Chapter Seventeen
Camille
I ’m usually quite grumpy early in the morning, especially after a nightmare disturbs my sleep. But I find myself waking up with a content smile on my lips this morning as I slowly come to.
I fell back asleep with a quiet mind, everything going still except for the sound of his heartbeat against my ear. I’ve never experienced a peace like that in my entire life than when I was in his arms.
Ryker.
Embarrassment attempts to steal my inner peace, but I brush it away. Ryker made me feel safe enough to be vulnerable with him. I just needed him to listen, and he did.
While Ryker did make me feel safe, I know I need to continue to work on knowing I can keep myself safe. I can’t rely on someone else to heal my demons.
The gentleness he treated me with nearly made me melt in his arms. That rugged man can be so damn sweet. It’s honestly surprising to me how he’s still single because what girl wouldn’t be falling head over heels for a man like him?
I know it’d be all too easy for me to. Part of me feels like I’m already halfway there, and I know that sounds crazy. Yet isn’t that what love is? A rush of feelings so big that they’re scary, exciting, and all-consuming all at the same time?
If it isn’t, then I don’t want it.
While I wish I could lie like this all morning, I know we need to get up soon for their practice this morning. I attempt to move his arm off me, but it’s like trying to move a block of concrete. Ryker pulls me in closer in response, nuzzling his nose in my hair. I bask in the feel of him being this close, but the rational part of my brain keeps telling me I need to stop living in this fantasy. He comforted me last night and said things he probably didn’t even mean.
Like calling me his and whatnot. It was in the moment and he must have long forgotten about it by now, right?
“Don’t leave,” he gruffs.
I move my body to turn to face him, and he lets me, slightly loosening his hold on me.
His dark blue eyes drop to my lips, then flick up to meet my own, a shade darker than before. The same shade from the night at the football house where I thought he was going to kiss me but didn’t.
“Ryker.” My voice is hoarse from sleep and need as my eyes move from his lips to his eyes, noticing a storm brew within them.
“Fuck it,” he growls then closes the distance between us.
His hand covers the nape of my neck as he pulls my face up to his. I tangle my fingers in his hair, tugging as his lips dip down to mine. They’re so soft and careful, the opposite of this man above me.
I feel his kiss down to the tips of my toes, a jolt of joy and passion so vibrant that I could light a whole country with it. His full lips mold perfectly with mine as he kisses me deeply, longingly.
If this were a fairytale, there’d be a sweet instrumental playing in the background and cheers from the audience. It’s one of those kisses. One I’ll never forget because of how sweet he’s being. From the gentleness of his hold on me to the way his lips move so reverently over mine.
A deep rumble emanates from his chest that makes me whimper and my mouth parts. He takes the opportunity and dips his tongue into my mouth expertly, giving me the perfect amount.
I tighten my hands in his hair, pulling him closer to me. Ryker takes the hint, moving so that he’s on top of me, not once breaking our kiss, and my legs wrap around his waist.
He breaks the kiss at that. “Is this okay? I don’t know what you’re good or not good with yet,” he murmurs with his forehead against mine. He tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear while waiting for my answer.
“Everything feels good with you,” I tell him. “But let’s take it slow, please.”
“Whatever you want, princess. You tell me to stop at any point and I will, got it?”
“Mhm, now kiss me again, please.” I bite my lip to hide my smile, but fail miserably.
Ryker obliges, lowering his head down as his lips press against mine. He kisses me slowly and sensually, making me writhe underneath him.
He rocks his hips, rubbing his now hard cock against my covered pussy, then pulls back to look at me to make sure it’s okay. I grab him by the back of the neck and tug him back down to me while grinding up against him in search of some friction, letting him know I’m definitely okay with this. More than okay.
Ryker’s lips move down my jaw until he reaches my neck, where he plants kisses much like the ones he did on my lips.
“ Putain ,” I moan, feeling the wetness between my thighs just by him kissing me in just the right spot on my neck .
Ryker’s lips travel downward, kissing the skin just below my clavicle, then over the thin strap of my tank top. His teeth yank on the strap, and my core hums in excitement that he’s going to take it a step further, until he doesn’t.
“What are you doing? Don’t stop,” I breathe out, searching his eyes that have turned the darkest shade of blue I’ve seen on him.
“You have no idea how badly I want to see you, all of you , especially those fucking piercings that have been in my fantasies since I first noticed them at the tattoo shop.”
I begin to shrug my strap off, when his hand covers mine, stopping me. I frown at him, suddenly feeling rejected.
“No, baby, I do want you.” His jaw clenches as he prepares for his next words. “If I start, I won’t be able to stop until your legs are shaking and your cum is soaking my beard. But I think we need to talk first.”
I gasp at his words, loving how filthy yet sweet he can be. However, he’s right, we should talk about what this is before we move forward.
“Okay. I know we just kissed and said some things last night, but you can take it back if you didn’t mean it,” I start, my romantic heart hoping for the best while also trying to remain practical at the same time.
