Chapter 13 #2
But she’d do it. She wouldn’t do anything to make him feel guilty or bad for getting back to his usual routine.
Besides, she had Rain. She wouldn’t be alone.
The dog would protect her, maybe not in the same way Nash had, but he’d at least alert her if something was wrong.
She hoped. She was probably putting too much responsibility on the dog.
But he was smart. Very smart. After all, he knew enough to tell them not to take the path that would’ve led them straight to the rebels.
“What are you thinking about so hard over there?” Nash asked, as he drove them to her apartment.
She had a lot of things to do. Needed to let her landlord know she was back early.
Get her car out of storage. Make sure all the bills had been paid properly while she’d been gone.
Go grocery shopping, do laundry, find a vet for Rain so he could get examined here, register him with the city, look for a job.
All her responsibilities suddenly felt overwhelming. But she didn’t want Nash to feel as if she couldn’t handle herself. She was a grown-ass woman. She’d be fine.
“Just how crazy it seems that it wasn’t so long ago when we were tromping through the jungle, sleeping on the ground, and eating random animals you managed to snare.”
“Right? Life changes on a dime. I’ve learned that over my years of flying. It is crazy. But I’ve also learned to go where the wind takes me and go with the flow. Doing anything else would be like punching a brick wall. It gets you nothing but a busted hand and doesn’t faze the wall in the least.”
Amanda chuckled. It was a good analogy.
It felt so strange to pull into the parking area of her apartment building. It seemed like just yesterday she was leaving, and yet it also felt like a lifetime ago. She was a completely different person now than she was when she’d left. Which added to her feeling of being off balance.
Nash carried the three bags she’d brought with her to Guyana and walked her toward the entrance to her building. It was after dinnertime, and her neighbors had always been quiet, which was probably why she didn’t see anyone as she led Nash up the stairs and down the hall to her door.
Putting the key in the lock felt surreal. Even though she’d done it more times than she could count, this felt like the first, because of everything she’d experienced since she’d last been there.
Nash stepped in and put her bags down just inside the door.
Amanda unclipped the leash from Rain’s collar and turned to look at Nash.
She wanted to ask him not to go, but he probably had just as many things he needed to do as she did.
And she had no idea what else to say to him, now that the time had come to say goodbye.
“I’ve got your number, and I’ll text to see how you’re doing soon.”
Amanda’s mouth felt dry. She was having a hard time swallowing. She nodded.
“You’ll be okay?”
She nodded again.
She wanted him to tell her that he’d call her for their date soon. That he’d see her tomorrow, which was stupid, because they’d both probably be very busy in the next few days, weeks.
She wanted to tell him how grateful she was…how much she’d miss him…ask him not to go. But she said none of those things. Simply stared up at him, trying desperately not to cry.
Nash stepped forward and put his hand behind her neck. Her heart sped up. She wanted his kiss. Needed it.
But he didn’t kiss her. Not the way she wanted him to. He simply pressed his lips against her forehead then stepped back.
Disappointment swept through her. This was it. He was going to walk out that door and forget all about the weird, impulsive woman he’d had to chase down in a freaking rainforest because she’d been stupid enough to run away from the chopper that was there to rescue her, instead of toward it.
“You’re an amazing woman, Amanda Rush. I’m a better man for having met you. I’ll text soon,” he repeated.
And then he was gone. Leaving her in the quiet apartment feeling adrift. Lost.
And so incredibly alone.
The tears started then, and she couldn’t do anything other than sink down to her butt right there in her small foyer and cry.
She hated crying. Wasn’t usually the kind of person who burst into tears at a moment’s notice.
But she was exhausted, could still smell the jungle on her even though she’d taken that amazing shower in Nash’s room at the base in Guyana, and the sounds all around her were so different from what she’d gotten used to, it made her feel completely out of her element once again.
Rain nudged her arm, and Amanda gladly lifted it to hug the dog against her side. He licked her face as if trying to wipe away her tears, but they kept coming.
How long she sat there on the floor, Amanda didn’t know, but eventually her butt went numb and she knew she needed to get herself together.
This wasn’t like her. She was a strong, independent woman. Taking a deep breath, she slowly stood. Crying wasn’t going to change her circumstances, and it certainly wasn’t going to get her unpacked and all the other chores that needed to be done accomplished.
Looking down at Rain, who amazingly hadn’t wandered off to check out his new environment, but instead had stayed right at her side, she said, “What d’ya think, boy? Want to see your new digs?”
As if he understood every word that came out of her mouth, the dog tilted his head and whined deep in his throat.
Amanda chuckled and wiped her face. “I need to figure out what I’m going to feed you. And make you a bed. And a hundred other things, but first…the grand tour.”
An hour later, Amanda was lying in bed, Rain at her side—which felt amazing and reminded her of how Nash would cuddle up against her back at night. Of course, that made his absence feel all the more real, but she refused to cry again.
