Chapter 46 - Grace
CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
Grace
My mom really knows how to throw a party.
Twinkling lights, delectable finger foods, an open bar, and a live band.
If this is how my parents are celebrating a wedding anniversary, I can’t imagine how over-the-top their wedding was.
I get a brief glimpse into the festivities of their wedding night through the large blown-up picture of them dancing on a glossy floor, my mom in her shimmery ballgown dress with puffy sleeves and my dad in his tux and bushy mustache.
Tom Selleck was his style icon, and it shows.
“They look really happy, don’t they?”
I turn to Jade, leaning into her arm. She wraps her hand around my waist, pulling me into an embrace while we both admire our parents’ picture sitting on a large easel by the cake table. “They sure do.”
“You okay?”
I sigh, and instead of answering her, I ask, “Do you think we’ll ever have that?”
The side of her head brushes my temple. “I hope so.”
“My money’s riding on you.”
The commiserating way she looks at me makes me almost regret telling her everything.
Almost. Because as much as it was difficult to sit my family down to tell them about Andrew, it feels like a weight lifted off my shoulders.
The first step to letting go of my past. I can’t let my divorce be the rubric for my future.
I love Andrew, and this is my chance for a fresh start. To embrace love instead of fearing it.
“Girls!”
Jade and I draw in a sharp intake of breath, preparing ourselves for the intensity of my mom. Especially when she’s in center-stage mode.
“People are going to start arriving,” she informs us. “We should go find your dad.”
“I think he’s with Trevor,” Jade tells her.
“Is Andrew coming?” my mom asks. I can feel Jade’s eyes on me. They swipe to my mom and back to me.
“Mom!” Jade hisses.
“What?” my mom asks, feigning innocence. “I want to meet her new boyfriend.”
“They aren’t even talking to each other right now,” Jade reminds her.
“I’m sure they can patch it up. If they love each other, there’s nothing they can’t fix with a little chat.” She turns to me and adds, “You just tell him how sorry you are.”
When I told my family about Andrew, it wasn’t to announce a happy union or the jovial end to my search for the perfect husband.
It was so they understood where my apprehension came from.
Why alarm bells ring when I hear words like “commitment” and “marriage” and “promise.” Why I thought sacrifices needed to be made for a happy life instead of believing I deserved it all.
A willing partner, someone who loves all the little bits and pieces of me that can become cumbersome.
All the precarious, insecure, diffident parts of me I wish I could brush off my hands but are stuck. I don’t think my mom got the memo.
“He’s not coming,” I inform my mom, set on answering her since it looks like it was a genuine question.
“Aw, I guess we’ll have to meet him some other time.”
“Sorry, Mom.” I roll my eyes at Jade, glad I’m able to do it with my back to my mom.
We find my dad near the main entrance, greeting the first of the guests already arriving, and Trevor and Avery join us.
It’s a welcome shift as the music starts playing inside the great hall.
Before we know it, dinner is served, people are loose from the free-flowing drinks and the cake cutting has commenced.
Even the music has temporarily transitioned into slower tunes, allowing couples to cradle and sway.
I watch my parents dancing with a proud smile on their faces.
Jade and Trevor are on the dance floor too, but a little off-center where the crowd isn’t as thick.
Trevor cradles Avery in the crook of his arm while his other is wrapped around Jade’s waist. Jade rests her head on Trevor’s shoulder, and he leans down to kiss her temple, and I have to look away.
What is it about me that I’m not meant for that?
I’m so happy for Jade. I want this life for her, and I would always put her happiness ahead of mine.
But watching her in her little trio of bliss makes it glaringly clear how far I am from having those things.
A committed, loving partner, a family, a life where lonely graves aren’t my biggest fears.
I got a taste of it with Andrew. Our domesticated life of sleepovers and packed lunches.
As much as I was a dedicated wife to Frankie, it was never like that.
He didn’t assume the role of a caretaker.
He was just my husband. Someone who filled the spot to the empty grave to my right.
But Andrew is so much more than that. He’s someone who will walk the path of life with me before laying in our final resting place.
And I let that wither away because I was scared. Because I believed I didn’t deserve it.
Maybe it’s how it’s meant to be all along. Me alone for the rest of my life. At least there’ll be plenty of room for more dogs.
The urge for some fresh air gets me on my feet, and as I turn to the exit, I see the person I least expect standing at the doorway.
His gait is crooked, one shoulder slightly slouched, and eyes I can only describe as longing.
His ardent gaze scruples with what to do next.
If he should come to me or wait for me to come to him.