His brows pull taut, that scowl I’ve come to love taking residence on his face. Ryker lies beside me, then wraps his arm around me, resting it on my lower back as he pulls me into him. I rest my palm on his chest, while I prop myself up with my other hand, resting my chin on it.
“I meant what I said,” he states, his eyes roaming over my face with…I don’t even know because my heart is beating too loudly in my ears for me to think.
“Then what does that mean? Only mine, as in…?” I trail off, too shy to voice it out loud .
Does he like me? Are we more than friends? What. Is. Going. On.
Ryker clears his throat. “I can’t offer you anything more than something physical…I need to focus on the draft and I don’t do relationships.”
My romantic heart deflates into a sad puddle. I should’ve known, yet I always hope for the best. Sometimes that positivity stuff I have going on can make letdowns really fucking hard. The worst part is that I find myself wanting whatever he’ll give me.
If my parents find me soon and I’m forced to go home, at least I can say I had this with him, with the man who makes me feel safe, wanted, and happy.
“Why’s that?” I ask, needing to know why if I’m going to consider what he’s offering.
I expect him to grunt and tell me to mind my business, but he doesn’t.
“My dad left my mom when I was twelve. I haven’t heard from him since that day.” He swallows roughly, his jaw ticking. “He was always bitching at my mom about how she never had time for him, that she wasn’t fun anymore. She’s a veterinarian, which meant she worked long hours sometimes and he hated that even though those were the days we played ball together. That’s how I grew my love for the sport.”
I bring my hand up to his jaw, rubbing my thumb across it to offer some sort of comfort. “I’m sorry.”
“I went off track there.” He grimaces. “I’ve grown up with this mindset that if my own blood could leave me, who’s to say someone else won’t? I saw how much it hurt my mom, and I can’t afford that kind of pain or distraction. Not when I have the draft looming over my head. Love is an inconvenience, to put it simply.”
I want to argue with his opinion, explain why I love love and all the beautiful things about it. But I don’t because it’s not something that can just be explained. It needs to be felt, in all the ways it can be.
Love can be your cup of coffee in the solitude of an early morning, evening cuddles with your pet on the couch, or running around with your siblings outside in the summer sunshine. It can also be the thing that gets your heart thudding so loud you can’t hear the thoughts in your head that haze your judgment and allows you just to feel.
It’s electric, passionate, and consuming. Not that I would know romantic love, but from what I’ve seen in my life, I think my opinion would be deemed accurate.
“I’m sorry that happened to you. He lost out on knowing a great man,” I murmur, my chest tightening at the image of a young Ryker wondering if and when his dad would ever come back. I can’t imagine the kind of pain he’s endured.
My eyes fill with tears at the thought of what he lost and how much it’s affected his view on life.
“Don’t waste your tears on me,” he orders softly, rubbing his thumb across the small of my back while his other hand gently wipes them away.
I shake my head, keeping my thoughts to myself. “Where does that leave us?” I ask as if there’s even an us.
“Like I said, I don’t date. But I care about you, princess, and I want you to myself. We can be friends with benefits…if that’s something you want,” he offers, those blue eyes locked intently on mine.
“You’re the only guy I’ve felt safe with in years…and I’d like to explore that further, for myself.” I blush, instantly feeling shy.
“Me too,” he whispers, his hand on my back rubbing small circles.
“You can’t be with anyone else,” I state because I don’t like to share .
Ryker chuckles, the sound startling, yet wholesome to my ears since I don’t hear that often. “Princess, I haven’t even been able to look at another girl since I laid eyes on you at that gala.”
Keep your cool, I repeat over and over in my head, but my heart doesn’t get the same memo as it dances wildly in my chest.
“The gala…I didn’t even go to last year’s.”
Quentin surprised me with a week-long vacation in Costa Rica for Christmas, so I skipped last year’s annual Christmas Eve Gala.
“I know…that’s how long you’ve been running rampant in my mind,” he admits, and if it were possible, I’d be melting into a puddle right now. He really needs to stop saying things like this if all we’re going to be is friends with benefits.
Ryker’s lips tip to the right, a shy grin on his lips. “So don’t worry, princess, I’m all yours.”
“Good.”
“And no one touches you while you’re mine, got it?” His words skate over my skin, spreading warmth in their path.
“When will it end?” I bring up the lingering question that neither of us wants to talk about. I already know my heart is going to take a hit, and I’d like to know when.
Ryker’s hand on my lower back pauses. “Maybe when I get drafted in July, since I’ll have to move. My agent has been in talks with Detroit and New York so far, but I could be going anywhere.”
I smile, running my fingers down his broad shoulders. “You’d be playing with my brother if you go to Detroit.”
“I actually wanted to ask for his autograph that night outside your place, but I didn’t want to bother him.” He chuckles, and I find myself growing addicted to the sound.
“You wouldn’t have. He’s always nice to his fans.”
“I imagine he wouldn’t be nice to me if he knew all the dirty things I’ll be doing to his sister.” His voice lowers, that gravelly tone returning as his fingers brush under the waistband on my joggers.
