Chapter 4 #3
“It actually makes me feel better that you’re dealing with all that,” she told him. “You seem so…I’m not sure how to explain it.”
“Try,” Buck urged.
“Competent? Larger than life? You came swooping down and scooped us all up…well, you would’ve if I hadn’t been an idiot by running off.”
“You weren’t an idiot,” Buck said.
She shrugged. “I’m scared,” Mandy whispered.
“And hungry. And thirsty. And I’ve got chafing in places I’ve never chafed before.
Clothes that never dry suck. And I’m worried about the kids.
How they’re doing. They have to be terrified.
They don’t have anyone to hold them tight and tell them they’re okay, that things are going to be all right. ”
“The staff at the school won’t do that?” Buck asked. “Blair and Desmond?”
“They will. But…”
Buck waited for her to finish her thought. When she didn’t, he encouraged her to continue. “But?”
“Blair is a good director. But she’s a little old school.
A little stricter than I think some of the kids need.
She loves the little ones—Bibi has become one of her favorites, she dotes on her.
But Natasha and Michelle seem to irritate her.
As do Joseph, Michael, and Andrew. The older the kids get, the more standoffish she can be.
“Desmond’s great, but he has his own family, so he isn’t always around when the kids might need something.
There are part-time volunteers who take turns staying with the kids at night, and the staff that works in the kitchens and stuff, but they’re not as…
invested? That’s not really the word I’m looking for but my brain isn’t firing on all cylinders right now.
The kids need hugs and reassurance that they’re safe, and I’m just not sure they’ll get that. Especially not the older kids.”
“You love them,” Buck said.
“Of course I do,” Mandy said without hesitation. “If I could adopt them all, I would. But I can’t. So the best I can do is show them unconditional love and try to make them see that just because they don’t have parents, that doesn’t make them any less worthy than anyone else.”
Buck was impressed. Yes, some people would think she was na?ve and tell her that she couldn’t change the world. But he admired her empathy. How much love she had in her heart for a bunch of kids society might deem not important because of their circumstances.
He opened his mouth to reply, but was distracted by exactly what he’d been searching for as they walked.
He stopped and looked around the area, wanting to triple check that they were alone.
Buck hadn’t heard anyone following them, but since he and Mandy had been talking, he might’ve missed something.
When he heard and saw nothing out of the ordinary, he glanced at Mandy. “Stay here a second. Okay?”
She nodded without hesitation, and Buck was glad she didn’t question him. He’d answer any questions she had, but he needed her to be able to follow orders because it literally could be a matter of life or death for them both.
He left her standing next to a group of trees and headed for the boulders that caught his eye.
The huge rocks were actually unusual in the rainforest, but he wasn’t going to walk away simply because they were out of place.
They both needed somewhere dry to spend the day, and if he was lucky, the formation might offer just that.
First, he needed to make sure there weren’t any animals that had already taken up residence.
Pulling out his KA-BAR knife, Buck slowly approached the boulders.
It didn’t take him long to see there was indeed a small space between two of them that would provide a perfect place to get out of the weather.
There was moss, leaves, and other greenery covering the formation, and he was surprised he’d even spotted the boulders in the first place.
At first glance, they looked like just another small hill in the jungle.
Another overgrown pile of roots and earth.
Luck was on his side for sure, because on the other side of the formation, he discovered that over time, water had formed a natural vertical trough in one of the rocks.
Fresh water would be easy to secure by putting one of the cans under the trough, catching rainwater as it was channeled through the depression in the rock.
Hurrying back to where he’d left Mandy, Buck found her standing unnaturally still, as if she was afraid to move even one muscle.
“It’s okay,” he said gently. “Come on, I found a place you can rest during the day.”
He took her hand in his, and once more it felt more natural than he ever would’ve thought. He led her to the rocks and pointed to the small cave-like space. “After we eat, you can crawl in there and sleep for as long as you’re able.”
“What about you?”
“What about me…what?” Buck asked.
“Where are you going to sleep?”
He frowned. “Out here.”
“No. Not acceptable.”
