Chapter 9
Priest
Indigo quirked her head to the side, like a bird in one of those nature documentaries she and Ratched watched sometimes.
“Explain,” she demanded. Her seafoam-green eyes called to mine, and I was unable to look away as I bore my deepest shame to the one person on the compound who might be able to comprehend how I felt.
How I’d felt every day of the past two years.
Taking a seat next to Indigo, I took a steadying breath and began.
“The night Ellis was taken, she had gate-crashed a party with Lennon. A friend of mine from high school passed the bar exam, so friends from law school and locals showed up to celebrate. I was there with the guys, and I just wanted a night to be. To have a good time without having to be responsible for anything. Not the club, and most certainly not my little sister. When Ellis showed up, I kicked her out. No…” I barked a sardonic laugh that made Indi jump a little.
“I didn’t just kick her out. I humiliated her first. Then, for good measure, I broke her heart.
Made her think no one wanted her around, that she was a burden.
Just because I was selfish and didn’t want my kid sister there when I partied.
” Indigo nodded, the glassy pools of her eyes reflecting tiny points of light from the night sky behind me.
“She left, but she didn’t go home like I thought she would.
” I swallowed and closed my eyes. Shame beat in my temples, and my stomach tightened.
“She stopped in an empty shopping center, probably to cry. Slyzec bashed her driver’s side window in, cut her seat belt, and pulled her through.
From what we learned later, Slyzec liked to take women from parking lots.
A lot of his victims went missing in parking garages, campus lots, and shopping centers. ”
“If I had let her stay at that party, she’d be alive and well today.
” I hung my head, feeling simultaneously relieved to finally admit my guilt aloud and ashamed of what a horrible brother I had been.
Indigo stood and stepped between my knees.
Gentle hands tentatively touched my face, cool thumbs sliding over my cheekbones as fingers tipped my head up.
My eyes flashed open and were immediately met with hers.
Instead of disgust, revulsion, or God forbid—pity—mossy pools of serene green gazed into my own eyes of blue.
“I don’t know you as well as the Crows, Growly Gus, but I’ve learned a lot since Sheila and I came to stay here.
You’re kind of a dick sometimes,” she stated baldly, causing me to tense.
Her hands gripped my face more firmly, refusing to let me pull away.
“Truth hurts, remember?” Indigo smiled softly, tempering her harsh words.
“You’re also protective. And loyal. And passionate.
You’re not perfect, but no one really is.
I can say with confidence that Ellis was very loved by her family.
You regret your words. I get that. Words… they are tricky bastards sometimes.”
Indigo nodded as if agreeing with herself.
“You know what you said was wrong and fucked up. But you also spent your free time teaching Ellis and Lennon how to maintain their cars, you hung a tire swing in your backyard so your sister had a place to play, and made her nightmare hangover cures. In her lifetime, you showed her how much she meant to you, how much you loved her. If evil pricks like Slyzec never existed, you would have come to your senses and apologized to your sister, shown her you regretted your words, and made it right. He stole that. Hoodie Guy killed Ellis, not you. Don’t let one mistake define you. ”
I felt like I could fall into the eyes of the girl in front of me.
I never thought I’d be able to share what happened the night Ellis was taken with anyone because who here could have possibly understood?
They’d have hated me if I told them what I said, and I knew that because I hated myself for it.
But this girl, she listened to every shameful word of my story and didn’t turn away.
The best part of it was that she didn’t try to absolve me or minimize what happened.
Indigo told me I was a dick sometimes and that what I’d said was fucked up, which was true.
She didn’t try to console me and tell me that it hadn’t been that bad.
She just… accepted that I was a flawed work in progress struggling to do better, even if I failed sometimes.
That acceptance healed something within me.
Indigo’s hands still cradled my face. With aching sweetness, she lowered her lips to mine.
Her kiss was chaste; soft lips brushing against mine and gone again with a featherlight caress.
Wordlessly, she returned to her place by my side on the rock, one small hand finding its way into mine.
My gut lurched again, a feeling I’d experienced more than once since I’d met the beautifully damaged woman next to me.
Initially, I thought the feeling was my intuition warning me that Indigo was dangerous and would be a threat to the Crows.
I lied to myself and said that I watched her because she was my enemy and not because my eyes were hungry for a glimpse of her.
My smug sonofabitch father called it weeks ago.
The scarred and crazy girl who flew into my life with her serial killer van gave me feelings in my fuckin’ tummy.
Not because I hated her, but because I was falling for her.
Goddammit, I hated it when my old man was right.