Chapter 33
CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
Paige
I never did power on my phone like I had said I would the night I got back.
Instead, I numbly fell into bed and that’s where I stayed. No, not numbly, that’s the wrong word.
Devastatingly.
Heartbreakingly.
I stayed up for hours and hours, and I have no idea when jet lag finally claimed me, but it’s a quarter past seven in the morning on Friday, two days since I landed.
Two days since my grandpa turned my world upside down.
My cheeks hurt from all the crying and my heart just feels…beaten.
Money. He traded me for money?
For a future of his own without me?
Doesn’t he know I would have shared my entire world with him? That I wanted to marry him to fulfill my grandpa’s request? That I was going to agree to take over the business with him at my side?
It would have worked out well, after some trial and error I’m sure, and maybe in time we could find a way to incorporate football so he didn’t lose every part of it. That was my thought, something we could learn to navigate together. Hope.
I wanted to be his hope and he just…
I suck in a choked breath, unable to stop the tears from coming again.
God, I can’t do this.
I need to get out of this room, get some fresh air.
“Just, pass the time, Paige. It’s all you can do,” I tell myself, deciding to get up like it’s any other day.
I grab my clothes and my little yellow basket, carrying it to the bathrooms. I put my hair up in a clip and take a quick shower.
When I get out, I brush my teeth, moisturize my face, and leave my wet hair down.
I don’t have the energy to do more than that.
I head out for a walk, grabbing a hot tea at a little place down the road, and then curve back around toward campus, the numbness starting to settle in.
How could my grandpa do this to me? It wasn’t fair to any of us.
But how could Chase, the man that said he loved me—
No.
My eyes clench closed and I take a deep breath. It’s okay.
You’re going to be okay. You’ve known loss before. You will know loss again. You can do this.
My lips tremble and my chin falls to my chest.
He said I could keep him, and he lied.
I bend at the knee, burying my face in my hands, and lose it a little more.
“Paige?” My name is called. “Oh my god, Paige!”
Oh no. I fly to my feet, swiping my eyes with the back of my sleeves and slowly, spin to face the girls.
“Oh my god, girl. What happened?” Cam’s eyes are wide and Ari rushes me, wrapping me in a hug before pulling back.
“What happened? We’ve been calling you for days. You have a new RA and she wouldn’t let us in and… What’s going on, what happened?” Her brows pinch.
It strikes me then that they don’t know what he did. They wouldn’t be looking at me like this if they did, right? They wouldn’t have to ask.
Oh god.
It hits me.
Losing him means losing them, doesn’t it? They’re his family, have been long before I was their anything and will be long after I’m forgotten.
He’s going to forget me one day…
My eyes sting and I shake my head, jaw clenching to keep from breaking down in front of everyone.
“Nothing, it’s…just…” I shake my head. “I’m just tired, you know. Jet lag and stuff.”
They look at one another, nodding lightly, accepting my nonanswer for now and wrapping me in their arms.
“We were hoping that was all,” Cam says. “That you passed out and were all whack on your time. We were going to sneak in somehow and drag you to lunch.”
My stomach suddenly feels hollow at the mention of food and I force myself to nod, not wanting to walk away from these girls who have become my best friends until I’m forced to.
When he gets back.
Two days ago, I was sad he wasn’t here, and now I dread the moment he returns.
I allow the girls to lead me to the café, and when we round the corner, I nearly stop walking at the sight of Mason and Brady.
Surely they know. He’s their best friend.
“What the hell?” Cam mumbles, and we realize they are arguing.
Their eyes snap up, spotting us, and when they spot me, their faces go slack.
They know, don’t they?
“What’s going on?” Ari asks.
Mason looks over at Brady and holds his hand out. “Just tell her, man.”
Brady’s expression tightens as he stares at his best friend, only looking to me a moment later.
I swallow, trying to keep my tone neutral. “Tell me what?”
“It could be nothing…” he says softly, looking over at Cam when she steps up and takes his hand.
“Brady, what’s going on? Tell us.” Cam frowns, her other hand wrapping around my free one.
