Chapter 51 #2
A damp spring breeze swept across Sophia’s face as she stood on the curb and stared up at the house.
It was an impressive home. Tudor-style with brick on the bottom, ecru stucco on the top, and big sweeping windows.
As she glanced down the block, she thought it looked like an upscale neighborhood that she could picture her classmates from West Oak Forest living in.
It was a stark contrast to her home on the farm.
Her knees trembled beneath her skirt. Her mother might very well be on the other side of those walls. This was the moment she had been waiting for, yet she had a hard time making her feet move.
The iron railing was loose and wiggled from side to side beneath her hand as she made her way up the winding staircase.
Sophia stood on the top landing and pressed the doorbell.
It echoed through the house, and then she heard footsteps.
Pulling herself to her full height, she plastered on her best smile as the door hissed open.
A pale woman with sandy brown hair loose down her back and eyes hooded under false lashes stood behind the screen door. She was thin and sprightly.
“Hello,” she said with a smile. “May I help you?”
Sophia fumbled with the sheet of paper in her sweaty palms. “I am looking for Jelka Durchdenwald.”
The woman touched her hand to her throat and took a step back. “What is this about?”
This wasn’t the reaction Sophia had planned. She assumed that her mother would take one look at her, recognize her instantly, and swallow her in her arms.
“My name is Sophia—I mean—” She felt faint and reached out for the shaky banister to hold her up. “My birth name is Katja, and I’m looking for… my mother,” she rushed out.
“Oh, dear God.” The woman unlatched the screen door and stumbled back so that Sophia could step inside the foyer. Under the light, she could see the woman better. They had the same cheekbones.
The woman stared at her, looking her over from head to toe. Then she touched the crown of Sophia’s head. “My goodness, it is you.” She thrust her arms around Sophia and rocked.
Tears sprang to Sophia’s eyes as she inhaled a scent of strawberry shampoo. She had found her. When she released Sophia, she touched her face. “After all this time.” Then she mumbled words in German that sounded like a prayer.
“Jelka?” Sophia croaked, just to be sure. She didn’t want to call her “Mother” in their first meeting.
“No, I’m Jutta. Jelka’s younger sister,” she said. “Come in.”
Her sister.
Jutta led Sophia down the hall. The floors were brick veneer, and the ceiling had a popcorn texture.
Jutta turned into the living room and motioned for Sophia to take a seat on the gray plaid sofa.
There were floral drapes hanging from the big bay window.
An upright piano sat in the corner of the room, and Sophia could smell something piney.
“How on earth did you find me?” Jutta said. “Oh, where are my manners. Would you like something to drink?”
“No, thank you.” Sophia shifted in her seat. “Mrs. Ethel Gathers reached out to St. Hildegard’s orphanage in Mannheim. Jelka had left her address with the nuns, and a phone number, but it was disconnected. That’s why I didn’t call first. Sorry for dropping in like this,” she said, feeling sheepish.
“How far have you traveled?”
“From southern Maryland. I just found out that I was adopted a few months ago, and I’ve been looking for my birth mother. Is she here?” Sophia asked.
“Tell me about yourself,” Jutta said, crossing her legs in front of her. There was an ashtray beside her, and she lifted the silver cigarette holder to her lips.
“I’m in the tenth grade, I go to boarding school in Maryland, first year. My family lives on a farm in Prince Frederick, Maryland, and I grew up with three brothers.”
“No sisters?”
Sophia shook her head.
“Pity. No one to play dress-up with or show you how to fix your makeup.” Jutta’s eyes glazed over. “Tell me more.”
Sophia didn’t know what Jutta wanted to know. So she told her how she had discovered the Brown Baby Plan and connected all the dots along the way to get to this moment. To meet her mother.
Impatience seeped from her voice when she asked again, “Is she here?”
Jutta put the cigarette holder in the ashtray. “You sure you don’t want anything to drink?”
“No, thank you.”
Jutta stood and adjusted her stirrup-foot stretch pants. “Well, you can follow me.”
Sophia breathed a sigh, of what she didn’t know.
Relief, anxiety, joy? She was finally going to meet her mother, and it took everything in her not to push Jutta up the stairs more quickly.
At the top of the landing were two gold-framed paintings of flowers on the wall.
