Chapter 20 #2
“Who the hell wants to be bossed around?” Vivian rested her forearms over her thigh.
A thigh Bryn was too drunk to resist noticing. If her favorite soapbox wasn’t calling to her, Bryn might have considered dropping to her knees. Considered ghosting her lips over Vivian’s soft skin.
“A lot of people are desperate to be told what to do,” Bryn said, voice husky like it didn’t want to leave the fantasy of Vivian’s body either.
She cleared her throat and wrangled her slightly unfocused vision.
“I mean, part of me wishes Fsub were more popular. I love doing those. There’s something really powerful about being the one asking, begging, being reassured.
But Fdom just… hits something for a lot of women. ”
“And that something is what exactly?” This time Vivian didn’t just shift, she uncrossed her legs and Bryn had to call upon every emotionally evolved cell in her body not to look down again. “A collective yearning for subjugation?”
Bryn laughed, which helped drag her back to the conversation. “It gives women a safe space to explore stuff. To figure out what they like without someone else’s expectations all over them. They can pause or rewind or stop whenever. They’re in total control while pretending they’re not.”
Vivian tilted her head, growing steadier while Bryn was only feeling further adrift. “You hear how contradictory that sounds.”
“I do.” Bryn tucked one leg under herself and tried so hard to be sober.
“Humans are weird little animals,” she agreed.
“But think about it. We’re not exactly raised to be comfortable taking what we want.
Almost all of us got some version of a purity lecture.
Who ever talked to you about pleasure? Where was that in sex ed?
” She quirked one brow and hoped it was as smooth as she imagined.
“So if a woman in power is telling you to touch yourself, or to go harder, or to push a little further… you’re not being greedy.
You’re being obedient and making me so proud by following instructions. ”
Vivian made a face like she’d never had to work to understand something in her life before. “And that isn’t infantilizing?”
Bryn gave a half-nod. “Like anything else, it depends who’s in control.
There’s definitely gross stuff out there.
But what I’m doing? It’s… counterintuitively freeing.
” She searched Vivian’s gaze, trying to see if she was losing her.
“If you grow up being told what you’re supposed to want, it’s a lot of pressure to be the one who says, ‘Actually I want something filthy.’ Or even admitting you don’t know what the hell you want, but you know there’s something out there that scratches the itch. ”
Vivian looked less skeptical but still ambivalent. “You’re saying it’s a way to outsource responsibility for desire.”
“Kinda, yeah,” she conceded. “But I’ve found erotic books or audio or whatever are more like training wheels.
The idea might come from me, but it doesn’t take long before they’re off exploring in the real world.
” She still couldn’t believe her own job sometimes.
“I get these wild emails where people are like, ‘I finally told my wife what I like,’ or ‘I realized I’m into women because of your audio.’”
Vivian watched her so closely Bryn wanted to squirm but she forced herself to be still. To hold Vivian’s gaze.
“And you’re comfortable with that much power?” The question was heavy—weighed down by the obvious fact that there was a wrong answer.
Bryn cringed. “I don’t think of it as power.
I think of it as permission.” Her voice went softer without her meaning it to.
“I’m not telling them what to do because control is my thing.
I’m telling them it’s okay to want things and modeling how it can sound to ask.
That it doesn’t make them weird or broken.
That someone can call them a needy little slut to get them off and still be gentle with them afterwards. ”
Vivian coughed, but she recovered with remarkable speed. Her gaze dropped to Bryn’s mouth, lingered, then dragged back up. “You should listen to yourself.”
“What?”
“You talk about what you give them like it’s some abstract service,” Vivian said. “But that’s more care than most people receive in their actual relationships.”
Heat rose in Bryn’s chest. “Yeah, well, audio is easier than real life.” She gave a crooked smile. “I can’t control anything about anyone’s day. I can’t make their boss less of a dick or their kids less demanding or figure out their money troubles. But I can say, ride my face like a good girl.”
Vivian’s laugh was low and genuine, and Bryn felt it in the base of her spine.
“You really should listen to some,” Bryn heard herself say before her liquid courage disappeared. “Not just the SFW.” She swallowed to ease her pulse pounding at the back of her throat. “I have a discount code,” she added because she was driving at break-neck speed and needed humor as an off-ramp.
Vivian’s high cheekbones flushed just enough to make Bryn’s palms sweat. “You’re offering me discount pricing on your porn?”
“You’re the one who said it’s not porn,” Bryn shot back. “Make up your mind, Vivian.” She dared to use her authoritative Domme voice.