Brady runs a hand along the back of his head and gives a little shrug. “Nothing, it’s just that I got all unpacked last night, walked down here to grab something to eat before they closed, and when I got back, Fernando was in the room.”
I frown from Mase to him, not comprehending.
“Brady,” Cameron pushes, clearly as confused as I am.
“He said that he’s my roommate this semester. He put in for a swap in the middle of last semester because he and Jensen argued all the time, but there were no rooms that came up. And I guess he got a call last week and they told him someone had left the house. His new room is…my room.”
His new room is Brady’s room.
The room that Brady shares with Chase—that he has shared with Chase since they first arrived here freshman year nearly four years ago.
“I… But…” My throat is closing, and I look from one person to the next, to the next, my feet shuffling backward, my head shaking. “I don’t understand.” My voice is but a whisper.
“I mean, neither do we,” Mason offers, wrapping his arm around Payton and pulling her close. “We already reached out to Coach, but he didn’t have anything to tell us…”
Mason cuts a quick glance at Brady, and Mase sighs. “He told you about his injury over break.”
I nod, unable to keep the hint of concern from slipping in. At least he’ll have them to talk to now. When he needs someone.
“Wait, what injury?” Cam pushes. “What injury, Mase?”
“He wasn’t ready for everyone to know but…” Mason’s shoulders fall and he looks to me, letting me make the call, but it’s not my place to share anymore so I look away, more tears stinging the back of my eyes.
“Chase found out he has a spinal issue. He can’t play anymore, but…” Mason looks my way, ignoring the girls gasping around me. “Do you think that’s why he moved out? ’Cause being in the football house with everyone is too much?”
I lift my shoulders, not trusting myself to speak. Mason frowns, studying me.
“Have you tried to call him?” Ari worries. “To ask him what’s going on?”
They nod and Brady says, “Voicemail and it wasn’t exactly something we wanted to ask on there. He didn’t tell you, Paige, and ask you not to say anything?”
My eyes fall to the grass and I shake my head, unable to meet their gazes.
“What’s going on?” Payton walks up, tossing an empty smoothie cup in the trash on her way.
Cam fills her in quickly. “Nobody’s seen Chase and he’s not Brady’s roommate anymore.”
Payton’s head snaps back a little, and she tilts it to the side. “I saw his truck this morning.”
Everyone jolts, spinning her way, and her eyes widen. “Whoa, you guys are actually worried that something’s wrong?”
“Where did you see him?” Brady asks.
“In the west parking lot, you know the one by the baseball stadium? I was scoping out some outdoor shoot options on that side of campus… I think it was still there when I left.”
The guys take off immediately, their worry morphing into anger as they rush toward the answers they want.
When I don’t move, Cam looks at me with concern.
“Whatever is going on, it’s going to be okay,” she promises, following after her family.
She has no idea how wrong she is.
Ari hooks her arm through mine, dragging me along, but I tug myself free, giving her a tight smile when her features morph into a scowl.
“Paige?”
Tears prick my eyes, and I shake my head. “I can’t…” I breathe and then take off, running back to my dorm, but I don’t go inside. I go past it, heading to the bus stop and hop on the first one that arrives.
It takes me a few hours, but eventually I end up at the end of my grandpa’s long, winding driveway.
I make it halfway up before he comes out, having spotted me on the cameras, I’m sure.
“Paige, sweet—”
“Please don’t,” I whisper. “I only came here because I have nowhere else to go.”
My grandpa swallows. “I understand.”
“I just…I don’t want to be there when everyone finds out what he did. What you did.”
His chin lowers to his chest, and he nods. “He’s back?”
I nod, hugging myself, and when he ushers me into the house, I go willingly, locking myself in a spare room.
And then I cry myself to sleep. Again.
I’m dead asleep when the pounding on the door rips me from my dreams. Or maybe it was a nightmare, considering it was Chase’s voice that filled my head.
My heart skips, and my body stiffens in the bed, confusion rushing through me as I fight to push the fog of sleep away.
The sound repeats, louder now, and I bolt upright, straining to listen.
I blink, my mind still half-asleep, and then I hear it again, this time sharper, more persistent with a muffled shout. I scramble out of bed, but the pounding continues, erratic and relentless.
