Chapter 36
Chapter Thirty-Six
Bryn hadn’t set her free, Vivian realized.
She’d been wrong about that. Bryn had given her a mirror and showed her that the keys to her cell had always been in her hands.
She made her see that at some point, she’d gone from safety to seclusion to imprisonment.
That she’d shrunk her life down to a monotonous malaise that she’d grown accustomed to.
A misery she’d mislabeled as contentment.
“Thank you,” Vivian said when Bryn rolled up her driveway and stopped in her usual spot near the front door.
Her usual spot.
There was something about that that Vivian wanted to sit in. A comfort she wanted to drape around herself and never remove.
“You know I don’t mind driving—”
“I mean about encouraging me to do this thing tonight.” Vivian didn’t make any moves to get out of the car. She didn’t want to lose her nerve. “I don’t have the words for this.” She reached over, taking Bryn’s hand in hers. “And I may never have them.”
She hoped she’d never stop loving the way Bryn’s skin felt against hers. The way Bryn’s scent made her heart race and her proximity made her restless soul settle. How could she ever put that into words? All she could ever do was hope to show Bryn what she meant to her.
“Do you want to come inside?” There was a tremble in Vivian’s voice that she didn’t try to stop. Emotions in her eyes she didn’t hold back. “To stay the night?”
“Vivian,” Bryn said quietly, holding Vivian’s hand with both of hers. “I don’t want to rush you—”
“If you don’t want—”
“Oh, Vivian.” Bryn caught her before she could turn away, the lightest touch on her chin, and brought her gaze back to her. “I very much want, but tonight was a lot. I don’t want you to feel like we’re rushing anything.”
Vivian chuckled. In the nearly five months since their orchid shop date, they’d done everything but rush. But she understood Bryn now. Understood that her concern was only for Vivian in a way that held no selfishness. No ego.
Vivian reached over, brushing away the soft red hair framing Bryn’s face. An excuse to feel her skin. To touch her.
“I believe you,” Vivian said, sure she meant something else. “I want you,” she added, even if she couldn’t quite manage the rest. Couldn’t confess that she wanted Bryn in every single way she was lucky to have her. But what she couldn’t say with her words, she’d proclaim with her actions.
Bryn’s eyes glistened with yes, but she didn’t move. Not first. She waited to follow Vivian’s lead, like she’d wait forever if that’s what it took.
They walked up the driveway together, and Vivian didn’t shield the keypad from view when she entered the long, complicated code. When the electronic lock to the front door slid open, Vivian held it open for Bryn.
Lit only by the outdoor lights, Vivian’s house was dark. She didn’t bother flipping any switches. The ambient glow was enough to see by, even if showing Bryn her thriving violets in the foyer, vibrant green but not yet flowering, would have to wait for morning.
Morning.
The prospect of a person in her house, her body, her bed overnight, should have sent a panicked bolt through her chest. But the notion was steadying. Comforting. It wasn’t a person following her inside, it was Bryn. Her Bryn.
Vivian reached back without turning around. An open hand in the dark.
Bryn took it.
Vivian had walked up the stairs alone thousands of times. In the light. The dark. Drunk. Sober. Exhausted. Hurried.
But with Bryn’s warm fingers laced through hers, each step felt unfamiliar. Exhilarating. Like the house itself was reconfiguring itself to a new presence. Adjusting to the weight of someone who belonged. Who’d been missing.
The stairs. A long corridor. Her bedroom door. The deepest part of herself. Everything opened for Bryn. Not like a handle turning, but like jasmine blooming in the dark’s protective hold.
Standing in the middle of Vivian’s bedroom, Bryn raised her hand slowly, as if she feared sudden movements.
She rested her palm against Vivian’s sternum, just above her heart, the same way she’d pressed her own hand to her chest when she’d told Vivian what she felt.
Vivian covered Bryn’s hand with hers and held it there.
“Hi,” Bryn whispered, like they’d never met before because maybe they hadn’t. Not like this.
Vivian exhaled something between a laugh and a sob. Something that had lived too long in the confines of her chest alone and nameless.
“Hi,” she mumbled before tipping her head down and finding that her lips weren’t the only ones trembling.
When Bryn kissed her, something behind Vivian’s ribcage collapsed.
Collapsed the way a held breath leaves the body when danger has passed.
She surrendered to Bryn’s tenderness. To the unimaginable care of her soft hand cradling Vivian’s jaw when she deepened their kiss.
It cracked open something Vivian had cemented shut so long ago she’d forgotten it had once been a door.
Undressing each other held a new purpose.
It wasn’t Vivian’s hungry mouth or desperate fingers leading the charge.
All she wanted was to get rid of the barriers.
To feel every part of Bryn against every part of her.
To share every secret. Confess every sin.
To know every single thing about Bryn. To reveal everything about herself. To know and be known.
“Is this okay?” Bryn asked while crawling onto the bed after Vivian.
Vivian pulled Bryn on top of her, relishing the feel of her body on hers. The warm weight of her. The relief of her touch.