The vibration of her phone on her nightstand almost made her pee her pants in fright. It had been so long since she’d heard the stupid thing make any noise. It wasn’t as if she’d used it much while she’d been in Guyana, and she couldn’t imagine who would be texting her.
Reaching over, she picked it up and stared at the screen.
Nash.
He’d texted her. Not in a few days. But in only a few hours. Maybe he forgot to tell her that she needed to come to the Navy base for something. Maybe there was a meeting she had to go to because of the government sending the Night Stalkers down to rescue her and the kids.
Holding her breath, Amanda opened the message.
Nash: My apartment feels empty. I mean, it IS empty because I have to go to the store, but it’s weird that you aren’t here.
Every muscle in her body sagged. To have confirmation that she wasn’t alone in how she was feeling was an incredible gift.
Nash didn’t have to admit that. Most men wouldn’t.
They wouldn’t want to put themselves out there like he had for a woman he’d just met.
But things between her and Nash were nothing like a normal relationship, thanks to everything they’d been through together.
Amanda: Same here. I have Rain, but he’s currently snoring loud enough to wake the dead.
Nash: lol I can imagine. He’s settling in okay though?
Amanda: Yeah. I need to get him some real dog food, although I’m sure he’d prefer he kept getting olives and fresh jungle kill.
Nash: Not exactly practical here in Norfolk…the jungle kill, that is.
This felt nice. Joking. Chatting. Reminiscing in a way.
Nash: I realized after I left that I didn’t say nearly the right things.
I didn’t ask if you were still willing to go out on a date with me.
One that didn’t include sleeping in the dirt and walking in the rain.
I’d like to feed you good food that I don’t have to kill and skin beforehand.
I didn’t tell you how proud I was of you and how you handled everything.
I didn’t tell you how hard it was going to be for me to walk away from your apartment.
I’m sorry, Rebel. I fucked up. But I couldn’t leave it like that.
I think I was just scared that, now that we’re home, you wouldn’t want to see me again.
That you’d chalk up everything that happened to extraordinary circumstances and come to your senses.
Amanda was floored by what she was reading. That Nash would open himself up so willingly. He was definitely different from any other man she’d met in the past.
Nash: By the way, this is dictated. I’m not that fast of a typer on the tiny phone keyboard.
She chuckled out loud, and Rain stirred next to her. “Sorry, boy. Didn’t mean to wake you up. Go back to sleep.” She ran a hand down his back to soothe him, feeling his muscles relax once more. Amazingly, two seconds later, the dog was snoring once again. His ability to sleep was impressive.
Nash: Mandy? Did I freak you out? Are you regretting the decision to go out with me? Because if so, I’d never force you to do anything.
She rushed to respond.
Amanda: No! I was just feeling overly emotional at how awesome you are. I would love to go out with you sometime.
Nash: How about tomorrow?
Amanda: Yes!
Nash: I have to go into work in the morning, more AARs…after-action reviews. I have to give an in-depth report about everything that happened.
Amanda: Will you get in trouble for anything?
Nash: Doubt it. I’m a Night Stalker. We get away with shit other people don’t.
At least he was honest about it. Yes, a little cocky too, but since she’d been on the receiving end of his skills, Amanda wasn’t going to call him on it.
Nash: How about I pick you up around five?
That should give you time to get some stuff done.
I’m sure you need to get groceries and probably a million other little errands.
Will that work? I want to take you to Anchor Point.
It’s a bar, but it has awesome food. I’ve been craving their fries. They’re so damn good.
Amanda: Sounds perfect.
And it did. Suddenly all the fears she’d felt hanging over her were gone.
She supposed she should be embarrassed that all it took was a man asking her out to make her self-esteem rise and for her world to feel right again…
but Nash was no mere “man.” They’d been through a hell of an experience together.
Had bonded in a way she never had with anyone else.
She wasn’t going to beat herself up about wanting to be with him. To see him again so soon.
Nash: I feel I should probably warn you…when my team finds out that we’re going to Anchor Point, they’ll probably show up. Just because they love the place, and they’re curious about you. If that’s a deal breaker, we can go somewhere else. Or I can tell everyone to stay away.
Amanda: I’d love to see where you and your friends hang out. And I’d like to get to know them too…if you don’t mind.
Nash: I don’t. Thanks for being so easygoing about the possibility of them butting in on our date.
Amanda: Maybe they’ll give me some dirt on you. lol
Nash: Oh jeez, now I’m rethinking going to Anchor Point. Ha! If you need anything tomorrow, shoot me a text.
Amanda: Okay.
Nash: Good night.
Amanda: Night.
She stared at the message string for a moment with a smile on her face, before putting the phone back on the small table next to her bed.
It had been a long, weird day. With too many highs and lows.
All of a sudden, she couldn’t keep her eyes open a moment longer.
Amanda took a moment to appreciate how comfortable it was being in her own bed, with her own pillow, in her own apartment, before succumbing to the exhaustion dragging her into sleep.