15. Chapter 15
Chapter 15
ELLE
I t could have been my imagination, but I was certain Gray was distancing himself from me. I’d noticed the change ever since he’d helped me with the cookies.
We partnered as leaders during the summer camp, we both took part in prep and leader activities, and he messaged me little snippets of randomness that made me smile. But he no longer sought me out. No longer sat next to me or started a personal conversation. It shouldn’t have bothered me. After all, I wanted to remain unattached. I was leaving in two weeks. Plus, lest I forget, I didn’t have the capacity for a serious relationship right now.
Yet, despite these reminders, my heart ached. It yearned for something more, something it couldn’t have. This week had been a whirlwind of activities and emotions. Amy’s program was a hit. The lessons were so wholesome and deeply rooted in the Bible that I was sure they would have a positive impact on the kids.
It was Friday afternoon, and I’d found a comfortable routine. I’d usually squeeze my copywriting work into the early hours of the morning. The days had too much to offer for me to get stuck behind a computer. I’d also managed to settle the insurance stuff. So at least that issue was resolved. Well, as much as I could resolve it for now. I’d kayaked in the rivers every afternoon. The unique interwoven rivers, lagoons and estuaries made for the best adventuring. I’d invited Gray for another kayak session, but he’d turned me down.
Perched on a bench near the dining hall I called my sister, Becky, to vent. As soon as she answered, her cheerful voice put me at ease.
“Hey, Becks,” I started, my voice wavering slightly.
“Elle, what’s up? You sound off,” Becky’s voice came through, warm and concerned.
I took a deep breath, gathering my thoughts. “It’s about this guy, Gray. He’s the one I’m co-leading with at the summer camp. I thought we had a connection, you know? But lately, he’s been so distant. And his friend Weston, he’s been so cold toward me. I can’t figure it out.”
I could hear equal parts worry and curiosity in Becky’s tone. “Ooh, a connection, you say? Give me all the juicy details, Elle. What’s this Gray guy like?”
“He’s this assertive, straightforward guy—really down-to-earth. We hit it off... or at least, that’s what I thought. But recently, there’s this wall he’s put up... It’s confusing. I feel like sometimes he’s interested in more with me, but then he just... pulls back.”
Becky hummed thoughtfully. “And what about you, Elle? How do you feel about him?”
I chewed my lip, searching for the right words. “I’m drawn to him, but it’s complicated. I’m not even sure what I want, to be honest,” I said.
“And this Weston character? What’s his deal?” Becky’s voice now carried a note of protectiveness.
“He’s close to Gray, but with me, he’s been nothing but cold. I suppose he’s kind of cold with everyone. But I’m starting to wonder if he’s made it his mission to keep Gray away from me. I feel like he’s judging me without even knowing me.”
Becky was silent for a moment, probably piecing together her thoughts. “Elle, you know people sometimes have their own issues. Maybe Gray’s got something going on, or maybe Weston does. But don’t let these silly boys’ behavior cloud your time there. I reckon you need to just try to forget it.”
“You’re probably spot on. Gray did hint at some heavy stuff in Weston’s past. Maybe I’m just feeling sensitive at the moment.”
“Sorry sis,” she sympathized, “But you’ll figure it out. You always do. Aren’t you supposed to be moving onto another town soon? Maybe this distance is a good thing?
“Perhaps,” I muttered, twirling a strand of hair around my finger.
“Just a heads up, I’m expecting a call from the bank soon. But tell me something good, quick!”
I paused, a smile slowly curving my lips. “Actually, yes. The camp has been incredible. The kids are little rays of sunshine, and I feel like I’m where I’m supposed to be.”
“Music to my ears!” she exclaimed. “Oh, I just had a wild thought. I’m attending a friend’s wedding from university next weekend, somewhere on Hilton Head, on one of the beaches. What if I came a day early and visited you? I don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. I suppose it’s because you didn’t know how long you’d be there. But I feel like some sister time is in order.”
My heart leaped. “That would be amazing, Becky!”
“Okay, let me see if I can make it work. Oh, hang on, they’re calling me now. Love you, Elle.”
“Love you too, Becks.”
