chapter nineteen
kira
I wake up in the morning to the feeling of a hard body pinning me to the mattress. It takes a moment for me to remember where I am.
Oh my god, last night.
Rolling over, I look up to the naked man wrapped around me, his warm hazel eyes already fixed on mine. Thoughts of last night fill my mind, and I’m about to climb back onto him when I remember Jared.
Shit, is he home?
Noah must sense my panic, his hand reaching for my cheek.
“Don’t worry, it’s early. If he’s home, he’s probably still asleep,” he says, his voice rough.
His fingers trace through my hair, and I lean into his touch. I need to get up and go to my room. What if he comes looking for me?
“I should go,” I say, trying to sit up.
Strong arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back into him.
“In a minute, I’m not ready for this to be over yet.”
His words hit deeper than I’m willing to admit. That’s precisely what I’m worried about. What happens when it is over, when we go back downstairs and back to reality?
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, his voice barely above a whisper.
At first, I don’t respond. How do I say this without sounding clingy? He nuzzles his face into my neck, kissing right below my ear, and my body melts into him.
“Tell me, princess,” he orders.
“I just… I don’t want this to be like every other time. I don’t want you to pull away again.”
He’s silent for a moment, and I brace myself for the rejection. I knew it was coming. I don’t know what I expected.
“That’s not happening. I have no idea how this is going to work, but you’re mine, and I can’t stay away from you anymore.”
His calloused hand caresses my face, and my heart flips, my chest filling with butterflies. I shouldn’t be excited. There’s no way this can work. No one can ever find out, but the thought that he wants me, only me, is enough.
“But are you sure you want this?” he asks.
My eyes focus on his, and I rest my hand on his bare chest.
“I’ve wanted this for longer than you know,” I tell him.
“Fuck,” he sighs before pulling me into a rough kiss. His hands slide around my body, pinning me to him. I can feel him hard against me, and all I want is to touch him, but I do have to go. The last thing I need is for Jared to find me naked in his dad’s bed.
“I need to go,” I mutter between kisses.
“I know.”
“So let me go.”
“Easier said than done, princess,” he says, tracing his fingertips along my breast.
Letting out a sigh, I climb out of bed before this can go any further. A groan sounds from behind me as I walk over to his dresser, open the second drawer on the left, and pull out an old t-shirt. Smirking at him, I throw it on, heading out the door and into my room to finish getting dressed.
When I get downstairs, Noah is already in the kitchen setting up the coffee maker. He put on a pair of black sweatpants but is still shirtless, his tattooed torso on full display. My mind flashes back to that toned body between my legs, but I’m interrupted by a sound from the hallway.
Jared.
At this exact moment, I realize two things. One, I’m going to have to face him after his dad came inside me last night, and two, my clothes are still strewn about on the counter. Noah notices them at the same time I do and leans over to grab them right as Jared walks into the kitchen. He tucks them into the cabinet beneath the island, and I let out a breath.
Guilt slams into me as Jared comes over to me for a hug.
“Good morning,” he says, his voice still raspy from sleep.
“More like afternoon,” Noah says with a stern edge.
I look up at him, but his eyes are fixed on where Jared is touching me.
Pulling away, I change the topic, “How was the rest of your night last night?”
“It was pretty awesome. I wish you could have come!”
My eyes meet Noah’s at that statement, and a smirk grows on his face. This situation is beyond fucked up.
“But, they’re having another get-together tonight. Please go. I feel like we haven’t hung out at all lately.”
He’s right. We haven’t, and I feel like shit for it. I should go.
“She has to work tomorrow morning,” Noah says.
“We won’t be out too late, I promise,” Jared tells me. It’s a complete lie, but I can’t keep turning him down.
“Fine, I’ll go,” I say with a small smile.
“Yes! I’m going to shower, then you want to go get lunch?”
Noah’s body tenses next to mine, and I glance at him.
“I’d love to.”
“Perfect!” Jared grins as he heads out of the room, leaving Noah and I alone. I can sense the shift in his mood before he even says anything.
“You’re not going to that party tonight.”
“Noah,” I warn.
“I don’t trust any of his idiot friends not to try something, and I don’t trust him to keep you safe,” he says, closing the distance between us.
“I can handle myself. I’m going.”
His jaw clenches as he looks down at me. I’m standing my ground on this one. I already feel terrible enough about lying to Jared. I don’t want him to feel like I don’t want to be around him.
“I’ll be fine, and I promise I’ll call you if I need anything, okay?” I say, my fingers grazing his bare stomach. I would much rather spend the day alone with him, but I miss Jared.
His eyelids flutter closed, and he lets out a breath.
“Fine. But text me when you get there,” he says, leaning down to kiss my forehead. Warmth fills my chest at the gesture. I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to this.
Jared and I spend most of the day together, stopping at a little restaurant on the bay for lunch, where he gets a burger and I order pasta. The conversation is easy like it always is with him, but I can’t shake the feeling of guilt that simmers low in my gut.
“What have you been up to? I feel like I haven’t really gotten to see much of you lately,” Jared asks with a smile, but his eyes betray him. He’s hurt.
“I’ve just been busy with work and the pottery studio.”
And your dad.
“Well, I miss you.”
“I miss you too,” I tell him, honestly.
Neither of us speaks for a moment, the restaurant’s ambiance filling my ears.
“Kira, I have something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.”
Jared’s eyes are still fixed on me as he seems to work through whatever he wants to say in his head. My stomach drops, and my palms start to sweat. There’s no way he can know about Noah and me, right?
“ Kira, I —”
“ Kira! ” I hear a voice shout from across the room.
Turning toward the source, I see Maddie walking toward us, with Lucy following behind.
