CHAPTER 16
EVIE
“Say it, damn it! Just say it and all of this can stop!” Soloman is roaring into my face, his so close to mine I can feel the spit flying from his mouth and landing on my cheek. He hits me again, another blow to my already throbbing ribs and all my breath leaves me. I try to breathe, but I can’t and the pain is unbearable. My face is already swollen and I can feel the warm trickle of blood on my cheeks, chest and abdomen. He thinks he can beat out the words he wants to hear from me, but he can’t because I refuse to break. I can be strong. I know I can and I will be.
“BEG!” he bellows so loud it makes me jump violently, only causing worse pain to my ribs. “Beg me to end you and all of this will stop. Don’t you want the pain to stop?” he taunts.
My entire body is shaking hard - a mixture of adrenaline coursing through me, and the pain I’m in, so talking is hard, but I force out the words anyway, channeling my brothers,
“F-f-fu-fuck y-you!” I utter. The words are weak and shaky, but he hears them, and I see the moment he realizes that he has, once again, failed to break me.
His cold eyes fill with rage and he hits my abdomen so hard the pain almost makes me pass out. Almost. Instead I gasp and my mouth fills with blood. As I spit it out and fight to breathe, he knocks the chair I’m tied to on its side and starts kicking me again and again. I scream in pain over and over again, but still I refuse to give him what he wants.
“Evie!” Soloman’s voice echoes through my mind and suddenly I’m free of the chair, the bindings, and the pain. I leap up, stumbling, but managing to stay on my feet, then I just start running, thinking of nothing but getting away from there while I have the chance. A hand grabs my arm as I start to run, and I instinctively thrust my elbow back, hitting something hard. As soon as my arm is released I try to run again, only this time two strong arms band around me and lift me clean off of the ground. I try to fight, the whole time screaming, praying that someone - anyone can hear me and will help.
“What the fuck?” A loud voice roared. Lights illuminate the room and suddenly I’m not in that hell anymore. I blinked furiously as I tried to clear my fuzzy brain.
“Put her down, right the fuck now!” Kade growled as he started towards me menacingly. I look around, still panicked and so confused. I’m in my room at mom and dad’s. I remember going to bed that night, Kailan laying on the bed beside me and the others setting up camp beds in my room, so they could all be with me, just as I had asked them to be.
Now Kailan was standing beside me, rubbing his bare chest like it hurts. I realize my feet are off of the ground and when I turn a little, it’s Nick who is holding me, his arms banded around me tightly.
“Easy guys. She’s okay. She was having a nightmare,” Harris said and when I look to the door, not only is Kyle stood there like before, but now my mom and dad, Cole, Matt, and Livy are there too.
“You with me, baby?” Nick asked quietly, ignoring Kade who is stood very close and glaring hard at him.
“Yeah. I think so. D-did I hurt you?” I asked shakily.
“Nah. Gave Kailan a good elbow to the chest though,” he chuckled. I turned to look at Kailan and realized that was why he was rubbing his chest.
“Oh God. I’m sorry. Are you okay?” I cried.
“Evie?” My dad pulled my attention to him as he stepped into the room looking between us all with worry and wariness. “Are you okay? Do you want to come to our room and talk?” he offered.
“No. I…I’m okay. The guys were just trying to stop me,” I assured him as I tapped Nicks arm so he’d put me down. As soon as I was on my feet I grabbed Kade’s hand and gave it a squeeze, hating how pissed he looked and hoping to calm him some. “My nightmares…they get so intense. Sometimes I run, or try to. I hurt myself before so the guys…they try to stop me before it gets to that,” I explained. “I really am okay,” I added as I looked to Kade. “They’d never hurt me. It’s usually me who hurts them when they try to stop me.”
“All of that screaming? It was a nightmare?” my mom asked as her eyes filled with tears.
“They’re getting better,” I tried to tell her, but dad had already pulled her into his arms and was hugging her as she sobbed.
“I know a great therapist when you’re ready, Evie,” Livy told me.
“Come on, let’s get back to bed. Evie’s okay now,” Cole spoke up as he wrapped an arm around Livy and led her out of my room. Matt followed, but Kyle and Kade stayed where they were, still both glaring at my guys.
“Kyle, Kade. We’ve been through this. I’m safe with the guys. You don’t need to protect me from them,” I told them both.
“Come on. Back to bed,” Dad told them and I was grateful when they listened and left the room.
