Chapter 10
CHAPTER TEN
Chase
“Stop fucking fidgeting. You’re making me nervous.” Brady glares.
I scoff. “What the hell do you have to be nervous about?”
“What the hell do you have to be nervous about?”
My head snaps forward in straight-up avoidance.
“Bro, just tell us what the message said.”
I catch Mason’s grin in my peripheral. “Shut up.”
“If you tell us, we’ll tell you what she told us after she read it…”
My eyes yank his way so fast, and instantly, both of my asshole best friends start laughing, perceptive grins on their faces. I’m not sure why I’m so easily baited when I know Paige didn’t put me on blast. She’s not the type.
Am I her type?
The universe has a funny way of mocking me, testing and tearing at me, and the moment I think it, a sleek, black SUV pulls up to the curb, and none other than Noah Riley slides out…wearing a deep-navy-blue, three-piece suit.
My insides coil, and I resist the urge to look down at the outfit I was feeling pretty good about, a black button-up, navy slacks, and a matching jacket. It’s the outfit I bought for last season’s football gala—it’s the knockoff version of Noah’s.
That familiar feeling of inadequacy, of never measuring up, sinks in my chest, heavy and unwelcome, like a weight against my ribs, making it a chore to act unbothered. Hell, it’s a chore to breathe correctly.
How could I be her type when she too once dated the man before me, even if, from what Mason told me, it was more a situation of two young best friends who trauma-bonded over their sick parents.
Still. In my eyes, that means she was his once.
Still is in the friend department; it’s how we met her, after all.
As far as I know, she had no other friends until Noah introduced her to Ari, who introduced her to Cam and the rest of us.
Noah Riley is a real-life golden boy, unwavering in his composure. He’s a saint in this world, and here I am with mine crumbling all around me—unworthy and losing a fight no one knows I’m in.
I don’t realize my steps have slowed until the guys are ahead of me, both looking back with mirroring expressions of concern, but then Noah closes his door, and they face forward.
“I know Ari said you’d be here, but I half expected you to have to cancel, man.” Mason walks up to his future brother-in-law, wrapping him in a hug. “Big, bad pro receiver now and all.”
And I’m reminded yet again of how much lower on the pole I’ll be when all this is over.
Mason and Brady have been my brothers for the last nine years, the two people in the world I could trust over anyone else.
None of us had real brothers of our own, Brady being an only child like me.
Mason had Ari, of course, but their bond was different, better and more in every sense of the word, as it should be, but our bond was also unshakable.
Until I shook, dropped, and fucking stomped it out.
Soon, really fucking soon, he’ll have a real brother, and eventually I’ll fade into the background, especially if I fuck up and don’t go pro—which is likely considering my recent track record.
And it won’t be because Mason lets me go. It will be me.
They are moving on to bigger and better things, and I won’t be the one who tags along, always in need of a little help to keep up.
My best friend would never see it like that, going out of his way to include me however he had to, but that’s the entire point—I don’t want to be that guy.
I won’t be.
Mason was wanted in the NFL last year, but he decided to finish out his college education first, so he’s as good as in, and Brady is 100 percent being drafted come April, just like Noah was two years ago.
I wasn’t being dramatic when I told Paige I stand to lose everything.
So if I don’t convince someone from the NFL that they need me, I’ll also lose my best friends.
“How’s it going, Chase?”
My head snaps up, my throat growing tight, but I do what I always do. I force my lips to curve a bit, swallowing the guilt that consumes me whenever he’s near. Hell, whenever he’s so much as mentioned.
Any other man would see me as the enemy after what I did—telling the women he loved that I could love her just the same, begging like a fool for her to give me another chance after I hurt her by choosing my friendship with Mason over her.
I led her on, and then I led her right into his arms before I tried to take her back in mine. Not that I would have been able to.
She is right where she was meant to be, with the man who was made for her.
I still don’t understand why I did it.
Sometimes I think it was out of pure panic.
I didn’t want to lose her, and a part of me thought I would.
She was important to me, too, both Ari and Cameron.
They were as good of friends to me as the guys were, so it was scary to watch her walk away when I’d started to see her as more than my best friend’s little sister.
I stare into Noah’s eyes and, as always, his slope at the edges, a hint of sorrow staring back at me…because he’s a fucking saint.
The man feels bad for me after all the shit I did.
