Chapter 44
KARA
I sat on the bed, fighting my anxiety. Shawn leaned against a dresser, his handsome eyes fixed on the half empty glass of wine he swirled absentmindedly. “Everyone loves a surprise visit by the CEO.”
I gave him a plain look. “If by ‘everyone,’ you mean no one.”
He’d taken me on a tour of the Madison plant this afternoon, and the employees had scrambled around, frazzled. I could see the satisfaction in his eyes during it. He liked flexing his power in front of me.
Our week together had gone much, much too fast and, making matters worse, he seemed completely unaware of the dread that filled me now. It probably would have helped to tell him. To give him some clue that I didn’t want to leave the States.
But if I did that, he’d push. He’d persuade. He’d wear me down until I relented and gave him what he wanted.
He’d been dropping hints for me to come work for Osterh?gen all week, but I was determined to stand on my own and keep my professional and personal life separate. I would not repeat the mistakes I’d made with Paul.
After dinner, we’d checked into a hotel near the airport that housed his plane, waiting to return to Munich in the morning.
He’d had a bottle of red wine and two glasses sent up, but I didn’t touch it.
The impending conversation was going to be difficult, and the worry was I’d drink too much and then say something I’d regret.
“I want to ask you something,” he said with a serious look, sending my heartrate skyrocketing. “Move in with me when we get back.”
I sighed. “I can’t.”
“Come work for Osterh?gen. It’s not like you’d report to me.”
“No.” That wasn’t a remote possibility.
“All right. There are plenty of other opportunities in Munich.”
I’d been right. I knew exactly where this conversation was going. “I don’t speak German.”
“You could learn.”
My eyes narrowed to slits. No. This had been my fear from the beginning, that I would lose myself in him. Bend my desires to match his. “I’m not going to Munich.”
“How do you see it working, then?” At that moment, he picked up on the fact that I’d said ‘going’ and not ‘moving.’ His rich, brown eyes blinked slowly. “What are you saying?”
My voice trembled. “I’m saying I can’t go back to where he . . .”
I was swept up into his embrace, where he tried to comfort and make me feel safe. “We don’t have to leave tomorrow. We can give it time.”
But he needed to get back, and we both knew it. Plus, the kind of time he was talking about wasn’t adequate. One or two more days wouldn’t make a dent. I had to be honest with him.
“I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to go back.” It hung in the air for an impossibly long time. So long, I wondered if he was all right.
“That’s . . . unacceptable.” His voice wasn’t cold, but the words were.
The sadness I had was replaced with annoyance that if left unchecked would grow into anger. “I’m sorry?”
“The idea of us apart. I find that unacceptable. You tell me what you want, and I will make it happen.”
But what I wanted wasn’t possible, unless he could go back in time, and if he did, how would we have ever met? We were from separate worlds. I came from a poor family in a town that was so small, it didn’t have stoplights. He was from the bustling city of Munich, born into unbelievable wealth.
“I tried living overseas,” I said, “but I was miserable. This last year, before I met you? It was the worst of my life, even worse than Paul.” My body shook from the raw emotion coursing through me. “I can’t do it.”
“You didn’t know a soul and didn’t speak the language. Of course you were miserable.” He stroked a hand over my hair and cupped my face. “It will be different. Jason and L are there. I’m there.” He kissed me, and all I could taste was the subtle drug of his persuasion.
“Please don’t make me.”
He froze. “Make you?”
“We both know you could.”
His face changed to an expression I couldn’t read. “I don’t have any control over you.”
Was he truly unaware of the power he held? “Yeah, right.”
“I don’t. If I did, you never would have had a chance to take L’s place. We would have left that stupid event, and you would have been in my car and on the way to my bed when the bombs went off,” he said. “But I don’t want control. All I want is . . . whatever you want.”
I croaked it out. “I want to stay here.”
He took an enormous breath and the warm eyes turned dark and sad. “Very well. That’s fine.” His shoulders sagged, and it looked like whatever he was thinking about was killing him. “I’ll resign in the morning.”
“W-What?” My knees went so weak, I almost fell over.
“I have plenty of investments. That’s where most of my money comes from. I can retire anytime.”
My heart slammed against my chest so hard, it ached. “You can’t do that.”
“What I can’t do is bring my company here. I would move my family’s whole goddamn empire to this uncultured and rude place for you. But I can’t.”
I choked back the urge to cry. “Shawn—”
“I want to be with you, and you want to be here. It’s simple. You’re the one who’s always had the power between us.”
My eyes fell shut, and for a moment I allowed myself to consider this enormous sacrifice he was willing to make for me. He’d give up everything he loved . . . for me.
No, I yelled against the weak, greedy, and selfish part of me. I’d moved across the country for a man, taken the job he wanted me to take, and let him make decision after decision for me. And I would go to my grave resenting both him and myself for it.
I’d be damned before I’d do that to Shawn.
“I will not allow you to do this, do you understand? You love your job, and you’re too good at it to resign.” He opened his mouth to protest, but there was too much passion filling my soul to contain. “I want to hear you say it.”
“Excuse me?” He was less than thrilled at my tone, and yet I could see it turned him on, ever so slightly. He loved control. But he loved me controlling him even more.
“Tell me that you’re going back tomorrow.”
“Not without—”
“Yes, without me. I love you, and we’ll figure it out, I promise we will. But if you stay, I’ll never forgive myself.”
Again, he took a deep breath with his gaze unwavering.
“Please,” I said.
“I don’t want this.”
“I know you don’t. I’m sorry.”
He said a whole bunch of things to me in German then, things he wanted to say but didn’t want me to know. When he was done, he looked defeated. “Fine.” His voice was quiet and heartbreaking. “I’ll go back tomorrow. Alone.”