“You know where we are if you need anything,” Dad said and I nodded.
“Look after my baby, please boys. Take good care of her,” mom sniffled as she lifted her head and looked between my guys. Her face was red and blotchy, tears still running down her cheeks.
“We will,” Harris promised.
“We’ve got her,” Kailan added, then he was at my side, wrapping both of his arms around me comfortingly.
Mom nodded then allowed dad to usher her from my room. He closed the door behind him. Then it was just the five of us looking at each other.
“Well, that was embarrassing,” I sighed as I turned and curled into Kailan.
“I don’t know. I’ve been itching for a fight for days. I think Kade would give me a good run for my money,” Nick joked, or at least I hoped he was joking. I never wanted to see one of the guys I loved fighting one of my brothers.
“How are you feeling?” Harris asked. “Do you want to talk about the nightmare?”
“No,” I sighed. “I’m tired and my elbow hurts,” I added as I rubbed at my aching elbow. “How hard is your chest anyway?”
“Muscles of steel right here, darlin’,” Kailan teased as he ran his hand down his chiseled muscular body. I had to force myself to look away from his hand as it travelled south. Definitely not the right time or place, I told myself.
“Can we just go back to bed? I’m exhausted after that,” I admitted.
“Yep, and it’s my turn to hold you, so you get the camp bed, superman,” Harris told Kailan with a smirk.
Before I knew it, Harris had scooped me up into his arms and had the both of us settled on my bed. I was half laid on him, my leg over his thighs as I wrapped my arm around his waist and lay my head on his chest. I wanted him to be shirtless like Kailan, so I could feel the heat of his skin under my cheek, but I knew he was uncomfortable showing his scars, so didn’t ask.
“Is this okay?” I asked. “Am I squishing you?”
“Go to sleep, crazy girl,” he chuckled. “You’re perfect right there.”
I listened as the others got settled on the camp beds, reassured to know they were in the room with me, all around the bed. As long as they were there I knew I was safe. I knew they wouldn’t let anything or anyone hurt me.
“I think I love you guys,” I said, hoping they all heard me.
“Good, because I’m sure I love you, baby,” Nick spoke up first.
“Me too. One hundred percent certainty. Totally love you too, pretty girl,” Kailan said next.
“I think I knew I loved you the moment I met you, Evie,” Aleks said.
“And I’ve known I love you for almost a decade, sweetheart. Not letting you go this time,” Harris said as he kissed the top of my head.
“None of us are letting you go. You’re stuck with this bunch of messed up, broken guys now,” Kailan told me.
“You’re not messed up or broken. You’re just a little fractured like me, but hopefully together we can start to smooth all the cracks we each have, one at a time,” I told them. “Maybe together we can find a way to be whole enough.”
“I think we already are,” Aleks replied, and I realized he was right. Ever since we came together we were all a little bit better than we had been. My nightmares were fewer, Nick had stopped drinking, Harris smiled more, and Kailan and Aleks had both cut down on their handling techniques of hitting the gym and the computer. We had a long way to go and so much healing to do, but knowing I had them at my side made it all seem far less intimidating, and I hoped I did the same for each of them.
***
I woke up late the next morning, which had shocked the hell out of me. It was incredibly rare that I slept late, but I had obviously needed the rest that night.
The guys were already up and gone when I sat up and looked around for them. They were all early risers, even Aleks who hated getting up in the morning. I knew they were all probably already working.
Feeling lazy and knowing my family were likely worrying about me after what had happened in the middle of the night, I hurried through a shower and pulled on some of my old clothes from the closet. They were all way too big for me now, but I managed to find a pair of jeans I could keep up and pulled a baggy sweatshirt over them. I dragged a brush through my freshly washed hair, but that was all I could be bothered to do.
When I got into the kitchen Nick was sat at the counter with Zack on his knee, the both of them building with wooden blocks I recognized as once being mine.
“Hey,” I greeted. “Sorry I overslept.”
Nick looked up and smiled warmly at me. His stubble was short again and he was in fresh clothes. He looked much better than he had the night before.
“We wanted you to sleep in, baby. You’ve had a rough few days. You needed the rest,” he told me as he got to his feet with Zack in his arms and came right to me. “How are you feeling?” he asked as he wrapped one arm around me and pulled me in close for a brief kiss.
“Better,” I replied as I wrapped my arm around him and leaned in to kiss Zack on his chubby cheek. “What trouble have you been up to, little guy?”
