Chapter 4 Stuck Between a Rock and a Pissed-Off Vampire Kind of Place
a Pissed-Off Vampire Kind of Place
This is a bloody bad idea.
I can feel it in my bones, but I keep walking toward the dining hall anyway. Not that that’s exactly a surprise. I would follow Grace anywhere—the dining hall barely registers as a blip on the radar.
“You came!” Macy says as she walks up on my right side. “I wasn’t sure you would.”
She’s lying. She’d all but guaranteed I’d show up with that last comment of hers on the stairs, and we both know it. But I don’t call her on it as we walk into the dining hall. I’m too busy scanning the crowded tables for Grace.
“She likes to sit in the back, away from the chandeliers, when we’re alone.” She moves in front of me to lead the way.
A quick stab of memory flashes through me—Grace standing under a falling chandelier and Jaxon pushing her out of the way.
She took us there for a brief moment when we were in the shadows together, but she didn’t talk much about it.
At the time, I didn’t push, but now—standing here, looking up at the giant crystal light fixtures—I can’t help but wish I had.
“There she is,” Macy continues, nodding toward the back corner of the fancy cafeteria. “Why don’t you go join her, and I’ll grab some dinner for me and blood for you?”
I start to tell her that I can grab my own food, but the thought of a few minutes alone with Grace—with my tosser of a brother nowhere around—is too much for me to resist. I barely remember to nod my agreement before walking toward Grace.
She looks up, obviously startled, when I stop in front of her. “Hudson! What are you doing here?”
“Macy invited me,” I answer, watching her face closely for any sign of displeasure. “But I don’t have to stay.”
“No, of course you should stay!” She looks uncomfortable, but not unhappy, as she gestures to the chair across from her. “I should have invited you myself.”
It’s more than I expected from her after this morning, but I’m not about to complain. Especially since her big brown eyes are filled with a surprising amount of warmth as she looks at me. There’s wariness, too—a lot of wariness—but the warmth can’t be denied.
Then again, I’m probably looking at her the exact same way.
“How was—” Her voice breaks, and she clears her throat before beginning again. “How was your first day back?”
Lonely. It’s the first word that pops into my head, but I banish it as soon as it comes. No one likes a whiner, least of all me. “Good. I remember more than I expected.”
Grace chokes on her water and ends up coughing so hard that I feel the need to elaborate. “Of my classes, Grace. I remember more of my classes than I expected.”
She coughs for another ten seconds before once again reaching for her water glass. This time, she takes a much more tentative sip. “I knew that,” she finally answers.
“Yeah, I could tell.”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Do you ever get tired of being a know-it-all?”
“Do you ever get tired of having brown eyes?” I counter with a raised brow.
She gives me a look. “It’s not the same thing at all.”
“Sure it is,” I answer. “Some things just are.”
My words startle a laugh out of her, exactly as I intended.
She raises one brow at me. “And you thinking you know everything is one of those things?”
I shrug. “You just said it yourself. I don’t think. I know.”
She laughs, and the sound crashes against me like waves. “Oh my God, Hudson. You’re the worst.”
“So you keep telling me.” It’s my turn to smile at our old joke, at least until Grace gasps, her whole body jerking like a shock went through her.
I feel it, too. The charge in the air, as if a live wire stretches between us.
“You really don’t remember anything?” I whisper before I can stop myself.
Grace’s cheeks are flushed and her eyes glassy as she stares at me, stricken. “I’m sorry. I really don’t.”
It’s not the answer I want, but it is the one I’m expecting. And still I don’t get it. Still I don’t understand how we got here. I know that I could never forget her, even if I wanted. So how can she so easily have forgotten everything that’s passed between us?
It doesn’t make any sense…unless… Unless she chose to forget.
My heart pounds in my ears so hard that everything around me sounds like it’s distorted or underwater. Trays banging against tables, other kids laughing and chatting together, chairs scraping against the floor. It all feels as though it’s happening miles away.
My mind races as I think back and realize I don’t actually know how we got back here.
I mean, I know we were on borrowed time toward the end. We knew we had to come back, that everyone’s safety depended on it. But the mechanics of our return… I can’t believe I didn’t consider it before…
I swallow down bile as I realize she must have tried the awful, terrible idea we both pledged we would never attempt.
And in turn, she sacrificed us so that we could save everyone else.
I try to console myself that she couldn’t have known the mating bond with Jaxon would come back, too.
She always thought there was something wrong with their bond, always told me what she felt for me made those feelings pale in comparison.
But maybe that’s just what she wanted to believe.
Maybe that’s what she convinced herself was true since really, was there any other option?
Trapped with me, did she just make the best of her only choice?
The thought hits like a fist to the chest, confusion turning to anger.
Anger turning to pain. And pain…yeah, pain settling on my shoulders and wrapping itself around me like my favorite coat back in London.
As familiar and omnipresent as the gray fog that envelops my hometown on so many, many early mornings.
And the thing is, I can’t even ask. Because she really doesn’t remember.
“I’ve tried to figure out what happened a thousand times in the last two days,” she whispers after a moment. “Since you said what you said on the field. But I just can’t.”
I nod, like she hasn’t just ripped my heart out of my chest and crushed it beneath her boot yet again. “Okay.”
“Marise says it’s natural. That the memories will come back in time. I just have to be patient.”
