Chapter 42 - Grace
CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
Grace
I wish the rest of my night could simply cut to the next morning. Like in movies where there’s a big blow up between a couple or some fallout during a big family dinner and the next scene is the following morning, skipping all the uncomfortable atmosphere hovering over the moment.
But the thing with real life is there is no fast-forward button.
There’s no skip tab I can simply hover the cursor over and click on to move to the next episode.
So instead of turning a blind eye and waking up the next morning with a clear head and a forgiving boyfriend, I’m standing in the parking lot of the strip mall with Noah guardedly approaching me.
“I take it that’s…”
“My boyfriend,” I say it with a level voice. The words I should’ve said the first time he asked. “Yeah.”
I turn to face Noah and watch the apologetic look on his face spread to his slouched shoulders. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.”
Noah announces that his friend will be in the hospital parking lot in five minutes.
He suggests we head back with an air of caution.
We walk to my car, me following a few steps behind Noah as I replay the last fifteen minutes.
My phone is held between my two hands while I map out a text intended for Andrew.
I consider calling him, but that feels scarier than whooshing a message out through the ominous cellular network.
By the time we get to my car, I still haven’t decided what to say.
What do I tell the man who just told me he loves me after he’s seen me sitting at a cozy table for two with another man?
Ask for his forgiveness? Start rashly arguing and tell him nothing was even going on?
Which is technically true. But the truth doesn’t even seem to matter at this point.
I feel sick imagining the hurt and betrayal he must’ve felt as soon as he walked into the smoothie shop.
Almost as sick as how I feel trying to understand why I couldn’t just fucking tell Noah about Andrew.
The thought comes with a sharp-edged knife sliced into my heart, mixing alongside the queasy feeling that my boyfriend isn’t going to forgive me.
If he even wants to still be my boyfriend.
Noah’s friend meets us at my car. He introduces himself.
I manage a cordial smile but forget his name immediately.
He revives my dead battery using his jumper cables, and I say a weak, watered-down “thank you” to the both of them before they leave.
Once inside the silence of my car, I slump my forehead against my steering wheel with a heavy exhale into the shiny metal Volvo logo.
My phone rings in the cup holder at my side, and it echoes through my Bluetooth speaker.
My head jolts up hoping it’s Andrew, but my suddenly hopeful mood dissolves when I see it’s Jade.
“Hello?”
“Hey, you called? Sorry, I left my phone in the other room.”
“I had some car trouble, but I got some help.”
“So, you’re on your way?”
I don’t know if I have the energy to face Jade and brave a fake smile through an evening of trick-or-treating. “You know, I think—”
A delighted squeal interrupts whatever half-assed excuse I was about to offer my sister, only for it to be outshined by my niece, the whole reason for tonight.
“Sorry. We put Avery’s costume on, and she’s giggling over her reflection,” Jade tells me. She laughs, her joy blending with Avery’s. “You’re going to die when you see her.”
“Yeah, I can’t wait.”
“So, I’ll see you in a bit?”
“I’m on my way.” I hang up, and my body feels like it’s on autopilot.
My thoughts are an entire step behind me as I get out of my car once I pull to a stop in front of Jade’s house.
My feet drag like a set of shackles are looped around my ankles.
With my costume in a wrinkled Nordstrom’s shopping bag, I knock on Jade’s door.
“Hey!” Jade’s bubbly greeting is like a ray of sunshine beaming down on the storm cloud hanging above my head, but I force a smile.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“It’s fine,” she assures. I walk through the door, getting a quick glimpse of her mouse costume. “Just change into your costume in the bathroom.”
“I’ll be quick,” I tell her.
I beeline for the bathroom through her kitchen.
The mirror in her small one-and-a-half bath leaves me more disheartened than I already was.
I’m looking at the culprit for my ruined relationship, and all I want to do is scold at my own reflection.
My own self-destructive behavior led to me hurting someone I care about.
And all I can do is call myself a coward instead of owning up to my mistake.
I should be with Andrew. I should talk to him and tell him how I’m scared.
How, in the biggest plot twist I didn’t even expect, I’m realizing the possibility of another failed relationship is my biggest fear.
I guess I should’ve been looking in this very mirror when I called him out on his supposed commitment issues.
I change, tucking away my self-wallowing for later.
My effortless witch costume isn’t anything show-stopping.
Buster’s bumblebee costume on the other hand, definitely show-stopping.
The thought of Andrew and Buster’s sweet picture in my phone makes me miss him to the point that it becomes painful.
With a glum mood added to my otherwise fun little get-up, I walk out of the bathroom to find Jade, Trevor, and Avery waiting for me by the door.
“Ready?” Jade asks, her camera in her hand.
I nod with a tight-lipped smile, adjusting the antennae on my head. “Yep.”
Jade leaves out a large bowl full of candy at the front door while Trevor snaps Avery into her stroller.
Jade has a small orange jack-o’-lantern bucket swinging from her hands, and next thing I know, it’s already halfway full.
By the time we’ve made two left turns and a right into a part of her neighborhood I’ve never seen, our steps are moving at a more listless pace.
“Is everything okay?”
I keep my head ducked, my eyes aimlessly counting the cracks in the sidewalk. I’ve gotten up to thirty-eight. “I’m fine.”
“You sure?”
Avery wails from her stroller. Her tight fists jut out to the sides, waving them in distress. Jade’s concerned question fades into the background of little Avery’s sudden outburst. It’s a welcomed interruption. The perfect diversion to avoid Jade’s probing inquiry.
“I think Avery’s about finished,” Jade tells Trevor.
She unbuckles Avery and hoists her up in her arms. I take over stroller duty, and we veer back home.
Thankfully—though Jade would probably disagree—Avery’s fussing doesn’t stop.
Trevor attempts some distraction technique with a little tickling and raspberries blown into her bulbous cheek, but it only spurs her tantrum.
The bucket of Halloween candy sits where Avery sat, and as soon as we walk through the front door, I help myself to a Snickers bar.
And not a measly miniature size, but a full-sized candy bar.
If only adult trick-or-treating wasn’t frowned upon.
I’m almost done with my Snickers when Jade reappears from getting Avery settled.
“That was fast,” I comment, the last bite pushed aside to one cheek.
“Trevor has her,” she explains. She opens a pizza box sitting on the kitchen island and offers it to me. “You hungry?”
I shake my head. Candy looks a hundred times more appealing to me right now. “I think I’m going to head out,” I announce.
“Already?”
“That car trouble just drained the energy out of me,” I admit. It’s not even a lie. Between the turn of events and Andrew storming off, all I want to do is climb under my covers and hide there for the rest of the weekend.
I reach for my purse and walk to the door before Jade can stop me and ask me once more if I’m okay. Because if she asks me again, I might fall into a puddle of tears.