Chapter Nineteen
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Saff
There were rules.
I mean, there were supposed to be rules right from the beginning. Namely, not screwing my business partner—and screwing up my whole life.
But I quickly realized how impossible that was.
So I set up a few new rules.
No overnights.
But when that got squashed by the promise of challah bread French toast—which may or may not have been worth my entire life potentially falling apart—I had to go back to the drawing board.
That’s when I came up with the new rules.
Number one: no back-to-backs.
I could sleep over if I wanted to. But only for one night. Then the next night, I had to be in my own bed.
Number two: no keeping things at his house.
Once I retrieved the two bras and one pair of panties he’d had cleaned and stashed away for me, I made sure I never left any clothes behind. Though, I did make an exception when it came to the book we were both reading together.
Number three: no texting or calling unless it had to do with the nightclub.
Number four: no talking about the future. There was no future. This thing had an expiration date. It had to.
And, finally, number five: if he ever says the word ‘love,’ I had to run. Hide. Scorched earth.
This was not about love.
It was just physical.
Even if each time I saw him, the more I wanted to see him. Even if I started to tell him things about my childhood, about my life on the streets, that not even my closest friends knew.
I told him so much that it started to get harder and harder to remember how much I couldn’t tell him.
Hell, I even felt bad about the lies that were stacking. So much so that I was worried I might accidentally make it all topple over.
Worse yet, he watched me as I quickly lied about building my business, about how I acquired the abandoned club on a song, and I swear I saw a flicker of disappointment in his eyes.
But disappointed about what?
Could he know it was a lie?
Was he upset that I continued to perpetuate it?
No.
No, I couldn’t let myself go there.
I was being careful.
Or, at least, convincing.
Though now that he’d seen me damn near every day for two weeks in my usual jeans and leggings and tees, I wasn’t sure how convincing I was in my stupid black slacks and black silk blouse with my hair pulled back in a low pony that made me feel like a founding father.
But when I was visiting Soren’s office, I had to look the part of Saff Amato, businesswoman. Not the girl who was enthusiastically—and sometimes gymnastically—screwing her partner.
I resisted the urge to tug at my collar as the doors slid open to the floor.
There was Teresa, looking much more natural in a similar outfit—though hers was in an elevated beige color—than I ever could.
“Miss Amato,” she greeted me. “Nice to see you again.”
I wasn’t entirely convinced she meant that.
A tingle moved up my spine.
But even as I racked my brain, I couldn’t think of a single reason she would be disingenuous. I mean, I hadn’t even seen her in weeks.
Maybe I was just being suspicious, seeing and hearing things that weren’t there.
“You too. I’m late again, aren’t I?”
“You’re on time. They were early,” she said, nodding toward the conference room where Soren and our lawyers were waiting. “Just between you and me, leave it to a man to miss an entire folder that was sitting right in front of him, right?” she asked, rolling her eyes.
Soren and I needed to be back at the office because his attorney had somehow accidentally forgotten to get us to sign an entire folder of paperwork that had to do with the club.
“And for his female assistant to be the one to notice,” I agreed.
“I know that’s right. I’ll grab you a coffee,” she said as we parted at the doorway.
Seeing me, Soren rose to his feet. And the lawyers were quick to do so before Soren could scold them again.
Soren glanced at me, his gaze tracking down my body. When his eyes made it back to my face, the light was dancing in them and a smile was hiding in the corners of his mouth. Like he knew how much I hated my outfit. Like he agreed it didn’t suit me.
“Miss Amato,” he greeted me, holding out a hand to the chair beside him.
“Again, I’m very sorry about all this,” Soren’s lawyer said, looking appropriately uncomfortable at his blunder as he passed paperwork to Soren. “This should be over quickly.”
Soren reached for his pen to sign, but his free hand slid under the table to rest on my knee.
