Chapter 6
CHAPTER SIX
Chase
Where the hell is my phone?
I toss the things in my locker around, then dig through my gym bag for the second time.
“What’d you lose?” Brady asks, pulling a shirt over his head.
“My phone. I just had it.” I freeze, looking down the row of lockers, trying to remember where I saw it.
“You mean this phone?” I spin, just as I feel Mason sliding something from my back pocket. My shoulders fall and I scoff, yanking it from his hand and ignoring his grin.
“You good, bro?” he teases, sitting down to pull on his shoes.
I shove it back in my pocket, swiftly tossing my gym bag in my locker. I’ll take it home after practice this afternoon.
“What’s the rush?” Brady watches me closely, and I don’t miss how both of them have started to move faster, likely to keep up with me.
“Just got something to do, is all.”
“You seem to have a lot of things to do lately, but oddly, those things only pop up when you’d normally be with us.”
I swallow, shrugging it off. “You know I’ve got a busy schedule this semester. Getting close to…graduation and all.” The words hit my throat like acid, burning on the way out.
“We just miss you, man.” Mason’s words have my head yanking up, and I hate to see the concern in his eyes. He’s got too much on his plate to worry about me and my absence.
“Guys, I see you every day for training and again at practice.”
Brady crosses his arms. “It’s not the same. You’re never home, never around for lunch with the girls.”
My skin grows warm, so I pretend to look through my bag when I’ve got nothing in there I can grab as an excuse. “I’m just hitting the books pretty hard. Sorry. I didn’t realize it seemed like I was—”
“Withdrawing from your friends again like you did freshman year?”
My muscles coil, and I spin around. “Mase.”
He waves me off. “We’re just worried, man.
Freshman year, you had a reason, so we left you alone for as long as we could because we understood how heavy everything was after Ari.
Hell, I needed that time, too, but we got past that.
You’re my brother, Chase. Whatever’s going on”—I open my mouth to lie some more, but he doesn’t allow it—“and we know something is. If you aren’t ready to talk about it, that’s fine, but don’t shut us out.
You saw how well that went for Payton when she closed herself off. ”
All I can do is nod, but my eyes bounce to the clock above, and I jolt. “Shit, I gotta go.”
Mason’s shoulders fall, but I keep moving, tearing toward the exit with a hint of dare I say excitement in my gut as I make my way to the practice field.
I get two whole steps when I spot her, lying on her back on the turf.
“Look—”
My head jerks to the side as Mason and Brady step up, both of their attention locked on the little blond.
“Okay, so,” Brady starts talking again. “I feel like I should say if she is the reason you’ve been ditching us, you are officially awarded a pass.” He grins, slowly sliding his eyes to mine. “But I also happen to know she’s been at lunch every day so, sorry, no pass.”
A low laugh leaves me, and I look back to the turf, my feet hesitating when I realize how much I want to walk over to her.
I shouldn’t. Nothing can happen between us.
Not that I’m saying I want it to but…even if I did, I couldn’t act on it, not with my life balancing on a busted route.
Mason clamps my shoulder, and when I look his way, his smile is hopeful. “Let’s go to pizza Sunday, just the boys. I’ve got that hundred-dollar gift card I won at the gala last year burning a hole in my pocket.”
I nod, my throat tight all of a sudden.
He gives me a little shove toward Paige, and I stand there until I can no longer hear their footsteps behind me.
With a deep breath, I meet the girl in the middle.
Paige
“Excuse me, miss, you didn’t happen to see a Certified Negativity Exorcist hanging around, did you?”
I smile when I hear him, but I keep my eyes closed, listening to his approach.
“She’s about as tall as a third grader and may or may not have a giant wet stain all across her back that she’s not aware of.”
A laugh bubbles out of me. “Oh, she’s aware.
She can feel it soaking through her dress.
” The sun disappears from the lids of my eyes, so I let them open and see Chase’s figure glowing with a halo of sunrays behind him.
“I realized it a little too late and figured there was no point in messing up the juju when I was already screwed.”
“Juju?”
“Yep.” I lift my hands into the air, and after a moment, he wraps his around mine and hauls me to my feet. “The first rule of a CNE is to free the mind of all negative thoughts, be it with the rise of a new day or the fall of the current one—that’s a literal line straight from the handbook.”
He chuckles, but his shoulders are heavy, which is sad. The day has only started, and he already seems so…weighed down.
“Tell me something that you’re grateful for.”
His face falls, and he looks off. “Uh…”
“Don’t think too hard, just something simple. Like a right-now thought.” He shuffles on his feet, licking his lips and looking everywhere but at me.
“I’ll go first. I’m grateful that the girl in my dorm who steals my tea pod every day didn’t take my last one this morning.”
Chase’s eyes move to mine and he grins. “Someone steals your tea?”
“Chai tea pods are a hot commodity to broke college kids.”
“Shouldn’t you be grateful for the fact that you had a tea pod left and not the girl who usually steals them?”
“Hey, this is a judgment-free zone. Now focus,” I tease. “Something simple you’re grateful for.”
“Shit, um…” He sighs. “This is hard.”
“What did you do so far this morning?”
“Nothing yet.” He shrugs.
“Didn’t you just come out of the gym?”
“Yeah, but that’s—”
“What did you do so far today?” I repeat.
His eyes narrow playfully, and while it takes him a moment, he catches on, the corner of his mouth twitching. “I’m…grateful I was able to get my cardio done?”
“Is that a question?”
His chuckle is low, and he licks his lips. “No. Not a question.”
“Good.” I clap three times and repeat mine. “I’m grateful I had a tea pod to make myself a tea this morning.”
He wants to laugh, looking at me like I’m crazy.
“Come on, now you.”
“Seriously?”
