chapter twenty-five
kira
When I enter the kitchen, Noah is leaning against the island, staring down at his phone. He’s only wearing the pair of black and white plaid pajama pants that he went to bed in last night, and his chest is on full display. I force my eyes up to his face, and his gaze meets mine with a smirk.
Asshole . Stepping closer, I drag my nails down his torso, stopping at his waistband. Now it’s my turn to smirk as his eyes darken.
“ Kira, ” he warns, nodding towards Jared’s room.
My smile quickly fades as the reality of our situation washes over me.
“ We ’re going to have to tell him,” I say.
“I know,” is all Noah says.
When Jared slinks out of his room around noon, I’m outside on the porch, book in hand. Noah sat with me for a while but left a bit ago to shower. We talked about telling Jared, but I still feel like it’s too soon. He’s only now staying at the house again. He needs more time. Or is it me who needs the time? I shake my head, focusing back on my book.
“Morning,” Jared greets as the slider door opens.
“Afternoon,” I tease, grinning up at him.
He tries to meet my enthusiasm, but his smile doesn’t reach his eyes.
“I hope you know that I really am sorry, Kira. It was fucked up of me to say those things to you,” he says, his face genuine. “I don’t want to lose you…”
“I know that, Jared,” I say, standing up from my chair and walking over to him. I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. “It’s okay, I forgive you.”
“Thank you,” he responds, hugging me tighter.
Relief stabs at me with his acceptance, but it feels artificial. The guilt over my relationship with his dad overtakes any feeling of closeness I have with Jared. If he knew about Noah and I—I can’t let myself think about that right now. We’re going to tell him, just not today.
The remainder of our day is rather mundane. Jared and I watch some reality TV show, and Noah makes grilled shrimp and veggies for lunch. The sun is brushing the horizon when Jared invites me to go out with him and his friends.
“Kira, come on, just this once? The guys will be here in a minute to get us,” he begs with his best puppy-dog eyes from the ground next to me. “I’m going to be leaving for college soon,” he adds, trying to guilt me into going.
Sitting up in the hammock, I shake my head apologetically. “I’m really not in the mood to socialize. I’m sorry.” It’s not a lie per se; I don’t want to socialize with any of his friends . Ever. The thought of being in the same car with any of “the guys” makes me want to take an oath of silence and retreat to a mountaintop somewhere.
“Fine,” he whines with no real disappointment. He knows I don’t hang out with them by choice, though he’s never understood why. Rising to his feet, he looks down at me. “Enjoy your boring night in,” he says as he returns to the house.
“I love you, drive safe!” I call, using my foot to swing the hammock.“Yeah, yeah. I love you too,” Jared answers. He disappears into the house, leaving me alone back here. I do feel bad that I’m not going out with him. He is leaving soon, and I will miss him so much, but there is no way I’m putting myself in a position like that right now, especially not with Zach back in town.
My skin pricks at the thought of him, and my heart rate skyrockets. I have to force myself to take deep breaths to calm my nerves, sucking in the chilly night air. I hate that he still has this effect on me. I stare up at the deep navy and lavender sky through the branches of the trees. The stars are starting to show themselves, and the sounds of crickets and frogs fill my ears. Closing my eyes, I take it all in. I’m safe here.
A shiver racks through me. The temperature has dropped significantly since we came out here. My tank top and leggings aren’t doing me any favors, either. I slide myself out of the hammock and start to make my way back into the house, but I freeze. Movement flashes on the side of the house.
“ Jared? ” I ask, hoping to hear his voice.
Nothing.
It’ s pro bably just a deer, I tell myself, forcing the thought into my head to steady my pulse. I have to stop being so jumpy. But the unease in my chest won ’ t subside. My eyes keep scanning the darkness, glued to the shadows that seem to pulse and shift. Something feels wrong.
I ’ m halfway to the deck when the silence shatters. A sound behind me, barely audible, makes my heart lurch—then a figure steps out of the shadows.
Bile rises in my throat, bitter and sour, as my eyes lock onto him. His features come into focus, and the world tilts on its axis. His eyes—nearly black, lifeless—are fixed on me with a cold, calculating stare. No. This isn ’ t happening. How the hell did he get here? He must ’ ve come in the same car as Jared ’ s friends.
All of the fury, fear, and disgust come rushing back, flooding my chest.
I force my breath to steady, but it comes out in shallow, uneven gasps. I can ’ t show him how terrified I am, not now. But as I glance between him and the steps leading to freedom, it hits me: I can’t run.
He prowls closer, each step measured, slow, deliberate. A predator stalking its prey. My muscles tense, my body screaming at me to flee, to do anything to escape. But I stand frozen. Every instinct in my body tells me to run, but I can ’ t move.
“Don’t come any closer,” I command, putting as much confidence in my words as possible. His head tilts in response, a menacing grin consuming his features.
“Oh, that’s cute,” he sneers. “You think you can tell me what to do?” He reaches for my face, his fingers just inches away from my skin. My whole body recoils as I turn away, barely escaping his touch. He laughs—a low, mocking sound.
My blood runs cold, a chill so deep it sinks into my bones.
“Go ahead,” he taunts, voice thick with dark promise. “Fight me. Makes it more fun.”
Anger surges through me, hot and blinding. But beneath it, the all-too-familiar feeling of helplessness is creeping in, gnawing at my resolve. I feel like that scared little girl again. My throat tightens, the sting of unshed tears burning at my eyes, but I won ’ t give him the satisfaction. I won ’ t cry. Not this time.