It only makes me hate myself more.
“Hey, man” is all I can manage to squeeze past the ball of regret in my throat.
I turn away, running my hand over the back of my neck when the double doors open to Paige’s dorm building.
A small group of girls steps out, staring and smiling in our direction. It’s not every day they come out to see four guys standing in dress clothes with hair gelled and faces freshly shaved. No, they’re used to seeing guys in track shorts and hoodies.
I peek inside, spotting a glimpse of Cameron slipping off the elevator, so I shoot forward and catch the door, holding it open.
I smile at Cameron as she saunters off with too much sass for one person, her red dress tight and long and guaranteed to make Brady puff out his chest like the proud fucker he is, ready to flaunt her in front of any and every one he can get to look her way because he will definitely make a scene just to get people to notice the girl he gets to call his.
She spots me and her smile turns into a smirk that has my eyes narrowing.
“Chaser.” She pecks my cheek as she walks by, whispering, “You can thank me later.”
Her words are lost on me, but I chuckle as I watch her go, facing forward again just as Ari slips past.
She smiles her hello, but her eyes go forward instantly, and she squeals as she runs off, likely straight into Noah’s arms, but I don’t look.
Couldn’t if I wanted to because in that same moment, Paige comes into view.
She pauses to say something to her dorm RA.
My gaze slides over her from head to toe.
Her dress is a deep blue—the same shade of blue as my jacket and slacks. She’s not wearing it by chance. She chose it, chose to match me tonight—the thought has something that feels a lot like satisfaction zipping down my spine.
The dress is far too tight, wrapped around her like a spandex blanket yet somehow lying as elegant as silk. It might be silk.
Her back is fully exposed, her hair ends teasing low on her spine and curled in those kinds of waves you see in old Hollywood photos on the wall at the Hard Rock. There’s a tiny strip of material that comes up along her shoulder blades, the only thing keeping the dress from slipping right off.
It would be so easy to peel it from her skin. It would fall in one swoop, puddling around her tiny feet in those sparky black heels…
I’m a little taken aback by how vivid the image is, by how real I want it to be.
I’m not supposed to want her this way.
She spins then, and something knocks against my ribs once. Twice.
Man, she is… Wow.
If she’s wearing makeup, it’s done so faintly, you can’t even tell, other than this little sparkle of something that draws my attention straight to her eyes. She looks up, her eyes meeting mine, her smile slow and shy, and when she blinks, it’s like her lashes sweep in slow motion.
Her eyes—they’re so blue tonight. Clear and sharp and trained on me.
I think I’d like to keep them there.
“Hi.”
Her smile tugs deeper, though she fights it. “Hi.”
I don’t want her to fight it. I want to see how far those laugh lines can reach.
How far the blush that’s slowly appearing goes.
She blushes so easily.
For me or for everyone?
A hand clamps on my shoulder, and I jolt, head yanking to my right.
Brady is grinning like a damn fool. “Love you, bro, and as much as I’d like to stand back and let you stare till you got your fill, there’re people waiting to get past you, but they’re too nice to say it.”
What…
I blink, looking around, and realize I stepped forward without knowing it, my body now half in the doorway, completely blocking her from stepping all the way out, leaving no room for anyone else to go in or out.
Well, that’s fucking embarrassing.
I clear my throat, looking away as I move to the side.
Slowly, Paige passes, but in my peripheral vision, I notice how her eyes hold on me until they can’t. “Oh my god, Noah!” she shouts. “Hi!”
I try not to look, but my attention slides their way as she steps up, giving her friend a hug.
Her friend that she had feelings for once upon a time.
Irritated with myself, I pull my eyes away, glancing out over the parking lot.
I don’t know what the hell is going on with me right now, but I need to get my shit together.
Paige isn’t mine, and even if I liked the idea that just maybe she could be, I’m not in a place to share myself with someone else. Fuck, man, does she think this is a date?
Do I want it to be?
She’s wearing the same color as me.
I look over, and a frown forms.
She’s wearing the same color as him, too, so maybe it means nothing. She invited us all here, and it’s not like she gave me a hug tonight. Not that I wanted one or anything.
Mason elbows me, but I just give him a nod, pretending there’s nothing going on in my mind and wishing it were true.
I’m a contradiction to my own damn self and I’m so tired of it.
I’m tired of being tired of everything.