“Very okay,” Vivian promised because this communication mattered to Bryn even if it seemed so obvious to Vivian.
Straddling Vivian’s thigh, Bryn was almost too beautiful to look at. Strong and confident and improbably hers. Vivian looked anyway. Felt the unexpected grief of all the time she’d lost with her, and dove into the perfection of now.
Instead of urging her down for a kiss, Vivian rose half off the bed to meet her.
She’d spent decades training herself not to want anything that could hurt her, but with Bryn’s bottom lip between hers, she fed the flames of her desire.
She let herself want with the aching fullness of that feeling, even if it consumed her.
Bryn moaned into her mouth, soft and incredible. Vivian chased more with her tongue and teeth and one hand roaming up Bryn’s bare thigh.
“I’ve missed you so much,” Bryn whispered, both hands in Vivian’s hair like she needed to anchor herself.
Vivian understood the feeling. Understood needing to hold fast because Bryn’s touch always made her feel like she was floating.
Bracing back on her left hand, Vivian wrapped her right arm around Bryn’s waist. She pulled her in until Bryn dropped her weight and let Vivian feel the searing heat of her arousal against her thigh.
It was Vivian’s turn to moan. To deepen their kiss like she might find the secret of creation if she just pushed a little further. If she tried a little harder.
“You feel so good,” Vivian muttered, heat roaring up her chest and pounding between her thighs.
Bryn grinned against Vivian’s mouth. Grinding intentionally against Vivian’s thigh so she could see just how badly she wanted her, Bryn was dangerously in control.
“It’s all for you,” Bryn promised, tone soft to match her slow, deliberate movements.
“Are you all for me?” Vivian asked before she could think it through. The words were too small and inadequate to match the enormity of the question.
Snaking her hand between them, Bryn didn’t drop her smile. “Are you asking me to be your girlfriend?”
She cupped Vivian’s breast but didn’t linger. Her palm dripped down Vivian’s tense abdomen and between her thighs.
“Because I’ve been all-in for a while… just in case you hadn’t noticed.” Her fingertips brushed against Vivian’s clit, sending Vivian’s hips digging into the mattress.
“I’m yours, Vivian,” she promised, fingers finding a lazy rhythm. “I’m so fucking yours.”
Letting her head hang back, lips parted, Vivian indulged in Bryn’s skillful fingers. In feeling so completely present and alive and grateful. Heat churned low in her belly, rippling and growing with every roll of Bryn’s fingers.
Bryn leaned in, mouth hot against hers. Lips sliding down her neck, kissing and biting in turn. Fingers moving faster, teasing Vivian’s entrance and then back to her clit. Over and over until Vivian was on the brink of begging.
“And you’re mine,” Bryn groaned against the shell of her ear.
Vivian’s body roared with the truth of it. Legs shaking, she let go of Bryn’s waist and slipped her hand between Bryn’s thighs.
“I’m yours,” she agreed, voice hoarse and chest straining.
Bryn shifted to one side just enough to let Vivian in. Enough for her fingers to slide inside her without resistance. To be swallowed whole while Bryn bucked against her.
“Don’t stop,” Bryn begged as if she wasn’t the one in control. The one controlling the tempo while she rode Vivian’s fingers without losing focus. Bryn’s fingers racing over Vivian’s clit didn’t slow. Didn’t stammer.
Jesus.
Vivian was already so close, but she forced herself to keep her eyes open. To watch Bryn’s beautiful face break into ruinous perfection.
She’d seen so many versions of Bryn’s expressions now. Laughing across a table. Soft with concern. Bright with mischievous glee. Careful when she was worried about pushing Vivian too far too fast.
But this face. With her brow furrowed and her lips parted and her entire body in the free-fall of surrender… It dismantled Vivian in short, ragged breaths. It was a face she was making for her. Only for her, and it set Vivian ablaze.
Something enormous moved through Vivian’s chest. Not the heat between her thighs or the tension coiling at her center, relentless and demanding.
This was something else. Something that didn’t live in her body but used her body to make itself known.
It filled her so completely she couldn’t breathe around it, and she thought if she opened her mouth right now, whatever came out might change everything.
She held back. Body tense and core throbbing. Not yet.
Bryn tightened around her fingers. Held her breath. Opened her mouth but didn’t make a single sound.
Vivian let her eyes slip closed. Let Bryn’s fingers send her over the edge, just as Bryn stiffened and her grinding lost its precise rhythm.
Head pounding, Vivian eased out of Bryn and wrapped her arms around her. She pulled her down completely on top of her, hooking all of her limbs around her.
Vivian didn’t care that she was crying. Didn’t care that she looked like a starving animal. She was awake and ravenous and couldn’t loosen her hold on Bryn. Bryn, who was muttering the sweetest words and kissing the salt from her cheeks, her neck, her lips.
“Stay,” Vivian whispered, still crying.
“Always,” Bryn vowed and squeezed her tighter.