Neither of us realized Teresa had approached until she was right beside us. Soren snatched his hand back, but judging by the tightness in Teresa’s jaw, not before her keen eyes had seen.
“Thank you,” I mumbled at the coffee set before me, but I couldn’t quite make any eye contact with her.
As promised, it was a quick, painless process. Even if being close to Soren not only brought up the desire that I could always count on when near him, but the much more alarming warm, tightening sensation in my chest that I was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge.
Because I knew that if I did, I would have to put a name to it. And that name was very, very dangerous.
Eventually, the lawyers excused themselves, and Soren and I moved to walk toward the door.
Oblivious to Teresa’s gaze on us, he moved right in behind me, leaning down to my ear to speak.
“I’m getting home at ten. I want you in my bed, naked, and ready for me,” he said, making my sex clench hard. “Got it?” he asked, and that little reminder of his occasional dominance had me damn near whimpering.
“Yes.” Then, summoning more professionalism. “Let me know if you have any updates on the club,” I said, walking on stiff, awkward legs toward the elevator.
“Hold that door,” Teresa called. “I’m going down too.”
I had no choice but to throw my arm out and stop the doors from closing. Even if my stomach was dropping and that cool sliver moved down my spine again.
“Thanks,” Teresa said, even giving me a smile.
Until the doors closed and started to move.
The smile fell.
Her arm shot out.
She hit the emergency stop button, then turned to me.
Great.
Here we go.
“I don’t know who you really are, Saff Amato. But I do know that you’re not who you’re trying to make yourself seem to Soren.
“I haven’t gone to him about it because I don’t have anything to back up that gut feeling. But I am going to figure it out. Because it was one thing when you were lying to him while engaging in business. Trust me, I’ve seen some shady shit go down over the years. But now, you’re not only fucking him, but you have him looking at you like he’s seeing rings and babies in his future.”
My heart leapt at that.
“Now here’s the thing. Soren is my boss. But that man is like a son to me. I don’t care that I’m not that much older than him. I’m the one who makes sure he eats, who makes his doctor’s appointments, who makes sure he gets an actual cake on his birthday and that he blows out his candles—even if he pretends to be annoyed by it.
“I know you don’t know me, but I am a fiercely protective mother. If I get the slightest bit of proof to confirm my suspicions that you’re fucking that man around, you are going to answer to me. You got that?”
I’d known a lot of intimidating women in my time. Hell, I liked to think that I was one myself. But Teresa was a whole different force of nature right then.
I got a distinct vision of her chasing me down with that letter opener she kept in the pen cup on her desk.
“I got it,” I agreed, getting a nod from her as she reached to push the button again. “For the record, I have no intentions to fuck him over.”
“Sometimes it happens even if you don’t intend for it to. For the record, I hope I’m wrong. Because it’s nice to see him happy. But I don’t think I’m wrong,” she said, giving me one long look before stepping out of the elevator.
I followed, but slowed my pace, not wanting to run into her again.
My chest felt like it was in a vice grip as I walked down the street, tugging my shirt out of my slacks, then unbuttoning it to reveal the tank top beneath, feeling like I was overheating.
From the heat of Teresa’s words.
But also the oppressiveness of my lies.
To the one man I was pretty sure I was falling for.
“God,” I grumbled, slamming my head back against the brick wall at the subway platform.
How the hell had I let that happen?
I hadn’t even realized I’d been capable of love. Not romantic love, anyway.
That said, I never spent enough time with a man before to allow any kind of feelings to grow.
And none of those men before were even remotely like Soren. And certainly none of them knew how to handle me the way Soren did.
He was so attuned to me. He knew when he could be soft and sweet with me, when he could evoke emotions and expose vulnerabilities, and how to comfort me when they arose. But he also knew when to give me space or humor.
My memory flashed back to Teresa’s words about rings and babies, and I could suddenly see that for myself so clearly. Even though I’d never given either of those a second thought before.
Maybe because I hadn’t known Soren before.