Zack squealed, then grabbed my hair to try and pull himself closer to me. I quickly took him from Nick to spare myself the hair pulling and Zack instantly wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me. It was so sweet and made my morning before it even started.
“Sit down. I’ll get you some coffee,” Nick offered as he affectionately ruffled his sons hair. “Think you can handle some breakfast?”
“Maybe. I am a little hungry,” I agreed. I sat at the counter and placed Zack on my knee so he could continue playing with the blocks.
“I’ll make some eggs,” Nick said, knowing they were what I tended to handle best in the morning.
“Where is everyone?” I asked as I looked around the strangely quiet house.
“Kyle went with your mom and dad to get groceries. Aleks went to the security offices with Kade to check out their software and see if he could get any leads from the attack here the other day. I’m not sure where Livy and Cole went. Kailan is in the gym, obviously, with his new gym buddy – Matt – and Harris went to take a shower and get changed. Kade took him to a store this morning to get us all some clothes and essentials. He picked some up for you too. We weren’t sure if your old clothes would fit,” he explained.
“They don’t,” I sighed as I pulled at my way too lose jeans. “I guess I’ve lost more weight than I realized.”
“We can get you what you need. We’ll look online later, but for now the stuff Harris bought you is on the table,” he nodded behind me to the dining table where there were two huge bags from a department store I knew well.
“Whatever is in those bags will be plenty,” I assured him.
“We’ll see.”
“I don’t know how many clothes you guys think I need,” I laughed. “When I was on my own I had like three sets of clothes and I survived just fine.”
“We don’t want you to survive now though, babe. We want to make sure you always have everything you could possibly need and want.”
“Well, maybe we should wait until we’re not on the run to restock my closet this time,” I suggested dryly.
“Maybe you’re right on that point,” he agreed with a smile. “It won’t be for long, Evie. It’ll all be over soon,” he added.
“I hope so.” Zack handed me a block and I added it to the tower he was having a ton of fun building, then knocking down, again and again. “Is Zack safe here, Nick?” I asked, worried. “I mean, Livy and the guys sent their kids to stay elsewhere to keep them safe. Is Zack safe?”
“Yes. He’s safer here with us than he would be anywhere else, just like you are. We’ll protect you both, no matter what. I will never let anything happen to Zack or to you,” he promised. He plated the eggs he had made for me as I watched him affectionately, then he handed the plate over. “Now, eat and stop worrying. We’ve got this. You just have to trust us.”
“I do,” I told him easily. I pulled my plate closer, then burst out laughing when Zack stuck his hand in and grabbed a huge handful of eggs, shoving them into his mouth as fast as he could.
“Hey, you little thief!” I cried through my laughter.
“Zack, no!” Nick said at the same time, and he rushed over to grab his son from me before he could reach for the next handful. “You already had breakfast you little monster,” Nick told him. “Sorry babe,” he said as he looked to me with a grimace. “I can make you some more in a sec.”
“It’s fine,” I laughed. “Zack and I can share.” I grabbed my plate and took a forkful, not caring that Zack had just had his little hand stuck in there.
“Lets clean you up and find a snack,” Nick sighed as he walked away, Zack squealing the whole way, no doubt for more eggs.
I was still laughing to myself as I sipped my coffee and ate my breakfast, when mom and dad came barreling through the door with a ton of groceries, Kyle following behind with even more bags.
“Morning honey,” mom greeted as she walked in and dumped the groceries on the counter. “What has you smiling?”
“Zack. He was trying to steal my breakfast,” I chuckled.
“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a kid with an appetite like that one,” dad laughed as he walked in. “He’s definitely going to be a quarterback.”
“How are you feeling this morning?” mom asked as she shrugged off her heavy coat and draped it over the seat beside me.
“Good. I slept well and Nick made me breakfast.” I pointed to the eggs I had almost finished.
“They’re good boys, Evie. You’ve chosen well there, sweetie,” she told me as she patted my arm.
“That nightmare last night, what was it about?” Kyle asked with his usual lack of tact, as he too walked in.
“Kyle!” mom cried.
“That’s enough, son,” dad said at the same time.
“No, I want to know. I want to know what made you scream like that. I want to know what that piece of shit did!” Kyle growled. His anger took me by surprise and caught me completely off guard. Tears filled my eyes as the nightmare from the night before ran through my mind on repeat.