I nod again, because what else am I going to do? And also because I’m clenching my jaw so tightly that I don’t think I could open it, even if I wanted to.
The memories are pouring through me, one after the other.
Grace laughing at me when I got so caught up watching her do yoga that I nearly dropped an ax on my foot.
Grace begging me to give her feet a massage during movie night.
Grace dancing at the festival under twinkling lights, her curls floating on the breeze.
Grace yelling at me for not listening to her and trying to fix the microwave on my own—and setting the kitchen on fire.
Grace smiling up at me with wildflowers in her hair after we escaped the smoke and had a picnic instead.
Grace whispering to me that I was her forever.
For a moment, I think, To hell with it all. She’s never going to love me again with Jaxon still in the picture; she’d never choose me if given the choice, so why not just tell her everything? Why shouldn’t she feel at least a fraction of the pain I feel? Especially if she caused it?
But she isn’t the only one who has talked to Marise, and the nurse practitioner seems to think that Grace needs to remember everything at her own pace.
That telling her too much, too fast—on the heels of learning she’s a gargoyle—might end up hurting her more than it helps her if this is, indeed, some traumatic psychic injury for her.
And since the last thing I want to do is hurt Grace, I’m stuck—right between a rock and a pissed-off vampire. It’s not a good place to be, especially considering I’m just as pissed off as Jaxon. Maybe even more. Because now she’s mated to me but still in love with him.
“I’m sure Marise is right,” I finally manage to grind out. Even though I’m far from sure. Even though it’s the last thing I want to hear—the last thing I want to believe.
“Me too.” Except she doesn’t look very certain, either. “Unless—”
“Sorry it took me so long!” Macy says as she drops a heavily laden tray on the table. “I didn’t know what blood type you liked, so I brought four different kinds.”
She lays four travel mugs out in front of me, and no matter how helpful Grace’s cousin usually is, I’m seriously considering using my persuasive power to make her keep her mouth shut for a minute or five.
Because Grace just said “unless.” Unless what?
Unless Marise doesn’t know what she’s talking about?
Unless she wants to disregard Marise’s advice and hear all about it from me?
Unless what?
I turn back to Grace, hoping she’ll look as frustrated as I feel.
But she’s grinning at Macy’s discussion about the merits of rolls versus corn bread like it’s the most interesting thing she’s ever heard.
Whatever opportunity I had to figure out what she’s feeling about this is gone—at least for now.
I end up sipping on the first travel mug I pick up for most of dinner, while Grace and Macy catch up on the who’s who of Katmere dating.
It’s not the most scintillating conversation, largely because I either don’t know who they are talking about or I don’t care about them, but as Macy finally winds down, she focuses on me.
Then she smiles. “Tomorrow is Portal Search Party. Do you want to join our team?”
“That’s tomorrow?” I ask, surprised, though I don’t know why. It’s a school tradition, one that happens every March.
“It is. And right now, we’re an odd number. We could use one more person on the team.”
I start to turn her down—I’m not so sure how Jaxon will feel about me being a part of their team, but then I decide, fuck it. Why should I worry about his delicate, hothouse-flower feelings when it’s obvious the arse doesn’t give a shite how I feel?
Besides, being on that team means more time to interact with Grace.
Maybe that’s masochistic, but it’s not like I can get my mate back by wallowing in my room all the time.
And I do want her back, more than I’ve ever wanted anything—even this second chance at building a life, and even if she chose to forget me.
Because without Grace, this second life doesn’t mean much. Nothing does.
“Yeah, sure. I can do that. Where are we meeting? And what time?”
Macy looks surprised but not unhappy that I took her up on the offer.
And neither does Grace, who answers, “That’s awesome. We’ll all be by the front door around nine a.m.”
“Okay, then. I’ll see you there.”
“Sounds great.” Macy smiles. “I’m so glad you’re joining us.”
“Me too,” and I realize it’s true. Hanging out in Grace’s head for the last two weeks, I feel like I’ve gotten to know her friends pretty well.
Macy is definitely Grace’s favorite, which kind of makes her mine as well.
She feels a little like the sister I never had—even if I was tempted to persuade her not to talk for a few minutes.
“Do I need to bring anything?” I skipped Portal Search Party in previous years. Not much fun to try to team up when most of the school is terrified of your existence.
“Just yourself! It’s pretty low-key—except for the whole falling through portals thing, of course.”
“What’s not low-key about that?” Grace deadpans as she stands and gathers her tray.
“Right?” Macy laughs as she does the same.
After grabbing a bottle of water, I walk Grace and Macy to the stairs before heading back to my room to finish my homework—I’ve still got statistics and history to do. But I can’t concentrate, not when I keep thinking about that “unless” Grace threw into our conversation earlier.
Plus the fact that she seemed genuinely happy I agreed to be on their portal-hunting team. That’s something, right?
Maybe she was just being polite. Maybe Grace hates the idea of me being on her team more than she hates lima beans and Yoo-hoo combined. But maybe she doesn’t…
Either way, I’m done sitting around down here letting Jaxon have her despite everything that’s happened between us.
Because the elephant in the room neither of us seems to want to bring up, the thing I’d almost let myself forget today, and the thing I know Jaxon is aware of but definitely doesn’t seem inclined to mention to Grace…
Grace is my mate now—which means she did choose me even if she may not remember why—and it’s time I start acting like it.