Chapter 10 Faith
FAITH
My heart’s still racing even though Nigel’s long gone.
I can sense everyone’s eyes on me, but all I can focus on is the spot by the door where he stood. Where he sneered. Like I was nothing.
My fingers dig into Hayden’s cut as he holds me.
He called me home like I was a dog.
And the worst part? A tiny part of me wanted to go. Not because I miss Mum—but because the guilt claws at me.
“She’s been crying,” I whisper. I know that cry. The one that comes with a half-empty bottle of gin and a missing ashtray.
She’s not missing me. She’s missing her cleaner. Her cook. Her emotional punching bag.
“She’ll get over it.” Hayden says, as if he knows all too well that they’re crocodile tears.
But still, it stings.
Hayden runs his hand over my back, slow and steady, like he knows I need it more than words.
Eventually, Draven claps him on the shoulder and mutters something about “having his back,” and the tension in the bar slowly fades. The music picks up again. The band is playing Sleep Token.
“Want some fresh air?” he asks.
I nod and he takes my hand and leads me out back.
Kane straightens as Hayden pushes open the door. The aroma of weed lingers in the air before he stubs out a roll-up under his boot. “You all right, lass?”
“I will be. Thank you.” I pull my zip-up hoodie closed as the cool night air wraps around me.
Hayden shakes Kane’s hand. “Thanks for having our back in there, man.”
“Anytime.” He walks back into the bar, leaving us alone.
I lean back against the brick wall, inhaling the crisp air, a shiver wracking my bones, but it’s not from the cold.
Hayden rests one hand against the wall at the side of my head, his other hand grazing my cheek with his knuckles. “Don’t be afraid.”
“I’m not.” At least I’m not afraid of him. “I’ve never felt safer than I do here.” I grip the edges of his cut, wanting to pull him closer. “I know Oak never wanted me around the club, but please don’t make me leave. For the first time since Dad died, I feel like I belong somewhere.”
“I won’t ever send you away. But I will help you with university.”
“I’m not sure I even want to go.”
Hayden’s about to protest, but a girl in a tight black dress steps out of the back door.
“There you are.” She grabs a hold of Hayden’s arm, pulling his attention away from me. “I’ve been looking for you.”
I freeze. She’s tall. Polished. Effortlessly sexy. The kind of woman who turns heads when she walks into a room—like she knows she owns it. And clearly, she’s had her hands on him before.
My stomach twists. I curl my shoulders inwards, wanting to make myself smaller, suddenly too aware of the oversized hoodie hiding my curves, the smudge of eyeliner I forgot to wipe off earlier.
How could Hayden ever want someone like me? She’s everything I’m not. Beautiful. Confident. Worldly. And I’m… broken. Barely put back together with duct tape and hope.
She trails a manicured nail over a vein in his forearm, and I watch it crawl over his skin like a spider. I want to slap it away. Instead, I just stand there, burning with jealousy I have no right to feel.
“I’m busy, Kel.”
“I’m sure Heather can babysit while we have some fun.” She quirks her lips, ignoring me as if I don’t exist.
Hayden lifts her hand from his arm. “Not tonight, Kel. Go have some fun with one of the other lads.”
Her lips tighten. She glances between me and Hayden with narrowed eyes, then stomps back into the bar in a huff.
“Don’t let me stop you from having fun.” I duck under his arm and walk away, gravel crunching beneath my Converse.
Hayden chuckles behind me. “Are you jealous?”
“No.” Lie. Big fat lie. But I keep walking, fuming at how Miss Daddy Long Legs had her claws all over him.
“Come on,” he calls, catching up easily. “You’re seriously mad about her? She’s been through half the club.”
“That’s even worse! Do you all share women like football stickers? Please tell me my brother hasn’t—”
“Fuck’s sake, Faith.” He laughs, scrubbing a hand down his face. “I don’t ask questions I don’t want answers to. And for the record, I’m thirty. I’ve slept with women. Shocker, I know.”
“Ugh. Thanks for the visual.”
I fold my arms, embarrassed and aching. I’m not a club bunny with perfect legs. I’m just… me. The girl he buys fizzy pop for. The girl who still climbs on his bike like a toddler mounting a pony.
But then his arms wrap around me. And all that insecurity melts away.
The ghost of his kiss from this morning still lingers on my lips as if seared into my skin. I lift my head, reaching on my tiptoes, hoping he’ll kiss me again. My body shivers against him, but I’m not cold.
“You’re cute when you’re mad.” He kisses the top of my head and my shoulders deflate.
“Can we go home?” I whisper.
Wrath nods. No argument. No fuss. Just takes my hand and leads me around the pub to his bike.
“I’m sorry I was mad. I’m just out of sorts with Nigel showing up and—”
Hayden silences me, pressing his finger to my lips. “Don’t apologise.” He hands me a helmet and I pull it over my head, then climb onto the back of his bike ungracefully, like I always do, hoping he doesn’t notice.
I can barely hear the wind or road over the sound of my own thoughts. I hold on to him tighter than before, not for balance this time, but because I don’t want the silence to swallow me whole when we stop.
His warmth seeps into me, the steady thrum of the bike matching the beat of my heart. It’s not until we reach the garage and climb off I realise I’ve been holding my breath the whole way.
I follow him up the stairs to his flat. He opens the door and lets me in first. The place looks the same—still rough around the edges—but somehow it feels different now.
Like a sanctuary.
He sets his keys on the side, shrugs out of his cut, and gives me a long look. “You okay?”
No. Yes. Maybe.
I swallow the lump rising in my throat. “I don’t want to be alone tonight.”
His brows lift slightly, but he doesn’t protest. Just nods. “All right.” He pulls the duvet back on the bed without a word.
I toe off my shoes, slide off my leggings and crawl in, still wearing his old t-shirt. It smells like leather and soap and safety.
He climbs in beside me, fully clothed, and lies on his back like he’s afraid to cross a line.
I roll towards him.
He doesn’t move, but his muscles tense.
I place my head on his chest, just above his heart. His arm lifts slowly, then wraps around me, drawing me in tight. Strong like armour.
Tears come, hot and silent. I bury my face in his t-shirt and let them fall. His fingers brush through my hair, over and over.
“I miss this feeling,” I whisper.
He stiffens. “What feeling?”
“Wanted.”
His chest rises with a long breath. “Your mother doesn’t know what she had.”
I shake my head. “She doesn’t care. She just wants someone to mop the floor and keep her glass full.”
After a long pause, Hayden says, “I’m not standing up for her, but it’s like my sister Jodie. She has a baby, you know. My nephew.” His voice wavers with emotion. “He's living with Ash now, his dad. I’m sure Jodie loved her son, but there’s something she loved more.”
I look up with bleary eyes. “Drugs?”
Hayden nods. “Addiction is a disease that eats away at everything good until there’s nothing left. Only rot.” His fingertips caress the skin on my arm. “You’re not going back there.”
“I don’t want to.” I press my cheek to his chest, never wanting to leave his side. This is where I belong.
He kisses the top of my head. A promise, unspoken but solid. “I’ve got you, Sunshine. Always.”