Vivian’s gaze turned thoughtful. Dangerous. Enthralling. “And what if I listened to yours?” she asked, each word placed with surgical precision. “Wouldn’t that be… strange?”
Bryn’s heart stopped, victim to a single hard squeeze that stopped all motor function. It would be unbearable. It would be everything. Her mouth answered while her vodka-dipped brain was still catching up. “Only if I didn’t turn you on.”
The silence that followed turned the air solid and impossible to inhale. Vivian went still and Bryn was sure she’d gone too far. That she’d pushed Vivian too far too fast and now she was going to leave.
Instead, Vivian’s lips parted on a breath that Bryn imagined falling against the column of her neck. A breath that set Bryn’s skin on fire. Waiting was unbearable, and then Vivian rolled her chair an inch closer.
“Confident,” Vivian murmured, tone unreadable.
“I’ve had… practice,” she said, white knuckle grip on any semblance of chill left in her body. “Making people feel things.” She let the sentence hang there, pulse roaring in her ears.
Vivian rolled forward another inch, parted thighs engulfing Bryn and sending a pounding rush straight through her. “You’re circling some big promises,” she muttered.
Bryn’s body made the decision without consulting her brain. She shifted to the very edge of the bed, leg between Vivian’s so securely there was no question what she wanted. “I only promise what I can deliver.”
Vivian’s chin dipped, gaze locked on Bryn’s mouth like it was a line she told herself she wouldn’t cross but lied. “And if I listened… then what?”
Bryn moistened her lips. They were aching to feel Vivian again. To return to her lips. To run along her collarbone. To worship her and devour her and fill her in every possible way.
She was barely breathing when she said, “Then you might learn something about your own desire.” She pulsed with an unbearable hunger only Vivian could satisfy.
“You might learn that what you really want is something you’d never let yourself consider before.
” Bryn tried to hold it back but there was no stopping her confessions, hot and raw and wild as they were.
“You might discover that what you want…” She grabbed the chair’s arms and pulled it in so hard the edge slammed her knee, but it had brought Vivian within kissing distance.
Had brought her so close that Bryn could almost feel the heat radiating from her body. “That what you want is me.”
Vivian’s composure cracked. She closed her eyes, perfect mouth falling open to let out something between a gasp and a curse.
“Careful,” she whispered, lips drifting closer.
“Why?”
Vivian reached out, hands resting on Bryn’s thighs. Her touch was agonizing heat and unbearable want. Bryn closed her eyes and let Vivian anchor herself there. Let her pin her to the edge. The longer Vivian made her ache for it, the better the relief of her kiss would feel.
“For tonight,” Vivian said, thumb moving in destabilizing circles on the inside of her thigh, “let’s agree on one thing.”
Bryn would have agreed to anything. Would have given Vivian anything.
When Vivian’s mouth brushed against Bryn’s bottom lip, Bryn made a sound embarrassingly close to a whimper. Vivian’s soft laugh stayed in her throat, warm but with a bite like the booze wreaking havoc on Bryn’s nervous system.
“I don’t need a bunch of acronyms to take what I want.” She smiled against Bryn’s mouth and stood, taking every ounce of heat in Bryn’s body with her.
Bryn’s eyes snapped open and she forced her gaping mouth closed. She watched Vivian’s self-satisfaction as she sauntered toward the door.
Trying to return the moisture to her mouth, Bryn stood and followed her. “Well then you’ll have no problem listening,” she said, trying to recover her cool but it had burned away in Vivian’s molten atmosphere.
“Get some sleep, Bryn.” Vivian pulled the door open. “The conference is a sprint, not a marathon.”
“I’ll try and remember that,” she replied, still disoriented from the near-kiss. She leaned against the open door. “Thank you for checking on me.”
“I didn’t.” Vivian hesitated as if was debating whether to kiss her goodbye or just leave.
Bryn grinned, high on all the affection and care Vivian had shown her in her own Vivian way.
“You’re a great actress.” She reached out, brushing away a nonexistent piece of lint off her bare shoulder.
The brush of her skin, electric. “But a terrible liar,” she whispered before kissing Vivian on the cheek.
Vivian huffed in amusement. “Good night, Bryn.”
“Sweet dreams, Vivian,” she replied, watching Vivian until she made it to the elevator and hit the button.
When the elevator dinged, Vivian shot her a dark glance that sent another rush of aching heat coursing through Bryn’s body.
“Thanks again for checking on me,” Bryn called down the corridor.
“I didn’t,” Vivian lied, disappearing into the elevator and leaving Bryn breathless.