As I ended the call, I tried to convince myself to just ignore the distance as Becky had suggested, but my heart was not so easily persuaded. Especially like right now as I watched him walking back from the communal showers. He looked so fresh and handsome in a pair of board shorts and a blue T-shirt. The classic beach vibe fit him so well. I bet he smelled like shower gel. I imagined it was a scent that could awaken every dormant desire with its subtle, teasing promise of freshness.
“Hey, Knight,” Gray called. He’d taken to calling me by my last name. “Are you playing volleyball with us? It’s a Friday tradition, you know.”
Ball sports had never been my thing, but I didn’t want to pass up the chance to spend time with him. “Yeah, I’m keen. Give me five minutes. I just want to put my stuff away.”
I ran to my room and cleaned up a bit. There was no time to shower, but a fresh application of deodorant and some perfume never hurt anyone. While I put sunscreen on my face, I spotted a bottle of mint chewing gum and threw a piece in my mouth.
I shut my door and ran to the volleyball court, where several leaders had gathered for a game.
“I call shotgun for Elle on my team,” Weston declared.
“You haven’t even seen me play,” I said.
Weston just laughed. “Quit stalling. It’s been decided—you’re with us, Elle.”
I thought it strange that Weston wanted me on his team—I always got the impression he was wary of me. I’m not sure what I’d done to make him dislike me. Perhaps he’d warmed up to me. Cool.
Gray was the captain of the opposing team. At least I would provide comic relief for everyone, as my ball skills left a lot to be desired. Weston should have taken the out I was offering him .
Miraculously, I returned the first three balls that came my way. Gray must have thought this meant I was a competent player, because he hit the ball in my direction. It was coming so fast and with so much force that I froze in horror and just watched it hurtle toward my face. I could hear my teammates calling my name, but my limbs were not moving.
The ball collided with my face.
I stumbled backwards from the impact and landed ungracefully on the sand with a thud. My hands flew to my face, my fingers gingerly exploring the tender flesh around my nose. Ouch. I could feel the start of a nosebleed. The pain was sharp and immediate, but the embarrassment of the moment was a slow, creeping burn. Tears may or may not have pooled in my eyes.
I heard a few gasps as my teammates asked if I was okay. But it was Gray’s reaction that absorbed all my attention, his usual composure was gone. He dropped to his knees beside me, his expression a mix of worry and guilt. “Elle, are you okay?” His voice was urgent.
My heart fluttered at his sudden closeness, the way his hands hovered over me, as if he was fighting the urge to touch me. I nodded, feeling a little dazed. “I think my nose might bleed,” I said, as I pinched it.
“I’m going to take her to get some ice. You guys can carry on without us,” he announced to the group, but his eyes never left mine. He carefully scooped me up in his arms, as if I were something precious, and my heart skipped a beat.
“I’ve got you,” he whispered .
Being close to Gray gave me a ridiculous amount of comfort after days of him keeping his distance. I knew it would end soon, so I thought I’d make the most of it. Relaxing into his hold, I rested my head on his shoulder. In the background, I heard the others starting their game and calling out their well wishes.
“I’m so sorry for hitting you, my girl,” he whispered into my hair. “I can’t believe I hurt you.”
My heart did a flip flop. Did he just call me “my girl”? Was I dreaming?
Gray backed into the kitchen, using his shoulder to push the door open. He set me on the counter and dashed to the freezer. I missed his closeness. He returned a few seconds later with a bag of frozen peas and a few napkins.
“I’m not hungry. My nose is sore,” I said, confused.
He chuckled, “I know, silly. These are to put on your nose, not in your mouth. It will fit around your nose better than ice blocks. Here, let me show you.” Gray placed the bag on my nose with such gentleness. He lifted my hand from the counter and placed it on top of the bag so that I could hold it in place.
The chilly feel of the frozen peas pressed against my nose caused the throbbing sensation to fade some. “I promise I’m not that fragile. I’ll be okay,” I said around the bag of peas.
Gray stood opposite me with his hands resting on his hips. His eyes, usually so commanding and assured, were filled with worry. “You almost gave me a heart attack out there. I hate that I hurt you. Have I expressed how sorry I am? I was so sure you’d hit the ball back or at least jump out of the way.”
