Chapter Twenty-Seven
Ryker
“
W hat kind of popcorn do you want tonight? Cinnamon sugar, dill pickle, hot chili…” my mom lists off different flavors as she prepares for our weekly movie night.
During the baseball season, it becomes more like once every two weeks or so, but we do our best to make it work. We’re all we’ve ever had. Well, until now, I guess, considering she’s getting married soon.
I’ll be standing as her man of honor, while Aurora will be the flower girl, with Nate as the best man. She and Paul want a small wedding consisting of immediate family and a few friends, which is why they’re forgoing traditional bridal parties.
I can hardly wait, just ecstatic at the idea of someone else being able to hurt my mom and turn their backs on us.
Can you sense my sarcasm?
“Ryker.” My mom raises her voice, taking me out of my head.
“Hot chili please. Do you need help?” I ask, getting off the couch and heading to the kitchen to help her regardless of her answer.
When I enter the open kitchen space, I find her setting spices and oils on the counter while the kernels start to pop on the wok .
Her brown eyes roll at the sight of me, but her lips are fighting a smile. “I don’t need any help. Get out of here.” She attempts to usher me away, but I remain planted.
“I’ll watch the popcorn while you mix the dressing.”
I never let my mom do anything alone and always try to help in any capacity I can.
“You played great last night. Your arm is looking stronger than ever,” she comments while adding chili oil to a mixing bowl. She’s never missed a home game, always in the stands cheering me on ever since I picked up a glove and a ball.
“Thanks, Mom. I feel great, probably the best season start for me to date.”
She picks up some cayenne pepper and adds it into the bowl. As she mixes the spice and oil, she glances at me with a perched brow. “You seem lighter out there too.”
The kernels are popping one after the other, filling the space between her comment and my response because I’m not sure what she’s alluding to.
“Coach says I’ve put on ten pounds of muscle—”
“No, Bear.” She chuckles, using the nickname she gave me as a child. “I mean, you look happier than I’ve ever seen you before. Is there something else or…someone perhaps?”
I shake the wok, ensuring all the kernels are being popped as I think of what to say. She’s not wrong. This is the happiest I’ve been.
“Nope, just excited for the draft and to be done with school,” I tell her as I transfer the popcorn into a large bowl. And being around the girl who radiates sunshine might be a plausible clause as well. But I’ll never admit that out loud, for fear that it’ll make whatever I’m feeling become real.
“I’m so proud of you. Draft or no draft, you’re my greatest accomplishment.”
I look away, blinking at the sudden swell of emotion her words bring. Something must seriously be wrong with me. Now I’m tearing up at sentimental shit? She squeezes my shoulder, knowing what I’m not voicing. That I love her and clearly can’t handle this conversation right now.
My mom remains quiet as she coats the popcorn in her infamous hot chili seasoning. I grab us sodas from the fridge while she takes the popcorn to the couch. We pull up her favorite streaming service since it’s her night to pick the movie.
“Pick our poison,” I say as I flick through the options on the screen.
My mom throws popcorn at my head for that. “You love Disney movies. Don’t be smart with me.”
“Yes, Mama.” I chuckle, eating the popcorn that fell on my chest.
She settles on Monsters, Inc. , and as the film plays, we find a rhythm where we talk for spurts or remain quiet as we focus on the movie.
Moments like these are my favorites. I love spending time with her, more so now because I know once I get drafted and she gets married, I won’t be able to see her as often.
So I cherish these moments, just her and me.
But about halfway through the movie, Aurora knocks on the door to pick up allergy meds for her dog, Pickles. I thought it was about to be a quick stop, but she and my mom haven’t stopped talking in the doorway. Aurora fills her in on how playing for Team USA is going and that she’s visiting for the weekend since it’s Cameron’s cousin Finn’s birthday.
I didn’t mind the interruption until my mom gets a call from her work and tells Aurora to come on in to talk to me. Aurora walks into the living room, a bright smile on her face.
“Hey, Ryker, how’s it going?” she asks, sitting on the couch a seat over from mine .
“Good. You?”
Her demeanor deflates at my clipped response, blowing out a breath. “What did I do to make you hate me?” she asks, throwing me off.
I know she has a knack for saying what’s on her mind, but I wasn’t expecting her to say that at all.
I sit up now, putting the bowl of popcorn on the coffee table in front of us. “Aurora, I don’t hate you.” I look her in the eyes, hoping she can see the honesty in mine.
“Then why can’t you talk to me like a normal person? Hell, we’re about to be brother and sister, but you treat me like I’m an inconvenience.”
“I’m sorry. I tend to be an asshole,” I admit.
Her lips quirk at that. “You got that right, but it’s not all you are. I only learned one piece of a puzzle. I’d like to get to know the others.”
