want her to leave!
And Luca was tentative—
But he had so many hopes for the two of them!
And Todd had bought this stupid house that Isaac had hated because it was big and ostentatious and lonely—
But it didn’t feel that way now.
“Oh,” he said, coming to a halt in the middle of the kitchen, his hand still outstretched to his silly, presumptuous, magnificent, still-not-grown cat, who had the temerity to smile at him in that sunspot.
“Oh, what?” Luca said, glancing up.
“Nothing,” Isaac murmured, turning around toward the fridge to see what condiments he needed. “Just… you know. Having epiphanies and shit. Life is weird. Oh, hey! We’ve got pepperoni!”
“Is that good on sandwiches?”
Isaac didn’t even have to look at him to know Luca’s fine Roman nose was wrinkled and his full lips were pulled up in skepticism.
“It’s delicious,” he said with a little smile. “You’ll be surprised.”
Which is only fair, because I think this place is your home, and it shocks the hell out of me right now, so, you know, even.
His lips twitched at his own petulance, and then he calmed down a little.
Give it time. He’ll stay the night tonight. It’ll be a start. Maybe when school begins and things get crazy, he’ll decide he’s had too much of me.
But as he set the pepperoni down on the counter and got out plates for the other deli meats and the pepperoncini, tomatoes, and pickles, he saw Luca snatch a pepperoni and toss it into his mouth with the sort of expression that said he was fine with trying new things.
Todd had never wanted to try new things. It was like he’d been so excited to have the things he thought were good for his life locked down in cement, trying something new—pepperoni on a sandwich or swimming at a friend’s house or a new lesson plan… or a cat—was just too frightening. Too scary.
For the first time, Isaac felt sorry for Todd. All that control he’d tried to exert over Isaac, all that insistence on formality, on having the right furniture, on not being too ostentatious or too interesting…. Todd hadn’t been trying to be cruel.
Todd had been trying to be safe. He’d been trying to make Isaac safe.
But Isaac didn’t need a lover to make him safe—not even from himself. Not anymore.
Luca gave him a thumbs-up and grinned as he swallowed the pepperoni and reached for another. Isaac didn’t warn him he’d spoil his dinner, because he was a grown-assed man, but he did smile and take one for himself because they tasted good, and it was his damned dinner.
Isaac didn’t need a man to make him safe—but boy, did he want a man to share these moments with. Exploratory moments, simple moments—even safe moments.
There was such a difference.
There’d be time to decide if Luca wanted it to be their home or not. And even if the answer was not, that might just mean he wanted to keep his own apartment, not that he didn’t want Isaac.
And in the meantime, Isaac was going to treat his moments with Luca like Luca had treated that pepperoni.
Simple, savory, desirable, interesting.
And added to the other things in Isaac’s life, he could only make things better.