“I can’t,” I squeaked as I pushed the last of my food away, no longer hungry. How could I tell any of them the hell I had been through? I wasn’t sure I could even find the words to talk about it, even if I could find the strength.
“You don’t have to say anything, Evie. Ignore your brother. He’s just being an idiot because he’s worried,” dad told me as he sent Kyle a pointed glare.
“I think we should know. We should have to hear everything that monster did while we failed to stop him or get Evie back,” Kyle snapped back.
“Kyle,” I whimpered. “Please…don’t p-push this. I…I can’t,” I pleaded tearfully.
“Ev?” I looked past Kyle to where Harris was walking into the kitchen, his focus solely on me as I got more and more upset. “What’s going on?” he asked as he continued towards me but looked between my family.
“I want to know what that nightmare was about last night,” Kyle told him flatly. “We have a right to know what he did.”
“Are you fucking crazy?” Harris snapped, then he was before me and I couldn’t stop myself from jumping up and into his arms. I wrapped my arms around his waist and clung to him as I sobbed hard into his brand new t-shirt. My body was shaking and the images playing in my head weren’t going away. “You don’t have a right to know anything, Kyle! What Evie survived is her business, and if she doesn’t want to discuss it, then you need to back the fuck off, right now!” Harris growled angrily as he held me tightly against him.
“Who the hell do you think you are? I’m her brother! You’re no one to her,” Kyle raged as he slammed down the groceries he held and seemed to inflate with anger.
“Kyle,” I squeaked. “Please don’t.”
“That’s enough, Kyle!” dad added.
“I love her, and I am not going to sit back and watch you bully her all because you feel guilt that you couldn’t save her. Deal with your own bullshit man. Do not turn it on Evie. You try this again and I will show you just who I fucking am!”
“You really think you can take me?” Kyle scoffed as he stepped forward like he was going to square up to Harris. I pulled back from the hug and looked to my dad pleadingly.
“This isn’t the time or place. I think you’ve upset Evie enough,” Harris said more calmly.
“That’s what I thought.” When I looked to Kyle he was smirking.
“Kyle! That is enough. Go and cool off, right now!” Dad roared as he grabbed my brothers arm and pulled him back, away from Harris and me.
“What’s going on?” I looked up and saw Kailan and Matt walking into the kitchen, both sweaty from their workouts. It was Kailan who had asked the question.
Kyle ripped from my dad’s grip angrily. He was raging and it scared me in a way none of my brothers ever had before.
“Kyle’s spoiling for a fight,” Harris replied, never taking his eyes from Kyle, even as he pushed me behind him. “Kailan, get Evie out of here,” he added.
“No!” I cried. “Stop this now Kyle. I…I’m sorry I c-can’t tell you what you want to know but it’s n-not Harris’s fault.”
“What happened? What did you want to know?” Matt asked as he came up to Kyle’s side and grabbed his arm, halting him where he stood.
“He wants Evie to tell him about her nightmares. He wants details about everything she’s fucking been through and he won’t take no for an answer,” Harris explained, the anger still tinging his tone.
“What the fuck, bro? What are you doing?” Matt asked as he got angry too and wrenched Kyle backwards, giving him a shove to push him back further.
“We should know!” Kyle snapped. “We should know everything!”
“Kyle, look at Evie right now,” Mom cut in. “Look at your sister. Look what you’re doing to her. When we walked in here she was eating and smiling. She was relaxed. Now she’s shaking and crying. You’re scaring her. You’ve never done that in her entire life, but right now your sister is scared of you and all of this anger.”
Kyle stopped trying to push past my dad and Matt and looked at me. A range of emotions passed over his face as he seemed to be trying to process what mom had said.
Kailan appeared at my side and pulled me into his arms. I went easily, desperate to look away from Kyle and the situation he had created. The tears started again and I pushed myself against Kailan, not caring that he was drenched with sweat.
“Come on, darlin’,” he said gently as he slid his hand under my thighs and scooped me up easily. “Let’s get you out of here.” He carried me bridal style through the living room and up the stairs.
“Harris,” I whispered, worried about him.
“He’ll be fine. He can handle whatever tantrum your brother throws next, believe me,” Kailan assured me. When we got to my room he lay me on my bed and stood over me, watching with concern.
“I…I’m okay. I just….why did Kyle even ask me that?” I asked shakily.