The pause is momentary because determination sets in Andrew’s eyes, and he takes his first step. Long strides, hell-bent on me.
When he reaches me, he cups my face and kisses me.
It isn’t fierce or desperate or even hasty.
It feels like he’s been on his feet in the most uncomfortable pair of shoes while braving a smile and acting as if he’s completely fine, only to come home and take them off with a promise to himself that he’s never going to put himself through that again.
It’s relief. There’s reassurance and comfort in this kiss.
He pulls away and looks at me. A glance at my face and a quick scan over my body like he’s checking on me. Making sure I’m okay. I almost hear it in his soft sigh, and I nearly answer with a weak no. I am most definitely not okay.
“I’m not him,” he whispers.
“Wha—”
“I’m going to take care of you,” he adds. “I want to take care of you.”
I sigh, turning my face. “Andrew, I have some shit I need to work through, and it wasn’t fair how I treated you. I shouldn’t have kept you hidden from everyone. You deserve so much better than that.”
“I know. But you were scared. And I need you to know I’m not him. I’m not going to be careless with your heart. I’m going to take care of it.”
My chin trembles. “You are?” I ask tearfully.
He nods. Not a quiet, calm nod, but fast up and down bobs leaving little room for doubt. He kisses me again, letting his lips linger on mine. “I love you,” he whispers.
I smile, loving the sound of those words from him. They sound safe yet profound. “I love you, too,” I tell him, meaning it with every fiber in my body.
“I know.”
“I really do,” I add. “I’m so sorry I didn’t say it before, but I do.”
“I know.”
This must be what it feels like to be cherished.
Like I’m worth the time and energy and love.
And none of it’s a chore, it’s an honor.
It’s an honor to love me. And the realization that someone would care enough about me to come all this way just to tell me he loves me causes everything to feel light.
The shackles hooked to my heart are starting to disintegrate.
And with time and patience, something Andrew is willing to give me, I can see them eventually disappearing, right alongside my past.
“Grace!”
We both startle. Andrew turns around to see we’ve drawn a small crowd. My parents, Jade, Trevor, and a sleepy Avery.
“It’s so nice to meet you, Andrew.” I hear my mom’s voice croon and look just as she pulls him into an awkward embrace. “Grace has told us so much about you.” I guess introductions are a bit redundant at this point.
I reach for Andrew’s hand, and his eyes glisten with the knowledge that my parents know who he is. He isn’t some strange man who crashed their party by bursting through the doors and kissing their daughter. He’s Andrew Cohen, Grace’s boyfriend.
“This is Jade,” I tell Andrew, just as my eyes meet Jade’s. “And her husband Trevor.”
Andrew extends his hand to greet them, but my sister ignores the offer and hugs him the way my mom did, like how she embraces family.
The hubbub of Andrew’s arrival dies down, and the dancing continues.
My parents entertain their guests while Jade and Trevor call it a night with a fussy baby in their arms, and it’s just Andrew and me at our table.
There’s scattered specks of confetti over the clothed tables alongside champagne glasses in various stages of fullness.
We’ve managed to snag one of the last few slices of cake, and we’re enjoying it with Andrew’s arm draped over the chair behind me.
“Fifty years,” Andrew comments. “That’s a long life together.”
“Mh-hmm,” I answer.
“What’s their secret?”
I shrug my shoulder. “My dad always does what my mom says. That might be a good start.”
“Oh yeah?” he teases. He pinches my side, and it causes me to curl closer into him. “So happy wife, happy life?”
“Something like that.”
“Hey, where’s our son?”
I stifle a laugh, covering my mouth with my hand. “Our son?”
“What? I think I can call him that.”
I tilt up to kiss his cheek. “He’s staying the night at the kennel.”
“A kennel?” he asks with deep disapproval. “No son of mine is going to be spending the night in a kennel.”
His voice rises a few octaves, and I rush to cover his mouth, the laughter still bubbling up in my stomach. “It’s a really nice kennel, and it’s family-run. They even have a camera set up so I can watch him 24/7.”
His fake indignance falters, and he covers my hand with his, placing a soft kiss into my palm. “We’re picking him up tomorrow?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I answer. “Bright and early.”
“Good.” He pecks my lips with a playful kiss and looks around, noticing the lively party that has yet to die down. “So can we just Irish goodbye this thing or…”
“Ready to go back to my room?”
He nods eagerly. “Please?”
“Come on.” I lead him out the side exit where I noticed some of the wait staff coming and going.
My parents might get upset that I snuck out early without the excuse of a fussy child or feigned illness, but I’ll deal with them in the morning.
Tonight, I’m making up for some lost time with my boyfriend.