“What? Why?”
“I’m not going to take the only shelter if that means you’re out here in the rain. And don’t tell me it’s not going to rain. It always rains. Every damn day.”
“Mandy—” he started, but she lifted her hand, palm out toward him.
“No. Not happening.”
Buck couldn’t help but chuckle. “Did you just hand-palm me?”
“Yes. Because you were about to say something stupid.”
This entire conversation was ridiculous, but Buck found himself smiling anyway. “You’re at the end of your rope. You need the rest,” he cajoled.
“So do you. More than me, actually. Because without you, I’m as good as dead out here, and we both know it.
You’re the one carrying the pack of supplies.
You have the compass. You know what you’re doing.
I’m just along for the ride. I can handle being hungry, tired, thirsty, whatever.
All I have to do is put one foot in front of the other.
You need to stay sharp. Keep us going in the right direction.
Stay strong so you can continue to carry the backpack.
I’m extra baggage here, Nash—you’re the important one. ”
“No,” he said firmly. “Not true. If I’m constantly worried about how you’re doing, I won’t be able to fully concentrate on other things.
And if you fall over with exhaustion, neither of us is getting out of this damn jungle, because I’m not leaving you.
So you need to get it out of your head that you’re expendable here.
That you’re not as important as me. A team is only as strong as its weakest member.
And I don’t intend for either of us to be weak. ”
Mandy’s lips were stubbornly pressed together, and Buck was surprised to find how much he enjoyed sparring with her. If this could be counted as sparring. And she was fucking adorable when she was being all bossy.
She was a complete mess—dirty, sweaty…she even had a bug bite in the middle of her forehead—and Buck couldn’t help thinking if he was this drawn to her when she wasn’t at her best, what would it be like when she was rested, not stressed out, and all cleaned up?
She looked at him, then at the hole between the rocks, then back at him. “You aren’t huge. I mean, it might be different if you were like, six-six or something. But I think we can both fit.”
Buck frowned harder. “No.”
“Why not?”
For the life of him, Buck couldn’t think of a single reason why they shouldn’t get comfy in that tiny little space together.
In fact, the idea appealed to him. He tried to tell himself it was simply because he’d be able to keep watch over her easier if he was holding her.
Could monitor her breathing and heart rate.
Make sure she was resting comfortably. And if someone did happen upon them, he could communicate with her more easily, tell her what to do, since they’d be right next to each other.
“Right,” she continued, when he came up with no good reason to avoid sharing the space. “We’ll eat, then get some sleep. And when it gets dark, we can start off again. I do have one question for you though.”
“What’s that?” Buck asked.
“How do you feel about creepy-crawlies?”
“What?”
“Creepy-crawlies,” she said matter-of-factly.
“Bugs. Spiders. Snakes. Because lying on the ground under those rocks and leaves is gonna mean bugs crawling on us. That happened in the tent back at the camp where we were held. And I figure if it happened inside a tent, then it’ll definitely happen out here in nature. ”
“I’m good with it. As long as nothing bites us, we’ll be fine.”
She nodded. “Yeah. That’s what I told the girls. Okay, what’s for breakfast? Or lunch, or whatever it is we’re having?”
This woman. The longer he was around her, the more impressive she seemed.
She took things in stride. If he’d been with almost anyone else, he figured they’d be freaking out.
About being dirty. About the bugs. About sleeping on the ground.
But not Amanda Rush. She was one of a kind, and that wasn’t even taking into account the fact that she’d quit her job to help teach orphans in a country most people probably couldn’t even find on a map.
Buck vowed right then and there to do whatever it took to make sure she got back home without a single hair on her head being harmed. It was the least he could do after all she’d been through. He’d pull any strings needed to make it happen.
And it wasn’t lost on him that “home” was the same city where he lived. It was a huge coincidence…but then again, he didn’t believe in coincidences.
“I’m not one hundred percent sure of what I grabbed. Have a seat and we’ll check it out,” he told her a little gruffly, not wanting to admit that he was having all sorts of feelings he’d never experienced before…and was confused as hell about every single one of them.