“He’s angry, Evie. Angry you were taken and hurt. Angry he couldn’t stop it. Angry Soloman is still out there taunting not only you, but your family too. He’s pissed and he can’t process it all. He thinks if he knows what happened to you, that it will help with the anger, but it won’t.”
“I c-can’t tell them, Kailan. I can’t even t-talk about it. It’s too m-much,” I said as I fought not to cry again.
“You don’t have to. No one is going to make you do anything you don’t want to do. I promise you. We won’t let that happen.”
“Evie?” There was a knock on the door, followed by Nick’s voice.
“Come in, brother,” Kailan called back, then Nick was there, hurrying towards me.
“Are you okay, baby? Harris gave me a quick rundown of what happened,” he explained as he sat on the bed beside me and pulled me into his side.
“Can you stay with her? I need to shower and change,” Kailan asked, and Nick nodded. “Be right back, darlin’, okay?” I nodded too, then Kailan left the room, I guessed to use the large family bathroom down the hall.
“Evie? You gonna talk to me?” Nick pushed, but all that came were tears.
“Just h-hold me…please Nick. Hold me,” I pleaded, and he did, pulling me onto his lap and clutching me close. I rested my head against his chest and cried hard as I tried to reason why things between me and my brothers, who I had adored and idolized my entire life, kept on going to shit whenever I was with them. Were they just angry because of all that had happened? Kyle certainly was. I had never seen him as angry as he had been the last few times I saw him, and mom had been right – he had scared me that morning. I had never in my entire life feared my brother before, but I had as he went for Harris.
The thought that they were all angry with me wouldn’t stop going through my head. Were they disappointed I didn’t fight harder? Did they blame me for all that had happened? I didn’t blame them if they did, but I had fought. I had tried so many times to escape, and when I realized that was pointless, I had fought to live. I had fought the need to give in to Soloman and beg for my death. I had chosen to live and I had never given up. Was that not enough? It certainly felt like they were angry with me, especially Kyle. Maybe it had been a terrible idea to come back home. It seemed my and the guys presence was just making things worse, and it wasn’t helping my own state of mind either.
“Where’s Zack?” I asked as the tears subsided. I swiped at my eyes, then looked up to Nick.
“With your mom. She offered him snacks, so he went to her instantly,” he chuckled. “You feeling a little better?”
“Yeah. I just…I don’t know why things are so h-hard with my brothers. It’s never been this way between us. We bickered, especially when I was a teenager and they got even more protective, but we never fought. Not like this. I hate how angry they are,” I sighed.
“A lot has happened, Evie. I know they haven’t gone through the hell you did but they’ve ben through their own version. They spent months and months thinking they’d lost you, then they found you again, only for you to be taken. Now Soloman is stalking all of you. They must feel so powerless right now,” Nick explained.
“I’m just so tired of fighting with them.”
“Do you want to stay somewhere else? We could call Asher. I’m sure he could find us somewhere secure to go. You only have to say the word, baby. We’ll do whatever is best for you,” he told me.
“Maybe,” I shrugged. “Let’s just see how things go for a while. If Kyle keeps blowing up like that though, I think it might be better for us to go elsewhere.” It hurt to say it. That house had always been my home and I had always felt safe and settled there. Now I just felt like I didn’t belong anymore, and it was just another part of my previous life that had been ripped from me.
“Hey. I just saw Harris. He’s fine. Kyle backed off, but the boss wants us to have a back up plan, just in case we need to leave here,” Kailan explained as he walked in and threw himself to the bed beside Nick and me.
“We were talking about that too. Maybe we could call Asher and see if he can help,” Nick suggested.
“That’s what the boss is doing right now,” Kailan confirmed.
“I miss your house,” I sighed. “I know I wasn’t there long, but it just…I felt comfortable there. It felt like home.”
“It is your home, Evie, if you want it to be. Wherever you want to live when this is over, just know that we’ll be with you. You’re stuck with us. We go where you go,” Nick told me, and it helped. Maybe this house wasn’t my home anymore, but I did have a home with the guys.
“I don’t know what I’ll do after this is over, but I do know I want to be with all of you and Zack,” I told them. It was good to know that for sure. It was about all I knew for sure at that time, but it was enough. Everything was so uncertain and scary, but whatever happened, whatever shape my future took, I knew my four guys and Zack would be a part of it. It was something solid that I could cling to in the chaos. It was a peace of calm in the middle of the storm I was being swept up in.