14. Beth
Beth
The door chimed as I walked back into the shop. I was working a full day with Mary, and we were fully booked due to the holiday weekend. It had been a couple days of me running the shop by myself since she was floating to the other shops up the coast.
“I had another couple looking to rent for tomorrow.” She pointed to the screen. “I think we can flip these boats to accommodate them. That work?”
“Sounds like a plan,” I said, still looking through the calendar and mentally organizing the arrivals for tomorrow. “It’s challenging when you’re here solo for the day—managing all the moving pieces.”
“Yeah, you get the hang of it after so many years,” she said. “It used to be different when Gordy was still around though—different energy.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, my chest heavy. “I can’t even imagine.”
“Thanks.” She nodded, looking down. “We had a good run.”
Mary hadn’t told me directly, but I’d heard through the grapevine that Gordy and Mary had opened the shop together years ago before expanding to two more locations on Lake Huron. They were high school sweethearts, like my parents, and he had passed away from cancer a few years back.
“I miss him every day, but I’m grateful for all the years we had.” She chuckled to herself. “He’d say I was incredibly stubborn for hanging on to this place for so long though.”
“What do you mean?” Leaning my hip against the counter.
“Even before he passed a few years ago, we’d dream about what we wanted our retirement to look like.
” She grabbed a duster and started sweeping around the windows.
“As much as we loved running the stores, it wasn’t the end all, be all for us.
” She paused for a moment. “We’d talk about travel or enjoying our backyard—spending more time with the girls, of course. ”
“And it sounds like that’s what you’ve been doing,” I said. “At least a little.”
“Yes, but enjoying life with each other was the dream. Running the stores was just a fun business we fell into.”
“Oh.” After years of watching my parents run the farm, I couldn’t imagine them doing anything different than what they’d been doing. I couldn’t really imagine them traveling. They were such homebodies.
“Now, whenever I look around, I see Gordy. And I can’t help thinking that he’d be shaking his head, wondering why I’m wasting my time.
We always wanted to travel when we retired.
” She walked over to the window and looked out at the marina.
“I have so many memories here: the girls learning to ride bikes on the sidewalk, watching the sunrise with Gordy over coffee every morning, and all the times we’d be so tired that we’d start laughing over the most ridiculous things. ”
I didn’t know what to say. With what she was describing—the longing and sadness—my throat felt thick and my eyes heavy with tears that wouldn’t fall.
I couldn’t grasp having to feel so alone and to go through the heartache that she had.
Now, she was thinking of giving up the thing that they had built together.
“What would he want you doing instead?” I asked.
“Living my life. Visiting the girls—or even moving closer to them. They’re so far away now. Traveling. Putting myself out there and meeting someone.”
“Meeting someone?” I asked. “It makes it sound like you want to move on from him, forget about him.”
“Oh, Beth.” She walked up to me and put her hand on my arm. “I would never forget about Gordy. He was the love of my life. He loved me so much that he’d want me to be happy. That’s what love is all about—your joy comes from someone else’s joy.”
“I can’t imagine. It sounds too scary and sad to live with.
” I didn’t realize I was comparing them, but I brought up my parents.
“I saw my mom’s pain when everything happened with my dad.
I saw what they went through. I just can’t imagine putting myself in a position to feel that much pain because of a relationship. ”
“Maybe you just haven’t met the right person yet.” She tilted her head at me.
“I definitely haven’t. But even if I ever meet the right person, after seeing what it’s done to my mom, to you, it’s… scary.”
“It’s okay to be scared.” She looked me in the eye now. “But don’t turn your back on the most important thing in life because you’re afraid of what could be. Gordy was the best thing that happened to me, and even though he left me too soon, I would run toward it again in a heartbeat.”
I swallowed. These were things I never let myself think about, never let myself feel.
I focused on my family and running the business, making them proud.
If I did that, I felt a sense of accomplishment.
Anytime I dated someone or let myself open up to someone, it felt either unnatural or overwhelming.
Maybe it’s why I held Michael at arm’s length.
It was too much. I knew it was one of the reasons I was so good with the business side of things.
I didn’t let myself have distractions. Distractions meant I wasn’t in control, and I liked being in control.
I needed it. But hearing Mary talk about Gordy put a seed of doubt into my convictions.