Touched by his concern, I offered him a weak smile. “I tried to warn Weston that I’m not skilled at volleyball.” The memory of the ball’s unexpected impact and the subsequent sting flashed through my mind.
“Well, next time we play volleyball, you’re on my team, okay? I don’t care what Weston says.” His voice was firm, protective, and a tiny part of my heart may have melted.
As I nodded in agreement, a lance of pain shot through my head, causing me to wince. “Perhaps I should lie down for a little while and let the peas work their magic,” I suggested, attempting to slide off the counter with as much grace as I could muster.
“Whoa, don’t even try walking. I’ll carry you to your room,” Gray insisted. Before I could protest, he scooped me up, cradling me as if I weighed nothing. As he carried me, strange emotions bubbled to the surface .
My childhood had been filled with fear and loneliness, with no-one to rely on or protect me. I was always the one taking care of others, shouldering burdens far too heavy for someone my age. But in Gray’s arms, I felt a warmth and safety that was entirely new to me. I allowed myself to relax and lean into his embrace, relishing the unfamiliar sensation of being cared for by someone else.
Gray’s strength and reliability struck a chord deep within me, touching a part of my soul that had long been starved for support and love. It was both exhilarating and terrifying to let myself trust him, even if just for this brief moment.
We reached my room, and he gently placed me on the bed, careful not to jostle my aching head. I closed my eyes in relief, sinking into the softness of the pillow. And for the first time in my life, I allowed myself to believe that maybe I didn’t have to carry the weight of the world alone.
“I’ll be right back,” he said, his voice disturbing my introspection.
It felt like he was gone for just a moment because the next time I opened my eyes, he was crouching down beside my bed, asking me something .
“I got you some painkillers. Would you like to take them now?”
I hummed a yes, pushed myself up into a sitting position, and popped the pills into my mouth. Gray handed me a glass of water with a wary look on his face.
“I’m worried you may have a concussion. Any nausea or dizziness?”
“Nope. All good.”
“Can I check your eyes?”
I gave him a thumbs up as I placed the glass on my bedside table.
“I need to shine my phone’s flashlight into your eyes for a moment, okay?”
Gray came to sit on the bed next to me and wrapped one big hand around my neck and head. With his other hand, he raised his phone and shone the flashlight across my face. Through the streaks of light, I could see Gray searching my eyes for the right responses. He dropped the flashlight and continued to scan my face. I wondered what he was thinking, but then he abruptly stood up from the bed.
“Your pupils are reacting to light quickly, and they appear to be the same size. I hope this means you don’t have a concussion. I’m pretty sure that’s what our school medic used to look for. You sure you aren’t nauseous?”
“Yeah, just sore. Nothing a snooze and the pills won’t fix.”
“Okay, I have my phone on me. Call if you need anything.”
I gave Gray another thumbs up and lay back down. Craving the safety I’d felt in his arms just minutes ago, I wished I could ask him to stay. Instead, I watched him leave. I reached for his hoodie and used it as a blanket to comfort myself.
Suddenly, my heart ached more than my throbbing nose. All I yearned for in that moment was to be by Gray’s side. I’d been stubbornly convincing myself that our connection wasn’t important, but the way my heart raced as he’d cradled me and carried me into the kitchen spoke a different language.
Gray was, without a doubt, a remarkable person. His steady nature intrigued me. And then there was his sense of humor, that impish glint in his eyes when he cracked a joke. He had a way of making me laugh at the simplest things. But most of all, it was his genuine kindness and faith that made me wonder what a relationship with him could look like .
I longed for the power to turn back time, to that very moment when Gray had asked me about my dating life. If only I could have whispered to my past self, the answer my heart truly wanted to give: I’d date the right person regardless of any circumstance. But alas, I’d told him of the ridiculous rule I’d conjured up for myself. Why had I done that? Oh, right, because I was supposed to leave in a few weeks.
Besides, it didn’t matter how I felt because he had his own rule. Gray was always only meant to be temporary. I could enjoy his company. But I could not let my heart fall for him.
If only things were different.