I put my hands on my hips, and his teeth sink into his lower lip. He stares before looking around us, clapping his hands three times, even if he does so very, very lightly. “I’m grateful I was able to get my cardio done.”
My smile is instant. “Perfect, now for the hard part.”
“If you want to challenge me to pat my head and rub my stomach at the same time, I should warn you now, I’m kind of a pro at that.”
“Ha ha, funny guy.” I tip my head. “Today, when you were doing your cardio, what were you thinking about?”
The corners of his mouth fall instantly, and he looks away.
It’s…sad. Whatever is eating at him seems to consume his thoughts.
“I’ll go first again,” I offer, turning away from him slightly.
“When I was sitting on the counter drinking my tea this morning, or I guess maybe nearly every morning, I couldn’t help but think about my dad.
” In my peripheral vision, I watch as he looks my way again.
“We used to have tea together at night. Sleepytime Tea with a spoonful of honey. The honey might have defeated the entire purpose of it helping settle you to sleep, but we liked it that way.” I sigh.
“And then because I was thinking of my dad, I started thinking about how I’ll never get to have tea with him again, and then I started thinking about the studio I bought in his name and all these impossible decisions I have to make.
So I poured my tea down the drain and headed here to avoid it all. ”
Finally, I glance at Chase.
He swallows, nodding his head. Focusing on the ground, he kicks his shoe against the turf a couple times before he peeks up from under his lashes. “Would you think I was lying if I said I was thinking about my dad, too?”
“No.”
His lips twitch and he sighs, dropping his head back so he’s staring at the sky. “He’s having a hard time, and while I’m not exactly the cause of his stress, I’m the center of his focus.”
“And that makes you feel guilty.”
“Yep.” He nods, frowning at the sun.
“So how is it that something simple that we enjoy led us to thoughts that were so negative?”
“Reality.”
I nod. “Maybe, but what if we focused on that moment of gratefulness instead of letting our minds run. Like if I tasted the tea instead of drinking it, I would be thinking about the different herbs or the citrus. For you, you might pay attention to the tension in your muscles or the rate of your heart—the good that’s coming out of that moment instead of just existing in it, so that’s what we’re going to do right now. Focus on the moment.”
I grab his arms and lower them down at his sides, looking up at him. “Stay just like this.” I move behind him, pressing my backside up against his.
“What…” he chuckles, shifting but I reach back, clutching his forearms.
“Hey, I’m the teacher here. You have to listen.”
His shoulders shake with his laughter, but he plants himself into position.
“Okay, now stretch your spine so you’re standing tall, and close your eyes as you take a deep breath.” His back inflates against mine and I smile to myself. “Good. Now just breathe and focus on right now.”
I let his arms go, glancing down to make sure they’re still hanging there. We stand in silence a few seconds, just taking even, deep breaths in unison.
The first thing I note is his back is solid against mine, broad enough that I feel even smaller, almost swallowed up by the space he takes up. I shift slightly, trying to balance, but he doesn’t budge. Like a wall, he’s unshakable, steady, completely unaffected.
“What do you notice?” I ask.
“Notice?”
“Yeah. What comes to mind or what do you feel? What are you paying attention to?”
There’s a beat of silence before his voice rumbles behind me, low and thoughtful. “You’re warm.” He pauses. “Small.”
“Now that’s a revelation,” I tease.
He exhales a short laugh, the movement pressing his back a little more firmly into mine.
“I mean, trust me, I’ve noticed, but now you’re right here and I…
can’t help but focus on how small you are compared to me.
” The way he says it, I get the feeling he likes the thought of being bigger than me, stronger, but not in a cocky way.
More protective or maybe satisfied. “I have to drop my shoulders lower just to try and match you. Feels weird.”
A small frown begins to form between my brows, overshadowing the warmth that settled in my stomach. “Weird how?”
“I don’t know just…I’m more aware of it, I guess. Almost like, like…”
“Like what?”
“Like you’re fragile. It makes me feel like I should…” He hesitates a moment before continuing. “Like I should turn around and put my arms around you instead of—” He cuts himself off. “I don’t know, am I doing this right?”
I chew on the corner of my lip, fighting back a smile. “Yeah, you’re doing this right.”
I shift, more from nerves than anything, but this time he shifts too, and our skin brushes against each other. The contact is barely there, just the edge of his knuckle grazing my arm, but it lingers. The kind of touch that shouldn’t mean anything.
So why does it feel like it does?
I don’t realize I’ve moved my head until it’s already pointed over my shoulder, my blue eyes locking with his green ones. It seems we both glanced back at the same exact time.
We’re close, so close I catch the flicker of something unreadable in his expression, close enough that, for a second, I wonder if he feels this too.
I don’t dare ask the specific question in my mind but give him the option to answer however he feels driven to.
“How do you feel?” The words come out lower than intended.
His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows, the tiniest hint of a frown appearing between his brows. “Focused. Focused on right now.”
“Good.” I chew on the inside of my lip, fighting the flush that is spreading up my chest. “Try and hold on to that later. I mean, not this moment, but whatever one you’re in.
If you’re in class, see the scene play out in your mind instead of reading it.
Walking to your dorm, smell the grass as you count your steps.
Things like that if you need to pull your head out of the mud. ”
“Is that what you do?”
“I try.”
Chase nods, his eyes moving between mine.
Clearing my throat, I step away, snag my bag off the ground, and spin around, heading for the exit.
“Hey, what… Wait.” Chase takes a few long strides, catching up with me, and when I look his way, he has a small frown on his face. “That’s it?”
“Until next time.”
He stops walking, calling out after a moment. “And when is next time?”
“Guess we’ll see!” I keep walking, grinning to myself as I make my way to my dorm, thoughts of a certain football player filling my mind the entire way.