“You can’t be here.” My grandpa is stern. A voice reaches me as I wrap my head around the railing at the top of the stairs. “Leave. Now.”
My brows pull and then that familiar voice carries through the foyer.
“I’m not going anywhere!”
Chase.
The ache in my chest is overwhelming as the weight of the past few days floods me, crashing down on my ribs.
I stay frozen, hearing the voices argue, Grandpa’s words sharp but desperate, and Chase’s somehow quieter, with more urgency than I’m used to.
“I know she’s here. I know she’s here,” he repeats, almost like a plea, and I wonder if it’s directed at me or at my grandfather. “There’s nowhere else she would be.”
I don’t realize I’ve moved closer until I look up, and right there, over my grandfather’s shoulders and through the small crack of the door, hazel eyes find mine.
I don’t know if I expected anything, but I certainly didn’t expect this. His smile—wide, almost too wide—makes my breath hitch. He looks like the sun itself just rose for him, and it’s all because he sees me standing here. That’s how he’s looking at me. How I hoped he always would.
But it’s confusing. The hurt, the anger, the frustration all knot together in a ball of disbelief. Why is he looking at me like this?
He should not be here. He took the money. He picked it over me, and here he is, smiling at me like he’s been waiting weeks for this moment, the same as I have.
Like nothing in this world matters more than me when the facts tell me that isn’t true.
That smile is my undoing, and I freeze in place, the hurt choking me.
He must see it on my face. Whatever it is I’m feeling, because his entire face crumbles. The lightness fades from his eyes, and the next words out of his mouth, quiet, almost defeated, break me in ways I never thought possible.
“No,” he says, shaking his head, his voice barely a whisper. “Whatever he told you…no. Baby, you know what’s in here.” He hits his chest, eyes wide and pleading.
My insides coil in on themselves, and I grip my stomach.
His attention snaps to the movement and his whole body goes tight, new desperation in his expression when his eyes lift again. “I was at the airport today, Angel, waiting for you to come home to me.”
“That’s enough.” My grandpa tries to cut him off but he keeps going.
“I called. I called and called. I’ve been trying to reach you for days, and I was worried, but you said you’d be home today, so I was there. I will always be there.”
I feel like the earth has shifted beneath my feet.
Why did he call?
What is he saying?
It makes no sense.
“Baby, come out.” My grandfather tries to close the door on him again, but his hands slap against the wood, his eyes pleading. “Please, just let me—”
I blink hard, wiping my eyes as I speak, my voice a whisper of what I need to know. “Did you take the money?” I interrupt him.
His body physically stumbles, his face shattering, a sharp expression of devastation. “Angel. Please, baby, please…” His voice breaks.
A shaky inhale stings my lungs, and my hand slaps over my mouth. “Shut the door,” I breathe.
His face pinches, tears threatening to spill from his eyes. “I’m not leaving,” Chase says, his head shaking. “I’m not leaving you, baby. I can’t. I would never.”
Tears blur my vision, and I shake my head, stepping back. This…this wasn’t supposed to happen. None of this was how it was supposed to be.
The door is closed and I collapse where I stand, my palms flat on the cold floor.
My grandpa comes up, but I flinch when he reaches for me and he steps back, lowering himself into the chair not far from me.
Hours go by, and we don’t move. Apparently neither does Chase, as a little after one in the morning, blue and red lights flash against the windows and I lift my head, meeting my grandpa’s gaze.
“They’re just escorting him off the property. Sweetheart…”
I shake my head, pushing up on numb legs and climbing the stairs.
I go right to the window that overlooks the front, and there he is, shoulders slumped as he looks back at the house.
The officer says something, and Chase nods, head hanging as he makes his way down the long drive.
He disappears from sight, and it feels like my heart shatters all over again.
I can’t stand it. I can’t be here anymore.
I tear my gaze away, grab my grandpa’s keys from the counter, and slip out the door, running without another word. I know where I need to be.
I climb into my car and take myself to the only place that can give me a semblance of peace, hoping that I still find it once I get there.