The ones I keep hidden beneath that defense mechanism, she means. The ones I’ve begun to show Camille.
“Why?”
Aurora leans over, scooping some popcorn into her mouth before she speaks again. “Wow, this is good.” She sighs. “Why what?”
Slightly irritated, I repeat my question. “Why do you want to get to know me?”
“Because we’re going to be a family, Ryker. Whether you like it or not, it’s happening.” She pauses, her hazel eyes softening. “You know, it was hard for me too to accept my dad dating your mom at first.”
My eyebrow arches at that, intrigued. “How come?”
“You’re aware that my mom isn’t here anymore, and I was worried that my dad was trying to replace her. Force me to call someone else ‘Mom’ and move on. But that wasn’t the case at all, and I love your mom. She’s the sweetest person and I’m happy they found each other.” She smiles, and something inside me loosens hearing how much she adores my mom.
“Yeah, your dad makes her happy too. I’ve never seen her like this before,” I comment, thinking about how she started singing in the shower after they met, something she hadn’t done since my dad left her.
“Our parents deserve to be happy, Ryker. I think we sometimes forget that this is their first time living too, you know?”
I never thought of it that way, that our parents are experiencing this thing we call life one day at a time just like us. It doesn’t erase the fear and the reason why I’m not exactly thrilled about this marriage.
“They do, but I’m scared.” The words fall out of my mouth before I can catch them, and I can’t take them back. I don’t know what it is about Aurora, but I find myself wanting to vent to her.
Aurora’s face contorts into confusion for a beat, then softens as if she gets it. “It’s okay to be scared. It means you have something you care about. Be grateful it’s there to be cared for.”
“What if I don’t want more things to care about? Adding more people into my life who can leave sounds like setting myself up for pain,” I scoff, raking my fingers through my hair, hating how vulnerable I sound.
It’s like that kid who’s hurting over his dad is still there deep down, protecting present me from experiencing that shit again. I wish I could tell him to scram. It’d make shit a lot easier, but it’s also gotten me to where I am today.
Her cautious voice pulls my focus back to her. “You know there’s a chance every time you step on that baseball field, it could be your last. All it takes is the right injury, and poof, everything’s gone.” She snaps her fingers for the full effect.
“That chance is always there. The same applies to relationships in all forms: family, friends, and lovers. The risk of losing them will always be there, but it’s a heck of a lot more fun to enjoy whatever it is you have with them while you can, instead of isolating yourself in fear.”
Sadly, she’s not wrong. Thinking I can live a pain-free life is a delusional way of living. I simply don’t want to increase my odds of getting hurt. While I know what she’s saying is true, it’ll take some time for me to accept it. It’s not to say I’ll make a total one-eighty degree change, but I could start by offering her the friendship she’s been seeking from me.
My lips lift to the right in a smirk. “When did you get so wise?”
“Therapy.”
We both chuckle at that, but I cut it short. “I’m sorry for being distant when all you’ve been is kind.”
“Would we be true siblings if we got along at all times?” she teases, eating another handful of popcorn.
I smile at that, which causes her to perk up. “I don’t have any siblings, at least that I know of, but I’d like to be yours and Nate’s.” I extend the olive branch, feeling like I might pass out.
“Of course. You already are.” She smiles, then asks, “Have you talked to your dad at all?”
“No.” My answer is curt. Knowing it’s not the way I want to keep doing things, I explain, “Neither my mom nor I have heard from or seen him since the day he left when I was twelve. We could look him up online, but what’s the point? He doesn’t give a fuck about me, and the feeling is mutual.”
She places her hand on mine, giving it a quick squeeze before removing it. “I’m so sorry, Ryker. I’m grateful you get to be a part of my family, and even if there’s a day we’re legally not, you’ll always be my brother.”
“All right, enough with the emotional stuff. I can’t take it.” I look up at the ceiling, blinking away the emotions coming to the surface .
Before I know what’s happening, Aurora’s hugging me, and fuck, I can’t hold it in anymore. Tears leak down my cheeks as I let out years of emotions onto her shoulder. When you bottle shit up, it’ll make you break when you least expect it.
All that fear and pain slowly drift away as I let it out. Aurora doesn’t say anything, rubbing my back in a comforting way. It feels good to be chosen for once. It may not be by my own blood, but somehow that makes it better, knowing they don’t have to but are anyways.
Once I’ve calmed down, I pull away from her, feeling slightly embarrassed as I wipe at my cheeks.
“It’s okay to cry. You can still be a badass who drives a motorcycle and has tattoos.” She grins, then pulls the bowl of popcorn on her lap. “I’m finishing this. I hope that’s okay.”
“Thank you, Ro, I appreciate it.” I smile, then slide over to grab the bowl of popcorn. “I’ll take this back, though. Get your own popcorn.”
“See, you got this brother thing down pat already.”