“You didn’t tell me you’d be in town today!” she exclaims as she hugs me.
“It was last minute,” I say with a chuckle.
I love her enthusiasm, but right now, I can only think about what Jared was about to say.
Maddie and Lucy sit with us for the rest of the meal. We chat, and if I’m being honest, I’m glad she showed up. I don’t know if I was emotionally ready for whatever Jared wanted to talk about.
The rest of the day passes without much excitement. Jared doesn’t mention what he was going to say earlier, and I can’t tell if I’m relieved or worried. I’m not looking forward to this party tonight, and having something off between us is not helping my anxiety.
I’m sitting in the kitchen, book in hand, when Noah walks up behind me.
“You sure you want to go?” he asks, his hand grazing the sliver of bare skin below my shirt. I shiver, leaning into him ever so slightly.
“No, but that doesn’t matter. I’m going.”
“You ready?” Jared calls from the hallway.
Noah’s hand drops from my waist as he turns toward the fridge. My body tenses at the loss of contact, and I answer.
“Yup.”
The drive isn’t far, but as Jared turns off the road onto a long driveway, I realize I haven’t ever been here before. We pass the main house on the property and keep going down the drive to an old red barn, where most of the people are congregating around a fire.
I pull out my phone and text Noah to let him know we arrived. After a moment, I send him our location too. I’m not fully comfortable here, and it makes me feel safer that he knows where we’re at.
“Whose house is this?” I ask, genuinely curious.
I’ve been to almost all of Jared’s friend’s houses, and this isn’t one of them.
“It’s a friend of Jake’s. Now, come on, let’s go get us some drinks,” he says with a mischievous grin.
Stepping into the large barn, we locate a white cooler filled with cans of cheap beer. Jared grabs one and hands another to me. The light hanging from the barn’s loft casts a warm glow onto the people in it. Looking around, I notice that I don’t recognize anyone here.
Great .
“Hey, I’m going to look for Jake real quick. Are you good by yourself for a minute?”
If I were telling the truth, I would say no, but I don’t want to stop him from having a good time tonight. Nodding, I give him a small smile.
“That’ s fine, I ’ll try to socialize.”
Jared laughs, knowing that won’t happen, and spins around, heading toward the fire. Cracking open my beer, I sit my happy ass down on a hay bale. I’m already wishing I would have stayed home. The anxiety that has been a constant since we got here is heightening by the second. I pull out my phone, reading a text from Noah.
Noah: I’m glad you got there safe.
Before I can even type out a response, another message comes through.
Noah: When will you be home?
Kira: Omg Noah, I just got here!
Noah: I don’t care. Do you want me to come get you?
Laughing, I roll my eyes at his response. Truthfully, I do, but I’m not leaving Jared here by himself so early.
Kira: I’m fine
Kira: What are you doing tonight?
Noah: Sitting on the couch, waiting for you.
I’m about to type out a sassy response when a girl approaches me, her light green eyes wide.
“Hey, do you mind if I sit with you? There’s a guy who won’t leave me alone, and he won’t take the hint. A friend is coming to pick me up, but she’s still about thirty minutes away.”
She looks scared, and her fear strikes me right in the chest. This is feeling too familiar.
“No, of course, come here,” I say, scooting over so she can fit in with me.
She’s young. Too young to be here, and definitely too young to be preyed upon by one of these assholes.
“Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”
She hesitates, her eyes puffy, before shaking her head and looking up at me. “I don’t think so,” she answers. My heart sinks.
“Do we need to call someone?” I ask, hoping she understands my question. The police may have failed me, but if that is something she wants to do, I will be right there with her.
She shakes her head, “No, no, it’ s fine. I ’ m fine. I ’ll be fine. It didn’t get that far.”
A small wave of relief washes over me. At least he didn’t take that from her.
“It’s my fault anyway. I came here with him,” she says, her eyes trained on the ground.
Grabbing her hand, I meet her eyes. “No. You didn’t ask for this. It wasn’t your fault. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.”
All I can think about is how similar this is to what happened to me. My heart breaks for her and for my younger self. The fucking audacity of men. Rage simmers up in me, and for a moment, I want to ask her who it was so I can personally teach him a lesson, but I decide against it. Regardless of how much raw emotion there is, I still don’t think I could fight a grown man.
“What’s your name?” I ask softly.
“ Amelia. ”
“Give me your phone.”
She looks confused but hands it to me anyway. I go to contacts and create one for myself.
“Now you have my number. If you ever need anything or just want to talk, I’m here.”
“Thank you.”
Her friend shows up soon after, and I make sure she makes it to the car safely before returning to my hiding spot. I haven’t seen Jared in a while, which is typical, but I’m extra uncomfortable with this crowd of people now, and I’m tempted to try to find him. Before I can get up though, he appears in the doorway of the barn, a plastic cup in hand.
“Kira! I’ve been looking for you.”
“I’ve been here all night,” I tell him, noticing he’s a little more intoxicated than when he left.
Climbing up onto the hay bale with me, he sits down, leaning against the wall across from me.
“Are you having fun?” he asks.
I don’t have the heart to tell him no, that it’s actually the opposite of that. Instead I smile and reply with a small nod.
“ Listen, I ’ve been meaning to talk to you since earlier.”
My heart stops, my body tensing. It can’t be about Noah. There’s no way.
“There’s something I’ve really been wanting to tell you, but it’s hard to get myself to actually do it.”
“What’ s up? ” I ask, trying to sound as casual as possible.
“I know we’ve been friends for a really long time, and you are probably one of the most important people in my life,” he starts. “But lately, I’ve been feeling like, well...”
“You’ve been feeling like what, Jared?”
“ Kira, ” he says, his green eyes locking on mine.
“I’m in love with you.”