“I’m not fifteen anymore. I won’t let you take advantage of me again.”
“Take advantage of you? You were practically begging for it.”
Those words.
Those fucking words.
All of the feelings of guilt and shame and helplessness crash into me. My mom’s words at the police station. The detective’s questions. Maybe he’s right. I was letting him flirt with me, wasn’t I? I was excited to have a boy’s attention for once, not only a boy but an older boy.
That’s not how it works, though. I was drunk. He made sure of that. Thoughts of Amelia from the other night fill my head. Her situation was so similar to mine. Would I tell her that it was her fault? That she shouldn’t have put herself in that situation?
No.
I sat there with her to make sure she was safe. I was seconds away from finding that man and ensuring he couldn’t do that to any girl ever again. It isn’t her fault that some guy thought he could prey on a young girl.
I may have been stupid for drinking at a party like that, but I was a kid. He was the adult. I think back to my fifteen-year-old self, just wanting to fit in, wanting to escape the shit going on at home. He saw that weakness and exploited it.
But I’m not fifteen anymore.
This man is a monster. I see that now. That’s what he is to his core. An inexplicably powerful amount of anger— no, it ’s beyond that—pure, unadulterated rage surges through me. If this man thinks he can so much as touch me again—
His hand wraps around my upper arm, his grip bound to cut off circulation. The urge to run transforms into a visceral need to fight back. I will not let him hurt me again. My fingers curl into a tight fist, my knuckles turning white. All the hatred I once focused on myself flips.
It wasn’t my fault.
It was his.
With all of the pent-up emotions swirling in my veins, I send my fist into his nose. The contact is immediate. But I’m too high on adrenaline to let the pain register. The tangy metallic taste fills my mouth. I’m no stranger to it, but this time is different. It feels good.
Zach stumbles backward, not expecting me to hit him. His face quickly morphs from shock to fury, and I suddenly don’t feel confident anymore. He’s bigger and stronger than me.
“You fucking bitch,” he grunts, closing the space between us.
He’s mere inches away when his body jerks backward.
“ You ,” a voice growls.
Noah. I almost cry out in relief.
“I’ve been waiting for this,” he says right before his fist connects with Zach’s face. Unlike my punch, this one sends him to the ground. He spits out blood, bewildered.
“What the fuck, man?”
Noah’s eyes meet mine for only a moment, and the violence in them makes me pause. His fist pounds into Zach’s face yet again.
Is he going to stop? Do I want him to?
“Dad, what the fuck?” Jared yells, sprinting from the front yard.
Noah freezes for a second before fisting Zach’s collar and pulling his face to his.
“If you ever lay a finger on her again, I will fucking kill you,” he warns, shoving him back to the ground. Noah stands right as Jared approaches him.
“What the fuck happened? Zach, are you okay?” Jared asks. His concern for this monster makes my stomach twist. I have to remind myself that he doesn’t know.
Noah ignores the questions, striding toward me. He pulls me into him, his hand brushing through my hair. His heart pounds as I hold him tighter, a tear slipping down my cheek. The rest of the world dampens, and it’s just us. I take a deep breath, his body guarding me from the chaos. Noah will keep me safe. That knowledge feeds a confidence deep within me.
“Regardless of what happens, know that this isn’t your fault,” he whispers, pressing a kiss to my head before loosening his grip.
“Dad, answer me!” Jared shouts.“Jared—”
But it’s not Noah’s question to answer. It’s mine.
“He raped me.”
I take a deep breath, channeling all of the conviction I have left. “Four years ago, at a party, Zach raped me,” I say as quickly as possible, hating how the words sound coming from my lips. I look over at Jared, his face flipping between outrage and confusion.
“She’s lying!” Zach’s nostrils flare as he yells. “That bitch is a fucking tease. She wanted it.”
“Watch your mouth,” Noah growls, and Zach visibly shrinks.
Jared’s eyes finally meet mine, and I can tell he’s trying to figure out who to believe.
“Go home,” Jared says, his gaze falling on Zach. “And don’t fucking come back.”
I allow myself to breathe again, tears still falling as I try to process the weight of everything that ’ s happened. Noah ’ s arm is still around me, my back to his chest, offering the only stability I can cling to right now. But then I hear Jared ’ s voice—a sharp, frantic edge creeping into it that sends a shiver through me.
“Why did he know and not me?” His voice is frantic. “Wait. Why is he touching you like that?”
It ’ s like being submerged in freezing water. My whole body tenses, a shock of guilt and confusion coursing through me. The realization hits me slowly, creeping up my spine with each word Jared speaks. It ’ s as if the world tilts, and everything I thought was safe, secure, is suddenly spinning out of control.
“Oh my god, are you two…” he trails off, interrupting himself. “No, that would be so fucked up.”
I feel the ground shift beneath me, my chest tightening with every inch of space that opens between us. I push out of Noah ’ s arms, instinctively reaching for Jared, but he stiffens in my arms, pulling back just enough to let me hug him reluctantly. He looks so broken.
“ Tell me you two aren ’ t fucking. Please, tell me he was just comforting you because of what happened.”
The words hit me like a punch to the stomach. I can ’ t look at him. The weight of everything we’ve both been through, the guilt, the choices I ’ ve made—it ’ s too much. I want to scream, to make it all go away, but I can ’ t. He deserves the truth. He deserves honesty, even if it breaks us.
I take a slow breath, my chest tight, trying to steady myself as my gaze meets his. I can ’ t find the words at first, but then, they slip out in a shaky whisper.
“Jared, I’m so sorry.”