“Ugh,” I grumbled, slipping into a seat on the subway.
Because it didn’t matter how much either of us might be picturing a future.
We could never have one.
Because I could never tell him the truth about me.
I mean, even if Renzo decided to let me open up, the chances of Soren forgiving me for being lied to like that were near zero.
I spent the rest of the ride fighting off stupid, useless tears and telling myself that while I was going to go to Soren’s place for some sweaty fun, I wasn’t going to stay for the snuggling. And I damn sure wasn’t going to stay over.
I had to start putting the walls back into place again, since the rules clearly weren’t doing the heavy lifting like I’d hoped.
I was just coming up the steps at the station in Brooklyn when my phone started to ring in my pocket.
Not recognizing the number, I swiped the screen and brought it to my ear, barking out a sharp, “What?”
“Saff, it’s Cormac,” he said in my ear, seemingly unbothered by my outburst, which made me worry a bit about what kind of drunk his father might be.
“Cormac. What’s up?” I asked, wondering if he maybe needed an advance on the next day’s work. It wouldn’t be the first time. He’d called panicked from the urgent care when his youngest brother had been spiking an awful fever. And he didn’t have the cash for the visit. Bass had shown up and paid for the visit, the prescription, and some over-the-counter shit that wasn’t strictly necessary but would make the kid a lot more comfortable.
Cormac, hating the idea of handouts, insisted on doing something in exchange for it.
So Bastian had a nice clean apartment.
The kid was better.
And Cormac didn’t have to feel like he was being pitied.
“You said to call if anything suspicious was going on at the club. My brother told me that some guy was creeping around.”
“Well, there’s a whole crew of people working there on and off,” I reminded him.
“That’s what I said. But he was being a pain in the ass about it, so I came over. Yeah, the crew isn’t here today. And the guy went around the back and disappeared.”
“There’s an alley—”
“Not an idiot, Saff,” he cut me off. “I had my brother wait on the other end. He never came out that way. He just straight up disappeared. Which means—”
“He got inside,” I said, exhaling hard through my nose.
I wanted to go home and get out of my business clothes. Then I wanted to drown my complicated feelings in a pint of chocolate ice cream.
But no.
Now I had to go… shoo some unhoused guy or criminal out of my club.
Well, actually, maybe that was exactly what I needed.
Not to wallow.
To get distracted.
To lean into the woman I was , not the woman I liked getting to be around Soren.
“Alright. I’ll be there in fifteen. Don’t go in and don’t confront him if he comes out. But you can follow at a distance if you want to keep me updated.”
“Got it,” Cormac said, hanging up.
I picked up my pace as I reached up to tie my hair, then reached to check for my card knife in my wallet, since I didn’t have time to stop home for a better weapon.
When I closed in on the club, Cormac moved to meet me.
“I can hang out front in case he comes running out. And my brother will block the alley,” he said, nodding his chin toward it.
I glanced over. “He’s all of twelve.”
“He’s tough,” Cormac said, puffing up a bit.
I was sure he was, just like his big brother.
But, fuck, they were kids. They shouldn’t have to be tough.
“Here,” I said, pushing a hundred toward him. “A bonus to… get lost,” I said, making my tone dramatic, so he thought some crazy super-secret family business might be going down, so he didn’t try to stick around to play the hero. “Go blow it on junk food or toys or some shit,” I added.
Cormac gave me a nod, then walked down the alley toward his brother, slinging an arm over the little one’s shoulders as they walked off.
I hated that I could see them in five, ten years’ time running their own crew, running the streets. But that was what lives like theirs did. Hardened you. Made you morally flexible.
I would know.
Sighing, I waited to make sure they were gone before making my way toward the club, gaze flicking up toward the camera on the front door, then quietly unlocking the door and stepping inside.
It wasn’t long before I realized that I wasn’t the only one with secrets.
Soren was hiding some dirty ones of his own.