20. Chapter 20
Chapter 20
GRAY
I ’d tossed and turned all night as I tried to figure out the way forward with Elle. Yesterday I’d convinced myself that just spending time with her would be enough. Yet, deep down, I craved more. There were fleeting moments when I sensed she might feel the same, but I couldn’t be sure.
She planned to travel, at least for the next year. Could I do long distance again? I’d been scorched by that fire before and was left with nothing but ashes. Yet, lying there with my thoughts in turmoil, I couldn’t dismiss the notion that Elle was different. There was something about her I couldn’t ignore, something that made the risk of another long-distance relationship seem almost worthwhile .
Oh, man. One thoughtless volleyball pass on Friday and now risking another ‘Kayley-gate’ didn’t seem like a terrible option. Fighting my attraction to Elle was exhausting. She inspired me, her zest for life and her gentle heart made me want to be better. I replayed our conversations in my mind. The way her eyes sparkled when she talked about her adventures. The passion in her voice as she talked about God. In those moments, I felt a unique connection to her, and I knew I didn’t want to let that go.
But what if history repeated itself? What if the distance was too much for us to handle? What if she couldn’t be trusted? I was torn between the longing in my heart and the fear of being hurt again. My head told me to walk away, to avoid the heartache I knew could come from another failed long-distance relationship. But my heart begged me to take a chance, to risk it all for the possibility of something great. That is, if Elle wanted that too.
I thought about the way she made me feel—the happiness that spread through my chest whenever I saw her smile, the warmth that enveloped me when she laughed. And as I considered those moments, I realized maybe it wasn’t about whether I could handle a long-distance relationship. Perhaps it was more about whether I could handle not being with Elle.
All at once, it became clear to me. If I let Elle go, I would be giving up on the possibility of something extraordinary, and I knew I would always wonder what could have been. So, as the first rays of sunlight spilled into my room, I made up my mind. If Elle was interested in a relationship with me, I definitely wanted to pursue one with her. She seemed skittish about the whole dating thing, so I’d have to tread carefully.
I’d just finished practice with the band when Elle stepped into the church. The doors were far from the stage, but it was as if I could sense the shift in the room the minute she entered. I watched her wander in. Today she wore torn jeans and a loose top. Beautiful.
She moved toward a seat at the back. I wanted her to sit with me, but I needed to be near the front for the worship session, so I placed my guitar on its stand and went to her. As I neared, I noticed Ivan talking to her and pointing to a chair next to him. Not so fast, buddy. I upped my pace. If I didn’t do something quick, she would be stuck sitting next to Ivan, and I’d spend another service distracted.
“Hey Elle, so glad you made it. I saved a seat for you,” I said as I reached her. I smiled, hoping she’d go along with me.
Elle spun to face me. I swear I saw relief on her face, and then she put her guard up again.
“Um, thanks Gray,” she said, just above a whisper.
I stepped up and cradled her elbow in my hand as I guided her to my chair. Ivan looked my way, and I gave him one solid nod. I hoped he understood my meaning.
Elle leaned closer to me and whispered in my ear, “How come I always land up in the front row at your church?”
“With me, it won’t be the front, but the second row from the front. You don’t have to sit with me if you don’t want to, though,” I whispered back.
“I want to,” she said softly. Three words. Who knew three words could cause such a reaction in my body? My heart, usually so steady and controlled, began to beat a rhythm that felt like it was trying to break free from my chest.
As we settled into our seats, I paused for a moment to really look at Elle. The colors on her face were a bit more vibrant than usual, a stark contrast to her typically understated style. “What happened to your face?” I asked with a grin.
Elle’s hand flew to her cheek, a soft giggle escaping her lips. “Oh, that would be Brenda’s doing,” she explained, her eyes twinkling with amusement. “She swooped in this morning with her makeup kit, determined to lift my spirits. I just couldn’t bring myself to say no to her. Does it look that bad?”
“You? Look bad? Impossible. But I must admit, it’s certainly... distinctive,” I said, my words teasing yet sincere. The fact that Elle had allowed Brenda to experiment on her, spoke volumes to me.
My curiosity piqued, I leaned in slightly. “Why did Brenda feel you needed cheering up, though?” I asked, my tone softening. I wanted to understand, to peer into the layers of Elle that she kept hidden away.
“Oh, nothing important,” she said.
I saw my team gathering on stage. “I’ll be right back,” I whispered into Elle’s ear. Not because I needed to whisper. I just wanted to get close to her.
After leading the worship, I stepped off the stage and made a quick detour to the children’s church. I was supposed to have lunch at my parents’ house today, but now I needed to change those plans.
I spotted Mom easily. She was arranging crafts on a table, her movements gentle and precise. “Hey, Mom,” I called out, rushing over to her.
She turned, her face lighting up. “What are you doing here?” Her voice was welcoming, yet full of surprise.
I hesitated, shifting on my feet. “I wanted to talk to you about lunch. I know I’m supposed to come to you guys, but…” My voice trailed off as I thought of Elle. “There’s this girl from summer camp, and I was hoping I could spend some time with her today. Is it okay if I raincheck on lunch?” I braced myself, unsure of her reaction.
Mom’s eyes softened, a hint of disappointment flickering in them before she masked it with a warm smile. “I suppose so,” she said. “Which girl is this?”
“Elle, she’s a tourist whose helping us with the summer camp. She’s the one who told me about those books I was looking for. Actually, I think you met her at the soup kitchen the other night.”
“Oooh. She seemed so nice. Brenda also told me about her. Why don’t you just bring her to lunch? I’d love your father to meet her. ”
I rubbed the back of my neck, feeling suddenly nervous. “Wouldn’t that be a bit intense for her? I don’t want to scare her off.” The thought of Elle sitting at our family table, made me both excited and anxious.
Mom laughed. “Look at this face, what about me is intimidating?” She gestured to herself, her eyes twinkling with humor. “Please. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” Her words, light and encouraging, tipped my decision.
“Okay, if she agrees to come, I’ll bring her to meet you after church,” I said, a smile creeping onto my face.
“Perfect.”
“Thanks, Mom. Let me get back.”
With a renewed sense of purpose, I turned and hurried back to Elle. Would she agree to come? How would she react to my family?