“Please,” I whisper, begging him not to stop this time.
Ryker’s hand lowers and grips a part of my ass, making me inhale sharply all while our eyes stay locked. His hand then skates over my hip, down to my inner thigh, so close to where I want him, but not quite.
I grind against him, letting him know I need him to touch me. Ryker groans in response, his fingers skating upward where he runs a single digit through my soaked slit. That minimal contact causes me to moan, rolling my pussy against his hand in search of more.
One finger turns into two as they rub up and down, but neither enters me nor touches my clit. I’m just about to sigh in frustration when Ryker removes his hand, confusing me, until he puts those two fingers between his lips, sucking me off them while keeping eye contact with me.
C’est le truc le plus sexy que j’ai vu de ma vie. That’s so fucking hot.
“Mmm, princess,” he hums. “I knew you’d taste just as sweet as you look.”
“Ryker,” I whimper, needing his hands back on me.
“I’m going to be addicted to this pussy. One taste and I’m fucking done for,” he growls, gently pushing me on my back as he moves to settle between my thighs.
Ryker reaches for the top of my sweats, ready to rip them off my body until we hear a knock at the door. “Ryker, it’s Cuddy, open up,” he yells through the door.
My head falls back on the pillow in defeat, knowing I won’t be getting relief anytime soon.
Ryker curses under his breath, then looks at me with remorse. “I’m sorry, baby. Fucking Cuddy. This better be good,” he grumbles as he gets off the bed and adjusts himself. Then he turns to me. “Get under the blanket for me, please?” His gaze drops to my chest, and that’s when I see that my nipples are hard as rocks, poking through my shirt.
I hop under the blanket, and Ryker mouths a silent thank you before opening the door. “What do you want?” Ryker lashes out at him, crossing his arms over his chest.
Cuddy ignores him, his mouth forming an O when he sees me in the room.
Ryker yanks him into the room and shuts the door behind them.
“Dude…I knew it!” Cuddy claps his hands together, doing a little dance.
Ryker rolls his eyes. “Shut up. You better not say a word to anyone, got it?”
Cuddy halts his dancing, standing up straight as he looks Ryker in the eyes. “You got my word, unless I hear Travis talking about your girl. That would shut him up real quick.”
The mention of Travis makes me want to gag. He came on way too strong for my liking at the party that night, and I’ve avoided him as much as I can since.
“You hear him say anything about her, you tell me,” Ryker nearly growls, running a hand through his loose waves.
“Yes, sir.” Cuddy nods, then turns to me. “How’s it going, Cami? Enjoying road life with us so far?”
“So far, so good. I love baseball and you guys are okay, I guess.” I smirk, blushing when Ryker narrows his eyes at me.
“Just okay?”
“I said what I said.” I shrug, earning myself a hearty laugh from Cuddy.
Cuddy points his thumb at me with a goofy smile. “I like you. You’re the only person he’s not a complete grumpy asshole to.”
“I like you too,” I tell Cuddy while trying not to overthink the second half of what he said. I had noticed it too, but I thought I was making it up in my head.
Ryker comes around to the bed, sits, and tugs me onto his lap, then kisses the top of my head.
Cuddy chuckles. “Dude, no one was coming to steal her. Relax.”
I hide my smile in his chest because I secretly like the whole possessive caveman thing he has going on right now. I like it a lot.
“Why are you even here?” Ryker asks him.
“We do have to leave for practice in twenty minutes. We’re meeting in the lobby, remember?”
Shit, how late did we sleep in?
I scramble out of his lap, and Ryker jumps to his feet in search of his phone. I grab mine, reading 9:05 a.m. on the screen. We overslept.
It turns into chaos as I rush into the bathroom to get ready as soon as possible while Ryker does the same in the room with Cuddy. In my hurry to get ready, I find myself pausing when I see the stack of bills in my makeup bag.
I take them out carefully, flipping each bill as I add them up. I bite on my bottom lip as I think of where it came from until I realize it’s the same amount I paid Ryker for the tattoo. For a man who’s intent on keeping things casual, he sure has a funny way of showing it.
Although a part of me threw down that money out of spite because I was upset, another part also wanted to properly thank him for his work. My tattoo is beautiful and a reminder of everything that I am, a reminder of why I left.
I push the thoughts away as I finish getting ready for the day, throwing on shorts and a cropped T-shirt with our school’s mascot on the back. Once we’re both ready, Ryker makes Cuddy go out first to make sure no one’s in the hallway to see me leaving his room .
While Cuddy is outside, Ryker’s hand wraps around my hip. He turns me to face him and presses his lips to mine. He kisses me so sweetly, brushing his lips across mine, then my cheeks, my nose, and finishing with my forehead.
“See you soon,” he murmurs just as Cuddy gives us the go ahead.
I give him my brightest smile, unable to contain it in that moment. As I slip into the hallway and make my way to the lobby, it dawns on me that although we just agreed to be nothing more than friends with benefits, it feels like more already.
My heart is doomed, yet I don’t want to prevent myself from falling further.
What is wrong with me?