Jutta paused in front of the bedroom door to the right and turned the knob.
When Sophia entered the bedroom, her heart stopped beating for a full two seconds.
The room smelled like hair spray, and the walls were covered in floral wallpaper. In the center of the room was a queen-size bed made up with a lace quilt. On the dresser was a cluster of perfumes and skin creams, and a brush-and-comb set. But otherwise, it was empty.
No Jelka.
“Is this your bedroom?” Sophia wrung her hands.
Jutta took Sophia’s arm and guided her onto the edge of the bed. “It’s for guests. I sleep here when I’m visiting.”
“Where is she?”
“Your mother, Jelka…” Jutta hesitated. “Died nearly two years ago.”
“No!” Sophia shrieked, clutching her heart.
“I’m so sorry.”
The room started to spin, and Sophia’s ears rang. She shook her head to make the nightmare stop. This couldn’t be true. Not after all she had done to find her.
“What happened?”
Jutta was quiet for a long time. Then she said, “I blame myself. I should have been here for her. I was supposed to be keeping an eye on her, but I went to a Sonny and Cher concert with a jerk who I thought was my boyfriend. Turned out he was married. When I got back here, she wouldn’t move.”
Sophia didn’t recognize the sound of her own voice when she asked, “Was she sick?”
“You can say that.”
“How… did she die?”
“Pills,” Jutta said. “Took too many. Her doctor had prescribed them for her sadness. He called it Mother’s Little Helper. Made her like a zombie to me.”
“Did she take too many… on purpose?”
Jutta nodded.
Sophia was quiet. Then she asked, “When did this happen?”
“September ’64. The week of your birthday was always the roughest time of the year for her.”
“My birthday is in March.”
Jutta tilted her chin. “I was there when you were born. Your birthday is September fifth.”
Then Sophia remembered that Sophia was born in March.
Her entire life was one big lie. She put her hands to her face and let the tears fall.
Jutta put an arm around her shoulder and pulled her close.
Even though Sophia had just met the woman, she felt familiar. Jutta rubbed her hair and soothed her.
“Did she talk about me?” Sophia smeared snot away with the back of her hand and wiped it on her skirt.
“Oh, Katja, your mom missed you every day of her life.”
“But she gave me away. Didn’t she love me?”
“More than anything. She regretted giving you up for that horrible husband of hers. At the time, it was the only way to keep you safe. But in the end, that decision cost her her life.”
Jutta dabbed at her own eyes, and Sophia could see that she was trying not to smudge her makeup.
“When Jelka finally got away from him, she married Chuck. He’s American and a good man, but she refused to have any more kids. She brought me with her to the States.”
Then Jutta popped up suddenly. “I almost forgot why we came up here. She left you something.” She stood and reached for the top drawer of the vanity. Jutta held out a small tin canister with a cottage painted on the front.
It was cold, and heavier than Sophia had expected in her hands. But she didn’t move to open the tin. She wasn’t ready to see what was on the inside. Instead, she asked another question. “My father? Did you know him?”
Jutta smiled, showing all her teeth. “Yes, he was very kind to our family. You have his forehead and eyes.”
“Do you know how I can find him?” she asked.
Jutta tapped the tin box. “This is all I have. I must confess that I’ve never looked inside. Jelka always told me that she was saving it for you.”
“May I take it with me?”
“Of course. Hopefully, it will answer some questions for you.” Jutta glanced up at the clock. “Shit, I have to go. My shift at the restaurant starts in thirty minutes. Did you want to stay the night? Chuck is away in South Carolina for work. I’m house-sitting and watching the cat until he returns.”
“No.” Sophia got to her feet. “A friend is waiting for me outside. We need to get back tonight.”
“Well, I hope you’ll come again.” Jutta led Sophia back down the steps and into the foyer.
Then she bent down and wrote her information on a piece of paper.
“This is the number to my apartment over by the College of William and Mary and my telephone number at work. Please, keep in touch. I want to get to know you.”
Then she pressed her lips to Sophia’s cheek. “Auf Wiedersehen,” she said, and opened the front door for her.
“Until we meet again.” Sophia squeezed Jutta’s hand, then clutched the tin can to her chest as she descended the stairs.